Jamais Pur

[Andromeda Black]

May 22nd
Morning ; Bedoom - Black Manor

- - S t r e s s e d

Okay.

It's official.

The shoes... are not here ):

I've gone through absolutely every inch of this room and dug through the less organized part of my closet there and alas, no dice. Well, no shoes. Same thing. Ugh. Total outfit reconfiguartion is now mandatory and the party is tonight. But I'm not gonna let myself feel all down about this. I'm still going to the party and I'm still gonna look fab and okay, I realize it'll be all stuffy with purebloods and a lot of adults but I still need to look good. I still need to look perfect. The whole thing has to be perfect. So I didn't have anything to eat for breakfast this morning and I don't think I'm gonna have anything to eat for lunch either. I feel skinny and pretty and a lot happier than I have in a long long time because Hogwarts and all those people are just so far out of my head and the only thing I can think about is that my family actually seems to be accepting me, like for real, and after tonight maybe everyone else will to? Or at least, the other pureblood adults will know about this, if they don't already, or they'll have proof or... whatever. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that this is perfect. Yes, I'm aware I'm being repetitve but it's just my inner perfectionist coming out when most needed. Gotta love her.

But yes, this is all gonna be perfect. I just need a dress. I went through my closet and pulled out some options but it's not looking so good. I mean, there's a red one I've never worn before but red seems like too bold of a statement, no? Or maybe that's what I should be going for... But it's not that pretty anyways. It doesn't have the right feel. Like, I need something that says 'Andromeda Black is officially back in good graces! Go me!' And this red dress with the thin straps and the swishy skirt seems more like... too flashy and silly and girly and not really mature. Like it says 'I'm just trying to look grown-up and everything but really I belong at somebody's sweet sixteen.' Ugh. I don't know. Maybe I'm over-thinking this. Okay, I am over-thinking this. But ugh. Option numero two isn't looking so great either. It's blue and- Well yeah, that's just it. It's blue. Like Ravenclaw. As in there-is-no-way-in-the-world-I'm-wearing-it. End of story. Come to think of it, even the bronze may not have been the best idea. But oh well. Third option is shimmery and dark green and- well, I don't know, doesn't dark green seem like I'm trying way too hard? I mean, Slytherin colors? Come on. If I wasn't me, I'd definitely think I was trying too hard, yeah. Even being me, I think that would be trying too hard. If that makes sense? And then, the last one I picked out is dark grey and strapless and I mean, grey seems like it would be a good, neutral color and it's all charcoal-y but it's rather plain and I mean, I could spice it up with a great necklace and bracelets and some fancy earrings I suppose but I really don't want to wear something that's not formal enough so... yeah, that one's out. Which brings me back to base one and to the words that every girl will utter about a million times in her life. And counting.

I have nothing to wear.

Jamais Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 22nd
Midday ; Balcony - Black Manor

- - R e j u v e n a t e d

So I just had a nice long bath to try and calm down about the whole dress scenario and washed my hair and everything. It's drying now and I smell all tangerine-y, with some blossom mix or something? Either way, I smell good. My hair is nice and glossy and drying all shiny-like, which is perfect. I've decided I'll wear it in a bunch of small twists, pinned up around the back and crown of my head. Curls always give an extra fancy touch so I can relax about that a bit more and I know my hair looks nice pinned up like that; I have the right length, I guess? I'll probably need to get a house-elf's help with that though, I can never reach around to the back of my head quite right and it takes so long it makes my arms so sore if I have to have them up in the air twisting and pinning and just ugh. That'll give me time to do my make-up anyways. I'm thinking something semi-smoky but in a subtle way, not too much. That's just really overdone, I think.

And oh, for the hair, I have to remember to leave some ringlets down - some of these curls near the front look really cute as they're drying right now. But yeah,, okay, phew, that's all planned. I just need a dress. Maybe that charcoal one won't be that bad after all. I have that gold necklace with the little pearl... but ehh, that's too small and delicate, it won't offset the plain-ness of the dress well enough. I need something more bold. Maybe that chunky one with the sapphire-like gemsto- Wait nope, that's blue. Damn. Something gold would be really nice though... Ooh! I have those white-gold stilletos!! I can wear those with it if I find a white-gold necklace. I must have one. I must. 'Cause those shoes are so cute, with the little S strap over the foot and the sparkles and... Okay. I mu- Oh! Oho! I have twisted necklace that's all elaborate and it's white-gold. Yes! Okay phew. That'll look nice then. Now I'm off to cram in a few minutes of studying so I can feel good later about being all invested in my education or whatever.

Whoo!

Jamais Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 22nd
Early Evening ; Bedroom - Black Manor

- - E x c i t e d

Sweet Merlin.

Life is good.

You see, I was studying my HoM stuff (so boring, btw), and there was a knock on the door. In came my parents and then my father remarked on my studying in a possibly-referring-to-my-Ravenclaw-ness but in a good way. I'm still dumbfounded. I mean, I should have known they'd be happy about this but they're being so nice and like... Omygosh, haven't even gotten to the best part. Mother took me into her room and said that if I was having trouble finding something to wear, I could always borrow an old dress of hers and she could even help to alter it.

!!!!

I know. Like... this is amazing. Can you say l-i-f-e-s-a-v-e-r? No kidding, I know. We went a bunch of gorgeous dresses before settling on this creamy silk dress with a sheer black layer overtop. It's absolutely gorgeous and it was altered so it's no longer floor-length and goes to my knees instead and the sleeves were removed - it's strapless now - and like... it's beautiful. It's stunning, it's amazing, it's exactly what I needed, it's just-

It's perfect.

I've decided against the stilettos of course; they don't really go with this. Found a cute pair of peep-toed heels that are slate-grey with little silver adornments on the outer edge of the toes. And I found a chunky diamond necklace with silver that balances out with the shoes. My hair has been twisted up and curled (and yes, I did get some help) and my make-up is all semi-smoky and my lashes and dark and just-

I look perfect.

And I couldn't be happier.

Jamais Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 23rd
Morning ; Bedroom - Black Manor

- - S a t i s f i e d

Well that went so well.

I mean it.

Cissa was still in a tiff - well, duh - so I rode in a carriage with Bella all the way there and pretty much spent the whole evening with her since Cissa disappeared once we got there, storming off god-knows-where. I think I saw her over with Reg for a bit. Shame, otherwise I would have gone over to say hello to him. Instead, I hung out with Bella and our parents were with us for a bit too and then we had to go and make rounds of course with everyone else. Obviously Mother and Father wanted to show me off now that I'm back in good graces, show that their wayward daughter has her head on right again or whatever. But I honestly didn't mind. After all, it was my first official event back in favor and it couldn't have gone better! I'm so pleased, I mean... Wow. No Cissa all night, my parents love me and things are getting better with my sister that actually matters. Of course I'm happy!

Although on a surprising note, guess who else was there? Sirius! Yeah! I know! Like... what the hell? I mean, I guess he has the pureblood status and it was the Grace family that was hosting - they've never hated him like the others. I think they actually like him or something? No one else does though (myself included, now that he's being such a jerk and everything) so I don't know why he thought he should show up. He just spent the whole night outside on the front porch with Indigo anyway, which I mean, is pretty stupid. Whatever, I guess they're friends. I mean it's not like there could be anything going on between them, what with Ethan and... well I don't know whether Sirius likes anyone right now or whatever but... yeah, whatever. I couldn't care less.

My night was fantastic and I don't give a fuck about his.

End of story.

Jamais Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 23rd
Evening ; Dorm Room

- - T i r e d

Whew, back at Hogwarts Sweet Hogwarts. Missing home more than usual though, this was actually such a great little visit. I brought a few more pairs of shoes back with me though haha. Hopefully I won't have to deal with that problem again. Although I still don't know where the bronze heels are. That really annoys me. And is quite sad. But oh well, I guess for now there's nothing I can do. I'll find them eventually and it'll just be more exciting 'cause of the wait! Butitstillsucks. And there goes my pathetic attempt to find the silver lining. I guess that doesn't go for all clouds? If this shoe problem is even drastic enough to be a cloud. Er, cloudy enough?

Okay whoah, am I ever off tangent.

Umm. I don't remember what I was even going to say. I'm back at Hogwarts. And tired. But very very happy with how this weekend turned out. Overall, it was definitely a success. And I really need those right now. As many as I can get. So... yay me. Whoopee. Okay... I'm not making much sense. Or at least, I'm just rambling. Not making any sense. Non-sense-making. Non-sense. Nonsense? Hrmmm. I'll have to think on that. But wow, I'm really tired. Okay.

Good night, Diary.

Jamais Pur,

...I should probably change this now, shouldn't I?

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 24th
Evening ; Common Room

- - D i t z y

Ooh! Guess what I just heard?

Apparently, Cissa was up to something at the Grace party after all. As in, officially getting together with Malfoy. Ooh la la, right? I mean, Merlin knows they've taken their time. So I guess this means she's not with Darley anymore? Well phew. Not that I really care what Cissa gets up to but that guy is just... blech. He's like... Drake's evil half. But eek, no Drake-talk. Ummmm... Cissa & Lucius! Right! Wow, that's cool. Er, I guess? I dunno, it's not like I really care about either of them. Heehee, I'm just feeling so gossip-y right now. And it feels so good to be silly like that. But I should probably get some confirmation on this... and there's no way in hell I'm gonna ask Cissa if it's true. She'd bite my head off. Like... more than usual.

Which leaves Malfoy.

Guess I'll be talking to you unexpectedly soon, Luci-boy.

Bahaha.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 24th
Evening ; Common Room

- - B o u n c y

Oh Merlin.

I don't think "Luci-boy" knows what just hit him.

Me neither, to be honest.

I mean, I was just planning on asking him it was true. And maybe I was kinda hyper and bubbly and still in this funny little good mood of mine buuut... okay yeah, it was weird. But hilarious. Anywho, firstly, it's true. They're "officially together" and all that, although like gee, the guy could have tried to sound more pleased about it. Although maybe he's not. I wouldn't want to be dating Cissa. Yikes. He seemed really surprised that I was talking to him though, which I guess makes sense that's usually the sort of thing that I avoid. Pretty high on the list of things I avoid, actually. So I guess it makes sense for him to be all weirded out by my bouncy hyperness and joking around and... yeah, I was a bit of a freak. But hey, what can I say, I'm nothing if not unpredictable. Well... sorta. Whatever, it sounded cool in my head (:

Anyway, we actually talked for like... a while. So weird, I know. I don't even remember most of what we talked about. His strange untalkative-ness, my weird mood, my change of "sides" or whatnot - well I mean, it was bound to come up - why Cissa likes him, etc etc etc. Haha yeah, I even compiled a list of theories for the last one there. Ooh actually lemme get it:

1) You're attractive. I suppose.

2) You have the whole pureblood thing going for you.

3) You're not Darley.

4) ... Just to stress the importance of it, number four is also "You're not Darley."

5) You're just as blond as she is aka you've got the genes.

6) And for whatever reason, I honestly think that you make her happy. Even when we were kids, you guys were tight tight tight so hey, there's history for you. And while I'm not going to go all gushy and pretend that I just want my little baby sister to be happy - because honestly, who are we kidding - I think everyone's safest when she's happy. So yeah, maybe your vocabulary is all stilted and maybe you're kinda creepy in your overly unemotional way. If you're good enough for her, than who I am say any differently?

Especially when I don't particularily care for either of you.

No offense.

What can I say, it was a funny conversation. But yeah, they're together, I think I've either weirded out Malfoy enough that he'll avoid me for the rest of my life or... we actually made progress?

That's kinda a scary thought.

Huh.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 25th
Morning ; Dorm Room

- - N e r v o u s

So. I've been thinking.

Unusual, I know. But ha ha, nevermind that. I have been thinking. About myself. Just wondering how, if I'm courageous enough to strike up a conversation with Lucius Malfoy, I could possibly be too much of a coward to talk to my own boyfriend. Except that, of course, I don't care what Lucius thinks of me and he doesn't really scare me. He's just kinda annoying. Has been since he was like four years old. Or however far back I can remember. Whateeeever. Point is, Lucius doesn't matter.

Drake does.

Which is why I've been such a freaking coward about this. It's ridiculous. It's beyond ridiculous. It's so far beyond ridiculous that I'm not even going to try and imagine how far that would be. He's my boyfriend. I need to tell him. I need to tell him everything.

...And then pray he doesn't break up with me two seconds later.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 25th
Still Morning ; Dorm Room

- - N e r v o u s

I'm gonna do it. He's in my first class and I'm going to get there early and march over to his desk and tell him that I'm sorry and I have a lot of explaining to do and I'm ready to tell him everything. And then we'll leave before class starts - he won't mind skipping because I and our relationship are obviously more important than class - and we'll find some little nook or cranny and I'll tell him everything. About choices and sides and decisions and about everything that I've done and everything that I'm doing. And I'll stress how I just can't stand to lose my sister and that's why I'm doing this but I also can't stand to lose him because I need him, because he's the last thing I have left, because he used to be what kept me happy and he can still be that again. That sounds so desperate but honestly, I'll beg if I have to. A girl's gotta have some pride but she also has to know when to forget about pride. This would be one of those incidents.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 25th
Late afternoon ; Dorm Room

- - A n n o y e d

...So today was not different.

I am such a coward. Like, the world's biggest coward. No wonder I'm not a Gryffindor. I'm not brave at all. I also don't think I'm that smart - I just think about things too much. But lately I've proved that I'm not at all loyal so where would that leave me? Slytherin? Ha, how fitting. If only the Sorting Hat could have foreseen this day, it might have saved me oh so many troubles. But I'm getting way off topic. This would be one of those "thinking about things too much" moments. Or just, you know, a distraction from stuff I don't really want to talk about. Ugh. I was so ready though! I was so ready to just tell him everything. I got up early and I did my hair and my make-up and I looked gorgeous and then I got to class and there he was and I walked right over and then... And then... I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I wanted to so badly. I still want to. I wish that I had. But I didn't. I was too scared. I think I might have even squeaked before scurrying off, ready to die of humiliation. It was horrible. Excruciating.

And that's not even the whole story.

I then spent lunch in the courtyard, on one of the benches. Crying, of course. How else could I possibly spend my time? So I was bawling my eyes out there, feeling horrible, and some cat ran over. It was the weirdest thing. I pet her for a bit and then suddenly some guy came over - maybe his cat? Or a friend's? Who knows - and said hi. It was Ted. Remember him? Well of course not, you're a book. Ted Tonks. We used to be friends but I haven't really talked to him in ages. We weren't really close so I guess he doesn't have as much reason to hate me as anyone else. He was actually pretty nice. Asked if I wanted to take a walk with him. So I did and we walked and...

...I kinda blurted everything out.

Yeah. I know. Bad move. Horrible move. Especially since only this morning, I couldn't explain myself to my boyfriend whom I love but oh, apparently I'm more than ready to let it all come gushing out to some guy I barely know. It's ridiculous. He was just being so nice and I was thinking of Peter and I don't know. I think that's the only reason it happened. I was thinking of Peter and wishing he was there instead. He's the one person I can talk to about this stuff. He doesn't judge, he's just there, you know? Most people don't realize how nice it is sometimes to have someone that's just there.

Toujours Pur,

PS - But oh gosh, I almost forgot! I don't know how but anyways, just as we were finishing our walk, Danni came out of nowhere all pissed and said all this stuff and just... it was horrible. Something about telling Drake I was spending time with other boys, just ridiculous! She's completely off base, Ted are I just friends and barely that. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time and willing to listen. Of course, when you're Danni Valo, I don't think you really care about that. Damn her.

[Andromeda Black]

May 26th
Late afternoon ; Dorm Room

- - B i t c h y

Oh

my

god.

That wasn't good. That was not good. StupidfuckingJennaBitchEdwards. Gah, I physically cannot stand that girl. I hate her. I HATE her. She's such a bitch! Do you know what she did today? She just marched right up to me in the courtyard and slapped me. Slapped me! Who does that? What sane person just waltzes up to someone who's minding their own business and slaps them?! And then she started screaming about Johnny and what a horrible bitch I am and like okay, I know that what I did was horrible! I'm not an idiot and I certainly don't need little Jenna defending Johnny to me. Who is she, anyways? Some girl he met a few months ago who turned him gay? I don't care how bitchy that sounds, whatever. She's a bitch. She's a horrible bitch who decided to just walk up to me and slap me and start screaming about how I'm such a terrible person. FYI, Jenna, darling, here's how the world works: You don't defend Johnny to me. I don't care how fucking tight you guys are or if you're still in love with him or blah blah blah. And I don't care what I did. He's still Johnny and I'm still me and you can't touch that. Ever. I know how crazy possessive sound but who cares. This is Johnny. And Jenna Edwards is just the random-bitch who wants to pretend that she's the only person in the world who gives a damn about him. Well that's not true. I do care about Johnny. I hate what I did to him. I hate that it came to that. I hate it so much and Jenna doesn't have a clue. She thinks she can just come up and yell at me and she doesn't have a fucking clue about anything that I've been dealing it or any of this pressure that's on me or the fact that I would have lost my big sister forever if I hadn't have done what I did or that every time I see Johnny I just want to cry and apologize and make everything be better again. But I can't do that.

Story's not exactly over.

I kinda shoved Jenna and started yanking at her hair and then oh I don't know we were going at each other for a few seconds before out of nowhere, her little brother pulls her away and then someone pulls me away and... it's Johnny. Yeah. I was such a mess, gosh, it's humiliating. All I could focus on was the fact that Johnny was holding me and I didn't even care about anything else. And then he got mad at Jenna and I was so stupid and actually thought for one little second that he was on my side. But then he yelled at me too and said just, well, horrible stuff. And then he said "We're done" and started to leave and I actually ran after him 'cause I'm such an idiot and I grabbed his arm and everything but then like what was I supposed to do? I can't apologize. I can't throw away everything that I've worked so hard for. So I just stood there like my pathetic little self and he left and that's the end of story. For good. After all, Johnny said it himself.

We're done.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 26th
Evening ; Dorm Room

- - E x h a u s t e d

Still fucking depressed about Johnny. But what's new about that? Bah. Today wasn't a complete waste for everyone though. Turns out Alice has a date with Frank tomorrow night. I'm happy for her, really. It'll be all exciting and I can help her pick out her clothes and do her hair and make sure she looks absolutely gorgeous. Poor boy won't know what hit him (; Oh but wait. It's not like Alice and Frank set things up today.

...Yeah okay, today definitely was a completely waste. Oh whatever. I'm going to bed. Girl needs her beauty sleep or... whatever.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 27th
Evening ; Dorm Room

- - E x c i t e d

This is gonna be so great! Just finished helping Alice get ready for her date - she just left now. God, she looks gorgeous. I mean she always looks pretty, she just never puts quite so much effort into it and it really shows tonight. For once she's wearing make-up - though I had to give her some pointers, oh, Alice - and her hair is all curled and sprayed and I found these little pearl cliips which look spectacular. I lent her my yellow dress robes from last year which were too short on me. They're oh so fancy and the color looks great with her skin tone so I figured why not. Had to shoo away a bunch of curious younger years - and well, girls of all ages, really - in the common room who were admiring the dress and wondering where in the world she was going. None of their business, that's where, haha. But gosh, I just know that her date with Frank is going to be spectacular. He's going to be bowled over by how pretty she looks and it's going to be so wonderful. They're having dinner together in the kitchens, so cute. But yes, I just hope all goes well. Alice deserves this, she's liked Frank for so so long. They'd be good together.

But Merlin is this ever depressing me. I want to go find Drake. Except oh right, I'm still too much of a coward. I hate this. I hate having these secrets and I hate being too scared to talk to my own boyfriend and just... I don't know. I mean... I love him. Right? So why can't I brave it up and go talk to him?

Oh duh, like I even need to ask myself that. I'm a coward that's terrified of losing him, that's why.

Whatever, I'm gonna stay up til Alice gets back and then she can tell me about how fabulous her date with Frank was and I can just forget about Drake.

And as for right now? I guess I've got some serious moping to do.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 27th
Very Very Late ; Dorm Room

- - S l e e p y

Oh my god, I know I said I was gonna stay awake for her but I'm getting so so tired. It's almost 1 in the morning and she's still not back!! Seriously! Either the date is going spectacularily well or she's ah, not going to be sleeping in this dorm tonight. Though I suppose that would also indicate that the date went spectacularily well, which is good. But this is Alice so I'm highly doubting that, ha. Oh well, I can still stay up a bit more. She'll be back eventually. This is Alice. I'm just happy that her date's obviously going so well! I can't wait to hear everything, gosh, that girl's gonna have some spilling to do! Like really! I wonder if Frank liked her dress and how pretty she looked. He must have. And heehee, I can take some credit for that and feel all proud and such. But that's not the point. The point is that Alice is probably still down in the kitchens with Frank and having an amazing time which she completely deserves. And which I can't wait to hear all about.

Toujours Pur,

[Andromeda Black]

May 28th
Morning ; Dorm Room

- - S h o c k e d

Whoah. Alice isn't here? I mean, maybe she's just gone down to breakfast early. That's gotta be it. I mean... she did come back last night. Right? Right?! Because if she never came back last night then that means that she was out all night which would imply that the little missy didn't sleep her own bed which would imply that she slept in someonene else's... Oh my gosh, Alice and Frankie! Ahhhh, I need to hear this. Like now. Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh OH MY EFFING GOSH!!! Okay, I'm gonna go down and see if I can find her now. If I don't, well... I've got class with her later! I'll nab her then! There's no way I'm not getting details on this! Like oh. my. god. I need to know what happened! She didn't... No way! Oh my gosh.

...That must have been one hell of a date!

Toujours Pur,