♥ in our small way ♥

[Gabriella Rivera]

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EVERY TIME THAT WE MEET
I SKIP A HEARTBEAT

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december 3rd
mood: smitten

Simon Thorp is one of the most handsome boys in Hogwarts Simon Thorp is so cute. Simon Thorp has really nice, soft-looking hair. I wonder if it's as soft as it looks Simon Thorp has adorable puppy eyes Simon Thorp IS a puppy Simon Thorp is adorable Simon Thorp is the absolute sweetest boy I've ever met and has the cutest Simon Thorp has a lovely smile Simon Thorp is

Simon Thorp is ador a very sweet bloke. Who's also very handsome. That's all.

[/b][/u]
[li] Give Simon his notes back as soon as you see him
[/li][li] No that's not an excuse to see him again
[/li][li] Shut up[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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BLAH BLAH LYRICS HERE

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december 4th
mood: relieved

reserved for second gear

[/b][/u]
[li] [/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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YOU WRECK ME BABY
YEAH, YOU BREAK ME IN TWO

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december 5th
mood: crappy

Why is it that when I don't do what Gideon tells me to do, he gets mad at me, but then when I do do what he tells me to do, he gets mad anyway! It so darn...frustrating! It's not like it's my fault! Ugh, okay, let me just start from the very beginning; so yesterday I finished off the herbology essay with Calixto's help and, because I wanted to just get this whole Paris thing over and done with, I went to him, gave him all the homework I'd done for him - which should be enough until after the holidays, unless the professors spring something else on him - and then proceeded to tell him how sorry I was that I couldn't tutor him anymore. And then, well, and then he started to get really mad. Like, madder than I'd ever seen him, maybe, and I didn't even think Paris could get mad since he seemed so...laid back all the time. And then I told him I hoped we could still be friends and he started laughing in this really scary way and then he - he told me we were never friends anyway and called me...well, he called me some pretty bad names that I don't think I could repeat and he sort of grabbed my arm and started gripping it really, really tightly so I told him to please let go because he was hurting me and he did except he kind of pushed me or maybe I tripped I really don't know but I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. And then he said if I told anyone he would seriously hurt the person I told and then he let me leave and...God, I was so stupid, I should have gone straight to the hospital wing but I went to Gideon instead and I don't know why, I just did and I tried to lie and tell him I fell down the stairs but he figured out that someone hurt me and he told Professor Dumbledore who said he would deal with Paris and Gideon just seemed really, really angry and it looked like he was going to go punch Paris and he just left and I just - I'm really worried now because I didn't see him at all yesterday.

Maybe I'll see him this morning and he'll be fine. I hope so. I should go to breakfast now anyway. Gosh, I'm glad that I fell on my left arm and that's the one with the cast, otherwise I wouldn't be able to write at all!

[/b][/u]
[li] Avoid Paris like a freaking plague.
[/li][li] Make up with Gideon. Again. Somehow.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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WHAT HAVE I BECOME?
MY SWEETEST FRIEND

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december 6th
mood: content

Gosh, a lot of my friends have been trying to convince me to go to the yule ball. First, Vanessa tried to convince me to go with her "stag" (I think that's the English slang term for it, no?) and said we would dance and have tons of fun, but I really don't want to take away the chance for something to ask Nessa! I mean, she's so pretty and all blonde and blue-eyed, someone just has to ask her. Everyone likes blondes with pretty, coloured eyes! I mean, just look at Gideon - he'd dated one, and is in the (hopefully successful!) pursuit of another, and I believe (biasedly, sort of) that Gideon has excellent taste in women. Also, Fabian was with Lizzy for a really long time, and even though she's not blonde, she has red hair (which is probably another preference, I know that Severus was (is??) practically in love with Lily Evans (no I was not stalking him I just happened~ to notice that when I was staring at watching gazing adoringly glancing at him from across my table, that he was staring looking in her direction a lot often).), and Lizzy has blue eyes. I mean, obviously brunettes get dates too, but that's the really pretty ones, like...like Lydia and stuff! I'm sure she had scores of boyfriends before!

Anyway, wow, I'm getting way off track here. So, like I was saying, I convinced Vanessa to give it some time and see if someone asks her. I'm almost positive she'll get a date! As for me, well, I doubt don't think I want to go anyway. I'm not really in a dance-y mood, what with everything that's been going on, and plus I can't afford to buy a dress and I forgot to bring last year's dress with me; so no dress, no Yule Ball, right? Fabian been trying to convince me to go with him for the past few letters, though. I think Gideon might have put him up to it, just so I don't get lonely or maybe so I don't go with someone bad. I don't think he trusts my judgment in people anymore. I don't blame him, I don't know if even I trust my own judgment at this point!

[/b][/u]
[li] Hang posters in the Hufflepuff common room for Environmental club, and see if I can get any of my non-hufflepuff friends can put them up in their common rooms, too. (Stefan and Cameron? Lydia??)
[/li][li] Charms essay due in two days!
[/li][li] Write to Papi
[/li][li] Ask Tia if she can send my dress via owl?[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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JUST LIKE A HEARTBEAT
THE DRUMBEAT CARRIES ON

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december 7th
mood: hopeful

Fabian finally convinced me to invite him to the ball earlier this morning; I just sent him a letter telling him I'd go with him. And then, as if by some stroke of luck, Emmeline talked to me about the Yule ball, and she said I could have one of her many dresses! She insisted, too, and when classes were done she made me try on a couple of her dresses. One of them was this really girly pink dress with ruffles down the side and it was this amazingly soft material and oh my gosh the style was so gorgeous! And then there was this other one, a silver one, that was really simplistic, but super chic, and it fit like pretty well (even though they're both a little too long on me, and, honestly, they were a little tight so I might have to use a spell on them or something, if there is such a spell). Anyway, in the end I chose the pink one; we both agreed it was more "me".

Now that the not-so-important bits are out of the way - onto the actually important bit. Emmeline had a bit of a...break down. I guess that's the only way to describe it, really. I had just told her that Gideon was going to the Yule ball with Jezebel and after class she sort of started crying. And then she told me what really happened when she and Gideon broke up. Well, first of all she kept going on about how nobody actually liked her and she was just so...insecure and...unsure of herself and self-deprecating that it kind-of scared me and apparently Paris Parkinson told her all these things and ugh I can't believe I never saw him for what he really was! I mean hurt me all you want that's fine but you do NOT hurt my friends, no way no how! There is absolutely no way I am doing him a favour ever again. But that's not...that's not really the only bad news. Like I said, she told me about how she and Gideon broke and...he...well, he never actually told me all the details, I guess because he didn't want to upset me or something, but...she called him some pretty bad things. It's horrible. I mean, she told me she didn't mean them, and I believe her, but it's still...they were some really terrible things, and I know they must have really hurt Gideon because the point that she touched on...well, it's really a sore spot for Gideon and he can get sensitive about it, and I know it, and I wish I could talk to him about it now, but I know that Emmeline has to try to fix things with him first, and besides I don't know if he want to talk about it. I mean, we're better now (we talk a bit more now) and I don't want to...ruin that, I guess? Emmeline promised me to fix it, though, so here's hoping that she does. I mean. Talking fixes most things, right? And...and I'm sure Gideon will forgive her, and then...and then they'll be friends again, and we'll all be best friends again, and it'll all go back to the way it used to be.

Right?

[/b][/u]
[li] Give Gideon a big hug "for no reason" as soon as I find him
[/li][li] Also, try to subtly hint how smart I think he is, because he is, no matter what his History of Magic essay scores imply
[/li][li] And how I don't know what I'd do without him
[/li][li] Make brownies for Mrs. Prewett
[/li][li] ...and biscuits for Fabian
[/li][li] Let out Emmeline's dress a little
[/li][li] Repair the heel of my silver high heels and find a spell that cleans shoes[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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TRYNNA MAKE IT WORK
BUT, MAN, THESE TIMES ARE HARD

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december 8th
mood: satisfied

Jayden has a date to the Yule ball! He just told me today! He's going with Ambrosia Barret, who's this really pretty Hufflepuff - she used to be on the cheerleading team, so I definitely know her. Apparently he doesn't like-like her, they're going just as friends (I hope she knows that, though, it'd be horrible if she was disappointed!). I told him about my dress and that I was going with Fabian and he promised he'd save me a dance! I'm sure Fabian wouldn't mind, I'm sure any other girl at the ball would be more than happy to fill in the spot for me; it better not be Lizzy, though, I do not want that...that...girl near him, messing him up when he's finally starting to get over her (I think)! No, no I'll be sure to switch on my Elisabethdar and keep him away from her. As a matter of fact, maybe it'd be better to keep him away from redheads in general -- is that racist? That's racist. Or. Er. Hairist? Colourist?

...Yeah.

WELL anyway. It was nice to talk to Jayden. I feel like I haven't properly had a conversation with him in ages. He said he would have asked me to the Yule ball if Fabian hadn't beat me to it! Darn shame, right? I mean...not that I wouldn't have a ton of fun with Fabian, it'd be nice to have a date who was...well...shorter than Fabian. Jayden isn't much shorter but, honestly, I don't have to crane my neck quite as far to look up at him, and with Fabian I literally look like his baby, twelve year old sister. It's even worse than when I'm around Gideon because, even though Gideon is as tall (or is he officially taller now?? He kept saying he'd soon be calling Fabian a shrimp when we were all together last summer), his face is much younger so it's not that bad and -- THIS IS WAY OFF TOPIC WHOA OKAYYY. I'm so bad at staying focused hahaha. Where was I? Oooh right, Jayden! Yeah, it was just really nice to talk to him again, since it's been like...a week since we had a proper conversation! Oh! And I've decided to start a diary for all the Irish things he says. Here's what I have so far:

Craic: Good time
Pucks: Punches
Holy show: Spectacle
Making a hash: Messing up
Steever: Punishment for being a naughty girl(??)

In other news, my potions partner for the project Professor Slughorn gave us of creating our own Potion is Daciana Gamp. Yes, the same girl who insisted that she wanted nothing to do with me. Oi vey.

[/b][/u]
[li] I am the most talented girl at being short
[/li][li] Be very careful!
[/li][li] Research apple skin myths
[/li][li] Hair - up or down for the Yule ball?
[/li][li] Brainstorm for Potions project![/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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LOOK FOR THE GIRL
WITH THE BROKEN SMILE

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december 8th
mood: discontent

Last night I had a really bad dream again. They keep coming on and off; I mean, I was fine for a few days and then suddenly I just have a bad dream and it was worse than ever. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I snuck into the boys' dormitory. Sixth year's dormitory, because I was planning on going to Lyle for comfort; I didn't want to bug Gideon twice in one week, so Lyle seemed like the next best thing. But then I remembered that he would probably freak out if I woke him up because he's been really sensitive lately, so I went to Jayden instead. And he was really nice about it, he comforted me and made me feel much better, and he agreed to sleep on the couch outside with me because I couldn't go back to the dormitory because I knew I was going to have another bad dream or that I wouldn't be able to sleep at all. And honestly he was amazing, but I seriously can't keep relying on other people to make me feel better. It's been weeks since the werewolf incident, and since I...and the...Danny...thing, I shouldn't still be having bad dreams about it. And I just don't know what to do about it! I thought about using a dreamless draught, but Jayden doesn't think that's a good idea. I know that people easily get addicted to stuff like that, and I can't imagine being dependent on something else. It's bad enough I'm so dependent on my friends. Jayden said I ought to talk to someone about it, but who? I know my friends would always be willing, but the thing is...the thing is, I don't want to bother anyone about it. But then if I tell them that they'll get mad and insist that they want to help me and I just...

I just don't want to unload my problems on someone else, because they all have their own problems, you know? Emmeline with Paris (THE JERKKKK) and Gideon, and Gideon with...well, he's already mad at me, and Fabian still isn't completely over Lizzy and he has work stress and stuff, and Lyle, Dios, just thinking about venting to Lyle makes me feel like an awful person, after everything he's been through! Stefan's probably got his hands full with Lyle. I already bugged Jayden about it once, I don't want to bother him more. And I just...I don't know. I think maybe he meant like professional help. Like a therapist. But then I'd have to tell Papi about it, and how am I supposed to do that? "Hi Papi, I want to see a psychiatrist - yes, that is the person that people talk to when they're feeling really depressed/aren't right in the head/are having serious problems, but don't worry, your little girl is totally fine!" I can just imagine him absolutely losing it! No, no I can...I can deal with this on my own. Didn't I say that I wanted to be more independent and stuff? Well, this is how I can start. I can do this on my own. I can get over my fears on my own.

I can.

[/b][/u]
[li] Vanessa thinks Severus will notice me at the ball. Hah.
[/li][li] Drink warm milk at dinner tonight (if it's available?)
[/li][li] Sleep with the lamp on
[/li][li] Read a funny story before going to bed
[/li][li] I can do this alone.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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WHEN YOU TRY YOUR BEST
BUT YOU DON'T SUCCEED

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december 9th
mood: moody

None of my preparations worked! Absolutely none! I even clutched Mr. Snuggles as hard as I could to my chest and it still didn't work! Oh, I didn't have a bad dream - I couldn't even sleep! It's now four thirty in the morning and I'm sitting up in bed, like I have been for the past five hours, and sleep continues to escape me! I think I'm just too scared to fall asleep because every time I close my eyes and start to drift off, I suddenly wake up in a panic and it's so stupid because I know I'm safe, I just...it's just stupid.

It's really, really stupid, but I can't make it stop.

[/b][/u]
[li] I still don't want to admit that I can't do this on my own.
[/li][li] I can't do this on my own, but I have to.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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WE'LL BREATHE THE SWEET
AIR THROUGH YOUR NOSE

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december 9th
mood: lethargic

I was so exhausted today that I almost fell asleep in Transfiguration! If Emmeline hadn't nudged me awake, I probably would have, too! And I totally couldn't focus on anything during the lesson and, when Professor McGonogall called on me, I couldn't answer her because I hadn't even heard the question and it was so embarrassing and Professor McGonogall was so disappointed and miffed and I'm just lucky she didn't take any points off of Hufflepuff. And ugh, History of Magic was terrible! I don't know how I didn't pass out, Professor Binns is so boring, and it was like he was making an extra effort to be boring today! And I know that sounds mean but it's true! If you're going to have a subject like History of Magic, which could be very interesting when taught appropriately, you should have a professor who can keep the class awake! But then again, I guess you can't exactly fire Professor Binns, on account of his ghostliness; he'd have no where to go! But, at this rate, I don't think anyone is going to do well on their OWL exams at all! Or, at least, I know I probably am not going to even pass, if I don't get enough sleep.

Oh yeah, and then at lunch I told Gideon to pass me a pillow and then when he looked all confused I apologised and told him to pass me a blanket instead, I'd just use the bread as a pillow!

Luckily, it's the weekend tomorrow, so I can sleep as much as I want to tonight. If sleep even comes to me.

[/b][/u]
[li] Mmm sleeeeeeep.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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OH, THESE TIMES ARE HARD
AND THEY'RE MAKING US CRAZY

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december 13th
mood: calm

I'm at home. Like, back in my house, with papi and Tia. I...Fabian wrote a letter to me that I received on Monday and told me that Lyle was attacked again and I...well, of course I left breakfast and went to him immediately, because I just knew he hadn't been around the past few days and that that was weird, but I just...I hadn't stopped to think about it, and I feel so stupid and selfish, but anyway. I went to him and he was in bed, just like I thought, and I stayed with him the whole day, which...yeah, okay, it was bad, I shouldn't have skipped all my classes, but I had to stay, I couldn't just leave Lyle when he obviously needed me, but I guess Gideon didn't see it that way because he carried out his threat and told my papi everything, and then my Papi came to school earlier today, and Mrs. Malarkey was there, too, and I guess they talked together and decided it would be better for both of us if they took us home. I just...I honestly don't know what to think. Papi's really, really, really angry with me. He sat me down to have a "talk" with me, and I told him that everything Gideon said was true, and I just...well, I spilled everything and, Dios, I've never seen him so angry and disappointed in me, and he started yelling (in Mexican, which now he only really does when he's very fired-up), and then I started crying, because I never meant to make him so mad and I didn't mean to make so many mistakes, it just happened, and he was just scary, like Fabian was when he yelled at me after they saved me from Mul him. But then when I started crying, Papi hugged me and apologised for being so harsh, but it was just that I really scared him. I guess he was more scared for me, and that fueled his anger.

Anyway, I'm still grounded, though, but that's okay, because it's not like I have anywhere to go. All my friends are back in Hogwarts, except for Fabian and he's too busy with his Auror training, so I can't really see him much. I might ask Papi if he'll let Fabian come and visit sometime, he really likes Fabian because Fabian treats me like his little sister (I don't understand why he likes Fabian more than Gideon, I've always been closer to Gideon and he used to like them equally, but this summer my Papi was all twitchy whenever I say I'm going over there he always told me I'm not allowed to have him in my room, or vice versa, which is weird I mean it's just Gideon and before it was totally fine). Anyhow, so since he likes Fabian so much, he probably wouldn't mind if I invite him over sometime. I really missed him, and it'd be nice to see him! And see if his arms got any bigger. I bet they did. I bet he wouldn't even fit in our door frame because they're so big and he'll have to walk sideways! Haha, okay, that was kind-of mean although probably true at the rate he's going, but honestly if you could just see his arms, Diary (not that you can see anything, since you don't have eyes), you would be thinking the same thing, too! And it's not just his arms, it's his shoulders. They're like...huge! Probably twice as wide as mine, if not more! Which isn't much of a feat...Dios, I hate being so tiny. Anyhow, speaking of Fabian, I ought to write to him and tell him that I'm home now. I should also write to my friends and tell them where I went, I only really got to say goodbye to Gideon because he was there when I came down with my stuff packed.

Ugh, I miss him already, it's going to be so hard not being able to see him indefinitely.

[/b][/u]
[li] Write to Fabian, Jayden and Emmeline (and tell Emmeline to tell everyone else where I went).
[/li][li] Clean my room.
[/li][li] Clear out all the unhealthy food in the fridge; I knew Papi was lying when he said that he ate salad every day! Auntie Tia isn't nearly as hard on him about food as she should be.
[/li][li] Go grocery shopping with Aunt Tia.
[/li][li] Slide the money I saved from my last bake sale into Papi's wallet somehow without him noticing.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME
OF WHAT I REALLY AM

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december 14th
mood: irritated

I just came back from the Malarkeys'. It's where me and Lyle are getting our lessons with the Professor that Professor Dumbledore suggested to us, so that we wouldn't fall too behind. It's not the same, of course, and if we do go back we'll probably have loads of homework to do...but, well, I think that's a big if because my dad is just not happy with me, or with the idea of me going back to Hogwarts. I tried to talk to him about it today, about how important it is for me to finish my education, and he told me that he didn't see why it was so important I was a girl and all I really needed was to get married to a good man and that he only allowed my mother to work because they wouldn't have been able to live comfortably otherwise. I just...wow. I didn't think my father was like that at all! I've never heard him be so sexist! So I told him I wanted to be a Healer, and you know what he did?! He patted my head and said "we'll see".

We'll see!? WE'LL SEE?!

UGH! I can't believe how callous he's being!! When Tia Inez comes home, I'm soooo telling her what my Papi said, and I'm sure SHE'LL have words with him. She's a strong, independent woman! Even though she doesn't work, either...

...

But I'm sure she'll be on my side, right?

In other news, Papi said I could invite Fabian, and he's coming to see me tomorrow! I'm so excited to see him!!! And, also, Papi agreed to let me visit Mrs. Prewett often so that I can help her around the house, and she said we could bake some things together after tomorrow since she'll be free. I'm so excited!!!!

[/b][/u]
[li] Ask Tia Inez to talk to Papi about his ridiculous notions
[/li][li] Bake biscuits for when Fabian comes over!
[/li][li] Do the homework Professor Anderson assigned.[/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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MY NEW FOUND DISCRETION

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december 15th
mood: cold

Diossssss it's freeeeezing in the house. Our radiator broke an hour ago because it's so old and my Papi has been saying for ages that we'd get a new one but we never did and now we have to wait to get someone to fix it. I wish I could use magic outside of Hogwarts, then I could use some sort of heating spell or put fire in a jar or something. I could ask Mrs. Prewett, but it's getting late and I don't want to bother her. Plus, my Tia and papi aren't really that comfortable with magic yet, and a jar with floating fire inside might freak them out. Ugh, I just hate how cold it gets in the house. It's like it...it sinks into your bones. I'm wrapped up in two blankets (which makes it hard to write this, but whatever) and I'm still shivering! I think I should stop thinking about how cold it is, though, because that's not really helping...

Hmm. Fabian came today! It was great to see him. He didn't get any bigger, but he didn't get any smaller, either. He looks a bit better than last time I saw him, but I didn't dare bring up Lizzy, because he might get upset. I think he's still not over her? But maybe he is. Like I said, I didn't bring it up. He teased me for being short, like he always does, and then asked me about Gideon. Oh! And then he said he wanted to teach me how to defend myself! So we're going to start lessons soon! I mean, obviously we won't be able to do any practical stuff, really, since I'm underage, but he'll let me practice how to say spells and how to make them work best and how to concentrate when performing them and stuff! Plus, he might show me some physical stuff, too. Although, I'm not all too sure I want to do that, it doesn't sound very nice...well, anyway! It'll be an excuse to see him more frequently, for sure! It's really nice that he's willing to use his free time to help me! He's an amazing friend (:.

Speaking of friends, I miss all of mine. I miss Gideon and Emmeline and Jayden and just everyone. It's nice that I get to see Lyle every day for our lessons, and now Fabian, and it's good to be home with my Papi, but he's not around that often because he works a lot, and Tia Inez is always out with her new boyfriend, so it gets lonely sometimes. And I just...I haven't been away from Gideon, especially, this long in ages. I just miss him. I miss all of them.

Okay, it's too cold to keep writing. I'm just going to bury myself in these blankets and try to sleep or something.

[/b][/u]
[li] Brrrrrrrrrrrr!
[/li][li] Go see Mrs. Prewett tomorrow![/li][/ul]
[/blockquote]

[/blockquote][/color][/font]

[Gabriella Rivera]

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CUT ME UP

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december 16th
mood: depressed

I went over to Mrs. Prewett's house to help her out with some things today. And when I was there I went into Gideon's room and just sat on his bed for a bit. And then, I don't know why, but I checked under his mattress because I thought he might still be keeping his special magazines (and he was). And...I just took one home. I don't know why, I really don't know, and now I kind-of wish I hadn't because I was just flipping through it and it just...it reminded me how I'll never look like that. Not even if I tried to put as much make up on as possible and lost weight and I just...I'll never be as pretty as them. I don't have gorgeous long blonde hair. My hair's still short from the time I cut it and it gets frizzy when I go outside and it's humid if I don't use a lot of hair potions and it has split ends and it's brown. And my skin isn't as flawless and milky white as theirs, it's dark and not like pretty tanned like some of theirs are, but naturally dark and I still get pimples, which are horrible and take days to go away, if not more. I bet they never get pimples. And they all have pretty eyes! Some of them have really pretty blue eyes, and some have green, and even the girls with brown eyes have nicer eyes than mine. And they're just...they're so much prettier than me. Me with my...my less-than-average looks. Like my stupid too-big eyes and too-short eyelashes and my huge nose and my weirdly big lips. I've also noticed lately that I have a bit of a double chin because I've been gaining weight, which means I really need to stop eating so much or exercise more or something, especially since I'm home now so I won't have cheerleading practice anymore. And it shows even more on me when I gain weight because I'm so short. (being 'adorable' gets really old, really fast) Also, Miss April has a really big chest and I barely have anything in that department and everyone knows that's one of the most important things for a girl to be attractive! I bet they don't have to wear a push-up bra to create a bit of cleavage, they have it at their hands! And I don't care what someone might say about them not being real, I've seen girls like that in real life, like Emmeline, and that Jezebel Sauveterre, and Vanessa. They're all naturally like that.

Dios, it's no wonder I've never had a boyfriend, and I probably will never get one because I couldn't attract anyone without using polyjuice potion to turn me into someone else. Especially since it's not just looks, either. I just...I don't know how to be sexy, which just makes things worse. I have terrible taste in fashion and most of my outfits, I now realise, are kinda ugly according to most people, but I'm too poor to buy nicer things, and I get too flustered around cute boys to string two words together, and I can never tell if someone likes me or is using me, like Paris did. And I know I shouldn't really care about all that, I know that, and that looks aren't everything, and boys aren't everything, but I do care, okay? I do care and it sucks and I feel sucky and unpretty and I just wish my mami was here because I know she would know what to say or do to make it all better.

Anyway. I just needed to get all of that out and have a sort of pity party with me, myself and I. I'm sure I'll get over it later. Well, I sort of have to anyway, because Lyle and I are going out tonight. We're going to get in trouble so that our parents can get together.

This plan made so much more sense to me when I hadn't been crying my eyes out...

I think I'll try to nap now, I don't want to have a headache when I sneak out to meet Lyle in a couple of hours.

[Gabriella Rivera]

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IT'S A BLACKED OUT BLUR
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT RULED

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december 16th (17th???)
mood: drrrrrrrunk

Ooooh Papi is sooooooooo maaaaaaaaad at me and Lyyyyyyyyyyyyyleeeeeeeeee I juuuuuuuuuuuust got senft to mye room, hess sog maaaaaaaaaap cuz we got so drrrrrrrrrrrumk but we only wantss to mkae trooble so he and mrs. m coold get togetherrrrrrrrr AND IT WORKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. Hteys so maaaaaaaaad tho adn I cooldn't stop gigglingggggggg and Lyle was laufing tooooooooooooo but oh myyyy dios it was juts so fuuuuuuuny becoz my papi's vein was popping but OHMYDIOS TONIGHTTTTTTTTT WAS SUUUUUUUU MUCH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN WITH LYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLYYYYYYYYY. We went to a baaaaaaaaaar (was it abar?!?!?!!? or a PARTY?!!?!?!) and and we got DRUNK and it was FUN becoz there were PEOPLE and they were REALLYYYYYY nice. one was too nice tho becos he tooched my bum (it was nice of him to sayy htat its a nice one tho!!!!) and then Lyle made a meen face at him and he went away WHICH IS GUUD BECOZ ITS MY BUM AND BOYS SHOOLDNT BE TOOCHING IT UNLESS THEY ARE MY BOYFRANDS. boyfrand. one boyfrand at a time! haha. ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa not like i have a boyfrand nowwwwwwwwww or ever willllllll. anyway. LYLE SAID I WAS PRETYT THO!!!!!! i asked him after 1 2 3 4 or 6 drinks and he SAYD i was VERYY pretty. but he has to say thaat he's my bifferness but but it wash niiiice to heeeeeeear. I didn't ask him if I wash prettyyy like Miss Apppppril becoz that's a hush hushhh sheeeeecret.

YEAH WE DANCED ON TABLETOPS
AND WE TOOK TOO MANY SHOTS

ALSO THERE WAS THIS REALLY COOL PINK DRINKKKKKK. IT WAS YUMMY AND AND STUFF. I drank looooooots of it. It was. it was PINK. and also there was one that someone bought for me but it was yellow or something and it hurt a lot when i drank it only i drank a little and then lyle made his mean face again and booght me more pink drink and said i shooldn't take drinks froms trangers BUT THE STRANGER WAS NICE HE SAAYD I HAD PRETTY HAIR and then something aboot his pillows buuuut imust be remembering ronggggg idk a lot of that night was very blurry. BUT I DO REMEMBER DANCING. BECOS THERE WAS MUSIC AND IT WAS NICE. LYLE DANCED ON A TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN. AND THEN HE PULLED ME UP AND WE DANCED TOGETHER!!!! and then we drank more and it was yummy. and then we danced more!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just together tho i didn't want to dance with anyone lese just lyle because lyle is THE BEST!!!!!!!! ohmygosh waitwaitwaiiiit I need to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

THINK WE KISSED BUT I FORGOT
LAST FRIDAY NIGHT

Okay I'm bnack now so I thiiiiiiiiiink i kissed someoneeeeee and that their face tasted AWESOME like...awesomesauce . yeah!!!!! if there was an awesomesauce, it would taste like his face!!!!!!!...i hope it was a his. i hope i kissed a boy and it wasn't like lydia again. I SHOULDN'T KISS GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!1 I'M NOT GAY!! not that htere is anything rong with that because there's noooot being gay is awesome lyle is gay and that's not a problem!!! but i like boys. except for that oen time i had that dream....but it didn't MEEN anything. anyway. it hink it was a boy. i THINK. i wonder if lyle knsow who i snogged i kinda want to find hism and snog him again because he was an AWESOMEEEE snoger....

ANYoohoozles. i'm hungryyyyyyyy i think i'gm going to eat something. oh wait there's my papi HI PAPI oh he doesn't look happy but he says he wanted to make sure i was okaaaay and he said i should stop riting and listen to him oh waitt....OKAY BYEEEE

[Gabriella Rivera]

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THERE'S A POUNDING
IN MY HEAD

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december 17th
mood: my whole brain is crying

Oh Dios my head hurts so much. I can't believe Lyle and I got so drunk. I'm literally camped under my covers and I can barely even see what I'm writing but my curtains are open and it's way too sunny and oh my God I feel like a vampire but it's just too bright and my brain hurts I didn't think brains could hurt!! well maybe it's just my head. or my skull. or something. i don't know. Dios, I deserve it. Of course I ought to be punished for drinking so much! Especially since I'm underage. And I drank so much. Who cares if it was fun at the time? You know what they say about too much of a good thing. Dios, I can't even remember half of what happened, and I tried to read what I wrote when I was drunk but most of it doesn't make sense because my handwriting is so awful.

I wonder how Lyle's doing...

[/u][/b]
[li] Never drinking again.
[/li][li] Ever
[/li][li] ...EVER
[/li][li] Brains can totally cry[/li][/ul]
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