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Post by bella on Sept 1, 2008 23:59:18 GMT -5
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Post by bella on Sept 2, 2008 0:53:08 GMT -5
It’s official: Indigo Grace and Isabella Swan are no longer friends, never to smile and joke with each other again. It’s my fault; I realize that. I try to fix it, and it’s spit back out in my face. I’m done wasting my petty hatred on her. If she wants to act like this is unfixable, I won’t force my presence on her. I’m not even being sarcastic when I say I wish things had turned out differently. I lost a good friend over someone not worth fighting for. How…pathetic.
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Post by bella on Sept 7, 2008 20:46:31 GMT -5
Well, I broke the news to Ethan today. I wanted to make sure he heard I was dating Remus from me, not through the grape vine. I know it’s kinda of silly, I mean, whether or not Ethan approves of who I’m dating really shouldn’t matter but I feel like it does. After that night on the Pitch…I guess we’ll just say I’d hate to ever make him mad again. We’ll leave it at that. He took it well enough, even though he didn’t like my “I need approval” approach. Oh well. Oh, he has a new nickname I intended on using, too: Ethan Cartier, Prince Charming in the flesh. He’s so full of himself. XP
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Post by bella on Sept 7, 2008 21:07:56 GMT -5
Leave it to Amory to convince me that Regulus Black does not need to die. At least not painfully, anyways. I’m still trying to decide whether emotional or physical damage would scar him most. Regardless all of my plans are on hold indefinitely. He just makes me mad. Regulus, not Amory. Although he can be annoying too, when he’s trying to make a point I can’t deny. Dr. Kerr advised I just wait until I can speak to Regulus calmly and then voice all my frustrations with him. And I can’t kick him. Darn. Amory is right of course, being the abnormally level-headed kid he is. He’s dating Vivienne, too, as I found out. I thought that was strange, that someone as obnoxious and loud as she is would find an interest in someone so quiet. She must like it because she can talk forever and he won’t interrupt her. She still gets on my nerves, though, but hey, if Amory can keep her out of my hair I wish them the best.
It’s officially Day Three of dating Remus. And I’m still no close to figuring out what his Big Secret is. I thought maybe, if we were dating, he wouldn’t be so freaked out about whatever it is, but he still won’t tell me. It’s his only fault, really. Can he really not trust me? See, I can’t believe that because if he couldn’t, he would have kept his No Girls policy. Speaking of which, I must say I’ve gotten some pretty funny looks lately. He has a lot of female admirers, in short, so I’ve made a couple of enemies. This one girl in Potions actually glared at me. That was interesting. I just smiled back, so I think I annoyed her. She can be that way; I don’t care. I’m not dating him for that. We’re best friends, and turns out for not having much of a dating history he’s an amazing boyfriend, too. I miss him when he’s not around, even if he’s only been gone for five minutes. Class feels like it takes forever these days. He excites me, and I love that. I love him.
!!!
It does feel really good to say write that. Reeeally good.
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Post by bella on Sept 7, 2008 21:31:09 GMT -5
James Potter is SO lucky he’s Remus’ best friend, otherwise I would have bit his head right off today. You know what he did? Of course you don’t you stupid diary. He actually wrote to me and – in short – told me to watch where I was stepping. If I hurt Remus, James’ would hurt me. What a jerk, right? He has no business sticking his nose into my love life. I don’t care if he’s friends with Remus or not, that’s just rude. But I do confess, just because he is friends with Remus, he’s still alive now. One of those blessing-curse, bittersweet things I guess. Either way I was ready to start throwing things at him today but we settled on…a mutual agreement, in a way. I (as politely as possible) told him to butt his head out of my business but promised I wouldn’t hurt Remus in return. Like I would. Geez. He’s just worried. I mean, I would be too if I were him. I don’t have the best reputation right now. He’s got a right to be a little wry of me. It’s still irritating that he assumed warning me was the correct way to go about it but that’s alright. If he’d been doing it just to be annoying I would have chewed him out, but he cares about Remus. Perhaps not exactly in the same way I do but they are friends after all. James’ is okay in my books, though. He had the guts and nerve to be point-blank, and he’s promised me a place in his newest prank. Why I agreed to help I still don’t know. Prove myself? Just to get out and do something? Make us friends? Just because? All of the above, maybe. It doesn’t matter now. I promised I would do it and I am not giving James an excuse to tease me for the rest of my life. I’m sticking to my word. And I’m doing all this without knowing what I’ve signed myself up for. If that doesn’t give me a little bit of credit, I’m not sure what will.
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Post by bella on Sept 23, 2008 16:01:59 GMT -5
Remus is such a romantic. (Not that I’m complaining.) But he’s got some “surprise” for me but he won’t tell me a single thing, which I admit it kinda the point of a surprise. He didn’t even tell me what to wear, though. He just said meet him down near the Transfiguration classroom. Whatever’s he’s planning he’s really excited about it – he was practically bouncing when he told me he’d planned a date for us.
Such a sweetheart. ♥
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Post by bella on Sept 23, 2008 16:54:34 GMT -5
You want to dance with me? Dance with me, baby. I’ve decided one thing:
“SWEETHEART” IS AN UNDERSTATMENT.
Remus is sooooo cute. Sometimes I still can’t believe he’s mine. He had the most adorable thing set up for us: a gentle dance around the star-lit Astronomy Tower, my favorite song lulling in the background, hugs, kisses, a few more kisses, and he bought me the most auh-mazing gift. It’s this beautiful bracelet, with a lock and key on it. It’s gorgeous, and the way it sparkles – even in the dark, I swear. Maybe he charmed it or something. Point is that he took time out of his day to even sit down and consider buying me anything. No, it’s not even that. It’s that – ah, that’s not even right. I don’t know how to explain it in words. It’s just a feeling you get, knowing you’re always on someone else’s mind. I hardly need reminding of him but now it’s like it’s been magnified. Every time I glance down my thoughts shoot to him. Oh, and I forgot the best part: the lock? It’s a heart. One guess what the symbolism behind that is?
He’s simply perfect. Except for…“that” I guess is one way of putting it. I don’t understand why he just won’t tell me. We didn’t talk about that tonight. But I could feel it. He thinks about it sometimes, when he’s holding me. I’m not sure how I can tell – I just do, and it bugs me. Not that I can tell but that’s he worried about something at all. If he’s concerned about something he should tell me. I hate that he won’t. He just gets even quieter and holds me tighter, like he’s scared. I don’t know of what, though. It’s beyond frustrating. I feel sort of bad about trying to figure it all out anyways, when I promised him I wouldn’t but… Well, I shouldn’t have to figure it out. He should just tell me.
How stupid is it that I’m worried about that, instead of –
Ha, okay: now, it’s not that I didn’t know this, but Remus has serious moral standings. He was actually sort of embarrassed about it, which I just thought was adorable. I still don’t know which one he was more frightened of: talking about sex, or having it. No, we didn’t do anything, but he was pretty fidgety for a little while. I make him nervous. ;P But hey, at least I don’t have to be worried about dating a rapist or anything. I bet you anything Remus would argue his stupid secret is worst then that. He’s so picky. “I want to tell you Bella, but I can’t. I wish I could, but it wouldn’t be right.” Blah, blah, blah. I can handle it.
One tiny setback against a list of Wonderfuls. I’ll erase the cons list here soon. Some day.
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Post by bella on Sept 23, 2008 17:25:03 GMT -5
I’ve never been the kind that you'd call lucky,Always stumbling' around in circles But I must have stumbled into something. Look at me: am I really alone with you? I wake up feeling like my life’s worth living (Can’t recall when I last felt that way). Guess it must be all this love you’re giving. Never knew, never knew it could be like this. But I guess… Some hearts, they just get all the right breaks; Some hearts have the stars on their side.Some hearts, they just have it so easy; Some hearts just get lucky sometimes. Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes. Now who’d have thought someone like you could love me? You’re the last thing my heart expected.Who’d have thought I’d ever find somebody? Someone who someone who makes me feel like this? Well I guess… Some hearts, they just get all the right breaks;Some hearts have the stars on their side. Some hearts, they just have it so easy; Some hearts just get lucky sometimes. Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes. Ooohhh… Even hearts like mine… Get lucky, lucky sometimes… Even hearts like mine…Ooohhh… Some hearts, they just get all the right breaks; Some hearts have the stars on their side. Some hearts, they just have it so easy; Some hearts just get lucky sometimes.Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes. Some hearts, they just get all the right breaks; Some hearts have the stars on their side. Some hearts, they just have it so easy; Some hearts just get lucky sometimes. Some hearts just get lucky sometimes.“some hearts,” carrie underwood
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Post by bella on Sept 23, 2008 17:52:16 GMT -5
So, I’ve kind of been lacking in that whole “must focus in class” thing lately… Five different notes, all in a single week. Shameful.
First and foremost, Edward Evangeline. I’ve been mistaking this whole time: Regulus isn’t a complex, Edward is. I think we touched upon every single topic known to man and heck, maybe even a few not known. He’s the strangest guy I have ever met. Or passed notes with at least. I think there’s a reason I haven’t ever talked with him before. He’s so serious all the time, speaks in riddles despite what he thinks, and his past makes mine look happy. I won’t go into details, but the entire Evangeline family has got some issues. He’s nice and everything, but just too far… I don’t know, “too far” something. We don’t really play nicely. And even so, he gets me to agree to talk with his sister…
Up next, Bella Evangeline! She. Is. An. Idiot. I have a new list for you, ready for this?
Reasons Not to Like/Date Regulus Black 1.) Most selfish person you could ever meet. 2.) In everything he does or says he’s manipulating you. 3.) He uses people – always. 4.) Best liar on the planet; you’ll believe his deceptions. - - - Don’t think you’re the exception and “will know” if he lies. 5.) No one is exempt from his smile. - - - Don’t give him a chance to use it. 6.) Doesn’t exactly hang out with the best crowd. 7.) Those he does hang out with are just as rotten as he is. 8.) Incapable of returning any real feelings. 9.) Very, very shallow. 10.) Puppeteer to the human mind. 11.) Challenges you mentally. - - - And resorts to violence if that won’t work. 12.) Highly insecure of himself; takes it out on others. 13.) Quick to assumptions and super competitive. 14.) He’s “your friend” only as long as he sees it fit. - - - A.K.A. until you’re of no more use to him. 15.) He’s not even nice to his own brother. - - - You think he’ll be nice to you? 16.) Have you ever heard of an ex-girlfriend that still likes him? - - - And has some self esteem and respect, not just the sluts? 17.) He’s really cute – until he betrays you. 18.) Egotistical and insists to his pawns he needs compliments. 19.) Something goes wrong? It’s never his fault. 20.) And just in case you missed it: his favorite person is himself. - - - Threaten his favorite person and there will be retributions.
All that and she still likes the guy. Was I really that dense? Frankly I’m astounded I’m still alive. Had I been someone else, talking to me, I probably would have hexed them into next week. Honestly, looking back on everything… Well, I was pretty stupid too. I guess I sort of miss him but not exactly. I miss what I thought we were, more accurately. And I’m upset I can’t seem to change it. Hate is such a strong word, and definitely a misguided one… But I couldn’t ever be friends with him again even if I tried. Why doesn’t Bella the Evangeline girl
Alright, she’s going to be known as B.E. because writing “Bella” makes me sound like I’m talking in third person which is just awkward.
Why doesn’t B.E. see that Regulus is meant for breaking hearts? I’m sure he’ll make some equally backstabbing girl very happy one day, but him and B.E.? Yeah right.
On an interesting note, I found out some startling information news to day. But first I finally talked to Noah again! I have to say, I’ve missed having him around but then he goes ahead and drops a bomb on me. Metaphorically speaking. I didn’t really like that Clara chick, but he’s “dating but not dating” Aceline Perezz, of all people! What is wrong with that boy? He claims he knows what he’s doing but…UGH.
Completely different conversation, I met this kid named Collin. I don’t think we ever exchanged last names…or we did and I just don’t remember. Anyways, he’s a really shy person. Little too shy for my tastes. But he’s super nice, so we got along alright.
And lastly, in the string of my bad habit, I talked with Harper. She still blames herself with this Rabastan thing. I can’t believe her. She needs to accept it’s his stupid fault. She didn’t do anything wrong. Then again I just sort of hate Rabbit, so…
And there you have it, a summary of my lack of concentration this week. Lovely, right?
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Post by bella on Sept 24, 2008 19:02:38 GMT -5
I think it’s time for a revised list here:
The Big Secret “Clues” 1. Wants to tell me, can’t 2. Madam Pomfrey knows about it (maybe) definitely 3. He doesn’t let anyone know, not just me anyone know besides James, Sirius, and Peter 4. His temperature might have something to do with it, not sure - - - still need to look that one up 5. It’s “safer” if I don’t know He thinks it’s safer if I don’t know 6. His nickname is Moony 7. James = (unknown), Sirius & Peter = Padfoot & Wormtail - - - except I don’t know who is who 8. The Whomping Willow is hallow 9. The W.W. tries to kill people for a reason 10. The W.W. is a “bodyguard” 11. The W.W. leads to the Shrieking Shack 12. You can tease Remus about a “collar and a leash” 13. Remus is only “scary” when “something” happens to him 14. “Something” happens regularly 15. James is amazed I haven’t “ran away screaming” yet 16. Remus worries “something” could hurt me, or us 17. Professor Dumbledore probably knows about “something” too
And surely, I can’t forget to mention the most important “clue” I have confirmed 100% true:
HE’S A FREAK’IN WEREWOLF!!!
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!
I. AM. DATING. A. WEREWOLF.
?!
He’s a werewolf. That is what Remus wouldn’t tell me. How dare he not tell me something as important as this? I think I have a right to know I’m dating an ani He’s such a little Ugh, why would he not Can he really not tr THIS IS NOT FAIR. Duh he wouldn’t want to go blabbing to the world that every full moon he runs off into the Shack and starts tearing things apart with his teeth and claws but –
This is stupid. This is one of the
Forget it. I’m going for a walk.
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Post by bella on Sept 24, 2008 22:25:07 GMT -5
Love may not make the world go round,
I’ve thought a lot about this, and I’ve come to one sure fact out of all of it:
Remus Lupin is my boyfriend and a werewolf, but I love him anyways.
He can just go ahead and take that how he wants. Not that I’m going to tell him I know anything. He might just kill me if he knew I knew. If he found out and if I were stubborn about the whole thing, which I don’t think I can help, I might just provoke him enough into murder. I guess he’s capable of it, right?
Let me just take a quick sec to jot this down:
Self-loathing is possible.
When I initially found out about this, I was most angry with Remus for not telling me. I think I have a right to know about it. However, now that I’ve…come to terms with the idea, I’ve gained a bit of acceptance. With acceptance, came impatience with myself because through admitting Remus really is a werewolf, that’s all I can see him as now. I keep picturing him as a dog. Which is stupid. And I hate it. Remus does not have furry ears nor does he have a wagging tail. He doesn’t even turn into a dog! No, no, that’s someone else. I’m not sure which, though.
“Moony” has a direct coloration to Remus’ little condition, for obvious reasons. I think the others ones do, too. “Padfoot” has to mean something with a padded foot, doesn’t it? So I’ve narrowed it down to either a cat or a dog. There’s the most common animal with pads on their feet. It’s freaky to try and picture Sirius turning into a little cat. Or Peter. “Wormtail” I’m still working on. I mean, there are rodents and stuff…but that’s gross. Who would want to turn into one? Don’t get me wrong, Mipsy is great and all but… Being a rat? Ew. Ugh, and to think one of them is one! I think I’d take the cat. Oh, but I guess Mipsy might be a little offended. Oh my God why am I even talking about that?
Worst thing (okay maybe not worst, but up there in the list of Worsts) is that I had to find all this out from James. Why couldn’t Remus tell me? I had to trick James into telling me. I guess I’m an exceptionally good guesser and my lying skills are getting better. Not that that’s anything to boast about. I hate myself for continually picturing myself hugging a little puppy and I hate that my lying streak is getting longer. I guess it’s a good thing I haven’t seen Ethan in a while…no doubt I’d spill my guts right on the spot. He’d come up, say hi, and suddenly “Oh Ethan, I lied! Lied, lied, lied! And guess what? One of your housemates it a werewolf! Isn’t that great? Oh, oh, and I forget the best part! Three more of them are Animagus’!” Yeah. That would go over nicely. I guess I should start avoiding him. Sad, ‘cause he’s a good guy. Good friend. Hmm. Maybe I’ve got an unnatural talent for keeping secrets, too. Trickery, lying, secrets. It all sort of goes hand in hand.
This is horrible.
When did I become so – not good? I hardly ever do more then minimal requirements on assignments there days, I stay up late (which I really should be sleeping… WHOA. News flash: it’s almost two a.m.), pass notes in class, play pranks, get detentions…
Oh, yeah, I got my first detention today. I guess that’s something to note in here. It was like the icing on my spoiled cake. I didn’t even mention how this all started, either…huh. I guess finding out you’re dating a werewolf can sort of distract you from writing things down in chronological order, huh? And now I’m talking to paper again. Great. How this all started was that note James’ passed me earlier this week. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d go through with his prank, whatever it was. Now I’ve got no idea where he got them, but James came along with this giant box of Christmas tree ornaments that sparkle like you wouldn’t believe, and you can charm them into displaying phrases. We spend forever decorating the Whomping Willow. I nearly lost my head a few times, trying to levitate little balls up onto the branches. It was so worth it though, especially our message to the school: “Regulus Black smokes crack.” Let everyone rumor about that one for a while. I hope it irritates him. Even just a little bit. Anyways, as fate would have it we got caught as we admired our beautiful masterpiece. Stupid Herbo came out and snagged us. Got detention out of it, which is where this whole “werewolf” thing comes into play. I don’t remember how we started talking about Remus… I was more concerned with other things, as you could imagine. We talked – well, I guessed and James talked like I knew everything he knew – and then…
Yeah, James’ turns into a stag. (He got mad when I blurted out he was “such a pretty horse.”) I donno, I guess “stag” is more manly then “horse” is. Whatever. I don’t care about fueling a male’s ego. Goodness knows most of them have too big of ones already. James is alright though; I can see why Remus and him are good friends. In some ways. Then I think about it long enough and I don’t see any similarities at all. Either way they’re still best friends. And I, the girlfriend. Remus doesn’t know we decorated his little hide out yet. I don’t think, anyways. I haven’t seen him since detention. I’m not sure I want too. What if I start treating him like a dog? How do I explain that? Ew, ugh. That is just so wrong. Remus is not a freak’in dog. Which doesn’t help my case much. “I’m worst,” he’ll say, “I would love to tell you I turn into a cute puppy for you to play fetch with, but I don’t, Bella.” And then he’ll do that thing with his eyes, and make me look at him. I won’t want to. “I don’t. I’m dangerous, Bella, please grasp that.” I’d bet a million dollars that is exactly what would happen. After he screams at me for breaking my promise and sticking my nose into places it shouldn’t be, according to him. I’m scared to talk to him again, because I know he’ll know something’s wrong. I can’t lie to him, despite how miraculous my abilities have come along. He just knows. Like I know he’s been hiding his blasted secret from me. And you know, now that I know this should just make things easier right? Yeah, I wish. He’s going to be difficult. If he finds out. And he probably will.
It really is too much to ask for me to just have a normal relationship with somebody, isn’t it? Someone up there is convinced I don’t deserve to have a normal, happy love life. There always has to be something. Family problems, betrayal, werewolves. What’s next? Maybe I should go date a banshee. Couldn’t get worst then that. Which means it could only go up from there. I could just give up everything, and go find somebody else.
Too bad I’m already in too deep.
I couldn’t leave Remus, not when he needs me the most.
I mean, so what if he’s a werewolf? He’s my werewolf.
But I admit it makes the ride worthwhile. – Sean Connery
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Post by bella on Sept 24, 2008 22:57:22 GMT -5
Well, I did some research. I’m a horrible person. Because could I go head to the library during some free time? No, I skipped potions today so I could go read up on werewolves and Animagus’. My only pathetic excuse was that I should probably know as much as I can before I see Remus again. I want to make sure I have everything straight. Not that you can always trust text books, as much as I’d like to think so. I did find this one though, actually written by a werewolf. It was quite fascinating. The guy was sort of weird – like a hybrid between reformist and physiologist – but I guess I can’t blame him for being a little off in the head. I would be too if I’d been bitten like that. Poor guy had just taken his date home and was walking back to his house. He hears this rustle, whips around just in time to see this huge beast hurling at him. I literally got queasy reading it. Sad, I know. But he was…quite graphic. His sob story isn’t my point though; he actually knew what he was writing about, so it was good to look over. I know more then I did last night, at any rate. It does make me wonder what Remus was doing when he…got bit. (That is still awkward to think about.) And who it was, for that matter. Like always, I found more answers but they’re imbalanced by the questions by far. Not like I didn’t expect that.
I found a couple books on Animagus’, too, but it was limited. Apparently Hogwarts frowns upon teaching the basics behind the talent. I see why, it’s not like you’d want every student trying to turn into an animal every day. But it was irritating to say in the least. There wasn’t a whole lot of information. I did find out that you can’t pick what animal you change into though. It just happens. You have no say in what you become. It’s based off your personality and character. Morals and stuff like that. That said, I’m not sure why James’ is a horse stag. I guess Lily’s sorta comparable to a doe though, so…
Ha ha ha, they can have cute little fawns together.
I really need to ditch this new morbid sense of humor.
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Post by bella on Sept 25, 2008 20:40:11 GMT -5
Could I be any more of an idiot? I flipped out today. I couldn’t help it. I’m mad, okay? I’ve accepted this werewolf thing, but that does not mean I need to be forgiving. Really there isn’t a need to be, anyways. Remus hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s not like he chose to be bitten. No one chooses that sort of thing. I don’t blame him for being one I’m just upset he never told me. And when I actually think about my reasoning for it, I feel even worst. I shouldn’t be mad at him for keeping a secret. I probably wouldn’t tell anyone, either. There are a lot of stereotypes that go along with it, and I’m sure people would die if they knew their kid shared a class with a werewolf. No one would care if you just said Reus Lupin. But if you say werewolf they’d freak. So it makes sense he wouldn’t tell me. Only three other people know for crying out loud! Alright five, if you count Professor Dumbledore and Madam Promfrey. You wouldn’t tell anyone that didn’t need to know. Arguably James, Sirius, and Peter didn’t need to know. Being Animagus’ does not give you instant privileges to be in the know. It’s not like a stag would be in the same room with him. Remus could tear James James can be stupid sometimes but he isn’t that stupid. I’ll leave it at that.
I, too, can be pretty stupid I’m finding out. Everyone makes mistakes but I think I make some of the worst. I actually walked out on Remus today. Not like, break up or anything, but I was…scared, almost, just to be in the same room with him. I can’t fool him. He knows something’s wrong. Especially after my little explosion today. I don’t just get mad for no reason. I always have a reason for being upset, even if sometimes it isn’t very justifiable. I still have a reason. I couldn’t just not show up, though. We met in the Owlery. And there goes the un-chronological order of things again. I really need to think before I write things down. Or says thing, while I’m at it. I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut. All I had to do was convince Remus I was completely find for five minutes – how hard could that be? Hard enough for me to fail, apparently. Ridiculous. He is not just some werewolf. He’s my boyfriend. I shouldn’t be nervous about standing next to him. And really, I’m not…I…
I’m nervous about standing next to – yeah, “the werewolf.”
Sometimes it feel like I think of him as two different people: there’s the Remus I know, and the Remus that changes into a wolf every full moon. Like they can’t co-exist. Which is true, to some point, because werewolves have no conscious, human thought when they’re transformed. (I learned that yesterday.) But that doesn’t mean Remus is literally two people. He’s just one. With…a serious mood swing regularly. He can’t do anything about that – you can’t just decide you won’t transform one night. It just happens. I think it’s really great Remus takes such precautions actually. He cares. It’s so completely like him, too. And that’s why he’d picture himself a monster… I think that’s the biggest difference between him and I about this. I just think of him as Remus, full time boyfriend, part time werewolf. He thinks (according to James) as full time monster. He doesn’t realize he’s more human then half the guys at this school. They’re pigs, and inconsiderate, and have the biggest egos ever. Remus just focuses on…Remus. He tries to be good, and decent, and heartfelt. Maybe he thinks he’s failing. I don’t know. I just wish he could see what I see in him. He may be a werewolf, but he is still Remus. He is not two people, despite my own arguments over that. He isn’t just “the werewolf” either. I admit it’s a part of him, but it isn’t him.
Really, how does he not see that?
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Post by bella on Sept 26, 2008 15:58:40 GMT -5
That’s the Remus I know. Definitely not a “monster.” He has a freaky way of exerting patience with me even when I don’t deserve it and he cares about me enough to know he should leave me alone right now even if it hurts him, too; he understands me.
Sometimes a little too much.
I almost cried when I read that. (Proud to say almost, thank you.) I was just up in my dorm. I didn’t want to go downstairs. Everyone else was down there and I’m just the tiniest bit unsociable right now, alright? Irritable, mostly. You could imagine how pissed off I was when something kept hitting the window. (I don’t know why some people think it’s funny to annoy others by casting strange objects up at random windows.) I was so ready to hurl something down at whoever it was, but turns out it was Remus’ owl. I don’t know what he told her, but she was not going to leave until I opened the window. And when I did, I got that and a retreating owl. Just figures he’d go about doing something that would make me feel horrible and comforted at the same time. I guess it’s better then having him angry with me. Makes me go insane though. Where does he get this unending amount of patience from? Or maybe I just have very little. But hey, happy thoughts right?
Whatever. I’m going to sleep. Being physically and emotionally spent can really make a bed look amazing. [/blockquote] graphics credit to abbie
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Post by bella on Sept 26, 2008 15:58:53 GMT -5
As a break from all the craziness, I talked (“note passed”) with this girl named Astrid. She’s in Hufflepuff, too, but we’ve never actually touched face. I just sort of know of her. We’re kinda friends now I suppose. She’s nice enough, so I don’t have a reason to dislike her at any rate. And I’ve offered to help her find a date. I know a few available, cute men after all. And some not-so-available. Would it be horrible of me to suggest her to Noah? He needs to get over Aceline. I still can’t believe he’s dating her. Ew. A nice Hufflepuff would do him good. I considered Ethan too, just so he’d stop thinking about Indigo but I think that’s a lost cause. Those two are destined to continually wreck havoc in one another’s lives. Much like Regulus and I. That’s just complicated. Speaking of which, I haven’t talked to him yet… I really should though, so I can kick him and get over with it. It’ll make me feel better. I should set Remus on him. Oh wait, that’s right: we’re not talking. Ugh. As far as fights go, this has to be one of the least bearable. What makes it worst is that this whole silence treatment thingy is my fault. I’m the one staying away from him, not the other way around. But I don’t want to go talk to him. If I go talk to him, I’ll blurt out something else that’s hurtful, or I’ll just breakdown and admit I know what he is. And that wouldn’t be good because I’d start up on my little “you should have to me” speech. He doesn’t need to hear it. It’s awful. I’m reserving that one for myself. Still, I wish I could go talk with him. Without worrying about all of this. I miss him and it’s only been one day. Guess that says something, though. Werewolf or not, he’s still my boyfriend. And I still love him.
I Love Remus Lupin.
I don’t need anything more then that, and nothing can change it. He needs to realize that.
Maybe then the inevitable won’t hurt so much. Patient or not, this one’ll make even the calmest pour over.
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