Liabilities

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 27

[ Make sure you hide the knife

I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Saturdays are overrated. Highly. Especially when Hogsmeade weekends are cancelled for some measly blizzard and you're holed up in a drafty castle with nothing to do, and boyfriend nowhere in sight. So what do I end up doing? Going to the library, of course.

And I know that wouldn't be my normal plan of action, but I can't say that I'm not glad I went there. Otherwise, Evans--or Lily now, I guess--wouldn't have accosted me to tell me that I 'have nothing to worry about'. Whatever the heck possessed her to approach me, I wonder. But it doesn't matter, because her words comforted me in this odd manner. Of course, I skipped the part of me being a jealous hag and jumping to the supposedly 'obvious' conclusion as to why Evans would be looking for me with a guilty as hell expression on her face. I'll admit it, I made a small scene at the library as I dragged her to the back bookshelf and let out a small rant of mine, where I basically accused her of being a man-stealer. It's a good thing she's such a goody two shoes, otherwise I would've received a well-deserved bitch slap.

Can you blame me for being suspicious, though? Even if her intentions were crystal pure, I have to admit that I consider her a huge rival. And when I say huge, I mean world-sized huge. She's...she's James' ideal girl, and what am I? The school whore, apparently. Because Sirius made that clear. How can I ever compare? She's redhead and Head Girl. Not to mention she's got these pair of gorgeous green eyes and she's got a decent body. I won't say absolutely hot, because I leave that assessment to the johns. She's nice to all the people, and she's popular. And and a Gryffindor to boot.

Oh, and let's not mention James' infallible crush on her for the last what...all-his-life-kinda years?

Yeah, that too.

Oh Merlin, kill me now.

I mean it.

Not only am I a horrible girlfriend for doubting him, but I'm...nothing.

Ugh!

And a redhead skank is the one who's got me thinking this! And please understand that insulting her is the only way to make me feel better about myself, because all I hear these days is how I'm such a 'rebound' from Lily it should be obvious. And that they're meant to be together, not James and I. We're just a mistake, apparently. Because I'm sooo into Sirius I needed someone to make him jealous with. And James was the first option that crossed my way.

Please.

First off, why would I want to make Sirius jealous? The git's on my hate mail list now. Second, if I wanted to make him jealous, I'm not so callous as to pick his best mate, even if I do have to agree it would be a brilliant move. Nonetheless, I wouldn't do it. I'd just pick one of his rivales. Like Ludo for example. But that specific git is no longer on my map either. And third...it's not true! I like James. I l-i-k-e James. More than I ever liked Sirius, Ludo and or Ethan put together. And I do realize that's really a shitload of emotion to feel for one single one guy and...ok, I'm getting scared. Change of topic. How about going back to Lily? Yeah, that was safer territory. Because apparently, I'm doomed to a life of insecurity for as long as I'm dating James.

Ugh. What am I going to do?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 28

[ Don't look so blue

I was flipping through the pages of this thing, and I came across my list of things I should do before I died. After laughing so hard my sides hurt, I decided it was high time I updated that. Because honestly, some things in there aren't even important anymore. So here we go. List of things Marlene Sophia McKinnon has to do before she dies take two:

• Go Muggle skydiving
  
• Meet The Weird Sisters
  
• Live as a Muggle for a day
  
• Change wands with someone
  
• Snog a Hufflepuff and/or Slytherin

Done both and then some more, dear. Hard time picking favorites, though. Amory's cute and innocent and hesitant and so sweet. Rab's just plain hot.

• Read someone else's diary

Ethan's life is so boring.

• Be semi-decent at potions

Utter waste of my time.

• Actually read a textbook

So not worth it.

• Fall in love

James Potter for the win? We'll see.

• Make Ethan understand just how much I hate him

Not gonna happen. That guy is thick. And not so bad.

• Become a vegetarian
  
• Own a dragon

Was I high when I wrote this?

• Make it to the cover of Witch Weekly
  
• Talk to Lucius Malfoy
  
• Discover new Glamours

Useful thing for scars I uncovered, yes I did.

• Fashion design (aka beat Madam Malkin's)
  
• Steal someone's wand
  
• Do something illegal
  
• Get roaring drunk

Shagging Jagger is not one of my fondest memories.

• Play Strip Poker (Muggle game)

Could be one of my suggestions for le boyfriend.

• Marry(?)

Still not happening.

Newest Additions:

• Stay away from Amory Socrates Kerr (lead me not into temptation and all that shite)
  
• Kill Sirius Black.
  
• and then his girlfriend.
  
• Spread nasty, nasty rumors about Evans. That lying witch deserves it, anyway.
  
• Enjoy the moment.
  
• Smoke. (Just because it looks hot on some people. And btw, Jagger was not one of them.)
  
• Karaoke night, whoo!
  
• Tell James I love him
  
• Make an appearance Glamourless.
  
• Love my mole.

And...I seriously think that's it.

Wow, what a sad life I lead.

But then again, I have James.

All is fine in the world.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 29

[ What if I say I'm not like the others?

I think I might love him. So, a couple of weeks into our relationship, and an incredibly dramatic-romantic-incredible-brilliant scene takes place in the middle of Arithmancy. As you know, the other day I was feeling kinda guilty for doubting James, and my plan was to go looking for him and just get it out already, all the while keeping mum about my meeting with Evans. But, the git always has plans with the 'Marauders', which sadly, still include douchebag Sirius. So there was no way I was going to approach him while he was still with that dork, so I waited it out until the best opportunity. Which turned out to be today. And me, being a wuss, opted for a note.

Bad idea.

Partly, at least.

Finding out through parchment that Lily freaking Evans is in love with your boyfriend and that she told said boyfriend is not recommended.

I'm not proud of the next part, but I scrambled out of the classroom to go and throw up.

Like I said, not proud. But what did you expect? The girl of his dreams confessed her undying love to him. I was not going to sit coolly there and wait for him to break up with me. Oh no. I could almost feel it coming. So what do I do? Act all benevolent and nice. I know, what the hell?! Believe me, I was surprised too. Then again, that only shows how much I've come to care about him during our stint as a couple. I don't know what he has, or just...gah. Never mind, I'm not stepping into that territory again. Anyway, I told him that if Lily was what he wanted, he could go for it. Fine by me.

Because I'm stupid like that.

But he surprised me in the sweetest of ways, and oh Merlin, I'm such a goner for him. He told me he's falling in love with me in front of a classroom still full of students. If that's not enough, then hell, nothing is anymore.

By the way, I got a detention for that.

Who cares, though?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 30

[ Your face arrives again.

Way to go Amory. You sure do know how to make a girl feel loved. Calling them 'garden variety sluts' sure endears you to them. Sadly, though, I can't say I blame him. I did start dating James a couple of days after we had hooked up. But what did he expect? For me to sit around, waiting for some fifth year Hufflepuff to gather his wits and courage around him? Yes, it does bother me, our age difference. I'm back to that. Talking to him--or more like writing--only made me even more sure of it. I don't like the age difference, no matter how 'mature' he claims to be. People wouldn't see it that way, simple as that. Besides, I have to admit that when I took the guy to my dorm, I wasn't really thinking beyond the then and there. I didn't stop to consider if there would be 'dating' involved after it was done. It just happens. Things like that happen all the time, so why should this be any different? But no, of course, this is Amory, and him being so Amory, he suddenly decides to find his spine and confess that he's falling for me. I know, I thought the very same thing:

What the hell?

Too late, matey. James beat you to the punch, and let's just say you can't blame a girl for being happier about that revelation when it comes from her boyfriend and not her one-night stand. And it wasn't even at night. It was midday. And I skipped Potions, and him CoMC. Of course, me remembering silly details like that means absolutely nothing. Yes, I'd wanted him for a really long time, but I'm seriously starting to believe it had to do with the whole 'coveting what's not yours' thingy. With Vas out of the picture, it makes no sense anymore. Although he just had to be so darn sweet about it. Shame, though. I'm busy with someone else, and hopefully will be for a long time, sweetie.

Yay James. ♥

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 31

[ Are you ready for T H I S ?

What is wrong with the people in this world?

Wait, let me rephrase that.

What is wrong with the wizards of this world?

Yeah, a tad more accurate now.

Of one thing I'm positive, though: Sweet Cheeks is going to drive me insane one of these days.

...should I tell James?

Wait, no, I'm not.

What could he do, anyway? He's...anonymous. Besides, I don't want any conflict coming up out of this. It makes no sense. I mean, I'm just passing silly notes with one random guy who happens to be pretty funny, and charming and...yeah. What's the big deal? I mean, sure, said guy just told me he wants me and it shot tingles all over my body, but so what? I've got an absolutely great boyfriend right now, thanks. I'm not...I was about to say the 'cheating kind', but that'd be kinda hypocritical of me. But whatever. I'm done with this.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 32

[ I'm not bitter

And now he's got a girlfriend.

How very typically male.

Why am I not surprised?

Then again, it was only a matter of time before it happened. Things like that always do. Besides, things with James couldn't be better. Honestly. Aside from the fact that I still want to murder his best friend, we're getting along just perfectly.

So goodbye depression.

Hello, Potter Era.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 33

[ But I've seen better days

Okay, so I probably should stop sending notes to this guy, but honestly. That class is always boring at best, and besides...I just didn't want to leave things the way they'd been last time we'd talked. Supposedly we parted in good terms, but my bitchiness las time really was not excused nor justified. Like, at all. So the guy has a girlfriend. Big frigging deal. It's not the end of the world. I don't even know the dude. So, I just took a deep breath and tried to make ammends.

Except they didn't turn out so well either.

Eh, he'll survive.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 34

[ What you signed up for

I've been trying to ignore it, but I have no reason to anymore. I can finally embrace the Valentine's Dance with open arms. Because guess what? I have a date. With, guess who? Psht, right, as if you didn't see that one coming. But let me tell you, I doubted it myself at some point. We don't have that much time together, you know? Although...how long has it been? Merlin, I've got to get better at remembering dates. Scatter-brained is so not a good adjective for me. Anyway, point is, detention was today, and I took my sweet time arriving, because..come on. One has to look good for le boyfriend, oui? Especially because it's James. He's worth it. Got there, found the Prof knocked out and...well, let's just say the kid has his surprises well-planned. So, him & me, together at the dance.

Suck on it, Evans.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 35

[ You can't come back to me

What is it with wizards and couples, eh? Seriously. First Sweet Cheeks, and now Bagman's dating Khai frigging Statton? If that's not idiotic, then I don't know what is. And highly insulting. At least to my persona. Going back to the chick he dumped me for? So not cool. Then again, this is Ludo. He's got no class whatsoever. I can't believe I was so into him in the past. Lame. Fortunately, I have been cured of this disease.

Quite thoroughly, may I add.

Anyway, I just had to confront him about it. And it wasn't...nice. I mean, it was fun for a while, aside from the fact that I always had in mind who he was dating--but then we started arguing (like always) and things just went downhill from there. We can't have decent conversations anymore. It's insane. Although I do remember he did ask for one dance, but, I don't know if I'll be up for it after this. I mean, who would be? The git isn't worth even that. I'm just...so tired of this vicious cycle. I shouldn't have sent that note in the first place.

But what can I say?

Compulsive old me.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 36

[ She fucking hates me

Girl's got guts. At least. She doesn't have the guy, so she just chose what was next. The guts. Shame it doesn't get her anything from me. It just means I have more fun doing what I do best. Oh well, at least now I'm more convinced than ever that she and Bagman screwed around. There's no other reason for their friendship to have stopped all of a sudden. Honestly. I'm not five years old, even if I'm petulant enough to be. Blegh.

Three days left for Valentine's.

And I've got nothing to wear.

Fabulous.

I shall now proceed to go shopping with Daddy's beloved vault key in hand.

Au revoir!

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 37

[ Such a beautiful surrender

I am dead on my feet And I probably look it too. I forgot to refresh my Glamours for the last couple of hours, so maybe that's why I received weird looks when I arrived back here. Ugh. Well, they can mull over that while I gloat over my absolutely fabulous dress. In my very expert, and yet very humble opinion: it's PERFECT. I stared at my reflection for hours, I swear. Not to mention I got it at a totally reasonable price. I mean, what's a hundred galleons when you know that you'll knock everyone off their feet when they see you in it? Psht.

Besides, Daddy said I could do whatever I wanted.

And who am I to deny him the joys of seeing his only girl happy?

Well, more like thrilled/ecstatic/inlove, etc. etc.

But I'm pretty sure he'll get the drift once I send him his weekly owl. He's made me happier than usual.

And probably James too.

Bah. I'm so ready for Valentine's, it's not funny. Evans will die green of envy, Sirius will eat his words when he sees just how into his best friend I am, and James...well, hopefully he still likes me for who I am. Although I must admit I wouldn't blame him for liking me for how I look. Not after he sees me in this. Can't Valentine's just be here already?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 38

[ I just want you to feel beautiful

I'm in love.

And there's nothing anyone who can change the fact that I'm head over heels for one James Potter, and that he loves me too.

HE LOVES ME.

And he just felt compelled to yell that at the top of his lungs right after giving me a freaking diamond bracelet. I love him. I love him. Catch my drift? I love him. And Merlin, I'm such a sap, but I don't particularly care, alright? I'm the queen of the world--bah! Of his world right now. Who's Lily Evans? Who's Ludo Bagman? I'll tell you: nobodies. They're...they're so out of the picture I'm not sure they even existed to begin with. Merlin, I should just postpone writing to soak in the aftermath of all of this. Details later.

Maybe.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 39

[ I'm gonna work on you

Reminiscing is definitely one of my fortes. I was just thinking the other day, about how all the other guys can't compare to James right now. At least in the 'how he makes me feel' level. Then, I of course started pulling names out of my head, just for old times' sake, and I almost died when I realized that I had all but forgotten about an old pal of mine: Rabastan Lestrange. Of course, right now I don't know what his sentimental status is, and I couldn't care less, but man, did we have good moments. Thinking about that, only made me remember that first time we met.

There's no doubt in my mind that new relationships or flings have a chemistry that no old couple can surpass. It's the thrill of the unknown. Territory not yet conquered, to put it cheesily. And well, Rabastan was definitely no disappointment. He's the absolute epitome of what I'm attracted to in a guy. So it's not surprising, if you think about it, that I gravitated towards him.

Fun times.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 40

[ Hey girl, you've got a short fuse

So Alecto and I used to be friends. Good ones at that. At least as much as our different Houses permitted. But see, I have this theory. My theory pretty much revolves around the fact that men will be the downfall of all women's relationships. And so far? So good. They've been working so hard on proving me right, cute thems. Except I'm not so sure 'men' would be the adequate term for Sirius Black. But that's another story, isn't it? You might wonder what caused this brancing of my thoughts? Well, I'll tell you. I just had a small run-in with Alecto. And wasn't she a doll?

She just couldn't hold back her need to burst into admirable words upon my presence.

Aka, we traded insults. Then, I don't know what happened, but she decided our interaction wasn't good enough for her, or whatnot, but she turned on her heel and left. Not that I blame her, of course. She definitely knows who would come out the victor if worse came to worst and we ended on blows. But whatever. I'm pretty sure she just didn't want to give me anymore ammunition to use against her with her beloved little boyfriend.

Who, speaking of which, should stop hanging around my boyfriend so much. I need time with him that does not involve his little cronies hanging on his every word. Mkay? Good.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 41

[ And it don't mean a thing

So apparently this dork thinks he has some kind of dumb right to tell me what's obvious and what's not. What's wrong, and what's right. What he thinks and what he knows. Since when, I ask you, have I cared for what this huge idiot has to say?

...okay, so maybe I have cared a little bit in the past, but that was that! And the now is totally different. I don't agree with him. Like. I'm so over Bagman, it's not even funny. I'm totally into James, and I love him. And he loves me (which is still exciting, by the way). I don't even know what was going through his mind when he scheduled us to meet at the Pitch. Like, hello? Do I look like the kind of girl that goes there willingly on a daily basis? People get lucky when I show up for an actual match. If he thinks I'm going, he's totally in for a surprise.

Because I'm not.