Liabilities

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 1

[ You can tell us that it isn't serious.

I don't have any excuses for this. I have chosen to start a diary, sue me. Unlike some of the sneaky Slytherins I've come to love, I'm not paranoid of who could read this. My life is completely shallow, and I have no trouble admitting it. I don't pretend to be a six dimensional character, because I find that rather unproductive. Nobody ever pays attention long enough to unearth all your 'hidden layers to your personality'. That, in my humble opinion, is rather futile and just plain stupid. Wishful thinking. To sit around, waiting for someone to discover that underneath it all, you're a treasure? I'm sorry to break it to you like this, life doesn't work that way. People want you based on their physical first impression. If they like what they see, they will stick around. If they don't, well you can say bye-bye to your insipid hopes for a deeper meaning. I feel it is my obligation to spread this knowledge to anyone who will hear. I understand I will be judged by this, and I accept it. Many people will resist the truth, but in the end, others will prove how right I am, simply by putting my statements into action. And I will be there, watching and smirking.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 2


THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

[ And you can tell us that you'll do it right.

• Go Muggle skydiving
  
• Meet The Weird Sisters
  
• Live as a Muggle for a day
  
• Change wands with someone
  
• Snog a Hufflepuff and/or Slytherin
  
• Read someone else's diary
  
• Be semi-decent at potions
  
• Actually read a textbook
  
• Fall in love
  
• Make Ethan understand just how much I hate him
  
• Become a vegetarian
  
• Own a dragon
  
• Make it to the cover of Witch Weekly
  
  TBC

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 2 cont.

[ You can tell us that you've got it all worked out.

• Talk to Lucius Malfoy
  
• Discover new Glamours
  
• Fashion design (aka beat Madam Malkin's)
  
• Steal someone's wand
  
• Do something illegal
  
• Get roaring drunk
  
• Play Strip Poker (Muggle game)
  
• Marry(?)

Why do girls set such stores on marrying, anyway? It wasn't as if anything lasted forever. Au contraire, mon ami, nothing lasts forever. And the things you enjoy? They have a shorter life span. Almost as if they knew how much you liked them and were trying to evade you, simply because no matter what you do, you will never deserve joy? My, my, aren't I profound today?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 3

[ You can tell us that it's all for us.

Yes, it has been ascertained. Indigo has issues. I don't care if they're justified, and yes, I've known about her personality since forever, it's just that in this specific case, we're not talking about anything personality related.

How is it possible for her not to notice? It's obvious for everyone else except her. How can she be so thoroughly lost? And people think I'm frustrating? Bloody hell, hex me and call me Lucy. She's got two potentially brilliant partners, and she's blowing a fuse! Pardon the Muggle term, but I find no other way of describing her so-called predicament. And no matter how much I belittle Ethan, the fact remains that he's a bloody good Dueller and an excellent Beater. He's a Gryffindor, has good ancestry & all the blah. And Regulus? Well, we all know there's nothing wrong with him. Just because he's a Slytherin, I don't think that poses any trouble. Much less for Indigo. She knows how to take care of herself. At least I'm sure of that much. She'll have to make up her mind soon, or there will be hexes fired soon enough.

Not pretty.

On a more cheerful note, though, the Holidays are coming up, and I believe there's something I have to attend with someone somewhere. Possible candidates?

None whatsoever.

Don't let anyone get wind of that, because, that, by itself, is quite depressing. No need for other people to be jeering in my face, thank you very much. We must remedy this soon. Or else, I shall be flying solo. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Used correctly, it can serve to enhance your status. It can also be your downfall. No! I am not being drastic. Just realistic in this teenage world. "Oh, drama, drama, drama."

Save me?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 4

[ But we know you're lying through your teeth.

All right, I will admit it. I was ready for it to be the end of everything. I was looking great, but I was dateless, while people like Bella Swan had brilliant dates. Don't take me wrong, I mean, Isabella Swan's a good girl, I'm sure. She's nice, and sweet, and definitely everything I'm not. So why did she have a date, and I didn't? I would like, for once, if the riddles of life were answered, because Merlin, I hate not understanding. Of course, seeing as how she's dating Drew, it would be stupid of me to expect anything less from my Huffie friend. Whatever. I have to get it out of my system before I implode. Whoa, big words, much? I'd made up my mind. There was no reason for me to not go to the much awaited Ball of the year merely because I have a severe case of single-ness. I've been handling the status for half a year now (has it really been that long??), so why should another night affect me? See, I was thinking positively when I walked in the Great Hall, with my head held high and my impeccable dress. And then I just have to see everyone so lovey dovey, it made me want to vomit. Or just go and snag someone else's date. I was about to, when I spotted Vas. Who, surprisingly, was also going stag. Talk about reliefs? After all, if she talks about it, then I talk, so it was an unspoken agreement, I'm sure of that. Yule was sure to be a lame event, if the night had kept up. Bella Evangeline and Annie showed up (Which, by the way, who died and made her my friend? She is so over now that Cissa and I are friends.) and we were just a bunch of pathetic single girls until Leon showed up. That's right. Leon Schwartz, Vas' brother who turned out to be the brightening of my evening.

We danced all night, and Vas pretty much ignored. I think that's the reason we haven't talked much since then. I mean, having your brother show up and shower your friend with attention instead of you? Definitely ego-deflating. But hey! In my defense, I've got to say he was the one who made the move on me. If she can't get that through her petty head, it's not my fault. She's only a fourth year Raven after all. What does she know?

So an unpromising evening turned out to be not so disappointing after all, and I got to see Leon again (who, may I add, I find him to be quite the catch). Bad Yule? Suck it up.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 5

[ You can tell us that it's for security.

So guess who I have a non-official date with? Who would've guessed that after this particularly dry spell, Ludovic Bagman would gather his wits and finally do something right. Three Broomsticks it is, for both of us. Though perhaps me telling him that we would be arriving together wasn't such a good idea after all. I need my time to prepare. I shall cancel that and tell him we'll meet there instead.

Oh yes, who cares about girlfriends anyway?

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 6

[ And you can tell us it's for our own good.

Do I really have to spell it out in here? I know it, and heck, by now I'm pretty sure the whole world knows it. No, I'm not all over him, but yes, I may have hinted at something here and there during the course of our drinks (for which he paid, of course). We talked, and it was casual, and easy, and breezy, and everything it always was, since the beginning. Now I remember why I thought it was going to be hard being friends with him. He's too damn charming, the little sucker. I bet none of the girls can help it. He's self-absorbed and is prone to escape compromise in the silliest ways, but that's Ludo for you. And you know what's worse? I know all of this, and yet I can't help liking him.

There. I've said it. Be happy. Laugh all you want, mock me as you will, that's the truth. And the idiot has to go and have a girlfriend! I ask you, since when has Marlene Sophia McKinnon found herself in such a situation? That's right. Like, never. I have to admit, he's gotten a bit better since we dated. He's not such an ass all of the time, and well, it was interesting.

I know. That's the understatement of the year.

Whatever. I refuse to gush about how absolutely wonderful it was. Because...you know, it was Ludo. It's always been like that with him. I just had forgotten how it was. And now wasn't the best time to remember, I think. I feel like slapping myself silly just for thinking about it. I slipped a couple of times, but I think he noticed. Thankfully, he didn't call me on them, or confronted me directly. I think we're both too hesitant and skittery to actually go into a head-butt confrontation. I know for certain that I am not up for it.

But it will have to come up sooner or later. Because oh, you know, I may have asked him to a certain someone's party. And apparently, his girlfriend isn't into 'that kind of stuff' or whatever he said. Opportunity, much?

Hah, I won't be too skanky, I promise.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 7

[ You can tell us that we wouldn't understand...

Guess who's invited to Severus not-such-a-surprise-anymore birthday bash?

But of course.

How could I not be?

I've got Cissa and Rabastan on my side. And Severus too, if the poor bloke had a clue. But I guess it's kind of cute for him to be so oblivious to the going-ons around him. That way, he can keep his detached air that so works for him, don't you think? Hmm. I ran into Cissa today, of course, which is how I got tapped into all of this. I don't think she was planning on inviting me, but I oh-so-subtly hinted that I should definitely go. And well, who is she to say no? We're "close" now, or something like that. As close you can be to the Slytherin without having your jugular exposed. I think she didn't want to invite me because...come on, it's going to be in the Slytherin commons, and ah-bviously it will be a Slytherins only kind of...thingy. RSVP? Hah. But I can handle the snakes pretty well by myself, I think. I'm a big girl. Sweet of her to semi "worry" about that (I believe she was thinking more along the lines of her rep if it was known she invited me), but I can handle it.

Whatever.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 8

[ And you can hide behind your practiced grin.

Farewell party for Miss McClarence, as it were. Apparently, her parents started getting all paranoid on her being so close to 'danger' and all that. Whatever that means. I'm pretty sure they're just overreacting. I mean, nothing has happened yet, even with all those rumors and speculations, I think Hogwarts is the safest place there is about now. Hello? Does the name 'Dumbledore' ring any bells? He defeated Grindewald, for Merlin's sake! I hate people who are too paranoid to live a normal life. And for Jinx to get sucked into it! It's just too stupid, I swear. But I'll stop ranting, because I promised her I wouldn't get too angry. It's just that I can't believe my own personal ball of sunshine is leaving for Beauxbatons! How unfair is that? Who will cheer me up? Who will make me laugh with her randomness?

I feel like wailing my voice away right now.




On another note, though, as promised, I wasn't too skanky around Ludo. Sure, we got there and we talked, we drank, we cheered, and well...we partied, duh. And partied hard. Once or twice, I may have let our hugs linger longer than necessary, and placed my hand in his, locking our fingers, but that's nothing either major or incriminating. We're good friends, as everybody knows by now. I swear, I was in gails of laughter most of the afternoon. Everyone was asking us if we were back together, and what a good couple we made, and blah blah blah. Darlings, I thank you for pointing it out to him, because I kind of knew it already. Hope that helped make him see just how wrong 'Venna' is for him. Or maybe she isn't wrong for him and I'm being a jealous hag.

Yeah, that might be it. Whatever.

He was there when Jinx broke the news (surprisingly, she didn't yell at him, and I was able to shoot him a 'told you so' smirk). And I'm ashamed to admit I almost broke up in tears. You can't get how sad I was unless you've loved a friend like I love Jinx. She's too good. You don't find people like her every day. So I'm kinda glad I found her, but pissed that she's leaving. Yeah, that's me in a nutshell for you. Whatever. I'll rant later on. My hand's cramped.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 9

[ But we know you're lying through your teeth.

So the arse finally decided to answer my owls. And in a way, I hope he wouldn't have I'm glad he did. This way, I know he hasn't gone off and comitted anything stupid, like he's normally prone to do. He's such a rude characeter whenever he's pissed. Can't say I blame him though. But I just wish he and Indigo would get together already. They're driving me nuts, them both with their stupid moping, even if Indigo and I had a recent bitch fight, I know what's best for Ethan, and well, she kind of is, loathe as I am to admit it. They just like complicating their lives by doing the stupid-est of things. Mhm.

Ugh, I'm in no mood to be contemplating the paradoxes of life.

Like Ethan would say now (that French pig):

Au revoir.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 10

[ You will bear the brunt of liability.

So guess who's back? You get one guess, and if you don't get it right, get out of here already. That's right. It looks like only a murder could bring him back. Go figure, huh? That bastard. I swear that guy is going to drive me insane one of these days. Whether with worry, anger or a stupid combination of both of them, who knows? He shall be my downfall. And I made it pretty clear to him just about...oh, say, two hours ago, when he paraded into the castle as if nothing had happened. I'll give this to him: he sure knows how to keep a straight face. He just waltzed in, as if nothing had happened at all, as if he hadn't been gone for a bloody whole month after being beat and - ugh, do you get my drift now?

Too pig-headed. But I guess that's like a Gryffindor trait, because I've heard that adjective on several Gryffindor boys. Isn't that just nice? And I wonder why I can't find anyone worthy. There's your answer. So don't ask why I prefer Slytherins...

Though I'd steer clear of them too now, seeing as how a couple of them are suspects in this whole whatnot going on. Even if Kalib Hemlock was a friend to them, I doubt that would stop them. And I don't know who I am referring to when I say 'them', it's just a bunch of them who are under suspicion, but nothing really has been able to be pegged on them. Don't you doubt for one moment that Bellatrix's involved though. One look at that girl, and you know you have to steer clear. As far away as possible. That's right. Could someone give the memo over to Cartier, please? 'Cause he doesn't get it. He's talking bull, saying about keeping an eye on them, and he's just going to find out who did it. Excuse me? Since when do you have a degree as an Auror? Hell no.

He's so lucky I was off into dreamland for the last couple of hours (don't ask), otherwise I would've b*tch slapped that stupid expression off his face. And see how irritated I am? I'm even swearing. How unbecoming. But he just has that ability in him. Ethan Cartier was born to make Marlene Sophia's life a living hell.

...but guess what, chum? That role has already been stolen. That's right. Enter Ludovic Bagman, puh-leeze. Ravenclaw Quidditch Player Extraordinaire. Cue the dramatic sighs of all the freaking fan girls he has. I hadn't even noticed it, but girls (in general) hang on his every word. It's disgusting, and offensive to the female race, how besotted they are with him.

Don't you dare lump me with the rest of them. Oh, don't you dare.

[Marlene McKinnon]

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 11

[ It will be a stone around your neck

Care to tell me just how twisted the whole affair was? No shit. Not even in my worst nightmares could I picture something so unwillingly distorted and just plain sick. Just what was Narcissa thinking when she invited me? Had she foreseen something like that? Had she taken in account Amelie's reaction? Had she known Rabastan would dare speak to me in a houseful of snakes? Again: what was she thinking? You know, my stupid and naïve part wants to believe that she really had no idea, but come on, I never was stupid and naïve, so of course the conniving wench knew this would happen. Or at least knew something like it would. Of course. I can see it clearly now, her whole brilliant 'plan'. It was so obvious, and yet, I fell blindly for it. Yet, I'm not mad at her. After all, that's her nature. It is expected of her. I'm raving mad at myself, and of course her. Just who does Amelie Piper think she is? Jealous instincts, I can totally understand.

A bitch slap to the face? So not classy.

Sure, I don't know what I would've done had I been in that situation, but for one, I wouldn't let my emotions take such a hold on me... Yes, hanging out with Narcissa did have to rub in sooner or later. The wench even left a bruise! If it weren't for Rabastan, and for the fact that for once, he was decent, I don't know what my reaction would've been. I simply refused to let him see me get into a extremely lame fight. Because, honestly, him and me? We're nothing, if stress-relievers at all. But what does Piper know?

I shall vent to you later.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 12

[ Drowning you in irresponsibility

Okay, so it is later and I'm still mad. The stupid small scar just won't fade away, not even with the strongest of charms, and darn it, did it have to be in my face? That's just...ugh. Alright, no cramping of my fingers, otherwise I might break my quill, and it was a gift from Daddy, and it is not worth wasting an eagle feather on someone like Piper, for Merlin's sake. Thankfully, I already went to see the nurse, and she told me that I shouldn't worry about it, it's 'nothing permanent. It should fade in a couple of days'. Tell me, what am I supposed to do in a couple of days with a scar the size of Piper's claws running across my cheek? I have half a mind to go and hex the living daylights out of the wench, but see, I have self-control. Something she apparently lacks. Maybe I should teach her a word or two on that matter. Though I doubt that after all these years of ignoring etiquette, she can manage learning a single thing about not making a spectacle out of herself.

She likes doing that, doesn't she? Maybe that's the only way she knew Rabastan would turn to look in her direction. Make a scandal and bang! You've got yourself a hot boy. I have to admit, I knew playing the wounded victim always worked, Merlin knows I've played it enough times, but in such a huge scale? She's got guts, I've got to give her that. To put herself in such a humilliating position...not everybody could do it. Then again, not everybody happens to have such a low level of self-respect. Can you say desperate? Piper dear, didn't you know? You played your own twisted version of damsel in distress, and maybe in the long run it will ripe you something, but guess what? It was me who walked away with Rabastan that night. It was me who spent most of the night with him. Aw. Sweetie, you think you've got him hooked on you now, don't you? Wizards don't change, it's a commonly known law. Not even if they like you 'oh so much', or whatever they may claim.

Your naiveté is endearing up to one point, and then, it just becomes disgusting.

[Marlene McKinnon]

JOURNAL ENTRY 13

[ Underneath the weight of your regret.

I hate him.

Or better yet: I hate myself.

How could he be such an arse?

Or... how could I be such a bitch? I cant' believe I let it go just like that. I didn't even reply one last time. I was hurt and he was...I don't know. Morgana, I'm tired of not knowing. Why does it have to be like that with him? I'm going around in circles, and I had the chance to be good and I totally blew it. But I think it's time for him to work for the things he wants But he doesn't want me. I'm always talking to him, and whenever he's around me, I'm on my best behavior. I'm used to getting what I want, and yet, it still hasn't happened: he still doesn't want me. How pathetic is that? And by the conversation we had today, it's more than clear that he has moved on. I mean, he even said he liked another girl, or whatever. The only thing good that came out of that?

He's breaking up with Ravenna.

Excuse me if I'm not happy about that. He's breaking up with her so he can go chase that other girl he's so stuck on.

Did I say this yet?

I hate him._{Even if I don't, really.}

He called me a whore and said all the things I did not want to hear from him. All the things that I never thought he thought of me. But guess what? It turns out that he does. And another guess what? Maybe I am all those things. But who cares? He certainly doesn't.

Screw him.

You can do whatever you want, Bagman. I no longer care. I refuse to be shadowing your every step. If you want to keep stomping on the stupid and lame feelings I have yet to tell you about, then go ahead. I'll keep my chin right up, because damn it, I've still got my pride left.