s m i l e like you mean it

[sirius]

s i r i u s . o r i o n . b l a c k



s m i l e . l i k e . y o u . m e a n . i t

_______________________________________

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand

Smile like you mean it

Smile like you mean it

Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things slide by so carelessly

Smile like you mean it

Smile like you mean it

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Smile like you mean it smile like you mean it

Smile like you mean it smile like you mean it

^{lyrics (c) the killers}

[sirius]

there are certain people
you just keep coming back to

______________________________

Wow, I can't believe I still had this thing in the bottom of my old trunk. Actually, reading back, I can't believe I forgot about some of the crazy stuff I've done over the years at Hogwarts. It's weird to forget stuff like that.

I don't really know why I'm writing in this again. I'm not a journal kind of guy, not at all. I used to just like it for the sake of keeping a record. And now? Well I guess now I actually have something to write about. I bumped into Marls tonight. I was just at the Three Broomsticks and she walked in and sat down and we talked. It was nice? I dunno. But for the life of me I couldn't remember why we broke up. She did though. It was so I could be with some random other chick - blond hair, brown eyes, I can picture her now but I don't remember her name at all - and she could be with Ludo Bagman.

I can't even remember the name of the girl I wanted to be with instead. She remembers the guy though. Of course.

Fucking Bagman.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

there'll be no life of crime
don't rain on me tonight

______________________________

So, shocker of the year. I actually got up early today. As in, before most of the people in this school were awake. Yeah, weird, I know. I went down to the Courtyard 'cause I couldn't really sleep for some reason but lo and behold, no one else was up. Should have seen that one coming. It was ridiculous really, I was bored out of mind. I was honestly just about to head back to bed when Daphne showed up. That girl is something, let me tell you that. She was dressed in like a normal top and sweats and then she had on this big whopping cowboy hat, it was hilarious.

So she comes scuffling over, all Western sounding, completely surprised me. Merlin, she's the craziest, she really is. But I mean that in a good way, I really do. It's impossible to not be drawn to her. Not like... that. I mean, we're just friends. She's a fourth year. But still. She's gotta be one of the funnest people I know, plain and simple.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

like clockwork, she's in control
of all the right guys

______________________________

Well.

Erm.

Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal for me to be dating someone. But normally I wouldn't get together with someone in the Hospital Wing. And their name wouldn't be Alecto Carrow.

Yep. Don't ask. No, really. I don't even understand exactly how this happened. I went by the hospital wing, heard someone crying, thought it sounded like Alecto Carrow, went to see if I was right... And I was. And strangely enough I felt like cheering her up. Even though it was Alecto Carrow. So I tried. And somehow that resulted in me kissing her.

And gaining a new girlfriend, of course.

Merlin.

People are gonna freak.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

this four leaf clover's
all but useless now

______________________________

So James isn't a big fan of Alecto.

Big surprise there.

Oh but also? He's dating Marls now.

What. The. Fuck.

Somehow, I don't think that that should be more shocking than the fact that I'm dating Alecto but... It is. It so is.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

so you got the looks
but have you got the touch

______________________________

I realize that this seems to be becoming my mantra of sorts but seriously: What. The. Fuck.

Anette freakin' Baker.

Shiiiiiit.

Miss Goody-goody-two-shoes-Baker and I had detention together. She hates me. And belive me, it's mutual. Detention with her should have sucked majorly. Instead we got attacked by these creepy lizards (it was in the Forbidden forest so really, I'm not even joking) and then... I think I kissed her? Or almost did?

Again: What. The. Fuck.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

there now, steady love
so few come and don't go

______________________________

Fuck.

So.

Marls wasn't all too pleased to hear about Alecto. Furious would be a pretty good word to describe her actually. Apparently she's not friends with Alecto anymore. And doesn't want to associate with anyone that associates with her. Aka me. Apparently if I'm dating Alecto, I can't be her friend. I'm serious. She was pissed. She even stormed out of the class.

Gah. This is ridiculous. I mean I followed her, of course. But things only got worse from there. I accused her of being a hypocrite since she was so mad that she had to hear the news from James and not me but then she never told me that she was dating James! She just wouldn't listen though, I don't know, and I... Icalledherawhore.

Fuck me. That was the stupides move. Like ever. I didn't even mean it. She's not. She's got more class that the rest of the girls at this school combined. But it certainly did the trick. She fucking hates me now.

So in sum? Life's pretty swell.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

so grab this statement
and read between the lines

______________________________

Well, thank Merlin for that. I talked to Alecto again today. It was nice to just chat about everyone else and just think "Screw them" for a few moments. Forget about James and Marls and however they reacted. I just finally got to talk to someone who was on the same side as me. The pro Sirius-and-Alecto side, that is.

Anyways, we even set up a date. If you could call it that. It's a bit of a dare, really. We both want to just away from everything and a while for a bit so that's how we sort of got to it. But her and her Slytherin-ness doesn't seem to have much hopes for my Gryiffindor-ness when it comes to certain things. Hence the location of our little "date" that's planned. She's betting I won't show. Ha. I'll be there.

Knockturn Alley, baby (;

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

you were the ones
that stood by my side

______________________________

Have I mentioned how much I love Bella Swan?

I LOVE BELLA SWAN.

There we go.

Seriously, that girl is gold. Everyone else seems to be annoyed or pissed off about this Alecto stuff for one reason or another and she's completely fine about it. Actually, she wanted to know if I was mad at her. I guess some stuff went down with her and Remus and James got sucked in... Bah. Whatever. I'm staying out of that.

But the main point here is that she's not mad at me. She knows what it's like to have people pissed about that kind of stuff - she dated Regulus for godsakes - so she's not gonna do the same to me.

Seriously. Tons and tons and tons of love for that girl.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

someone told me long ago
there's a calm before the storm, i know

______________________________

And today's topic of discussion is, once again, Bella. But the other Bella. Evangeline, I mean. I ran into her down at the lake. She seemed pretty upset and all and kinda just... out of it. I felt bad cause she's my friend and all, I should have noticed something before now.

I mean, she's been like that for a while, apparently. She spilled all this stuff to me. Like a ton. Apparently she used to like Regulus? Gah, I'm trying to move past that one. Stupid git's screwed around with enough of my friends. And then there was all this stuff about some guy, um, whatshisname. Sebastian? Yeah. He's Gryffindor too, my year, I think I kinda know him. And there was something about... accidentally kissing someone? I'd be all confused but I mean what with me and Anette like... bah. I'm not one to talk. Anyways, she's just been through a ton of shit lately, I guess, I feel really bad for her. She just seemed really dazed and just not the same. But I mean, I listened to her and all and tried to you know, be nice and... hopefully that helped a bit?

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

and this is wrong
but who am i to judge?

______________________________

Guess who won the bet?

That'd be me, thank you very much. Apparated to Knockturn Alley turn and met up with Alecto there. Merlin, it was a relief to just like... escape. The whole school's been talking about us, it's crazy. Rita's even spinning a bunch of crap in her little tabloid. I don't know, it's not really something I actually read. But people keep mentioning it and me and Alecto and just... whatever.

I had a great time. Who'd have thought Knockturn Alley would ever be associated with a "great time"? Well, we didn't actually stick around in the alley. We headed into Diagon and then me, being the genius that I am, suggested ice cream.

Ice cream.

I honestly don't have a clue where I come up with this stuff.

But she was all for it and we went to that little ice cream place and it was just us and I actually have a really nice time. I never imagined that I'd go on an ice cream date with Alecto Carrow but I did and it was fun. I swear, I'm on freakin' cloud nine right now. Screw the rest of the school. Really. Everything's great.

Except I can't stop thinking about Marls.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

here's to the fast times
the times we felt alive

______________________________

MOONY IS A MAN.

That seems to be the theme of today. Yeah. James woke me up today with a rather forceful pilow to the face, saying that we had to get up and go 'cause we had "places to go, people to see, and girls to shag"... or something along those lines. I was half-asleep and went along with it, complaining loudly all the way. He was just acting so weird and when we got down to breakfast, I knew something was up.

Sure enough, Remus came down not long after and James made some joke and basically... Remus and Bella had sex last night. And that's why we needed to leave so early 'cause I guess she was still there and James didn't want me to know or else I'd make a scene or something. As if.

...Okay I probably would have. But whatever. We teased him about it for a while over breakfast, it was pretty funny. Is it weird that I feel like high-fiving Bella for this? Meh. Whatever.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

every rule i had you breaking
is the risk that i'm taking

______________________________

Fuck.

Well Valentine's Day officially blows. Alecto looked gorgeous. I dressed up. We danced. And she accused me of having feelings for Marls.

Yeah. I don't. I mean, fuck, she's my best friend's girlfriend. And she hates me. And even if none of that were true... We'd just be friends. I chose Alecto. I did. Fuck, I didn't even get what Marls was saying about choosing but I really did, didn't I? I chose Alecto. It didn't matter that I didn't agree that I had to choose. I still chose, I still... Fuck. I don't know. This is a mess.

I told Alecto that I don't have feelings for Marls and I meant it. I still do. I think? And she just... I dunno. At first it looked good an then she just cracked and she ran off and she was so freaked out and... I should have gone after her, shouldn't I? Of course, I didn't.

Fuck.

I was distracted though. Distracted by James suddenly yelling out to the whole freakin' room of people how in love he is with Marls and how much she loves him too. Fuuuuuck. I don't know. This is becoming such a mess, so fast. I should find Alecto. I should make it clear that I don't like Marls. I can't like Marls. And I don't. I just...

I don't.

On the plus side? At least the night was better for others. I'm not talking about James about Marls although yeah, I bet that had a freaking fantastic time. No, Annie one of those Valentine's award things. She's dating that guy now, from the Ravenclaw Quidditch team? Valo. Yeah. The one with the crazy little sister.

James and Marls also won one of those awards. Guess everyone loves them, thinks that their just the most perfect, awesome couple.

Fuck my life.

No, seriously.

Just... fuck it.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

so while i'm taking you for granted
we'll be humming along

______________________________

Well, that was nice. I got a chance to chat with Mel in class today. If notes count as chatting. Whatever. She seemed great, thankfully not pissed at me just 'cause Marls is. Anyways, we agreed to meet up in Hogsmeade this weekend. Just as friends.

It's not a date.

I mean, I have a girlfriend. And Mel and I are just friends anyways. So yeah, maybe I said "It's a date" or whatever but... It's not a date date. Just... hanging out.

Bah. I almost don't even care at this point.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

you'll need more than a look
or a catchy melody

______________________________

And today was the date-not-date. It went well? I mean, we talked and all that shit, it was fun. Good times.

Even though I almost asked how Marls was doing before asking how Mel was doing. And then it took me like twenty seconds to ask after Marls.

When the hell did I become so pathetic?

Or rather, why the hell can't I just be mad at her? She's pissed at me, after all. And I guess... I am mad but I'm just sick of being mad. Both of us. It's ridiculous.

...I just want my friend back, okay?

Shit, I really do sound pathetic.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]