s m i l e like you mean it

[sirius]

yeah, we're stubborn and melodramatic
a real class act

______________________________

It's official. I'm a genius. And Plan Get-Marls-Back has been put into action. I mean "Get back" as a friend, of course. But moving on.

Yeah, I had to ask Ethan for help with this one. Not really one of my finest moments. But it will be, once this all pays off. He's agreed to get Marls to be at the pitch this Friday at 8.

But he's gonna tell her it's to meet with him.

And how did I get him to agree with this? I honestly don't know. He was sorta an ass about things at first, like all... Well it's Cartier. But he came around and said that I owed him and so now I owe Ethan Cartier a favor.

Which would normally suck majorly. Except that this favor is basically just me trying to talk Indigo into meeting him at the lake on Thursday, also at 8. So I get to catch up with a friend in the progress. I'll have to be subtle at first. Not that I'm afraid of Grace or anything, pft no... Okay, maybe just a wee bit.

Not my fault. The girl's freaking scary when she's pissed. At me. Which, while it doesn't happen as often as one might imagine, still isn't exactly a "rare" event.

But, insanely enough... I'm looking forward to this.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

so paint my portrait
the colors of my life

______________________________

Mission accomplished!

At least, well step one. The repaying the favor part. I talked to Indigo in class today and managed to get her to agree to meet with Ethan. Ha, I'm awesome. Seriously like, I have not been this happy in a while. Ethan and Indi are gonna be back together soon enough and I'm praying to Merlin that I can fix things between Marls and I come Friday.

Chatting with Indigo too could be the reason I'm in such a great mood, no matter how much she likes to tease me. Sweet Merlin, I love that girl, I really do. I don't know why she puts up with me but for some reason she does. I'm just that special, I guess. But no, we chatted for a while even after she'd agreed and it was hilarious. Well, mostly for me. She kept saying all this stuff about dogs, how like she sometimes has the urge to pet me (interesting little note, actually) and something about puppy eyes and how I'll never be an actual dog though. I don't really remember but I know that I laughed a lot. And had to keep telling her how she would never understand how funny that was to me. She thought it was some Marauders inside joke kinda thing.

Which I guess it would be? Smart girl.

But oh, one more thing. Whole reason she's mad at Cartier in the first place? Apparently the douche brought some other girl to the Valentine's Dance and didn't tell her. Yeah. I shoulda known he'd pulled something like that. Whatever. They should be good soon, I hope. And oh, what the girl's name again? The one Ethan brought... Eh, the one who tried to kill herself, as horrible as that sounds. Indi didn't seem to mind when I called her that tho-

Jackie.

That's it.

Jackie Fountain or something. French, I believe.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

forget about what i said
the lights are gone and the parties over

______________________________

SUCCESS.

Completely and utterly where I needed it the most.

Not to jinx things or anything but... Marls and I are good.

For real.

I mean, she was pissed when she came out to the pitch and saw that it was me, not Ethan and I mean, yeah we ended up arguing but somehow I must have gotten true. I told her I'd break up with Alecto. But it wasn't just that, I mean, she seemed so... vulnerable, almost. Weirdly enough. She was saying this stuff about how she wasn't going to change her shallow self but it's not like I asked her to. She's Marls and that's all I want.

More than she realizes.

But I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that now I'll be seeing her more often again which will be both amazing and horrible and just...

No, I'm going to focus on the fact that things are fixed between the two of us, on the fact that Marls doesn't hate me anymore. Things are good, things are back to how they're supposed to be. Marls is my friend. And I'm not going to do anything to risk losing her again. That's what I'm gonna think about.

... While I figure out how I'm gonna break up with Alecto, that is.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

oh, instincts are misleading
you shouldn't think what you're thinking

______________________________

Merlin. Bell's really not doing that great. Got this note from her in class today - I don't even think she realized who she was passing it to. Or cared. It said "Save me." Anyone else and I would have figured they were just bored stiff. But she was so messed up last time I saw her and what with everything told me... It sorta freaked me out. So I got talking to her and apparently that guy? Sebastian... Gah, I know it's not Cauliflower, she had to remind me... Cadwell. I think that's it? Anyways, he's gone. Yeah, just... gone.

She seemed pretty messed up about it so we headed outside to the willow. Well really, I was just following her. Jeez, I don't know what's going on with that one. I mean, I do know now but like... Poor thing. I feel like I keep being such a crap friend. Hopefully I helped? I dunno.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

i'll take the best
of your bad moods

______________________________

Something really weird is going on with Annie... Like... Really weird. She wasn't in class yesterday so I asked if she'd been sick but apparently she was just skipping class. Which I know I'm not exactly the guy to lecture people about but I mean, this is Annie. When did she start skipping class? How long exactly has it been that I've been wrapped up in my own problems to pay attention to hers?

Because she definitely has problems.

She kept talking about 'this' and how I wouldn't get it and then she was talking about me not knowing her as well as thought and about what people thought of her and... I dunno, she was being vague and annoying and obviously didn't want to tell me anything. She said that. She wasn't keeping 'this' a secret from me because she was afraid I would tell people. She doesn't want me to know either. So yeah. 'Worried' doesn't really begin to cover it.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

now that you understand
there's no one around

______________________________

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I told him. James. I don't know how it came out but it did. It was after Quidditch practice and we were talking about Alecto and Marls and... I just couldn't lie. I couldn't keep a straight face. It was obvious. And now he knows. That I have feeling for Marls. Me, his best friend. I have feelings for his girlfriend.

How the fuck did I let this happen?

I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to do now. But avoiding being around James for the time being seems like a pretty good idea.

Or... I don't know. Maybe I just need to calm down. Maybe it's not such a big deal.

OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL. JAMES NOW KNOWS THAT HIS BEST FRIEND LIKES HIS GIRLFRIEND. HOW IS THAT NOT A BIG DEAL?

And now I'm back to not having a clue what to do.

Do I go with the whole 'avoid James' plan? Or suck it up and try and explain myself to him?

... There's really no decent explanation for this.

So I guess we're going with the former.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

and we can do anything
we can be anything

______________________________

Bella Swan knows that I woof.

It's insane how much she cheers me up.

(:

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

you know you're just
another one of my mistakes

______________________________

Well.

I'm not quite sure how that was supposed to leave me feeling? Optimistic? Regretful? Who knows, who cares.

Anette's back. Yeah. She was on a cruise or something? Hadn't seen her since I kissed her you know. Yeah. And now there's all the stuff with Marls and Alecto and now Anette's back? Too much for any guy to try and handle. Not that there's any dilemma. I won't deny that I like Anette but

She's not Marls.

And I think she got that.

Somehow, we're friends now? That's the goal anyways.

Anette Baker, my friend. Huh. This'll take some getting used to, I suppose. But doesn't everything? Whatever. It's good and all, just kinda weird.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

you know you wanna
just let go

______________________________

So how much am I looking forward to telling Cartier that his girlfriend kissed me?

Like, a lot?

I mean... she thought I was a dog. To be fair. But that's all details and who cares about those? Had to reveal it all to her for the sake of laughs so she now also knows that I woof but come on. Indigo Grace hugged me and cooed and kissed me and called me a "Cutie" and you know what?

Girl's never gonna live it down.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

just hear me out
before i go

______________________________

Phase One of Break-Up-With-Alecto?

Complete.

And you know what? I'm more sure than ever that I'm doing the right thing. We'll meet up later tonight and then I'll tell her. We're done. We're breaking up.

The End.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

we cruised along at half-speed
but then we shifted gears

______________________________

I didn't expect... that.

I didn't expect to suddenly remember our meeting in the hospital wing.

I didn't expect to remember that connection that made no sense.

I didn't expect to remember all the good things about our relationship.

I didn't expect to remember how pretty and beautiful she is.

I didn't expect to remember sneaking off to Knockturn just cause we could.

I didn't expect to remember how much I enjoyed proving myself to her.

I didn't expect to remember how much I enjoyed being with her.

I didn't expect to remember dancing with her.

I didn't expect to remember how she looked that night.

I didn't expect to remember us.

I didn't expect to remember the thousand-and-one things that I like about Alecto.

I didn't expect to remember how great everything was before it got messed up.

But phase two completed.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

i think this time
i finally got it right with you

______________________________

And now I remember why breaking up with her was good.

Because life with Marlene Sophia McKinnon is so much better than life without.

We're good. And I don't know how I ever managed without her.

Not gonna make that mistake again anytime soon.

But PS: Must remember to clear up once and for all that I'm not crushing on Indigo. Don't know where in the world she got that from what I told her but... alright I guess it makes sense but I wasn't gonna come out and say that the girl was her. Whatever. Might want to clear it up with Ethan and Indi just in case...

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

and you're on the way down
and i can't wait to see you burn

______________________________

Fucking git.

I don't care if I'm the world's biggest hypocrite.

He deserved it.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

go on
get out of my head

______________________________

The rumors about Lily and the Git are true.

Lily Evans is going out with my little brother.

Lily Evans slept with Regulus.

Regulus. And Lily.

But Lily's in love with James.

Who's happily dating Marls.

Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, none of the above is the most shocking thing that happened to me today. Sad, since they're all such huge revelations. And yet none of them even compare. 'Cause you know what I did?

Told Lily that I'm in love with Marls.

I don't know where that came from either.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[sirius]

i'm the first to fall
and the last to know

______________________________

... But it's true.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]