i could write it better then you ever felt it

[rabastan]

[- x o x o -]

Now, just to put it out there:

Christmas is in two days and as far as I know I’m spending it alone.

Forgive me for not being very “into the holiday spirits” or whatever the hell you’d like to call it. I’d prefer to be the humbug of the group. Being sinister is just much more fulfilling. If I’m bitter I can pick on people to blame instead of being angry mostly with myself. I don’t really know what I’ll be doing. Rodolphus and I never go home. Parents are always away doing who knows what. It’s not like any of us really care about being anymore of a family then we are regularly. Or not so regularly. I don’t know, does wanting to strangle your brother count as mere sibling rivalry or something more? I suppose I don’t have any reason to be upset with him anymore. I mean, if Khai and I are over then shouldn’t this petty feud die out too? Ah and there goes that wishful thinking again, my, my what as Swan done to me? This is why it’s vital I stay away from her and all her stupid vocabulary games. Of course that doesn’t stop me from trying to do a little damage here and there.

It’s a shame really, that we had to end so abruptly do to Bagman’s ridiculous ways. Bagman. What does she see in him? I’d really like to know just what he said or did to convince Khai he was worthy of getting rid of me for. Or giving me a reason to leave, would be the better terminology there. Khai acted in stupidity and I let her go. Easy. That’s what happened. I left her. And proceeded to fall into pieces while Sw

Moral of the story: don’t break up with someone a week before Christmas. You won’t ever get to see the look on their face when they open up your present because they won’t ever get it.

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[rabastan]

[rabastan]

[- this one christmas, this one time i got… -]

Merry Christmas, f*ckers.

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[rabastan]

[- the taxidermy of you and me -]

At this point, I only don’t see what’s wrong with me. I was doing such a good job at ignoring her and then I just… What the hell, Swan’s a good person to rant on to because you know she’s listening and I am not about to go and try to have a heart to heart with Bellatrix when she’s still wanting to slice open my throat. And even if she wasn’t, it’s not like any of me and the Black’s ever really do. Just because they’ve seen me in diapers does not grant them instant access to every deep, dark secret I possess. Probably a lot of them, but not anything that… This doesn’t make any sense, does it? I won’t talk to someone like Narcissa yet I’m willing to go talk with Isabella Swan? My excuse is that she fears me. I’ve instilled that much in her, at least. Just enough fear for her to keep her mouth such added with enough trust to make her think we can safely talk with one another. It’s a simple enough plan. Narcissa and Bellatrix on the other hand would have no problem laughing their pretty little faces off and go tell the world I’m heartb mad. I’m mad. That’s it. Angry. Upset. Because Khai Talia Statton is a b*tch and deserves to be with someone so foul as Ba

This isn’t helping.

That’s why I talked with Swan. For a little while. Nothing major. Asked her if she wanted to come to Hogsmeade and the stupid girl agreed. My thinking is that she’s had her heart ripped to shreds enough times that she might know how to deal with all this sh*t. Unfortunately, the extent of what she could tell me is that she holes up in her dorm and waits for someone to come and save her. So I’m right on track, yeah? Lovely.

Except the bad guy isn’t accustomed to being the victim.

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[rabastan]

[- i wear it like a bruise or black eye; my badge, my witness -]

Last ditch effort to forget:

Tamper the skin^* in black and blue ink.

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[rabastan]

[- i want to make you as lonely as me
so you can get, get addicted to this now -]

Well. Swan likes getting herself into trouble.

It’s horribly pathetic, to be frank. She’s like a magnet for disaster. Valo and Darley were throwing out fists and yeah, I stood by and watched for a little bit. Darley’s got good aim and really, I could care less about Valo. So what if Darley got a couple bruises out of the mix? It was strange though, watching someone so incredibly fragile race headfirst into that kind of tangle. She’s got guts. I’m not sure what Swan had hoped to accomplish, but I just… Well, once Darley got a nice punch to her face in I’d had enough of it. No need for a little Puffer to get hurt, right?

Ha.

Her boy toy was pretty pissed. It was one of the better parts of my day. I kept talking with her the entire way to the Hospital Wing and he just kept on fuming. It’s so easy to mess with them. Say just the right thing to Swan and she goes nuts. Talking to Swan in general makes Lupin go crazy. They’re like my own personal little toys. I was sent here to destroy them.

No one deserves to be that happy.

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[rabastan]

[- but with a kick in the head -]

I’m sorry, did I say “so easy”?

I meant pathetically easy.

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[rabastan]

[- this is me wishing you into the worst situations -]

Honestly, the amount of “hope” and “new beginnings” and “the turning of a new left” and “it’s a brand new year” and seriously would you just drop the facade already? No one’s New Year Resolutions ever make it past January 2nd anyways. Why set yourself up for failure? That’s my question. It’s stupid. They’re pointless. There is absolutely no reason I need to scribble down a list of goals that won’t be achieved. I’m just going to skip that whole thing and go straight into the brand new year without the hassle alright? Anyone have a problem with that? No?

Great.

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[rabastan]

[rabastan]

[- let’s play this game called “when you catch fire” -]

So you really do learn something new every day. What could I have possibly already learned so freshly having just entered the new year?

Swan’s got a nice right hook.

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[rabastan]

[- i am such a sucker (and i’m always the last to know) -]

To Do List

CUT OUT SWAN’S TONGUE.

Unfortunately she has to use her hands to knock a little bit of sense into me instead of just skipping over the part where she damages my face and getting straight to the awkward words of inspiration. Either way?

Awkward.

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[rabastan]

[rabastan]

[- i’m sleeping my way out of this one with anyone who will lie down -]

It’s funny. Passing notes turning into sex?

No, I wouldn’t have imagined it either. But God, Wynter and all her mind games… I could do her every day and she’d still find new ways to make it interesting. Last night? A desk. Amongst several other places. Oh, and I think I owe her a new skirt. But hey, she owes me a new shirt and another pair of boxers.

There isn’t anything for me to complain about, however. Wynter is only fulfilling her rightful duty as my friend:

Keep me from thinking about the ex’s. Or in this case, one particular ex. F*cking b*tch is probably

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[rabastan]

[- if they knew how misery loved me -]

So Kat has a thing for Black now? Lovely. All my girls are apparently into pussy’s these days. Whatever. You’ll notice it wasn’t Black kissing her today? She’s capable of quite extraordinary things with that mouth of hers. Makes me wonder where’s she been and then not at all, ya know? Could care less about how she got there, just that she got there to begin with. There’s a reason I call her Kat, after all.

She’s not going to the dance. Part of me wishes I could still say the same. Because apparently it’s necessary I go just so I can show Wynter off and then leave five minutes later. I do not need an excuse to shag a girl. Valentine’s Day has got to be the lamest holiday out there, anyways. Why is it even a holiday? Why do we need to remind all the single people in the world that they’re single? And then it just gives all the couples a reason to be even more disgusting in public, all the “loving stares,” and “quick kisses,” and blah, blah, blah. If you actually need a holiday dedicated to that sort of thing just so it’ll be alright you have serious problems. No one needs an excuse to make out with a hot chick.

Just have to get a hot chick first.

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[rabastan]

[- would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile? -]

So it’s Single Awareness Day tomorrow. “Woo hoo.” I’m thinking I should go up to Bagman and laugh because the girl he’ll be taking won’t honestly be enjoying it. Call me vain, but we all know the truth here: he never has had and never will have my girl.

And really…if nothing else…

Well, I’m sure she’ll look great. She deserves to hear it from someone that actually cares.

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