- F U N H O U S E -

[isabelle]

PAGE 89

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ALL NIGHT HEARING VOICES
TELLIN' ME THAT I SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING

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JUNE 10TH

And now on top of everything else... I'm sick. Yeah. I was feeling fine most of the day and then I got back to the dorm room and was trying to study for OWLs and just feeling like shit and I've been coughing and my throat hurts and I'm pretty sure I have a fever... yeah, definitely sick. Rose is sick too, which makes me even more sure that I'm sick. Guess one of us gave it to the other. Ugh. Normally it'd just get out of class, whoop dee doo, but of course I get sick on a Friday night. And tomorrow? The last Hogsmeade visit of the year. Which I doubt I'll be able to attend unless I miraculously feel better when I wake up. Ugh. I'm going to bed. Fingers crossed?

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[isabelle]

PAGE 90

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BUT SO FAR HAS NOT BEEN FUN
I SHOULD JUST STAY HOME

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JUNE 11TH

Still. Sick.

Possibly worse. My head hurts. Ugh. And I'm all nauseous and Rose is still sick too and ugh, yeah, no way either of us are going to Hogsmeade today. Dammit. Oh well, at least we've got each other, haha. Better than being sick and cooped up and missing the last visit of the year all by yourself. My throat hurts though. I keep coughing. Wonder if Rose's tonic is the share-able kind, hmmm...

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[isabelle]

PAGE 91

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TELL THEM I REALIZE
THAT EVERYONE WHO LIVES WILL SOMEDAY DIE

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JUNE 11TH

Ho.

ly.

Fuck.

Hogsmeade was attacked.

Everyone that went was attacked.

There were people on broomsticks and everyone's saying there was fire and it was chaos and everyone was attacked.

Students were killed.

Kids are dead.

That could have been us.

Thank god Rose and I were sick. Thank god Noah's in rehab.

I'll even say thank god Darley got kicked out before this. I might say I don't care about him but I wouldn't have wished this on him.

But what about everyone else?

Anyone else?

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[isabelle]

PAGE 92

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WE'RE ALL JUST WAITING TO GET HOME
ANOTHER WEEK AWAY, MY GREATEST FEAR

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JUNE 12TH

It makes you realize. It makes you realize that even if you claim to not give a fuck about anyone else, maybe that's not as true as you thought. Something so gigantic, so devastating, so out of the blue and random and then you're just wondering what the hell is going on and is everyone okay? People you didn't even realize you cared about. Maybe you don't care about them. Maybe you just care if they're alive or not. And now maybe they're not. And it's all pretty fucking scary 'cause even though there have been rumors, now it's so fucking real. It's so fucking real here, at school, at Hogwarts. If it's real here, it's real everywhere else. Maybe you're not scared for yourself. Maybe you know that you'll be safe or maybe you just don't care about what happens to you. But maybe there are so many people that you write off every day as annoying or stupid or irritating. And then this bullshit happens and you're just thinking like fuck, what if that was them. What if they're not okay. What if they're never coming back too. Fuck. Maybe you say that you don't care about anyone. And then this happens and there are so many people that you just need to know that they're alive. They're not dead. They're okay. Yeah. It makes you realize.

It makes me realize.

One week left. The seventh years graduate next weekend and we all go home. "Home". I'm going to the Blacks'. In one week. I'm meeting Noah at the train station first. In one week. First, I have to get through OWLs. This week. Fuck. I can't do this. This is crazy. I just want to get through this. I have to get through this. We're all going to get through this. Somehow. OWLs are starting late though. 'Cause tomorrow's gonna be the funeral. For the kids that died. I didn't really know any of them

And now I never will.

I hate this. So much. And I'm one of the lucky ones. I didn't lose my best friend or my son or my daughter or my brother Yeah. Right. I'm one of the lucky ones. Sorry, guys. Maybe I'm not going through this now but I already did. Almost two years ago. Two years this summer. It hurts, doesn't it?

Yeah. It hurts.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 93

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THIS IS THE REASON YOU'RE ALONE
THIS IS THE RISE AND THE FALL

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JUNE 13TH

I didn't go.

I pretended I was still sick.

But I'm not.

I just hate funerals.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 94

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THIS IS THE BREAK IN THE BEND
THIS IS THE CLOSEST OF CALLS

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JUNE 14TH

Fuck. Potions OWL. Pretty sure I bombed it. Ugh. Whatever. Why do I even care? There are so many things more important than school right now. So many things. I'm just like, I don't know, I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning. There's so much to think about. This summer. Staying with Narcissa. Drake hates me. Noah's in rehab. At least I get to see him soon. Only a few more days. Thank god. And Rose. Thank god for Rose. Everything else is a mess. My dad. Ugh. I can't even start thinking about him. And Hogsmeade, oh fuck, Hogsmeade. I hate thinking about that too. Death. Dying. People killed. Of course it would happen now. So close to the day. Well about two months. Still close. I know that sounds selfish. Just thinking about them. But I can't believe it's been almost two years and just-

I can't help wondering what they'd think of me if they were still around to see this. Fuck, I'm such a mess.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 95

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WE'RE CONCENTRATING ON FALLING APART
WE WERE CONTENDERS, WE'RE THROWING THE FIGHT

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JUNE 16TH

More OWLs. More failures. Some of the stuff I know, I mean some of it's easy enough to figure out. I'm not dumb. But I've barely paid attention in class all year and I never did any homework and didn't study much and with everything that's been going on... Ugh. This matters so much. I know it does. They're the OWLs. And I'm fucking them up. I'm really fucking them up. The worst is when they're over and everyone's chatting about this and that and oh, they were so relieved that that part was so easy. Yeah, I haven't really found any of this "easy". But that's what I get for being such a crappy student. I keep my mouth shut though. And just try and cram in studying for tomorrow's OWLs. Barely got any sleep last night. I opened this book up at one point, wanting to write in it and take a break. But I didn't know what to say. Blah blah blah I feel like a mess blah blah blah life is so fucked up blah blah blah everything is falling apart.

I have a feeling I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

But tomorrow's the last day. Off I go to cram for my final OWLs and then tomorrow's I'll do them and I'll be done and then the day after that?

The day after that, I get to see Noah. Shut up, it just so happens to be the one good thing I have to look forward to so... yeah. Just let me be excited about this one thing.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 96

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IF TODAY'S THE DAY IT GETS TIRED
TODAY'S THE DAY WE DROPPED OUT

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JUNE 17TH

THEY'RE DONE. THEY'RE FINALLY, FINALLY DONE.

I don't care if I failed every single one. Fuck, I don't care if I got a T on every single one. Probably did. But whatever. Finally, finally, finally, after so much waiting and so much shit, this year is over. I'd write more but I'm off to pack my bags and celebrate with Rose!

Adieu, fifth year!

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[isabelle]

PAGE 97

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SO KEEP THE BLOOD IN YOUR HEAD
AND KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND

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JUNE 18TH

Sooooo, guess whose hair may have magically grown a few inches overnight? Okay, not really. But it had been getting longer anywhere so I may just have used a few spells and potions and all that and yeah, it's long again now. It's weird. But I like it. New hair for the summer. Ha, I sound like one of those girls whose lives revolve around their hair or appearance or whatever. Nah. But I felt like a change. Okay, no, not that either. I just felt like long hair. This has nothing to do with the old me. This is just... long hair. Honestly, there's no deeper meaning, no matter how deep I try and delve into my subconscious. It's just long hair. Really.

In other news, I'm on the train now and we're going to be at the station soon and thank Merlin for that 'cause I'd really like a smoke and the trolley-lady already scolded me once for trying to light up. She also took my cigarette away.

Bitch.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 98

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HEROES AND THIEVES AT MY DOOR
AND I CAN'T SEEM TO TELL THEM APART ANYMORE

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JUNE 19TH

That was weird. Well, not really. I don't know why I wrote that. I'm tired. Sitting on the bed in one of the guest rooms here at the Black Manor and apparently they're having some family dinner in an hour now that everyone's back from Hogwarts. The Blacks have family dinners? Who'd have thought. I'm wondering if I should be scared. Maybe. Maybe not. On the bright side, Annie found out that I'm staying here for the summer. Narcissa was showing me this room and everything and she walked in and was all confused and it was explained so whoop dee doo. She doesn't seem to like me very much. Can't blame her. She's obviously read the Tabloid in which Danni freakin' Valo proceeded to tell the entire school about me and Darley. She didn't seem to like me very much either. Oh well, what's a girl to do. Good thing I don't like either of them either.

Oh yeah. Whoah. I just realized I don't think I ever wrote this in here but, well...

Drake and Annie broke up.

Like a week or two or something, just before Hogsmeade and all that shit went down. I've been a little distracted. And honestly? I don't really care as much as I thought I would. I mean, a few months ago, I would have been ecstatic about this. But I'm not. I just feel like shit for messing up things with Drake. And over what? Over the fact that I thought I liked him or something? Okay, so maybe I did. But not really. He was just kinda... there. Dependable. One of the few people that was and then I know I liked him that way back before everything happened and then this year I thought I did too and I did but not... Oh, I don't know. I guess I was more embarassed than anything. I start wondering if maybe I really like this guy and maybe he likes me too and then he goes and does the one thing that makes it obvious he doesn't. I used to get so pissed just thinking about it. I'm too tired now. Tired of thinking about Drake or Darley or Annie or any of them. And just kinda tired in general.

But right. There was a point to all this. So after I got off the train, Noah was there and he really did grow a beard and it was great to see him and he's not in rehab anymore but it was also really weird. Did that sentence make any sense? I don't know, I'm tired. But yeah. Weird. I don't know. He came on the Knight Bus with me to the Blacks' and we were talking about like... Shit, I don't even know how we got on the topic but we were talking about my dad? Oh right. Noah doesn't seem like such a fan of the Blacks'. And he was talking about all this stuff he learned in rehab and for some reason I felt like rambling about how everything got messed up with me and I mentioned my dad and he said something about how maybe he does love me and I mean, how the fuck would Noah know that, right? Then again, he went on to say all this other stuff about me and I don't know. He's wrong. Or right. I don't know. It was just weird, I mean, he's Noah but he's changed. He wants to be better this year and put all that shit behind him, what got him into rehab. I get that he doesn't want to go there again but like whoah, talk about a huge change.

I don't like change.

But long story short, we argued a bit and ended on... okay terms? I don't even know, honestly. But I really need to get dressed for this 'family dinner' thing, even though I'm exhausted and would rather would be sleeping and oh yeah, do I even own a nice dress? Guess I better figure something out.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 99

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I'M TIRED AND LOW
FEELING SO MISPLACED
TIME FOR YOU TO GO

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JUNE 20TH

So. I've been spending time with Narcissa, avoiding Bellatrix, and antagonizing Annie as much as possible. And then repeat. Their parents are kinda scary - well, their dad mostly - but they've been fine. I can come and go when I have to so it's like I'm totally cooped up. It's better than being at my dad's house. Not that I've even heard from him or anything. Oh well, I didn't expect to. And it'd just be awkward and probably annoying and I'd probably get mad at him. So it's a good thing he hasn't written.

Someone who did write, however, was my lovely cousin, Lucius. He was an ass, as usual, but he just wanted me to answer some questions about what music Narcissa likes or something, I don't know. I answered as best as possible to get him to away.

Also, I may have first spazzed out at him in French. Or sorta French. With Englishy bits. That tends to happen when I get upset and I'd be reading an old book this morning that happened to be in French so... yeah. It was stupid though, he just made a comment about something being "not as bad as sleeping with a mudblood" or something like that and just, ugh, I don't know. I have more reason to hate muggles than a lot of people but I don't really care if a witch or wizard happens to have had the misfortune of being born into a muggle family. Sucks for them but whatever. I was just in a bad mood, that's why I snapped at Lucius. It's not like I am involved with someone who's muggleborn. We're not involved. I mean I totally didn't think of No Ughhhh. Why do I even bother crossing things out in my own diary? I should just keep it in my head in the first place. Ugh. Whatever.

Lucius's birthday is coming up, I just owled him again to say I'd go. I might have been a bit snarky or bitchy or whatever but ugh, now that that's out of the way I definitely don't need to talk to him until the party. Nine days, whoop dee doo.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 100

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WE NEED A LITTLE PRETTY
'CAUSE THIS COUNTRY'S INSANE

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JUNE 20TH

Fuck it, I'm still mad at Lucius. I wrote to Audrey to see if he's been annoying her too lately - and just to bitch about him, I guess. Gotta love having someone else who knows the pain of being related to Lucius Malfoy. Ugh. Whatever, she's going to the party too and apparently now I'm gonna stay the night before with her and we'll get ready and all that jazz together. 'Cause ooh, I haven't even said the good part. She agrees that the party's gonna be a total bore so we've decided to fix that. Spice things up with a bit of music and balloons and that sort of stuff. And we're gonna spell the peacocks so they're dyed pink! I don't know why pink but hey, it'll make a statement. Or something. Oh well, point is, Lucius is an ass. And Audrey has to be the only person in this family who isn't crazy.

Yeah, gotta love her.

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