hanging by a moment

[Marlene McKinnon]

Liabilities

[Marlene McKinnon]

i c o n s / i m a g e s
¹ Static layoutz
² TrendyLayouts
³ TrendyLayouts
⁴ Vanyy @ DA
⁵ TrendyLayouts
⁶ Photobucket/Livejournal
⁷ TrendyLayouts
⁸ Hetherz @ DA
⁹ Consciousspace @ DA
¹⁰ Photobucket
¹¹ MuuuSaki @ DA
¹² Steafano283 @ DA
¹³ Andross01 @ DA
¹⁴ ohrobby @ tumblr
¹⁵ xwearewhoweare @ tumblr
¹⁶ weheartit @ tumblr
¹⁷ weheartit @ tumblr
¹⁸ simplyme-cs @ tumblr
¹⁹ kelsmosher @ tumblr
²⁰ bonesandsunshine @ tumblr
²¹ spnfuckinaweesome @ tumblr
²² raizaroof @ tumblr
²³ runrightback @ tumblr
²⁴ nicocox3 @ tumblr
²⁵ makemebreakmelovemesaveme @ tumblr
²⁶ wishing good luck @ tumblr
²⁷beautiful-impurrfections @ tumblr
²⁸ londonscene @ flickr


s o n g s
¹ You Me At Six / Always Attract
² You Me At Six / Fireworks
³ You Me At Six / If You Run
⁴ You Me At Six / Sugar, We're Goin' Down
(originally by FOB)
⁵ Backstreet Boys / I Need You Tonight
⁶ A Fine Frenzy / New Heights
⁷ Train / Words
⁸ The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus / Misery Loves Its Company
⁹ Nada Surf / What Is Your Secret?
¹⁰ Katy Perry / I'm Still Breathing
¹¹ Dashboard Confessional / Matters of Blood & Connection
¹² Boxcar Racer / And I
¹³ All-American Rejects / Last Song
¹⁴ Avril Lavigne / Nobody's Fool
¹⁵ Madonna / Material Girl
¹⁶ AFI / Kiss My Eyes And Lay Me To Sleep
¹⁷ Madonna / Hung Up
¹⁸ Avril Lavigne / I Miss You
¹⁹ Taking Back Sunday / Since You're Gone
²⁰ Lesley Gore / It's My Party
²¹ Taking Back Sunday / You're So Last Summer
²² Say Anything / Where The Hurt Is
²³ A Change Of Pace / Weekend Warriors
²⁴ Train / Marry Me
²⁵ A Change Of Pace / Recipe For Disaster
²⁶ Taking Back Sunday / Call Me In The Morning
²⁷ Boxcar Racer / There Is
²⁸ Taking Back Sunday / Since You're Gone

m i s c.
¹ I forgot the exact user, but Marlene's
mood theme is definitely credited to one
very talented livejournal user. If anyone knows
the name, please tell meh!
² Title credit of this journal goes to the amazing
band Lifehouse and their song that shares titles with this thread.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: O N E ::




mood_ecstatic

Whoa, okay, this thing just tumbled out of my suitcase as I unpacked. Like, seriously. I hadn't even known I'd packed it? Maybe Sirius threw it in for me when he saw it, but then again, I don't even know where it was originally, so--eh. Does it matter? It just made me remember I was supposed to have written here a long time ago. Apparently, though, I suck at keeping my word to inanimate objects? Bah, I don't even know. Anyway, thing is you're way behind, journal of mine, because, guess what?! We're not even in the same country as before. That's right. No, I'm not mental, it's true. Remember how I always babbled about fashion and whatnot? Turns out I decided to take the leap. I'm in Italy, about to turn into an ah-mazing model slash clothing designer. Don't believe it? Oh, please, make sure to pick up your Witch Weekly next issue. Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit there, considering I had to like, do a lot of stuff just to get this job here as an intern, considering I have no 'previous experience' according to my boss. Um, like, hello? I love fashion. I can probably cite to you all the important fashion brands in the world alphabetically. And that's where I'm not kidding. Anyway, I'm in Italy, and it's beautiful, and amazing, and--

I miss home already. How crazy is that?! But anyway, home can wait, as harsh as that sounds, because guess what?!

Destiny is waiting for me.

How can a girl resist that? It's like Sirius with chocolates in his hand. Double WHAM combo. Oh, damn, I shouldn't have mentioned le boyfriend. Now I will be moping for a while, and I need to finish unpacking! Ack!

Toodles.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W O ::




mood_guilty

I know what you're thinking, no need to look at me like that. How could I leave Sirius so soon after getting together? I mean, after all the drama we went through, the very least I could do was to stay a while and you know, bask in the 'first months of dating' glory. But, as some people very coherently say: it was now or never. Besides, Sirius backs my decision 100%. He told me so. So of course I don't have anything to feel guilty about. Which is why I don't.

Feel guilty that is.

YES, YES I DO FEEL GUILTY, OKAY?! I WANNA GO BACK AND APOLOGIZE TO HIM AND TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM AND AND AND.

And none of that will happen. Because this is my life, and fashion is my life, even if Sirius is part of my life too, and like...I mean, fashion has been there way longer than he has and--why am I even comparing the two? Fashion can't bring me the happiness Sirius does. He's...he's everything I've ever wanted and so much more, and I miss him terribly, but this is what growing up is all about, no? I was anxious to graduate,but I don't think I realized that graduating also implied that I wouldn't be with him twenty four seven. Then again, before graduation, there was no 'him' to worry about. Not that I'm worrying about Sirius or anything, it's--he's on my mind so constantly, I can't think straight. And I've gotten so many scoldings and stuff from my boss and sometimes I feel so miserable that I can't help but think if I made a mistake and

I miss him. It's that simple.

But I knew that working was going to be hard, I just didn't know how much I guess? But things will work out in the end, I know this. How can I doubt this? I've got my own personal star. Literally too.

Oh, Sirius would understand.

I, for one, am done writing to an inanimate object for the day.

Fashion diva out.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T H R E E ::




mood_angry

What can I do to distract myself from the very shitty boss slash job that I have? I mean, seriously? Fashion is supposed to be one of the major-est loves of my life, and this is what I get? I mean, what the fudge? I come here with the highest expectations, only to be trodden by people who are nobodies, because apparently, I'm even below the nobodies, because I don't even exist in their radar. How am I ever going to get to the top this way? I can't even climb the first step. I'm going to die here, I'm convinced. You know what they had me do today? DO YOU KNOW?! Of course you don't. You don't know anything except what I tell you, and honestly, I haven't really told you anything for the past three weeks, because I haven't had the time, therefore, you don't know anything that has gone down in these past hellish weeks. I've been called fat, ugly (in so many words), inadequate, and I'm pretty sure more florid vocabulary was used on my persona in the Italian language. Romance language my arse. Those people know more cuss words than the Spanish dudes, lemme tell you. I'll tell you what they had me do. They had me iron the model's clothes for her, and they made me carry photographic equipment, and you know what is roaring ridiculous?! Fucking Pierre Anthony Scham has a shoot booked with my agency for next week. I mean, are you fucking SERIOUS?! The arse is not more successful than I am, and given my stupid luck, I'll probably be appointed to be his assistant, and I can just picture his disgusting face as he sees me, realizes the dilemma and then adjfalkdjfa! That's right! There are no words to explain my anger right now. Holy fricking cow. Do you know what else?! I am now on a perpetual diet. Mhm, you read right, bitch. IIII am on a diet. How ridiculous is that?! Fuck you, everybody! for a little while?

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: F O U R ::




mood_content

You haven't really shopped until you've shopped in Milan.

Just sayin'.

Never mind that I sneaked off work to do it, and I'll probably see repercussions of this later I'll probably end up being Pierre's assistant, definitely, but I dont' give a rat's tail, because MILAN loves me. At least the stores do.

The people? Not so much.

Does it look like I care, though? Nope, I don't, because, guess what? I've got new clothes!

Lamenting my existence can wait just a little bit longer. Probably after I've finished twirling around in all my different outfits. Baiiii.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: F I V E ::




mood_in love

I've got an amazing boyfriend.

And he's better than yours, damn right.

Il ragazzo is so ridiculously perfect. Don't look at me like that. Kiki invited me to a bash she's throwing for her stupid boyfriend, and I figured I should invite him. Yeah, remember the dick I mentioned that doesn't deserve her? Yeah, she's still with him. but hey, at least she invited me, right? I'm excited. Not only will I get to be back home for a little while and see all of my friends, but of course the major plus is that I'll get to see my own lucky star Siriussss. Had to owl him to tell him, of course. He was all for it. See? That's another reason why I love him. He likes to go to stuff with me, and he misses me and and and...DAMN IT LORENZO, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING OF YOURS, STOP BARGING IN MY ROOM, OKAY? That gay, Italian stallion will make me find his tweezers and stab him through the eye and straight through his brain if he doesn't start knocking any time soon. Bitch.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: S I X ::




mood_happy

Jammin' and I talk a lot, did you know?

And I love him, and he loves me, and and it's perfect! I should stop owling people back home. It just makes me miss them so much more, it's insanity. I want to be back there! Like I told Jams, I'm so through with Italy. I probably would've loved it more here if I weren't worked to the bone. Then again, I guess it's made me realize that some things are worth it. This is my dream. Has been for the longest while, and if I had enough heart (or lack of, depends on your POV) to do anything for Sirius, I can do anything for this. I will.

...I just miss home.

But I've got good news. Jules hooked me up with a couple of other people, and I'm getting an interview next month! How exciting is that?! I hope everything turns fine. I won't be telling many people about it, because if I stink at it, I don't need any more failures on top of this. Apparently, showing off is not that attractive. Who would've thought, eh?

Also, guess what?

I was Pierre's assistant. That shoot I mentioned to Benji...yeah, that was his. Apparently he's hot stuff now. Do you want to know what he made me do? He made me lighting director. Like, okay, so that's better than his assistant, but not really. What was I supposed to know about lighting? I mean, I always thought I was going to prance through the major fashion empires, take them up by storm and everything was going to fall into place. Boy, was I wrong. Looks like you actually have to do stuff to get your dreams come true.

Go figure.

BTW, Pierre's a prick. Nothing new, just thought I'd throw it out there.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: S E V E N ::




mood_hungry

Not even shopping does the trick anymore. What is the world coming to? Shopping doesn't taste the same when you're watching your weight, or you have 'size seven!' cries ringing in your ears. (I'm a size five, thank you very much) Or you miss home this much. I've probably emptied one of Daddy's Gringott's vaults buying stuff for friends, I mean, not even for me anymore. I keep buying them things here and there, everywhere I go. Even to people I don't like that much. You know you've reached the breaking point when you start thinking 'Oh, that would look cute on Lily Evans'.

Like hell.

And I'm always starving. Like half of the time. Really. Salads don't make the cut when they're your only food instead of the first plate. Someone needs to rescue me, because being in this state doesn't only make me more irritated, it makes me imagine stuff way too easily, and makes me come up with weird scenarios in my head. Also, I must be in good moods whenever my shift comes up becaaaause, otherwise, I might hex people's ears off. Have I mentioned how much my boss sucks? Because he does. And he's not that great. He's probably jealous that I am a girl while he's simply stuck wishing he was one. Ooooh, I went there.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: E I G H T ::




mood_annoyed

Remember how I mentioned two days ago that being hungry kind of makes imagine scenarios in my head? Yeah, I was being specific. See, I recently found out that Sirius & Lily are partners. I know, right? What the heck? Like, how is that even supposed to work? You sign up for this thing Order of the Phoenix and you get paired up with a hottie? (with Sirius being the hottie here, obviously) Why does she even need a partner for, anyway? Wasn't she like, Head Girl, and awesome at whatever she touched and blah blah blah? This just means they're spending more time together than I am spending with him! And I keep turning this inside my mind, and it's driving me up the wall. I don't do jealousy...most of the time. But lately, since James, I can't--

It's all Evans' fault. Screw whatever I said about her being too nice, or how we'd somehow reached an amicable understanding, or how close I was to buying her stuff. She's a man-stealer, man-eater and she's going to stay away from my man. Because...because... Ugh. I can't begin to imagine what I would do if history repeated itself. Not that I don't trust Sirius, but you know, I'm hungry, and I keep conjuring all these images inside my head, and it's flipping obscene the way they hang out! Like, honestly, don't touch him, you hussy.

I'm so going to owl her and threaten her girly bits.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. What's a girl supposed to do with this kind of crap, anyway? Isn't there an advice column I could write to or something? Never mind that there's not a single girl that's been in this position before. What am I supposed to write? "Dear Whoever, I'm writing to you because I need advice. Duh, that's why people write to advice-columnists, right? Anyway, see, I have a boyfriend, and he's wonderful and absolutely charming. We have a lot of history, and a lot of drama had to go down before we got together, but it finally happened, and right after graduation (when we got together), I had to leave to a foreign place to pursue my dream. Of course, my boyfriend being as wonderful as he is, backed me up totally, and all was well, except for the fact that I missed him, but you know, nothing too painful. Then, I find out that the girl who stole my ex-boyfriend (who I loved dearly), is working with him. Oh, not only at the same place, no, but as his partner. That wouldn't mean a lot. I mean, they did study in the same place and they did have the same affinities, but see, they're fighting against...'evil', so they're probably going to be on high-risk situations, which will make them become closer to each other, and to trust each other, because they will be fighting You-Know-Who while I am here, stuck being miserable and imagining what they're doing/thinking/saying/not saying to each other. Also, did I mention that my boyfriend lives with her current fiancé (which just so happens to be my ex-boyfriend and his best friend)? I didn't? Oh, well, there you go. The time they spend together has just upped say, 50000%? Gone through the roof, to put it mildly. I trust my boyfriend, don't get me wrong, it's her I don't trust. She's done this before. Pretended she wasn't going to go for my guy, saying that she was 'happy' for me, and that everything was fine, but I don't believe her, because I'm good at being paranoid. And dear Whoever, she steals my guys! I'm not kidding! And now I'm wondering if my boyfriend agreed with my trip out of respect and support, or just because he wanted to get rid of me so he could be with a certain redhaired girl. Because, see, she's too nice, and she's good at everything (even stealing guys), and she's disgusting in general. So, I would love very much to hear your say on things. Should I pack my things, kiss my job goodbye and go rip her hair/eyes out back home? Or should I simply sit quietly while they probably shag like rabbits on my boyfriend's and her fiancé's place? Please, I expect your response with bated breath.

Sincerely,

The Crazed Girlfriend."

Yeah, no.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: N I N E ::




mood_infuriated

I have a secret to tell.

I owled Lily Evans.

She thinks she's grown a backbone since Hogwarts. She hasn't, fyi. She's still Evans, the girl who will annoy me to death. If it were possible, I'd probably be dead already. No, she's not cute, and no, she's definitely not nice. At least not in this owl, she wasn't. I don't care, though. She's been warned to back off. If she doesn't, I think I'll be paying James a visit sometime soon. Screw work. Screw everything, because if she forces me to take those measures...oh, it won't be pretty. She can bet her flaming locks on that. But I think the message rang crystal clear:

Back off, bitch.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T E N ::




mood_jubilant

I just woke up next to Benji. He had his arms wrapped around me and he was smiling. (He's so getting teased for that, by the way) I'd forgotten how wonderful it felt to be held. I guess I have another thing to thank him for. I mean, aside from COMING ALL THE WAY TO ITALY TO RESCUE ME AND TAKE ME HOME.

Oh, that's right.

Didn't I tell you?

Ah, right, it just happened like, three hours ago. He portkeyed here, brought me ice-cream, bitches, and slept with me. Oh, I do hope Sirius doesn't read this ever, because that sounds so bad. It felt nice. Waking up next to someone who you adore so unconditionally. Benjamin owns my heart most of the time. Except when he's being a jerk. Which, you know, isn't that often, because I swear that guy is made of pure goodness. Or gold. Depends. And he smells so good too. I'm so lame. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I just Accioed my journal, and here I am, still next to him. He snores lightly too. I honestly have to cover my mouth every few seconds, because I believe bursting out laughing is not the appropriate way to wake up your extremely hot best friend. Especially when he's stripped down to his boxers.

He'll have to explain that one when he wakes up.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't me, because when I fell asleep, he was still showering, thanks. Well, I'm fifty percent sure at any rate. For all I know, the ice-cream had some level of alcohol, and Merlin knows I get frisky with alcohol--Benji knows this too so--haha, okay, yeah, that would be a funny scenario, but no. I'm fully dressed. Which uh, is pretty uncomfortable? And great, now that I've noticed this I can't stop thinking about it. There are buttons digging into my skin. Not cute. I mean, they look cute, but they certainly don't feel cute. How can someone feel cute anyway? I know you can look in the mirror and be all like 'oh, I feel cute today', but aside from that--I'm rambling.

Can you tell how happy I am?

I am.

I seriously am. I'm going home to my people! And with Benji, no less. Of course, first I must take him sight-seeing, and then give him all the presents I bought for him, and make sure all my scandalous lingerie is hidden, because I'll be damned before I blush as much as I did when he saw that bra. Damn it.

I love you Benjamin Burke. I'd force you to marry me if it weren't for the fact that I'm so disgustingly in love with somebody else. Now, let's go and pretend we are married to the outside world, just for the scandal.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: E L E V E N ::




mood_silly

Apparently, I should consider myself lucky that he woke up with boxers.

Apparently, Benji likes to sleep naked. Hot damn ...Honestly, Benji? Real classy, mate, real classy.

I guess I do consider myself lucky, because, see, I don't know what I would've done if I'd woken up next to a very much nekkid Benjamin Burke. Flipped out of my proper mind, probably. After ogling for a little while No, not really. I mean, what? I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, can't dawdle, 'cause pretend-husband and I are going sightseeing. And I have to spoil him because he sleeps naked because he's my best friend, that's why. I have so many places to show him, and so many other where I show him off. Ah yes, I'd forgotten how it felt to be envied by the girls when you have a hot guy hanging on your arm as a very, very shiny accessory. Benji is so much more than that. Then again, it doesn't hurt he's got a cute face and to die for abs. Not that I checked him out while he was sleeping or anything. Nope.

Over and out, losers who are still stuck in Italy alone, I've got some quality time to spend with my boy space fran.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E L V E ::




mood_peaceful

I'd forgotten how beautiful Italy really is. I mean, I've taken Benji through Verona and Milan, and man, it was like seeing the cities for the first time. I've been cooped in here for so long (or at least it seems so) that I'd forgotten how breathtaking the views in here can be. And the people are so friendly too. I'd definitely consider this a place to live if I managed to convince Sirius. I mean, it's a good fantasy to have. I know that our whole lives are back home, but man, it sure looks amazing to live here. I can't believe I let my crappy work-people ruin all these gorgeous places for me. I have to appreciate everything, not only the small things, but the not-so-small things too. Like Italy's huge cities, for example. Yet another thing Benji has made me realize. Ugh. What is it with this guy and his thought-provoking presence? I should get rid of him permanently. Using my mind too much is tiringggg. But no, I'm having too much fun having free diners and trinkets being given away to me because I'm a brand new wife and we're in our honeymoon, so could you please be kind to the tourists? Aha. Awesome. I almost got a new bracelet from Cartier today with that little lie, but Benji just looked at me with those reproachful stupid eyes of his and I had to bow out. Trust me, that boy owes me diamonds now.

We've got tons of new pictures together too! And no, these did not involve illumination, or ginormous flashes, or any kind of professional stunts. It was just us, a pair of amateurs with an almost disposable camera, and having so much fun. Benji has that quality about him, being able to make everything so damn fun. I'm almost feeling sorry that tomorrow we're heading home. Note the almost, because I can't wait to see Sirius again and surprise him. I owled James today, asked him to give us a little alone time. Yes, it was awkward, and yes, I had a lot of things to say that I didn't, because guess what? I managed to be perfectly cordial. That's right. Detached, Determined, Dutiful. The three magical D's. I deserve a pat in the back from the heavens. So, tomorrow, home, here we come!

For now, I have to take my new hubby out to dinner in a very expensive ristorante. It's so good to be eating pasta again! Sweet Circe, I'd missed those calories.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T H I R T E E N ::




mood_pissed off

Home is where the heart is, right? Home is where you come back to with a smile on your face, and the desire to be who you are with no holding back. Home is where you're supposed to see your boyfriend and be able to make out with him and maybe a little more with the absolute tranquility that nobody will bother you.

WRONG

Bitches had to ruin it all. And yes, I'm classifying James into that category, damn it! What is this f**k*ry? I come to their apartment (which I had reserved for him, by the way), ready to prepare a surprise for Sirius, and everything is fine, because il ragazzo arrives, does and says all the appropriate things to the girlfriend he's missed so much, and just when things are starting to get, you know, better, we hear scuffling that I conveniently decide to ignore and then... There's Potter and Evans.

Just like that.

How's that for a mood killer? I could bet you right here and now that nobody can top that. Nobody in the effing world can top this. I mean, your nemesis and your ex walking in on you while you sex it up with your boy? Total off switch for the mood, as far as I can tell. And do you know what the idiots did? You'd think that they would've had the decency to leave, stuttering out their apologies and then owled me a very big gift basket. But no. No. They just stood there, gawking like slow-functioning squibs. And Potter said 'oops'. OOPS, DAMN IT. Like, hello? I mean, I get that Evans has the manners of a troll, and even James qualifies for that too, but really? To her credit, Evans did blush. Not that that's much comfort, but I was too beyond myself to give two shits. I threw some spit as I ranted to stupid Potter's face, and I slammed doors and threw things against walls, but it wasn't enough, I swear. Not by a long shot. Did I want to see Evans and Potter with their 'shag me now' looks on their faces? I COULD'VE LIVED WITHOUT THAT. A LONG, HAPPY LIFE. BUT NO, WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN, AND I SHALL LIVE WITH THAT MARRED SUBCONSCIOUS FOREVER. Oh, you owe me more than a big gift basket, lepers. You owe me the entire, fucking universe. Nothing can make this better. Nothing, I tell you. Oh, but there's something that could make it worse, yes there is. Wanna know what? You really wanna know? What did my brilliant boyfriend do to remedy the situation? He flipping laughed! As in, hi, my name's Sirius Orion Black, I'm messing around with my girlfriend while my best mate and his fiancée walk in and I fucking giggle my head off.

Excuse me, but WHAT?!

I can't even begin to convey how fucking pissed/indignant/roaring angry/embarrassed/WHATEVER ELSE THERE IS I am over this entire thing. Death Eaters are going to look flipping tame compared to what I'm going to concoct, losers. The entire world can die now, thank you, because Marlene is about to storm off and throw a tremendously huge hissy fit.

Oh, and Potter? Expect a dead kneazle in your daily mail.

Just sayin'.