hanging by a moment

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: F O U R T E E N ::




mood_resigned

We survived the catastrophe.

Somehow.

It was weird for a few days. I threw my tantrum and I pouted around the place, but I knew it was a hopeless case. I mean, when you know you have your time with your boyfriend limited due to the fact that you may or may not still have a job back in Italy, you start counting the hours you get to spend with him. So, I sucked it up, forgave him (yes he needed to be forgiven, alright?!) and proceeded to spend marvelous, marvelous days with him. Until I received an owl from my boss, telling me that if I wanted to still call Italy my job place, I better get my ass in gear and back there ASAP.

I then, of course, proceeded to owl a very rude reply back. They could shove their job up where they found it most convenient, because there was no way in hell I was going back.

Then, a day later, I took the nearest Portkey back to Milan.

Which means I fail tragically at rebellion.

I just can't let my dreams fall through like that, you know? Even if I miss Sirius like nobody's business and even if my birthday's coming up. I just can't give up like that. I can't!

So, here I am, back in Italy, bored out of my mind, numb with everything that isn't happening around me and entertaining suicidal thoughts. Because I'm morbid like that, hell yes.

Ugh.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: F I F T E E N ::




mood_excited

I got to shoot a mini spread for some random foreign magazine today.

Only one super small picture of me was featured and I'm not even looking at the camera, but I'll be damned if I don't send a clip of it to every single one of my acquaintances. And hey, at least I look hot, right?

This is what I have been reduced to: calling a small clip in some magazine actual progress. When in reality, I should only be settling for the central spread, dammit.

Kill me now.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: S I X T E E N ::




mood_tired

Longest.day.at.work.ever.

I'm dead now, bye.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: S E V E N T E E N ::




mood_anxious

Birthday countdown begins today!

Five more days and I will be officially old.

Ew.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: E I G H T E E N ::




mood_homesick

Three more days and I still don't know what I'll be doing when I turn eighteen. Mario and some of the girls here are super excited, talking about partying and all of that, but I'm not really feeling it.

I'm just missing Sirius like crazy homesick.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: N I N E T E E N ::




mood_missing him

Two more days.

I've always spent my birthdays at home, no matter where I was vacationing, or how remote our location, we always went home. Daddy sent me an owl today, asking me what my plans were. As always, he wants to make sure I'm spending it exactly the way I want to spend it. I just don't know. After my last unexpected trip back home, the boss wasn't exactly happy with me, so going back there is out of the question.

Except that's the only thing I want to do.

Stupid Italy.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y ::




mood_devious

Happy birthday to me.

Didn't/Couldn't sleep at all last night, so, instead, I'm sitting here watching as the sun rises on the beautiful Italian day, just ready to take on this day and make it hers.

Worth shit, as far as I'm concerned.

It's my birthday, I turn 18 today. It's a special day! It shouldn't be spent indoors, bawling my eyes out for all the people that I miss. Yet, that's exactly what will happen. What else am I supposed to do? Go home?

Yeah, right.


...

It's my birthday.

Why won't I do exactly what I want to?

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y O N E ::




mood_naughty

I'm home.

Most importantly.

I'm with Sirius.

Will update later, but just so you know:

Italy can kiss my butt.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y T W O ::




mood_happy

Best.Birthday.EVER.

Sirius, I love you.

I just can't believe how it all falls into place every single time I'm with him. It's impossibly unbelievable and I can't handle it.

I spent my birthday exactly how I wanted to spend it: with him.

Just me & him, the only people that matter right now, because...well, he's the world to me.

I can't explain it, it's just the way it's supposed to be. Like all the drama we had to go through in order to be where we are, it's everything I need. He's my rock.

Not just an inanimate object, but my actual rock, he keeps me fixed. Keeps me where I need to be: right at his side. I just...can't stay away, not anymore. Coming home again has made me realize that I was just trying to fool myself. Italy may be my dream, but here...it's my reality. Why should I waste my life chasing ephemeral things when I have such a sparkling reality waiting for me? Don't get me wrong, I still want all the things I said I wanted, but there are many paths to the same destination. I must not hold on to whims. I just...I can't leave. Not again.

I haven't told anyone of my decision, I can't bear to have them think I'm giving up, when I'm not, so I'll just quietly leave to Italy again, collect the rest of my things, wrap things up and head back home.

I shouldn't have left in the first place.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y T W O ::




mood_calm

Now more than ever, I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing. I may be harder for me to become the person I always dreamed of being away from the place where it was supposed to happen, but I will.

I will.

It'll just be...a touch harder than expected.

So, cheers.

I'm getting wasted with my Italian girls tonight. My goodbye festivities start...now.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y F O U R ::




mood_crappy

I got an invitation today.

They're getting married.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y F I V E ::




mood_crushed

They.are.getting.married.

And it's not that I'm not...happy for them.

I just wanna kill him.

I am.

They're disgustingly perfect for each other.

The two-faced bitch Head Girl & the arsehole Head Boy.

It's the best cliché in the making.

It's just...don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean, you think you love someone, right? You're so sure of it, but what happens if, I don't know, Remus decides he's in love with Lily all of a sudden? Won't James dropped her like he dropped me when he found out Sirius loved me? What if his love for her fades just as quickly as his love for me did? Well, I already know Lily is a better person than me, but, you never know, alright? YOU JUST NEVER KNOW! Oh, God, I'm invited, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?! Oh, hey guys! I'm so happy for you, here, I brought you a gift, it's a hand grenade. Make sure to pop it soon, yeah?

God, they're getting married.

As in actually going to get their fucking happily ever after.

And they're gonna have kids & they're gonna be disgustingly sloppy and redheaded with his unmanageable hair and her eyes and his mischievous grin and...

I can't handle this.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y S I X ::




mood_frustrated

I can't go solo to my ex's wedding!

Who am I supposed to take? Sirius doesn't know I'm going, Ethan's probably going with his skank girlfriend and it's lame to show up with a girl-friend. I mean, it's your ex's wedding. I can't do anything but ravishing.

I need to go shopping.

For a partner too.

Also, I've owled Daddy to let him know I'll be home for the wedding. He replied by saying he'll have a surprise for me then. At least I know my excitement for that will be real enough.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y S E V E N ::




mood_blank

Show time.

[Marlene McKinnon]

ENTRY :: T W E N T Y E I G H T ::




mood_crushed

They're dead.

They're all dead.