WINDSWEPT

[Stefan Capper]

" stop in the name of love
before you break my heart "

Masks arrived today. Oh, I forgot to mention that Lyle asked me to get one for him as well. Pink. Pink because it's his favourite color. How cute is he? Gah.

Anyway, they arrived, and mine is black and simple enough and Lyle's is pink.

I have to give it to him now, and tomorrow's the party. I'm definitely much more excited about this than I was before.

Recollection: Nothing, really.

[Stefan Capper]

" but is his sweet expression
worth more than my love and affection "

HOLY SHIT HE FANCIES ME. HE LIKES ME. HE LIKES ME. HE LIKES ME. LYLE LIKES ME. HE LIKES ME. HE LIKES ME. HE LIKE-LIKES ME. HE LIKES ME.

LYLE. FANCIES. ME.

ME. HE LIKES ME. HE ACTUALLY. FREAKING. LIKES. ME. HE LIKES ME. OH MY GOD HE LIKES ME.

...SHIT!

HE LIKES ME! HE TOLD ME HE LIKED ME. LYLE TOLD ME HE LIKES ME! THAT HE LIKES ME. THAT HE HAS A CRUSH ON HIM. OH MY GOD LYLE HAS A CRUSH ON HIM.

...oh my god Lyle has a crush on me.

ARGH! IT'S NEARLY FOUR IN THE MORNING AND LYLE HAS A CRUSH ON ME. OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. LYLE. FANCIES. ME. LYLE. MALARKEY. FANCIES. ME.

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS!? I CAN'T SLEEP. I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE HE LIKES ME. OH MY GOD. HE LIKES ME. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP WHEN LYLE IS SOMEWHERE IN THIS CASTLE AND HE LIKES ME!?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Recollection: FUCK YOU, HE LIKES ME.

[Stefan Capper]

" like baby, baby, baby
thought you'd always be mine "

It's November first. I woke up in my bed today, opened my eyes lazily, looked up at the ceiling and remembered that-

LYLE LIKES ME.

How I'm going to be able to stay calm after this, I have no idea! He actually fancies me! Okay, let me calm down. I still can't believe it. I mean, after everything and just...he actually likes me back. That's never, ever, ever happened to me. I feel like I could fly.

Not that I'll try it; that mightn't be a good idea.

Okay, so anyway. I went to Rita's party, and Lyle was there, and we were talking, right? And I happened to mention that I had that stupid date with Vanessa, and Lyle started saying something about me not doing something I don't want to do, and I asked why it mattered to him or something -details are fuzzy, you can understand- and he got all embarrassed and weird and then said something like:

'Has that ever happened to you? You like a girl and she can't like you back, and you know that it won't be the same or whatever-'

Forget it, I have no idea what he said but it was something along those lines, and then I was like 'You...?' and he said 'Yes'. And he likes me! He actually likes me. And then he said something about screwing things up and all I wanted to do was freak the hell out but he doesn't even know I'm gay.

I would have never in a thousand years been able to tell Luke I liked him when I did last year.

How can somebody be that perfect!? Lyle, not Luke. I think I have a thing for the letter 'L'. And well, then...Lyle kind of disappeared afterwards but I didn't really care because I was walking on clouds, and eventually went back to my room to scream into my pillow. That's how pathetic I am.

He likes me though!

Recollection: Never have I ever had a Sunday this amazing.

[Stefan Capper]

" i felt the earth
beneath my feet "

I told Imogen.

Couldn't help myself; I had to tell somebody. Though I totally pretended I was all but indifferent toward it. I'm a spectacular actor.

...admittedly this was through notes in class. If it had been face to face I would not have made it without blushing or giggling or something.

Anyway, she suggested go on as normal, maybe talk about it but I don't really want to talk about it because I might say something I don't really want?

So I think. I'm going to teach Lyle how to read. If he wants to, that is. I'll ask him to meet me later tomorrow in the library and ask him then.

Gah.

Recollection: Nothing.

[Stefan Capper]

" you don't want me for yourself
so let me find somebody else "

So I asked Lyle to study with me. And we went to the library. And we studied. And then I offered to teach him how to read. And in exchange he could teach me how to fly. And we did that and...

I was acting weird. Not in a weird, awkward way but like...oh, Merlin, I think I might have been flirting? If that's what flirting is even like? I said something like, I liked painters? And...and Lyle draws sometimes and he was looking at me like...gah.

I cannot get over the way he looks at me sometimes.

Anyway, I taught him how to write the vowels, and he got them right, so there's...that. Um. And then we walked out. And uh...

He kissed me.

Okay, okay, so he kissed the top of my head, but still. His mouth pressed against a part of me and that counts as a kiss.

He actually kissed me. Admittedly, he ran away as if there was a fire behind me later but still; he kissed me.

I am so, so, way in the danger zone when it comes to Lyle Malarkey. I'm completely, entirely crazy about him.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, apparently it's ridiculously obvious to everybody else, too. Just now, I was trying to write an essay for something in the common room, and Bridget Taylor, fabulous hair-twin, totally caught me daydreaming with a stupid smile on his face and called me out on it.

Replacing 'he' pronouns with 'she' works wonders.

Recollection: I used to come to the library to read sometimes, I think.

[Stefan Capper]

" no other sound has
what this music has "

Haven't talked to him since he ran away from me after the library thing. Do you think he might be avoiding me? I don't see why he would be, though. I mean, it's not like I did anything, and what he did... which was kiss me, by the way, if you didn't read correctly, wasn't something to be embarassed about or anything.

I think I'm just going to stop overthinking it and be cool. I can totally be cool and forget about Lyle. Hold on, not forget him as in forever because that'd be plainly stupid because he's--well, I'm pretty sure it's obvious. I mean, try not to obsess over him until we talk again. Which should be on Tuesday, um, five days from now.

Not a big deal. I can do this.

Recollection: Just found some sort of to-do list from when I was in first year? Dang, my handwriting was messy.

[Stefan Capper]

" I’ve gotta get home
but, baby, you’ll freeze out there "

You know what, maybe this is even good for me, trying not to obsess over Lyle. I mean, I’m crushing on him, and I’m crushing bad. And it’s obvious. And he’s been occupying every single minute of my thoughts for the last month or something. And it’s obsessive and I need to stop. Kind of embarrassing, really. And okay, my excuse is that he’s the first boy ever in the history of ever that I’ve met that’s gay, and who happens to like me back. Which is a pretty valid excuse.

But still, I should stop. So from now on, no more flailing over every word he says. I can be cool, calm and collected. This starts now.

Recollection: Seriously, though, ever.