WINDSWEPT

[Stefan Capper]

" something has changed within me
something is not the same "

Halfway through the month and doing pretty well. Flitwick gave me an E on the spell we’d been working on, got an O in the Potions exam, and as usual, a P from McGonagall.

How the hell am I going to pass that OWL?

Recollection: McGonagall gave me my first ever docked point.

[Stefan Capper]

" you need to give it up
i’ve had about enough "

My roommate thinks that if I spoke just as much as I wrote in this notebook, I’d be the most sociable kid in school. I do write in here all the time, don’t I? Well, it’s not that easy to talk to people. On the other hand, inanimate objects don’t judge or talk back. There are plenty of reasons, so whatever, Paul. Besides, I don’t think you can force friendships like you can’t force relationships, which is why blind dates are ridiculous. If people come to you, you embrace them, if they don’t, then okay. I can live without that.

Recollection: I wish I’d had a journal in the first three years of school. It’d help so much.

[Stefan Capper]

" if i should die before i wake
it’s cause you took my breath away "

Perfected the spell I’d been working on. I can now animate my drawings to a certain extent. Okay, maybe ‘perfected’ wasn’t the right word, but it’s now at least usable without distorting the original picture, and yes, I’m proud of it. Will put it to use as soon as I actually draw something.

Recollection: I do have a gallery of drawings from my first years, though.

[Stefan Capper]

" now i’ve had the time of my life
no, i never felt like this before "

Been staring at that picture all day. Trying to remember, as usual. Ended up with a ridiculous headache and no results. Another failed attempt at memory by Stefan Capper.

I think I’ll drop still images and start drawing people again. I was seemingly good at it, if this is any indication.

Recollection: I started drawing people before going to Hogwarts, but I can’t remember when. Must be the summer that I can’t remember anything from.

[Stefan Capper]

" is this the real life, is this just fantasy
caught in a landslide, no escape from reality "

Attempted drawing one of the guys from the Warlocks band Emmeline’s always going on about. I’m not even going to scrap that piece of work. Maybe I’m not so good with people after all.

Managed an A in Transfiguration. I’m still in shock.

Recollection: Nothing today.

[Stefan Capper]

" oh, you gonna take me home tonight
oh, down beside that red firelight "

Bad hair day. Like, ridiculously bad. It’s been sticking up all over the place all day, no matter what potion I try to dab on it. Had half a mind to wrap my scarf around it, but I don’t need people to think I’m weirder than I already do.

Paul reinforces this thought.

Recollection: Again, nothing.

[Stefan Capper]

" you know you, you make me feel so good inside
i always wanted a girl just like you "

Mum’s birthday. I sent her the necklace I bought and a card with Wellington. There’s a Quidditch game today. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin; rooting for Gryffindor since I actually have friends on that team.

Gryffindor won; May was spectacular.

Recollection: Maybe I’ve run out of things to remember. Yeah, right.

[Stefan Capper]

" i only know that when i’m in it, it isn’t silly
no, it isn’t silly, love isn’t silly at all "

Okay. I’m torn between feeling amazed or weirded out. So there I was, going to History of Magic, when this guy in my class –he’s a Hufflepuff- dropped an essay. I picked it up and sent it over with a note, and instead of replying or whatever, he drew a smiley face. And...okay, it might sound weird but we started like, doing things to the smiley, drawing on them, and sort of talking through pictures? His name’s Lyle and he was funny and seemed nice and everything, so we started talking after class –he talks a lot, by the way- and then he just, out of nowhere- he’s gay.

Like. There’s somebody else in Hogwarts that’s gay. As in, I’m not the only one. And he just...he just said it! As if it wasn’t a big deal at all! Randomly inputted it into the conversation. I think I freaked out, I’m not sure. Must have seemed like an idiot. Oh, god...

Anyway. Whoa. I’ve been thinking about it all day- I still don’t get how he could have been so nonchalant about it... wow.

Recollection: Who cares, honestly.

[Stefan Capper]

" set me free, why don’t you, baby
get out of my life, why don’t you baby "

I can’t believe he’s actually gay.

Recollection: Ha, okay, I remember the Sorting Hat almost put me into Hufflepuff.

[Stefan Capper]

" now i love you just the way i loved that rag doll
but only now my love is strong "

Why hadn’t I ever seen him before? Around or something, I mean... and he claimed not to know who I was either. It’s actually refreshing having somebody not know too much about the amnesia thing. I haven’t spoken to him since.

I kind of want to.

Recollection: I've never been on a date. At least, I don’t think so.

[Stefan Capper]

" one less bell to answer, one less egg to fry
one less man to pick up after, i should be happy "

Lyle smiles a lot. Not that I’ve been creepily watching him over dinner or anything. He also always sits near the same area. Still haven’t actually talked to him again.

I really want to.

Recollection: I threw up because of a treacle tart in my second year. That’s why I don’t like them.

[Stefan Capper]

" a room is still a room
even if there’s nothing left but gloom "

This is bordering on obsession. I can’t help it. He’s gay and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. It’s just...not normal. I don’t have a History class until next week.

AH.

Recollection: Nope, I’ve definitely never been this excited about Binns before.

[Stefan Capper]

" and she’s watching him with those eyes
and she’s loving him with that body "

Passed him in the hall today and I ducked. What on earth? Also, bad news. I think I have a crush on him. Is that ridiculous? I’ve only actually interacted with him once. Is it because he’s gay and that’s...well, influenced me? I haven’t crushed on anybody since Luke, and I’d rather not think about that.

I’ll wait until H.O.M. to decide properly.

Recollection: Nothing.

[Stefan Capper]

" forever and ever, you’ll stay in my heart
and i will love you "

Coco’s nuts. I swear that girl will someday die of randomness. I’ve realized I tend to surround myself with really loud, really talkative people- maybe it’s to make up for the words I don’t say. Subconscious? I don’t know. For some reason I thought it’d be a good idea to bring Lyle up, and she doesn’t seem to have a problem with him being gay.

Would she have a problem if she knew I was, too?

Recollection: I might have been friends with Coco before forgetting. Maybe not, I don’t know.

[Stefan Capper]

" yeah i’ll tell you something, i think you’ll understand
when i say that something, i wanna hold your hand "

Finally had the class today. Tuesdays are my new favorite day of the week.

And I definitely like him.

Recollection: I’m pretty sure it used to be Saturdays before.