WINDSWEPT

[Stefan Capper]

" cause we belong together now
forever united here somehow "

Three days until Tuesday. I saw him this morning, too. Heading for Quidditch practice; he plays Quidditch, did I mention this before? And it shows. I was going to say something or approach him or whatever but then this other guy from his team popped up and I ended up just leaving.

Recollection: I can't actually remember if I ever learned how to ride a broom properly before I forgot about it. Doubt it, though.

[Stefan Capper]

" I was so lost back then
but with a little help from my friends "

Hung out with Gabby today; I love that girl to death. You know what I really like about Hogwarts, though? That even though there's houses and you have a common room and all that...you can still be perfectly good friends with people that aren't in your house. Like me and Gabby. Or Lyle. We pretty much just spent it around the Concourse sharing mint chocolate.

Recollection: Nope.

[Stefan Capper]

" I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye "

Tomorrow. (:

Recollection: Gah.

[Stefan Capper]

" I didn't know how lost I was
until I found you "

So. For some reason, I walked into the class, and he was sitting there, doodling something on a piece of parchment, and he didn't even see me but I freaked out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just literally started hyperventilating and fell over myself trying to get to my seat (Merlin, I must have looked like an idiot) and then of course my face was burning and I refused to look back to talk to him at all.

I can't believe it. Now I have to wait seven more days.

Recollection: No.

[Stefan Capper]

" I ain't the worst that you've seen
oh, can't you see what I mean? "

Maybe I should talk to him outside of class, too? Or is that too weird? I mean, we've only really spoken properly, as in, not small talk, and not an exchange of 'hi's', only once. So would it be too forward of me? Maybe he doesn't want to hang out with me or something...I mean, he's-he's sixteen. A whole year older than me.

Shit, I hadn't considered this before. Wouldn't he have said something, though? About it? Or like...smiled or glared or some sort of sign about what he wants me to do? If he wants me to do anything at all? Urgh, I hate boys.

Recollection: Not today, again.

[Stefan Capper]

" I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing "

Lyle walked by and smiled at me today.

I love boys.

Recollection: I've always loved boys.

[Stefan Capper]

" you say you wanna stay
I say I wanna be alone "

I can't stop thinking about that damn smile. Nearly got in trouble in Potions today for daydreaming about it. It's just-okay, it sounds weird and creepy, I know, but it's like...it's like his whole face lights up when he smiles. And he gets the most adorable dimples around the corners of them...

Oh, Merlin, I'm pathetic.

Recollection: No.

[Stefan Capper]

" I know one day you'll be screaming my name
and I'll just look away "

Look at this.



Enough said.

Recollection: I freaked out the first time someone told me about the school Thestrals.

[Stefan Capper]

" you live for the fight
when that's all that you've got "

How does someone know when you really like-like someone else? Or maybe the question is, how to measure the amount of liking you have for a person? Do you compare it to other people? To past experiences? And if you have none? How do you know that the person that you like—that you really like them, or if it’s just a fleeting crush that’ll pass when the novelty wears off? Who has the answers to all of these questions? Am I supposed to figure them out by myself?

Recollection: I didn’t use to have these sort of issues.

[Stefan Capper]

" into your own, oh cause
you won't listen "

Gabby's sick! I think she might have caught the same bug I had. In which case, poor girl. I went to visit her today for a while, and promised to keep track of her homework for her as much as I could, cause we don't have the same classes together all the time. Though I guess Emmeline or Gideon could do that, but still.

Recollection: Nothing.

[Stefan Capper]

" what can you do when
your good isn't good enough "

I forgot to mention the Family Fright Fest that has been going on. Started this week, and it's up until Halloween night, when, apparently, Rita Skeeter's having a birthday party. And Rita Skeeter's like...Rita Skeeter. It's bound to be the party of the year and I have absolutely no interest in going.

I mean, really. Imogen probably won't go, either, since she's not very fond of Skeeter and all that, and Gabby's sick? Hopefully she'll be better by then, because if not that'd really suck, but I can't one hundred percent count on her to go, either. Luke might show up but I don't know...I mean, what's the point, really, you know? I'll probably be tired and just not in the mood for a party. But yeah. Anyway, I'm meeting up with my parents tomorrow at Hogsmeade so we can have an afternoon together. Last year we spent so much on candies. It's one thing my dad cannot live without.

Recollection: Pretty sure we bought loads of candies in third year as well. Though I'm mostly taking a guess here.

[Stefan Capper]

" a different city every night
the world better prepare "

Ohmygod. So. So so so so so. I can’t believe today actually happened. I’m in a state of shock. It’s even—I think Wednesdays might be my favourite day of the week now. Except not really but okay, here’s what happened.

So, I was in Hogsmeade, right? Walking around, waiting for my parents and looking for a place to eat lunch before they got here, and then out of nowhere—he’s there. Lyle. With his mum. Sitting at some sort of restaurants. And I have no clue what came over me but I decided it’d be a good idea to say hi. In front of his mum. Whom I’ve never met.

But the thing is that—that Lyle was like...he was happy to—to talk to me or whatever, you know? He was smiling and stuff, and he invited me to sit down and it was probably all kinds of inappropriate to intrude on his mother and him but he was asking and I couldn’t say no so I didn’t and then, oh Merlin, and then Lyle’s mum asked if we were—if we were, you know. I can’t motion with my hand when I’m writing, damn it. If we were together. Like...like a couple. Like...if I was his boyfriend. Or well, she implied it. She didn’t actually ask it and I was dying, of course, but Lyle just continued like it was nothing and said something about—about, and I quote, “Not every boy I hang out with is going to be gay.”

And holy shit, okay, I didn’t even know what to say and he seriously just pointed that out as if saying not every boy he hangs out with is going to have green eyes, or whatever. Does that mean he hangs out with other boys that are gay, though...? Surely not at Hogwarts. Because there’s—there’s no way that there’s someone else that’s gay there. I would have noticed, right? Or maybe not but...oh Merlin, what if he likes someone else? What if—fuck. Okay, nevermind. Anyway. I don’t even know what we started talking about then, but then out of nowhere, again (see why I’m freaking out?), she—Lyle’s mum—asked me if I wanted to go with them to New York. Over Christmas break. To New York. With Lyle and his mum. Whom I’ve just met. And he—oh my god, he sort of kind of agreed with that? I can’t remember what he said; I think I was too preoccupied with the fact that I was sitting there in Hogsmeade with him.

And he talks so much that I can barely remember half the things he said to me but—but he...he called me pretty. And he said that he wanted to be friends with me. He called me pretty. As in...pretty. And nice and ‘fun to be around’, I think he said. And we haven’t even spoke that much before but—but he thinks I’m fun to be around! And pretty! Is it normal for a guy to call another guy pretty? I’ve never heard someone call a guy pretty. But then again, I’ve never met anybody else that’s gay and—and maybe that has something to do with it? I’ve never called a guy pretty but...I guess they could be? I don’t know um...like, Luke, for example. He’s—he’s really hot. And muscled and handsome and stuff but I wouldn’t say he was pretty. Maybe that guy in Slytherin...I have no idea what his name is but he’s really pale, and slim and blonde? He could be pretty...I suppose. So it’s definitely a compliment, though. Lyle calling me pretty. And holy shit I’m running out of space—turning the page—but anyway. He likes me. As in, he likes...me as a person? To a certain extent? I mean, for him to want to talk to me and call me pretty and stuff, right? And he has to like me if he wants to be friends with me. So...so that’s good. That’s...that’s definitely good. That’s progress.

He asked about the amnesia thing and I told him and he didn’t freak out! He actually didn’t freak out. He just said something about—oh, Merlin, I can’t even remember, but he acted like it was...normal. I don’t even know. He’s...he’s so different from every other boy I’ve met... I’m honestly going to have to start listing down the things he says to me before I forget because they’re so many and I—okay, I don’t want to forget anything he says to me. He doesn’t have a dad...or well, he doesn’t live with them.

Anyway, then I asked him why he’d decided to, you know, admit he was gay. And he just said: “Why should I hide when they don’t have to?” and pointed at some normal couples down the street, and...I don’t know. Of course I said something stupid, I don’t even know what. And then we shared a dessert. It was a chocolate mousse. It was delicious and...and we actually shared it. Don’t couples do stuff like that?. And of course my parents came and I started freaking out and left.

And then. Then I did the stupidest thing that had ever occurred to me before. My theory is that Lyle literally makes my brain stop working, and I definitely like him, and I asked him out. Not technically out and not technically with me but he could have very well taken it like that—I asked him to go to Rita’s party. The party I didn’t want to go to? Yes, that one. And he said...he’d love to.

To go. To the party. That I asked him to go to. What the hell is wrong with me!? I mean, he did say yes, but what if he felt obliged to or—or I don’t know, Merlin’s pants...

How I’m going to get any sleep tonight is beyond me.

But seriously. Best day of my life.

Recollection: Best, I tell you.

[Stefan Capper]

" how about a round of aplause
standing ovation "

I did not in fact, sleep last night.

Okay, so I did sleep, but only for five hours. The result of a sleepless couple of hours is a notebook filled with ridiculous doodles of hearts and his name.

He's going to Rita's party. Oh, my god, I have to get a mask, don't I? I hadn't even considered this.

He's going because I asked.

Because I asked.

Recollection: I've definitely never been to a masquerade before. Or nevermind, I might have. I can't really remember.

[Stefan Capper]

" with a note saying
i love you i meant it "

Finally found a proper shop for masks. Owl delivery, too. Now I just have to find a suitable one...

And, well...I spoke to Lyle again and I might have said something really, really stupid about dancing and he started saying something about making me uncomfortable with the fact that he's gay? I was just standing there like, if only you knew. Then he kind of...dragged me out of class. And I feel terrible and I've never skipped class before but it was Lyle and he grabbed my hand; I couldn't very well say no, right?

We went to the kitchens...I didn't even know those were open to students. Lyle had this idea for a sort of, fact game to know each other better and stuff. Did you know he was homeless when he was little?

I had no clue what to do with that. It's not something I've ever had to deal with or anything, so I just brushed it off...was I supposed to say I was sorry? I don't know, gah, he must have thought I was an idiot. And then I got all weird again from the freaking picture, and because once again, I'm an idiot, I asked Lyle for a hug.

I. Am. So. Obvious.

It's a wonder he hasn't realized it yet, really. I have the world's biggest crush on Lyle Malarkey, and he has no idea.

We went back to class after that, and not much else happened. Later, though, in Charms, I noticed Gabby was looking a little down and we got talking, and apparently she feels lonely because Emmeline and Gideon started dating, which sucks, because Gabby's amazing, and I don't know what I'd do with myself if Imogen got a boyfriend and stopped talking to me. Maybe I should talk to Emmeline...though really, it's none of my business. Anyway, somehow I ended up telling her about Lyle. Well, not about that, obviously, but that we've met and stuff, and apparently they're really close? I didn't know this at all!

We ended up hanging out later at the Concourse, and it was just amazing. It's kind of embarrassing how much I just laugh at whatever he says and oh, god, he's probably noticed me blushing. I can't help it. Well. It was a great day.

Recollection: Nope.

[Stefan Capper]

" no one can feel
those of of your needs "

Weirdest. Day. Ever.

Started off with Imogen asking me about Lyle, because apparently- check this- 'I'd been all smiley lately'.

This is me facepalming repeatedly. See what I mean about obvious? Anyway, yeah, she asked me a lot of questions about how I felt about him being gay and stuff and I don't even know, it was weird, and she went on a rant about marriage and stuff...weird. Then...no, pretty much, the entire conversation was centered around Lyle.

He is taking over my life.

Shit.

...I don't mind one bit.

Anyway, as if that hadn't been unexpected and embarrassing enough, then Emmeline came up to me begging me to go on a date with this random girl called Vanessa. A girl. Vanessa. A girl I've never even met before. And being the idiot that I am...I should seriously win a prize for idiot of the month, I agreed. Why? Because I'm a pushover and can't really face Emmeline with a 'no'.

I kind of hate her sometimes. So next Friday...there's that. And as if that hadn't been weird and embarrassing enough, I wrote to Vanessa to like...talk about it or whatever and I've never had a more awkward conversation in my life.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I DON'T WANT TO DATE HER.

Recollection: I've definitely never been on a date before. Of that I'm certain.