i loved you, i love you

[Andromeda Black]

Drake. I'm so sorry. I know that I screwed up so badly, that I never should have kept it from you, that I should have done so many things that I didn't. I should have told you that I loved you instead of running away. Because I did. Maybe I still do. You were everything to me, don't you understand? I had no one and I was scared and then suddenly you were there and you made it all go away. You made all my problems go away just by being in the same room as me and I needed that. I really needed that. I needed you, Drake. Because it was more than just that. My problems were still there whether I was thinking about them or not but you just made me so happy, however selfish that sounds. You were amazing and you were more than I ever deserved and I'm sorry that we didn't work out but I wish so much that we did. I'm sorry that you're graduating and things are so horrible between us and I'll probably never ever see you again. I'm sorry that your sister hates me and I'm sorry that you hate me because as much as maybe I should hate you too, I don't. I never told you but I loved you, Drake. I loved you and I was too scared to say anything about it. I know, I'm a coward. I'm a horrible coward and this is all my fault and I'm so sorry that it is. I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do because nothing is going to change the fact that it hurts to think about you and it hurts to write or say your name or even think it and sitting here writing in your yearbook and saying all of this is killing me. I don't know what I'm saying this all in the first place. I'm such a coward, I probably won't even let you read it. But that shouldn't be surprising, now, should it? I just, I don't know, Drake. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now that you're leaving and you hate me and I still love you even though I wish I didn't. But I've changed and I'm changing and maybe that part of me will change too. Do you even realize how much I've changed? Do you know about Hogsmeade and what I almost did? Do you have your own suspicions? Do you realize that you were the one that pushed me over the edge? And that now I'm just falling further and further down and I don't know what to do. And I'm sorry for taking up an entire page in your yearbook. I'll just rip it up and then repair it so you have a nice new piece of paper and you never need to see this. In which case, I don't know why I'm still writing.

*This page has been torn out and then repaired so a fresh page of paper is there in its place.