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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Apr 20, 2010 4:39:13 GMT -5
 deep in the cell of my heart i will feel so glad to go
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 15
MIDNIGHT
 DEARDIARY[/b] ring ring, groan moan, get up, shuffle shuffle
"Hello?"
"Imogen?"
sigh "Leo?"
"Mhm."
"Leo, it's late."
"Yeah."
"Why are you calling me? Couldn't this wait?"
"I guess. Yeah. I dunno, I wanted to talk."
"Well, I wanted to sleep."
"Mm. I couldn't sleep."
"So you call me to keep me awake? That's a douchey thing to do. If you woke up my sister, I'll kick your arse. I'll get in trouble."
"I'm sorry."
"Better be. If I don't get a full night, you know I get cranky. I guess I just get to vent my frustrations on you tomorrow since you woke me up."
"... I want to see you."
"Now? Leo. It's late."
"Yeah. Now. Please? Come over."
"No, Leo, it's late. Sorry."
"Imogen, please come over."
"No. Stop being such a douche and let me sleep. I'm going to be bitchy tomorrow, you know."
"... It's my fault, I'm sorry."
"Yup. Next time, don't call me unless it's important."
"..."
"Leo?"
"Yeah."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah. No. Look, it doesn't... it doesn't really matter anymore, I'm just gonna go. You rest. Get your beauty sleep."
"Haha, 'beauty'."
"Whatever."
"... Haha."
"Imogen?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Mhm. Douche."
"I'm sorry."
"Goodnight, Leo."
"Bye."
click, shuffle, sleep, wake. scream.
LOVEIMOGEN
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Apr 20, 2010 4:39:37 GMT -5
 sing me to sleep and then leave me alone
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 16
6:45 AM
 [/color] DEARDIARY[/b] I feel awful for the other day. I ended up scaring Ian. I did so many stupid things... I didn't think. We went swimming and I ended up holding my breath under water until I got dizzy. I made so many comments about death. And tried to make it funny. I did so many stupid, stupid things, I even... god, I rode his horse, Othello, and galloped him as fast as he'd go and I hope I didn't hurt him, I just... I fell off him. I wasn't hurt. I uh... haha, expected it. Not that I tried to fall. I just... kinda zoned out while riding and Othello stopped and I just flipped over his head and landed on my back. I was okay. I was. I was just... winded? Yeah. Anyway, I got up and back on and just... walked... back. But I'm okay. My back hurts a bit. But I'm okay.
And Ian was quiet, and I didn't notice.
I was too fucking selfish to notice just how hurt he was. Yesterday when I apologised... he kinda... he explained why. We both lost someone one July 27. His loss was so much bigger than mine, but I was still... so damn selfish, it's disgusting.
I don't even know why he wants to be my friend sometimes.
LOVEIMOGEN
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Apr 20, 2010 5:09:29 GMT -5
 'feeeeeel the power, kronk.' 'oh. i can feel it.'
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 17
9:30 AM
 DEARDIARY[/b] What the what?
Prefect?!
ME?!
Are they joking?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my GOD this is too hilarious.
So. Even though my exam results came like... ages ago? I don't know why, but I got another letter from the school. I'm a fucking PREFECT. I can't believe it. ME. Because... I mean, sure, my marks are high and my record is clean and shit's all good there but... but PREFECT? I mean... hey. I can do it, I guess? But I never really saw myself as one. Guess I kinda have to now, right? I am one, bitches. Okay so it kinda feels awesome to be acknowledged and trusted with this.
I have a shiny badge.
I'm not wearing it right now.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on May 22, 2010 14:23:42 GMT -5
 all that still matters is the love and the laughter
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 18
11:35 PM
 DEARDIARY[/b] Today, I almost made Ian cry. With laughter.
So we're sitting outside - we being me and Ian and Benjamin and Rose, because it's some Darwin family reunion thing here so Rose Darwin's family and Ian's family are all hanging out here and she invited Benjamin haaaaaaaaaa anyway - just having a nice relaxing time when A FREAKING SNAKE APPEARED AND DECIDED TO RUIN EVERYTHING. Okay. Okay. I hate snakes. I can't even... asjdkfljasklf I'm shuddering right now just thinking about them, I can't stand them, they scare me friggin' senseless and I have nooo idea why but that doesn't MATTER because we could have DIED because one just about attacked us today and ohhhh my god it was the scariest moment of my life I think. Every time it's teeny little devil tongue flicked out I swear it was tasting my fear. I even said that to Ian, I - okay, so here's what happened.
We're relaxing, having a good time, and THE SNAKE APPEARS. Rose and I absolutely panic and freak out and she leaps on Benjamin whereas I'm trying to crawl onto Ian's back, which you'd think would be an easy task since I'm not that much shorter than he is, but turned out to be exceedingly difficult and then when I finally got up there, Ian was all calm and saying "It's harmless to you" and I was like "BULLSHIT IT HAS FANGS!" and he was like "You don't see fangs" and I was like "I DON'T SEE YOUR SIX-PACK BUT I KNOW IT'S THERE!" and then the bugger started LAUGHING, like, laughing his friggin' ASS off, and I was like "It can smell my fear and it's delicious" and he just - I DON'T SEE WHAT WAS SO FUNNY, WE WERE ON THE BRINK OF DEATH. BY SNAKE.
Well. Eventually Benjamin convinced Rose to snuggle up to Ian too while he was a big hero and sent the evil away. The entire friggin' time, Ian is just standing there laughing his ass off. I've never seen him laughing so hard in my life. I don't know what he found so funny since we ALL NEARLY DIED but whatever, glad he enjoyed himself.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on May 22, 2010 20:12:39 GMT -5
 yes we drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 19
6:56 AM
EURGH DEARDIARY[/b] What the hell, Nichols.
Showed up drunk at Alessandra's birthday party last night. I volunteered to keep him company/out of trouble until he sobered up enough to go home.
Bastard tried to kiss me. Then he fell asleep on my shoulder.
Such is life.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on May 22, 2010 20:17:12 GMT -5
 a house is not a home
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 20
3:40 PM
 DEARDIARY[/b] Home now. Time to prepare for Simon's wedding, I guess. To Victoria Macmillan's cousin. Augh.
Least Ian agreed to come. Won't be totally alone now.
Yaaaaaay.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Jun 1, 2010 20:16:27 GMT -5
 'You must be Igor.' 'No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."' 'But they told me it was "ee-gor."' 'Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?'
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 21
3:45 PM
HAPPY DEARDIARY[/b]
That's my owl.
Haha.
Violet and I went to Diagon Alley today and picked up some owls. This is Igor. Pronounced 'eye-gor'. He has permission to peck out the eyes of anyone who tries to say it's 'ee-gor'. Cute little bugger. He's only six inches tall, fully grown. I've already sent him on a trip to see Ian with a little pouch of Floo Powder. Really, I'm just showing him off, but Ian doesn't need to know that. Though he probably will anyway, otherwise I would have just sent Mr. Owl. Sidenote, Igor is a much better name than "Mr. Owl". I don't know what Simon was thinking, really.
Wedding soon. Then back-to-Hogwarts shit shopping at Diagon Alley.
I can't wait to get out of here.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Aug 4, 2010 5:48:51 GMT -5
 in our family portrait we look pretty normal, let's go back to that
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 22
11:50 PM
 DEARDIARY[/b] Oh my god.
Oh.
My.
God.
My family shattered tonight.
I don't even...
I need a minute.
Okay.
We're all a little stressed because of Simon's wedding and there've been more fights around here than normal. I mean. Mathias doesn't like fighting with Florence anyway. He knows it's hard, him not being here. He's out on the water fishing more than he's home because he has a family to care for, you know? I just - he's so stupid. He has a fucking degree in Physics, from Oxford, and he goes and wastes his life fishing. Hell, he could be a chef, he's a good enough cook, then he can work with all the fucking smelly seafood he wants. But no, he says fishing makes him happy. Evidently the sea is ingrained in Sauveterre blood, even the purebloods back in Èze. I don't know, I don't really understand it. Whatever. I must be the exception. or maybe I'm not a Sauveterre. Which I guess I'd find easy to believe, given what happened tonight.
Here's what happened.
Ian was supposed to arrive today. Was supposed to, hell, he did, whatever. It just... was a bad day already. Simon was stressing because his tuxedo wasn't ready yet and evidently Angie was freaking about her bouquet and that got Simon all worried because he wants to give Angie her dream wedding and apparently the Macmillans aren't too happy about her marrying a half-blood, especially since this particular half-blood's father is a Squib, but... well evidently they like him enough that it's not too big of a deal, but they'd prefer she married pure... god whatever. The point is, she's stressed out, so Simon's stressed out, which stresses out all of us at home. And anyway Florence and Mathias were picking fights with each other all day and then I went to get Ian and we came back and Florence had just snapped at Genevieve to grow up and Mathias said something about how she shouldn't expect their little girl to behave like an adult and bam, Florence ruined everyone's life.
"She's not your little girl."
Yeah. And after that, the whole ugly truth came out.
There's this guy. Reuben. Florence met him when I was like, five. She took me to the park - I guess Simon was in school, I was too young to remember - and I guess I ran off. Reuben found me. Took me to Florence. Commence adultery. And Genevieve is his daughter, apparently. Not Mathias's. I don't know feel who to feel more sorry for. On the one hand, Mathias technically just lost a daughter. On the other, Genevieve lost a father. And Simon's wedding is literally right around the corner and this just... totally ruined what should have been one of the happiest days of his life. And then I can't help but feel bad for Ian, since he saw the whole damn thing and just.
Ugh.
This never would have happened if I hadn't run away at the park
Fuck you, Florence.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Aug 4, 2010 5:53:31 GMT -5
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Aug 4, 2010 6:25:50 GMT -5
 gotta get back to hogwarts, gotta get back to school
[/font][/i][/center] PAGE 24
10:20 AM
BETTER DEARDIARY[/b] Wow, I haven't touched this thing since the wedding. I guess you can't really blame me though. It was a stressful summer. Basically, since between the wedding and now, my parents have decided that they're calling it quits. Mathias lives on his boat while searching for a new place. Reuben is moving in with Florence and Genevieve - yeah, the f**k*rs are still seeing each other after ten fucking years. Evidently Florence is "in love" with him or some bullshit. I don't believe it. I think she's just a clingy f**k*r who needs a man and will take whoever fits between her legs is willing to put up with her bullshit. I just can't believe it. I know Mathias was married before, and... I know he cheated on her with Florence. But he... he loved Florence. He did. He was totally devoted to us. Now he's alone.
Well, whatever. If I'm allowed to choose which parent I want to live with, I'm choosing Mathias. Besides, I really don't want to live with fucking Reuben. Florence will probably make Vivi and I call him "dad". I don't get it. I just... ugh. And I'm not comfortable with Vivi living with him. Evidently he's bringing his sons from his first marriage. I remember them. I remembered him too, the more I thought about it. He makes me so uncomfortable. So do his kids. They're a bit older than I am and they're just... very rough, from what I remember. I don't... ugh. I don't want them around my sister.
Funny, Florence has no problem being a gigantic adulterous whore, but god forbid I have a guy who's a friend. Fuck her. She had the fucking audacity to lecture Ian on staying a good arms' length away from me at all times and how we're not allowed to have any bodily contact and know what, he shouldn't even look at me either, because obviously when any guy looks at me he's just undressing me with his eyes because I'm that much of a skank, right? Like mother like daughter. Ugh. I hope not. I'd hate myself if I was anything like Florence.
Other than that... uh... the last bit of August was relatively uneventful, I guess. Evidently Ian decided to get back together with Sooz. Which I actually found out during the wedding, but uh... well, I guess I was distracted. Sorry for that one. Um. Looking forward to school. I'm actually on the train right now, waiting for the prefect meeting to start. Because I'm a fucking prefect. Ahaha. I'll never get over that one. Mathias was pleased. Florence said I had to work hard for Head Girl.
Condescending bitch.
I'm just... really hoping this year goes okay. For everyone. That's all.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Aug 4, 2010 7:51:38 GMT -5
 listen with your heart, you will understand
[/font][/i][/center] DEARDIARY[/b] Jesus, what a week.
I tried talking to Victoria about the wedding. It... it didn't really go well. I want to help her, just... I don't know what to do about it. I know she doesn't trust me, and I don't trust her, to be honest. But she's in trouble. I saw her, and... god, I know what it's like to... ugh. I wish I knew how to help her. I wish that someone would help her. She needs that right now.
And then I talked to Isaac because I was confused about those what-the-fuck snogs this summer, and instead we ended up talking about pirates and red thongs. Worn by him, by the by, you'd never catch me in buttfloss. He never did apologise for the snogs. Hmph.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Aug 4, 2010 8:10:37 GMT -5
 don't say you love me, you don't even know me
[/font][/i][/center] DEARDIARY[/b] BOYS NEED TO STOP SNOGGING ME.
FUUUUCK.
THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. DO I JUST REEK OF PHEROMONES? THAT'S THE ONLY FRIGGIN' EXPLANATION I CAN COME UP WITH.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Oct 27, 2010 1:51:46 GMT -5
 my name is Death and the end is here
[/font][/i][/center] DEARDIARY[/b] Funny thing happened in Hogsmeade. As in I don't know what happened. Haha. No, I don't. Really. Just. I was looking at a quill, and you know, deciding I'd be an awesome little stalker-creeper-girl, 'cause you know, Benjamin needs one of those, and I volunteered, and haha yeah gonna buy that shit for him if I can afford it, which I can't because the Malfoys are money-sucking leeches, but that's common fact anyway, but it's nice to dream so maybe I can just pour my life savings into it HA CAUSE THAT'S NOT CRAZY AT ALL fucking Charlotte gave me Firewhiskey. HOW DOES SHE GET IT INTO THE CASTLE. I will never know. I guess I should tell. I mean I'm a perfect. PREFECT. WHOOPS. NOT PERFECT. HA I'M NOT PERFECT I'M A PREFECT but seriously. It's my duty. Except if I tell then I'll lose my supply of it. Fuuuuuck dilemma. Damn that's a funny-looking word. I know it's spelled right but I always feel it should be dilemna. But it's dilemma. Oh fuck the English language, I should learn something else. Like German. Or Russian. Or Gobbledegook or um.
Eskimo.
Yeah.
SO BASICALLY HOGSMEADE WAS A RIOT. And I missed it. Well. I was there. And shit happened I guess. But I totally blacked out or something. Or something happened to me. I... don't really know what happened? But one second I'm deciding on how best to be a stalker and the next second it's dusk and I'm waking up in a fucking alley and I hurt all over. And my fingers are broken. I know right, what the actual fuck. Basically the general hypothalapothesis is some sort of attack. So because I couldn't get my sorry arse into gear, MORE security is being added to Hogsmeade. MORE Aurors. YEAH. You're welcome, Hogwarts.
I like... think... I dunno how or who or why but yeah, attack. And I was hurt on the inside. Except my fingers. So it mighta been Crucio. In which case I'm glad I don't remember that shit, it's sorta painful even just afterward.
I wonder what it's like to die.
Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I'm alive is because I think I'm supposed to be.
I mean really just think about it. Living is just sorta what we're all used to. It's like... we're hanging onto that thought of "it's my job to be alive" or "I'm supposed to be alive" or "don't we have to be alive anyway?" And I guess... no. We don't. We don't have to be alive or else no one would ever die. Sometimes I wonder if it's like... like hanging onto a ledge over a bottomless cavern. Nothing is ever bottomless, right? We just can't see the bottom, so we pretend there's nothing there at all. Is it supposed to be soothing? I think so, because then there's nothing there that can scare us or hurt us. We call it bottomless so we don't think about the possibility of it being a really deep, dark snake pit or something. But what if there wasn't something bad at the bottom? What if it was just a great big cushion of peace and warmth? What if letting go of the ledge is the best thing we can do? What if life - living - is just some test? What if the greatest leap of faith someone can ever take, what if the biggest adventure someone can ever have, is letting go of that ledge and falling down the pit? What if our sole purpose in life is, ironically, to die?
And what happens when we die? Do we go somewhere? I don't think anything really happens to our bodies. I mean, we decompose. But what happens to the rest of us? You can't see personality decomposing. I think my family believes in Heaven and Hell. I never asked them. I don't really believe in it. I sorta think that when you're dead, you're dead. I don't believe in God. Or Heaven. Or Hell. I don't believe in any of that. If something does happen to our souls, I think it's just some sort of purgatory that's identical to life. So we have to go through this shit all over again, but this time we can make changes. We can do things different. Learn from our mistakes. And it's just like being alive, only better, because maybe there's something wonderful, like no one can feel hurt. Or maybe there's no such thing as tears. Or maybe when people say they love each other they mean it. Or maybe dead people are just dead and maybe letting go of the ledge really does mean you fall into a bottomless pit. And you just.
Keep.
Falling.
For.
Ev.
Er.
And you wonder when you land but you never do but there's no such thing as a bottomless pit so you wait and wait and you get scared and you get frantic and you twist and flail and scream and beg for a landing, any landing, just something to prove you're still in some realm of existence and that you won't fall forever, but maybe it takes so long that you go totally crazy nutso while waiting so when you do land you don't even notice 'cause your mind's all psycho now.
If you land.
Because bottomless pits are bottomless.
Because some things really are endless.
But life's not.
I'm tired.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Mar 24, 2011 22:27:12 GMT -5
 that's it, i quit, i'm moving on
[/font][/i][/center] DEARDIARY[/b] Jesus. Effing. Merlin.
So somehow I got roped into studying with Isaac in the library. I ask for his help reaching a book, he lifts me up, FOR SOME FUCKING REASON I SNOGGED HIM - YES, I FUCKING SNOGGED HIM AND WIN THE 'IDIOT OF THE YEAR' AWARD ALREADY - AND THEN WHAT THE FUCK. I apologised, and next thing I know, the bastard ISN'T. LETTING. ME. DOWN. He's still holding onto me AND THEN HE FRIGGIN' SNOGGED ME. AND NOT A KISS LIKE WHAT I DID BUT LIKE, FULL-OUT. FRIGGING. SNOG. And I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO" because he's got me like, pressed against a bookshelf, and I'm like "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON" but screw my autosnog reflexes. Ugh.
Oh my god and evidently he really enjoyed it 'cause um he got a little excited and I didn't know what to do with that at all and
It was so fucked up. Like. Seriously.
Oh, and here's the kicker, as if that wasn't enough: Emmeline Vance walked in on the whole thing. Saw it. Laughed and left. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole sordid ordeal ended up in Skeeter's tabloid.
Fuck my life.
I'm officially done with stupid boys. Officially.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Imogen Sauveterre on Mar 24, 2011 23:10:11 GMT -5
 but tonight i'm loving you
[/font][/i][/center] DEARDIARY[/b] Got an odd request from Raiden Rosier today. I study with him sometimes, and I thought we were friends, but uh... out of the blue, he owls me and asks me to... sleep with him? But, it's not serious. I mean, he's not serious. He can't be. First of all, I'm not the "fuckable" type, there's no way he's attracted to me. Raiden has... standards, I know this much at least. He goes for the older women, the ones who've graduated, and I'm a full year younger than he is. And, I'm definitely not attractive enough for his tastes either, age aside completely, so the very idea is just... it's laughable, really. He's not interested in fucking me, I know that much. What he does want, I'm not entirely certain, but I guess the only way to find out is to go, right?
I wonder if he's lonely.
LOVEIMOGEN [/color][/right] [/blockquote] |
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