blood & broomsticks.

[Regulus Black]

BLOOD & BROOMSTICKS.

This is property of Regulus Arcturus Black. Touch it? Hah, well, you certainly don't want to find out what will happen if you do that...

[Regulus Black]

PAGE ONE

This is what Severus would call 'infantile.' The writing of journals, I mean. This is silly primarily because this is an inanimate hunk of thinly sliced wood and I'm sitting here thinking that writing to this––it––you––will provide some sort of... something for me. Well, I don't know. I think it's pretty dumb. You're pretty dumb. And yet here I am, using you. Eh. Fuck, I'm tired. Not going to sit here arguing with myself over whether or not it's a dumb idea to write in a book that I'm currently writing in. Yeah.

I'm going to bed.

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[Regulus Black]

PAGE TWO

I have the urge to kill some sorry shmuck. Have you ever felt that? I'll answer that: no. You're a book. Why I continue to write here I don't know. I think it's because I'm bored and I oscillate between wanting to have sex and wanting to kill someone. So I need to just focus on other things, since currently, I'm in no position to do either.

So, I write.

Damn it. I need to get laid.

[Regulus Black]

_{PAGE THREE}

Why is it, journal, that women get so easily offended? I go to the pub, I ask a girl if she'd like to be banged, and hell, she looks at me like I've just asked her to go and off herself. It's ridiculous. I try to be straightforward, charming, honest, and yeah, I can be a bit blunt at times but everyone's got their flaws. Not saying that I have flaws in that area or any, but the point is, I figure that if a girl wants to get banged she wants to get banged and she won't be so put off by my being direct and asking her point-blank if she'd like to get banged. I don't understand all this shit, man.

Women.

Lucius tells me I'm not being 'diplomatic' enough. What the fuck? Diplomacy? I'm not drafting some contract between two foreign countries. For the love of Merlin, I just want to get laid. Is it too much to ask for? There is no fucking diplomacy in sex. You simply attract a dame, get her to your house, flip off the lights––or keep them on, that's hot too––and get to her lady parts under the sheets. Diplomacy? Hell no. I don't have to ask permission to bang a chick when I want to. If she doesn't want to, fine, her loss. But if she does, why not just ask without hesitation and get it all out in the open without all that ridiculous foreplay? Uh huh. See, I'm the genius here when it comes to getting laid, not Lucius. Little shit can't even have sex, I'd be willing to bet.

But that's beside the point.

I'm still horny. And now I have a fucking welt on my face. Going to go get an ice pack.

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[Regulus Black]

_{PAGE FOUR}

Journal, am I petty? I feel like I am sometimes, for judging women by their appearances. But eh, hey, there's really nothing else there besides what they look like––except for their personalities, ugh, but that takes too long and usually isn't worth it in the end. Most hot girls are either bimbos, morons, or sluts. Or all three. And really, I'm just in it for the sex. The less I talk to them and find out about their personalities, the better, because really, I'd probably just be turned off.

Oh well.

Anyway, this rant originally did commence with a point. I think that my cousin Andromeda looks far better with her longer brown hair than her short blond hair. She looks kind of like a lesbian now if you ask me but eh, you know, it could be worse. Meda's always been a looker and even though she isn't much of one now with her new hairdo, there's still that sexy residue lingering beyond the layers of makeup and the unfeminine bob. She's coming over in a couple of days––stuck at her house with Isabelle Laurentine, Miss I've-slept-with-every-guy-in-the-whole-school-including-Dumbledore-before. I don't blame her for wanting to get the hell out of there. So, of course, I felt it incumbent upon myself to offer her lodging at the good old Black homestead here in Kent, and so here she will come in a few short days. It'll be lovely. Just like old times.

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