it's a DEATH trap(o.p.e.n)

[notfred]

The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me

Odd sat in the empty hallway, his bony back against the wall and his legs bent and his forhead rested against his left knee. He was clad in a baggy black and white striped sweateshirt and a pair of jeans that would have fit some one who was about twenty-eight times fatter than he, and they had seen better days. Odd's hands were entwined around his legs, holding them together and his long fingers tangles themselves with the loose threads of the cuffs of the sweatshirt.

Why do I do it? I have nothing here, nothing at home. There's nothing here for me. Nothing anywhere. These hollow thoughts rattles around in Odd's depressed mind. The skin around his brown eyes was bruised looking and puffy. He hadn't been sleeping and he showed it. His slight body curled up against the wind that swept through the open window just a few feet from where Odd was curled.

Odd didn't look up and a passerby might think he was asleep. Why I ask?! Will you answer me?! This was his way of praying to the god that he didn't even believe in. After a quick pause in his thoughts he continued, I thought not. You never do anything. You just sit there and watch us all and mock our pathetic lives. Why?! While he was praying in his mind he didn't relize that he was actually mumbling the thought words out loud. His voice was deep and had a slight metallic undertone, perhaps from underuse.

Odd picked up his head slowly, as if it caused him a lot of pain, and looked back and forth between the ends of the corridor. Still empty. He unlaced his hands from eachother and combed back the hair from his face. His hair was greasy and he flinched at the feel of his own hair. He knew that he was going to go the way that he had been. He knew that he was going to get sick, and still he didn't do anything about it.

The wind picked up and rattled through the open window, Odd thought about getting up to close it but he couldn't see the point of it. Instead he sucked his twig arms into his oversized sweatshirt. He wrapped his arms around his tiny chest and sighed, noticing his malnourishment. He flipped his sweatshirt over his knees without uncrossing his arms. His hugged himself and laid his cheek down on his knee and blinked several times. After a few minutes of not moving from that he turned his head so that he could rub his forhead on his knee instead. Before he knew it tears squeezed themselves out of his bloodshot eyes and he didn't even bother rubbing them off.

Get up, come on get down with the sickness

[/color][/right]

[bella]

{ What if I wanted to break? }

“You. Are. Impossible,” Bella muttered through her gritted teeth, walking promptly down the hall way with Kalib right on her heels. “Please?” he begged hopelessly. He’d been doing it for a solid week now, trying to persuade her to go ask one of his low-life friends out. Not only was she currently in a relationship but Isabella Swan would never lower herself to go out with someone as worthless like Zane Ritchie of all people. He was a slime ball with no motivation for life let alone school work. Why he even liked her was beyond Bella. “Come on Swan, just once – that’s all I’m asking.” Bella kept on walking forward, books clutched to her chest. “No,” she repeated for what felt and probably was the millionth time. Kalib was unimpressed by her resistance, finally making a grab for her arm. Bella instantly dodged but in the process her books fell to the ground with a loud thud. “Hemlock!” she yowled at him, now furious. Okay, so, it wasn’t just the fact that her textbooks were scattered at her feet, but rather he made a grab for her at all. “You idiot!” she spat at him, kneeling down to collect her books. Kalib knelt down beside her and quickly stole the last one, standing up and holding it high above her head. Bella glowered at him, “Give it back.” Kalib snickered, “Yeah right Swan – yes or no, your choice.”

Kalib was flat on the floor wincing in pain before he even had time to blink. Grinning, Bella stowed away her wand and snatched up her last book from him. “Perhaps that’ll teach you a lesson Mr. Hemlock – and I swear if you ever try to come and interrogate me again I’ll hurt you much worst then a little hex, understood?” The fact that he was still clutching his stomach and whining about pain too much to actually answer her was oddly comforting. “So long Hemlock,” she muttered, leaving him right where he was to suffer. It’d wear off in a couple of minutes anyways. “What a moron,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. He really had a lot to learn about girls – for being the stud of the school he really had no idea what he was doing. That’s probably why he had a reputation for being drunk a lot of the time too. Bella shook her head in disgust and continued on her way back to the Common Room. She just had to ditch these and she’d bee free for the day, no problem. It had been difficult, but she’d managed to catch up on all her homework in a couple hours. She wouldn’t give it another thought until tomorrow’s classes.

As she turned the corner, the corridor seemed quite disserted. It wasn’t until she was about half way through did she notice a crumpled figure lying against the wall. At first she thought she’d taken a wrong turn and somehow doubled back to Kalib, but as she paused in her stepping to see more clearly who it was Bella realized it wasn’t him at all. “Odd?” she asked, wanting to laugh because her tone made it sound like she was asking if he were still alive or not. She hurried over and set her books down in a stack, tentatively placing one hand on his shoulder for a quiet shake. “What are you doing? Are you alright?” Okay, stupid question – obviously he was anything but alright. Who just randomly took naps in the hallways? Bella lowered herself all the way onto her knees, brushing back a few strands of hair blocking his vision. “Oh,” she muttered, startled into embarrassment. The last time she’d been faced with a crying person – male, more specifically – things hadn’t turned out so well. Bella fought back the memories and asked once more, “Odd?”

[notfred]

I have become, comfortably numb...

When Bella had walked in, he had right away sensed another being in the room. Aside from the fly perched precariously on the windowsill that had been buzzing around enough to make Odd think about getting up and smacking it. He almost flinched at the pitying sound of her voice and he cringed inside his skin when she touched his shoulder. It wasn't her, it was him, he didn't like people, much like being touched by them.

He had seen Bella from afar in the dining hall and knew her name by what other students said, he even had a few classes with her. But he was suprised that she knew his name, he relized that he was failing miserably at melting into the shadows.

Odd lifted his head and unfolded his arms and pushed them back through the arm holes, immediently entwining his fingers with the stray fringes in his sweater. He used the sleeve to wipe away the tears that stained his face. "Bella," his voice betrayed his suprise at finding her in the desolate corner of the castle, "Um, yeah...I'm fine. Just thought this was a good place for a nap." His laugh was bitter and didn't convince anybody.

Odd put his right hand on top of hers and squeezed a bit, not minding so much the contact. "I'm just, uh...right. I have no excuse for me being here, curled up in the hallway." Odd smiled a little and immediently pulled it back, knowing that it had turned into a manic-looking grimace. He sat up and then stood up. He kind of hel dhimself so that she couldn't see how thin he was. He hoped that she wouldn't notice.

[bella]

{ Laugh it all off in your face? }

Out of habit Bella bit her lip in awkward embarrassment – she had a way of over-reacting to anything that happened to her. Was it really in her place to come up and demand if he was alright or not? Did she really have the right to be that concerned over someone she hardly knew? Common sense said no but she hadn’t been listening to sense lately, therefore she remained worried over the Ravenclaw. She did noticed he seemed almost surprised she’d bother with him, but did he really believe so little of others that they’d walk right on by without second thought to his depressed figure? So maybe they didn’t exactly have a history with one another, but Bella was the last person to leave another in pain – okay, minus that stupid Slytherin – when she could do something about it. Don’t repeat past mistakes; was her mind that determined to bring back the awful memories? Just because her last occurrence with tears had been Regulus did not mean things would turn out exactly the same way with Odd. Besides, it’s not like she had anything to loose with him; with Regulus she had lost everything.

“Oh, a nap – of course,” Bella laughed shakily, not convinced that’s what he’d been doing. Odd was clearly not in the right state of health – perhaps that’s what was always with the bagging clothing? For whatever reason her suspicious only made her more determined to get out of him what was wrong. Oh please, not this again – obviously she had underestimated the power of memory. His face kept flashing in view, Odd’s figure being mixed with Regulus’s. This was not good – now was not the time to be emotional. Bella had tried to had to force the memories out of her mind but they kept coming back; although she’d managed to numb the pain by now it still sent her into an awkward sense of lost and longing for what was missing. Sighing, Bella grabbed her books again and stood up, smiling only slightly as he made an effort to assure her he was alright. Bella wasn’t the one needing comfort right now – why were guys always so darn determined to never let another see their hurting?

“Listen,” she started, not exactly sure how to go on – what was she getting herself into? She hardly knew him – was she really in the position to offer him help? “Odd, I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends or anything.” She smiled somewhat apologetically, “But is something wrong? I mean, could I help you…with…well, whatever’s going on?” Bella couldn’t hide all of the worry in her tone, but could you blame her? Here was someone who might actually be in danger of serious harm from himself and she was capable of trying to help, right? She wanted to believe in as much at any rate. “You wanna just take a walk or something? I’m a great listener.” Quite possibly her efforts would be completely put to waste and left to rot in her memory like a bunch of other things recently; but it was worth a shot, right?

[notfred]

Hiding, oh no my dear boy. I merly got tired of waiting for you.

[/i] Engrossed, for the moment, in his thoughts, Odd forgot what he was hiding and crossed his arms, pinning the stripes to his twig-like body and making him look pathetically like a small child in his daddy's clothing.

Odd took his usual stance, with his long legs straight, knee locked and his arms crossed over his chest and his head bent slightly back, it looked like he was braced against a strong wind. "If you're interested in hearing the ramblings of a crazed boy, then sure. I'll walk with you. Who knows, maybe I'm a good listener too." His Mississippi accent grew stronger as he grew more comfortable talking with Bella. He had determined that she wasn't there to make fun of him. or trip him, or call him names. He thought that she didn't know why she was here, but that her intentions were good.

Odd uncrossed one arm and rubbed his darkened eye. Trying to rub the...whatever was making them feel weird, out of them. The bruised look had come from countless sleepness nights and the constant rubbing of his eyes. He suspected that he needed glasses but he knew that his family couldn't afford them. He tried to save his money, but discovered that he didn't have enough to count as a savings in the first place.

Odd crossed his arms again and held them tight to his body, the wind from the still open window and he shivered slightly.[/ul]

I need a little room to breath, everything you
say to me brings me one step closer to the edge and I'm about tobreak

[/b]

[bella]

{ What would you do? }

Oh my, Bella thought immediately as Odd shifted, and she finally caught just how skinny he was. Maybe the clothing really was to hide it? Perhaps to keep away the stares and questions on why he was so small and fragile? She felt bad for thinking it, but if he really were all that concerned about stares he didn’t hide it very well. Odd was definitely something to catch anyone’s action, just in the way he moved, how he talked to you – it was like he half heartedly expected to be treated badly, so why bother trying to make something of himself? There was a fierce determination in her that was driven from that sort of thing, the need to make herself known. Just because she’d been left to an orphanage and grown up under horrible conditions did not mean she was going to waste her life away like her drunken mother. The abandonment she’d been dealing with since her birth was most likely the cause of her need to help everyone within sight – if she could brighten their day even just in the slightest way, surely that meant she wasn’t so awful of a person?

But the question remained whether Odd even wanted her help or not. Forcing her company on another had been a mistake she’d been doing a lot lately. If someone didn’t want her around she had learned quickly enough that she better just leave them alone no matter how much she wanted to help. So needless to say, hearing that he might actually like her company – or at least put up with it – was slightly reassuring in the strangest sense of the word. “Okay,” she said automatically, still unsure if he’d only agreed so he wouldn’t hurt her feelings or because he actually wanted to talk to her. Bella brushed back her hair behind one ear and surveyed him in contemplation. “Well, um, come on then.” Bella started forward again, her eyes never leaving Odd. He was definitely a character for sure. But she realized to late the last thing he want from her is a staring pair of eyes. Glancing down, she cleared her throat quickly in embarrassment. What have I gotten myself into?

“Well, I guess you already know this but I’m Bella Swan,” she started off, almost fearing rejection from him. Bella was tired of being pushed away – was there no one out there that actually liked her company these days? “Sixth year, Hufflepuff…I like music and drawing… I donno, I guess that’s about as bland as you could make it. So what’s up with you?” She looked up at him once more, hoping she wasn’t sounding too pushy. That had also been a problem of hers lately. “I mean, I don’t want to be a bother or anything, but – Odd, have you been eating enough?” He was awkwardly lanky for being as old as he was. Was there something emotionally causing him not to eat, or was he just not choosing to? Oh goodness, just relax Bella. She wanted to kick herself for thinking so far into everything. But, the damage was done – no sense in trying to repent for it. “You look sort of…sick – have you been to the infirmary at all?”

[notfred]

[[ooc. Holy cow, I'm so sorry I haven't posted. My cat ate one of my internet wires, so between getting him to the vet and getting those lazy cable guys to come we only just got it on again]]

Would you like to call the cops,
do you think it's time I've stopped...
...Why are you running away?!

[/b][/right]

Odd listened as Bella and he walked down the hallway that he had, just moments before, sure he was going to die in. Wow, shows you how much can change with just the coming of your angel. He paused walking and thinking and then started again. Now what was that all about? She's not an angel.....

Are you sure? Are you just walking to get some muscle on those tooth picks you call legs? Come now Odd, I really really tend to doubt that.

Yeah, well. Do I really care what you think, Mr. Weird Voice in My Head?! No. Odd stood stock still as he came to the relization that he hadn't said those words in his head. Nor had he said them out loud. Those words didn't originate from him, and that scared Odd. He knew that his father had been crazy, but he figured that was too much weed and booze. Apparently it hadn't. Odd turned to Bella, not wanting her to know that anything was wrong. He nodded accordingly when she listed her likes and dislikes. He smiled, one that didn't turn to a manic grimace, when she told him that she was bland. Yeah, well at least being bland gets you company. I've been searching for a friend ever since I started here, then I just laid in a corner and was all pathetic, and one came waltzing right into my arms, ironic no?

Yes, yes it is Odd. Now what are you going to do to keep her from walking away?[/i]

She doesn't seem to want to be here, hope it's not pity.He shivered slightly, his thoughts (and the Other's ones) blocked out the second part of Bella's question. He started to answer with what he liked to do, when he heard the third part of her question. Out of instinct he threw up his defenses, brick walls eighty feet high around his mind to let no one in. What are you doing?! She's a girl, your age!! She's jus concerned, you should be greatful that someone who just met your weird butt cares enough to ask! Slowly Odd's face lost all expression (when the walls went up his face had been a mask of hard defiance) as he tore down the protective walls around his mind, leaving the few permanent ones that he wouldn't even let himself through. He swallowed and looked Bella in the eyes with his own. "No, I've not been to the infirmary at all." He choked out the word "infirnary", his voice getting hoarse. His father, Mr. Thomas, had tried to commit him once, and Odd had been six, his father called it the "sunny farms" to his face but called it the "Infirmary" to his mother. He could still hear her begging and crying at night to Mr. Thomas. Odd looked at her and guessed the part of the question that he missed. Keeping his gaze steady he said in a low whisper, "No, I haven't eaten all that much...." He suddenly brought his hand up, wrapped in the sleeve, and wiped at the tears that threatened him, he had been crying way too much lately, it was bad enough by himself, but in front of a girl?

[bella]

{ What if I fell to the floor? }

Well if this wasn’t a way to spend an afternoon. Bella was by no means regretting her decision to come and pester – no, talk with – Odd but at the same time she was getting the feeling her company wasn’t wanted. Normally she would have been alight with that, normally she would have made up an excuse tat allowed her to flee, normally she wasn’t dealing with the loss of her mother and the loss of a very close friend either. Bella sighed in annoyance before ever thinking about doing so, her lips dipping into a frown. How had life gotten so messed up – was there a way out of this or was she forever doomed to a life of misery? It had taken so long to secure the title of miss socialite and just because of her raging emotions she was going to allow all happiness to be sucked out of her? Ha, yeah right. For the millionth time she told her this was the last time she was going to think about Marie and Regulus – she would not break that promise this time.

Once she finally reclaimed order of her circling thoughts Bella glanced at Odd again, almost surprised he looked as angry as she felt. Was it something I said? Internally her insides knotted; she didn’t need any more enemies then she already had. Granted the good still weighed out the bad, but if she kept up like this soon she was liable to be the most hated person at Hogwarts. After six years of subtle popularity that was one thing Bella knew she wouldn’t be able to handle. She had to play nice; careful about her words and careful about her thoughts even more so. “Look, I really think you should – even if you don’t want to,” she added quietly, the sheer mask of repulsion easily telling her that much at least. “The nurse it really nice, maybe a little high strung, but still nice – I’ve had to accompany a lot of my guy friends there before, so I would know, trust me.” Her laugh was out unthinkingly, the memories coming back to her. Specifically she’d had to bring Joel there once – a Quidditch accident had landed him with a broken leg – and waited with him until Vivienne had rushed in. At the time, the two younger students had been dating. Needless to say once the waterworks started Bella had left them alone.

“Are you sure there isn’t something you want to talk about?” she asked again, almost in impatience. She wasn’t used to being rejected information. And this whole thing with Odd, it was much too like what had happened with him – Bella wouldn’t let herself think the name again. And have you learned nothing from that then? Here we go again, one more time – the last thing any crying male wanted was comfort from a girl; she’d been forced to learn that the hard way. Nor would being pushing about hearing what was wrong get her very far either. Bella sucked in a large breath and exhaled in irritation at herself. “I’m sorry, uncalled for – look, I’ll leave you alone if you want but I’d really appreciate it if you’d at least tell someone what’s going on; it doesn’t have to be me. Just let someone know what’s happening with you – suffering alone is a lot harder then it is to tell another even if it seems impossible at the time.” An image of Ethan crossed her mind, a surge of gratitude and then true remorse hitting her. He’d saved her from self destruction in every sense of the word, and now he was in France. Of all places! It made sense he’d go there after the whole Yule Ball thing of course, but she still missed him.

Funny how the roles had turned.

[notfred]

Pain, without love,
Pain, can't get enough,
Pain, I like it rough 'cause I'd rather feel pain than
nothing at all

Odd stopped and held Bella back to stop woth him. He turned to her, full on and looked deep into her eyes. "I really appreciate you coming and talking to me. I wasn't sure at first, but now I'm glad now that you talked me into it." He wanted to get it all out into the open to make her feel like she could tell him whatever was obviously bothering her. He wasn't sure whether Bella would blow him off and go back to her friends, or stay with him and talk to each other.

"I know what you're feeling. You're saying to yourself: 'Oh man, why did I have to go down that hallway and run into this nut?' I understand. If you want to go back to your friends I'll be fine. I don't want to burden you..." He spotted a smallish stone bench just a couple of feet away and he went to sit on it, motioning for Bella to come join him. "You want to know something? I don't want to burden anyone. That's why I was hesitant to tell you this, but I'm really happy you found me. I was convinced that I was going to die in that-" His voice cut off abruptly. He didn't want to scare this would-be friend away by pouring all of his psycho mumbo-jumbo on her. She was only being polite and he was telling her that he wanted to die.

He wrapped his arms tighter around himself and then leaned forward, his elbows leaning on his knees. He looked down, his dirty blond hair hanging in his face. Without looking up, Odd said, "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to be here. But I'm glad that you're at least pretending."

[bella]

{ Couldn’t take this anymore? }

I really appreciate – appreciate. It was remarkably uncalled for to have her feel any sort of happiness when someone was in pain, including herself, but that tiny little comment of thanks lifted a decent sized boulder right off her shoulders. It seemed like forever that she had been thanked for anything by anyone. Odd would never know how much he had just helped her, and that was alright – point was Bella’s head suddenly felt clear for the first time in days. She could process things fully and actually comprehend the situation in its entirety. The feeling was amazing, and honestly she had the urge to go out flying for a while. Let the wind toss back her hair and just love the power of the breeze chilling her kin right down to the bones. It was a sensation she’d been lacking for a while now, and finally after what felt like forever Bella felt like she was standing on solid ground. And as soon as it had come, it all went crashing back down. For the fraction of a second that she had actually almost gained back some sanity, it vanished. Why did words have such an influence over her? Dumb question, the her recoiling thoughts, you over analyze everything. Why is this coming as such a surprise to you? Well, truth was – it wasn’t. She just didn’t like to think about it. Just another dark secret to keep locked away, out of view and out of mind. It felt like she lived in that box sometimes.

“You’re not a nut,” she said defensively, looking him straight in the eye. It hurt to see he really believed that – did he really think nothing more of himself then some psychotic being? Bella had always strived to make the best of herself just because she didn’t want to send up like her forsaken mother. If anyone knew how to fail at life, it was her. There was no way Bella would repeat those steps. On the contrary, she had worked her whole life just to do the exact opposite. “And you could never burden me, trust me,” she continued bristly, almost angered he could be considering the option of her actually wanting to crawl back into the comfort of her friends right now. A talk with a complete stranger who didn’t have any idea what could be bugging her was way more appealing then hanging around with people who could see right through her smile and guess what was wrong. She was an awful liar, so if they guessed correctly it’s not like they wouldn’t know. Friends were the center of her entire world, she loved them to death, every last one of them – but they came with severe consequences: like being able to read her like a book. It didn’t help much that every thought that passed through her was expelled ever so clearly on her face.

Grudgingly, Bella walked after Odd but didn’t sit down, instead in favor of standing in front of him with her arms crossed sourly. He needed a serious self esteem boost and Bella was at a loss to know how to give it to him. Sympathy never seemed to get her anywhere anymore, and tough love might just make the poor guy crack. He looked so fragile sitting there, crumpled from emotional strain. God Bella, have a heart will you? Sighing she eased herself out of her stiffened position and sat down next to him. “Maybe different circumstances, but I get what you’re going through,” she muttered. Wrapping one arm around him she gave him a feeble hug whether he wanted one or not, though Bella didn’t over stay her welcome, putting both hands in her lap right after. “I’ve kept a lot of crap to myself over the years, and I’m only just now figuring it out it would have been better to talk to someone right after it had happened as opposed to later. You feel all alone because no one could ever possibly understand what you’re going through, right? You’re in this deep dark hole with no chance of escape and just when you think you might have found a way out, you’re sucked right back into it. I know what’s it’s like to need some to listen to you, even if you think they’ll never get it.” She paused, vaguely wondering if he even cared to hear anything she had to say, “I wouldn’t pretend. I’ve been lied to, thought someone finally understood me – I’d never make someone go through that because of me.”