Silhouette of a Memory (for Indigo)

[Indigo Grace]

Feeling as if she shouldn't have said anything she just did, Indi glanced over at Bella and peered closer. Guess it didn't matter, because it appeared that Bella hadn't been paying any attention at all. Well, she could have at least given her the time of day! Yeesh, Indi didn't talk That much. Feeling unusually ignored, she went to picking grains of sand that had be tracked over from the lake, out of the grass. After a few moments of silence, it was evident that the other girl was completely lost in her own world. So much so, that Indigo began to look strangely at her. Leaning foward, just a bit closer to Bella, there was no indication that she had noticed. What was wrong with her? She had zoned out, where was she, floating around on cloud nine somewhere? Huffing like a put-out girl, Indigo crossed her arms and brought her knees up to her chest. Well, she'd have a few things to say when the hufflepuff came out of it.

For an unexplained reason, a flash of Bella running came to Indigo's head. Usually, Indi only got glimpses and visions of things if she was focusing on something, not so out of the blue. Drew, at least....she thought it was Drew.......was holding her around the arms, and something was coming after her. The worst part about it all, was that Bella looked like she was...dying. That was all she got before everything faded out and went back to normal, and she was staring at the dark green of the grass. Looking up, Bella was still as zoned as before. Suddenly, something of a half-scream burst out of Bella, and Indi actually jumped in alarm. Looking wide eyed, much like a little puppy, over at Bella, she watched as the girl hugged herself around the waist and the flow of tears imerged from her eyes. Bella was sobbing, talking about what Indi could only assume was her mother, and that she couldn't stop thinking about her, and it was haunting her. She must have fallen into some strange sort of nightmare, except that she was still awake when it happened. Slightly similar to what Indi experienced all the time.

Looking akward, she watched Bella as she sobbed. Like so many times, she wished she was the type of friend who knew how to take care of someone in need, make them feel better, hold them, cry with them. She didn't know how. She was never taught that. She sat there for a couple more akward seconds, at the same time trying to get over what she had seen about Bella. Being a seer, she figured it was in the future. She never would have linked that with what Bella had just been going through, and that what she just saw was only a few steps ahead of her. She'd never seen....dreams before. Sitting here, just staring at her, wasn't going to do any good either. She slid over beside Bella, who had moved a few feet away after she'd 'woken' up. Indigo gingerly, almost as if she was going to break something glass, wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulder and took her hand. "Bella, calm down. Just breath." Whatever she had just went through, it was definitely taking its toll. "You were, thinking about your mother?" She questioned.

[bella]

Bella tried furiously to bury the silly nightmare deep down, but it kept flashing over and over. And they weren’t the good parts, like when the unicorn was around and keeping her in a safe haven of light; or when Drew finally came out of the shadows and kept her from running – they were the parts that scared her most, like the realization that her mother’s corpse was speaking to her, or how petrified she easily became when her faceless father held her roughly until her mother would come. She watched it over and over, but she dared not to open her eyes. If she did, she would only cry more. It was hopeless; she wasn’t ever going to get out of it. She had to find someone who could answer her questions; someone who could help her. Being ignored by her only parent figure lately now seemed much more painful and made more traitor tears fall.

“I thought it would be better,” she muttered to herself, hardly functioning, “She was supposed to die and leave me alone. Now she’s there more then ever.” Bella had always had something of a grudge against her parents, if you could call them that. But it had never been like it was now, almost betrayal and unsure what to do with the feelings. Perhaps she had gotten over the pain, numbed it – at least they were alive, out there somewhere and in vain Bella had hoped that perhaps they actually did care for her. But with her mother gone, and their parting words; she knew for a fact that the hate between them had never been stronger. And her father, what of him? Did he even matter anymore? Was he even alive? She had no name, no face – not anything that could possibly locate him for her. Bella was in every sense of the word, alone.

Foolishly she nearly jumped when Indigo moved, having completely forgot her presence. She tried to accept that perhaps someone did care, but how could she possibly, when she didn’t even know what was going on? “Bella, calm down. Just breathe.” She tried, but her breathes still came in shakily, more like gasps for air then an intake of. “You were, thinking about your mother?” Bella tightened her eyes further, not wanting to think about it but unable to recall anything else. “Not thinking about, no,” she muttered between sobs, “She haunts me. I can’t stop it. I…don’t know what to do. She’s always there…always…” The corpse stared back at her, eyes hallow and unseeing. “She’s never been there, at all. She gave me up; she wanted me to come and see her, at the hospital. I…I…” Bella took in another rickety breath, having difficulty telling her story. “I wasn’t going to go, but…but Regulus, he convinced me I should. So we went. Together. My…caretaker of sorts, Ms. Drivels, she took us there. She couldn’t see what she’d done wrong, my mother I mean…she thought…it was my fault…like I was a mistake. She told me I was.” Bella gripped her waist harder, fingernails digging into her side. “She’s never wanted me, and now…she won’t leave me alone.” Finally Bella opened her eyes, letting her tears stream. She stared forward, trying to take in every detail around her to distract her mind. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered weakly, at all.

[Indigo Grace]

She was supposed to die and leave me alone. Now she's there more than ever. Indigo blinked and then shook her head hard, trying to remember this was Bella talking about her own mother, and not Indigo's. That was strangely and unnaturally close to the way Indi always felt. She was observant, but even so, she never knew the kind of struggles Bella was having with her mother. Shows how much she really knows about her own "friends." Uh...this was definitely not her area of expertise, she could hardly fathom where to begin with Bella. Wasn't she supposed to go talk to some, adult about it or something? Well, it was something to that effect. Indi didn't know, because she demanded to be given a good enough explanation as to why she had to share all of her emotional crap with some adult, who didn't even know her. Indigo so far hadn't recieved a response that even came close to suiting her, so she absolutely refused. It wasn't as if they'd ever helped her in her life so far, why would that suddenly change just by spilling all her weaknesses? Ha, she thought not.

Looking slightly alarmed at Bella's jumpiness, she drew her arm back instinctively and kept it to herself, wrapped tightly across her waist. Alright, that was the last time she attempted at comforting someone, if that was the kind of reaction that was induced. Indi hadn't cared to think that maybe Bella was still too out of it to register what was really going on. She only assumed girls were too shocked to see her show some sort of emotional side. If it were not for the girl's keen sense of hearing, she wouldn't have been able to tell Bella's speech from her wrenching sobs. All the same, she squinted her eyes as if that would help any. She haunts me...I can't stop it. Indi's face widened, but she didn't start talking because Bella wasn't yet finished. When she did end her tale however, Indigo had an utterly confused face. She understood the little story perfectly, it was just that she didn't have the slightest idea on how to fix it. How in the world, could she expect to help a girl who ended on awful terms with her mother, when she had the same problem?

It was more than ironic that she had run into Bella on this particular day. She wished more than ever that she had seen this coming, but once again, her foresight was as stubborn as she was. It only came about when it wanted to, which was usually when it would be the most inconvient time for Indigo. "Is that how you met Regulus?" Totally off the wall comment, but the mention of the slytherin charmer's name always got her off topic. It wasn't too suprising, despite all that he said and others too, he wasn't a bad person. Indi could feel Bella's pain, but she had no way to tell her. It was like she'd been cursed; she had no way to tell people how she felt....she didn't like to feel....weak. It was a bit different as well. Her own mother, many times, told Indigo that she was the most important thing to her, and told her that she loved her. But, when the outcome was the same as Bella's, it was only more painful. She always felt like she had done something wrong, even though she was told time and time again she hadn't. Couldn't anyone in this day and age, have a normal family? With two parents? With parents who actually liked each other, and their child too? It was becoming less and less like reality, and more and more like a fairytale each passing day.

"Face it." She'd spent hours, no really, her entire life since that point in time that changed everything for her, trying to figure out how to fix herself. The only thing that Indigo could ever find, was the only thing she was unwilling to do. Face it, that was her piece of advice. Because maybe, Bella could do that thing Indi couldn't. She would tell Bella exactly what she wanted to do in her own life, and she could at least do it for herself, and Indi would feel slightly better about it. "When she confronts you...." She stopped to finger a piece of grass, trying to stay as emotionally unattached from this as possible. "Tell her how you really feel. Tell her that you're mad at her, because she wasn't the mother she should have been. That you're angry, because she messed everything up and made it hard for you to love. That she missed out on an amazing person, and she'll never be able to get that back. Let her know that you weren't the mistake, the mistake was giving you up. Tell her.......that you're not going to take it, because you know you're worth something, and you don't care what she thinks anymore." Indigo took a breath and glanced up at Bella. She doubted it helped, but really, that was the best this girl could do.

[bella]

Only could Indigo have finally made her open her eyes, glancing at her curiously through her tears: “Is that how you met Regulus?” So far away from the reason she was crying, but she should have known uttering his name would get the girl off into her own thoughts. And that was okay – after all, Bella really had no right to explode on her. She had to get herself together before Indigo decided Bella really was mentally handicapped. She’d already been accused of that; she had no desire to relive the effect. “Yes,” she muttered out, trying to stop her tears. Carefully she undid one of her arms and wiped her sleeve over her eyes. “I never meant to tell him, I mean…” Bella tried to think back – how exactly had she let it slip that her mother was dying? And then oddly enough she smiled, reliving the conversation perfectly:

Regulus had been sitting underneath a tree, and Mipsy had decided she wanted to go and say hello. After retrieving her rat, somehow the two had begun talking and Bella had wrongly accused him of being just like every other Slytherin at Hogwarts. After confessing he actually wasn’t like everyone else, she’d offered up in return that she had her own silly problems. She hadn’t meant to cry – no one ever meant to cry – but suddenly she’d found herself telling him her entire life’s story. As she sobbed before him, Regulus had unexpectedly offered to go with her, to see her dying mother. On a whim she agreed, and they went that weekend – only to have the entire thing blow up in their faces. Her mother had died without any closure whatsoever; if anything she only hated her daughter more in her final minutes. And after that, she hadn’t spoken to Regulus – up until recently. She’d met him at the Three Broomsticks…and remarkably he didn’t hate her for being such a wreck, or suddenly ignoring him beyond all reason. Regulus was the only one who really knew the entire story…and really the only one who cared.

“Yes,” she repeated more clearly, coming back to the present. “Ms. Drivels had informed me of my mother’s worsening condition, and I didn’t want to go. But I accidentally let it slip to Regulus, and we started talking about it…he convinced me to go. But…” But in the end, happily ever afters just don’t come true, “…But she end up dying while we were there. I never really got to say goodbye though; I ran out of the room the first time, and when I tried to go back, she was gone. A nurse kicked me out, in short.” Bella sniffled back the rest of her tears, trying hard to keep from allowing anymore. At least she could speak without breaking every other word for air. “It wasn’t the best of days, as you can imagine. It’s such a…painful thing to remember, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about… I mean, how can I try and…fix everything, if the only person that I’m aware of is already dead?” Face it. It was a simple enough instruction, but so much harder to actually follow through with. “I’ve tried asking Ms. Drivels about it, but she hasn’t replied yet. And as far as my father goes…well, I don’t even have a name.” A sense of defeat crept into her voice on the last bit, all too familiar with the sense of loss by her father’s presence that she had never know to begin with. “When did life ever get this hard?” she mused, rubbing her eyes again. Bella still had one arm gripping her waist, other warning back tears.

[Indigo Grace]

That seemed like some kind of an odd situation to run into Regulus. Of course, he always showed up in the most random of moments. The first time she really have a chance to speak to him properly had been right outside the shrieking shack....that wasn't exactly normal either. No, she probably hadn't meant to tell him. Indigo couldn't see someone from another house feeling perfectly fine about telling a slytherin they didn't even know, their life story and the problems that went along with it. Even Indi hadn't told Regulus that much about her own. To be honest, she knew so much more about him then he did her. She always liked it that way, but it was a little wierd. Bella cleary wasn't stable anymore, and Indi didn't find her nearly as happy as she used to be. This was what happened when you let other people's problems become you're own-it depressed you.

"Regulus persuaded you to go visit your mother." Into bonding family realations now was he? It made sense if she thought about it long enough; his own family didn't really seem all that close, so he maybe he was trying to help another with theirs. She could have told him that would never work, but she hadn't been there. The nurse kicked her out of her mother's hospital room when her mother was dying....no, correction. Bella LET the nurse kick her out of the room. If it had been Indi, that wouldn't happened. Oh ho ho, that would have been one fatal mistake. But, it was Bella, and Bella was different. Bella was too...too....hmm....too nice. Which was well when you were making friends and getting along with people, no problem. But when you were really going after something, you had to set others' feelings aside sometimes, to get what you wanted. "But, it shouldn't have been painful." Indigo looked at her oddly, her hair waving in the wind.

"If you hardly knew your mother, it shouldn't have hurt." She was so confused on how you could feel hurt, if you didn't get to know someone. That wasn't a good sign. Indi had always been hoping that if you didn't know someone well or have a good relationship, even if you were related, it couldn't hurt you. She didn't like this new look on things. "You can't fix it" She scoffed, as if this should be as obvious to everyone else as it was to her. "What's done is done Bella. That's why it's called the past, because it's already happened." She wasn't mocking her, she was just stating the facts, make her see the bigger picture. "And who cares if you find your father. Take it from one who knows, you'd rather not know him at all." What a dissapointment it was for Indi to finally meet her's. Indi shrugged once again and sighed softly. "Life is always hard Isabella. If it was supposed to be easy, it wouldn't be life. It's not supposed to be peaches and cream. I've come to realize, that it's meant to be what it exactly is: a nightmare." She had used her full name again without realizing it, but she didn't care. Indigo hated to use nicknames, and she still couldn't see why it mattered so much.

[bella]

OOC: Forgive me, but I view Bella’s response to this…rational in her mind. Of course, I personally think my own character as lost it, , but Bella believes in her ways. May we begin…


Going to Indigo for sympathy was probably one of the biggest mistakes of Bella’s young life. Clearly she was correct in saying it shouldn’t hurt; she shouldn’t even bother caring; it was in the past, and it really shouldn’t matter anymore. But her words were hallow, unable to understand the longing ache that consumed Bella’s stomach. More so, Bella didn’t want to believe her. Bella wanted to hear it was all her mothers fault and she deserved hat she got; she wanted to hear that she was right in how she felt, and she wanted someone to cry with. It didn’t help that Indigo seemed touchy over Regulus – what was going on with them anyways? Every time Regulus had mentioned Indigo to her he talked so highly of her, like there was no one in the world who could ever measure of to the little Gryffindor princess. She’d agreed at the time, thinking Regulus had made a wise decision in deciding to date Indigo – she was way better then that silly Danni girl. But sitting here now, Bella had no idea what Regulus saw in her. Bella wanted to put as much distance between her and Indigo. So stupid to get worked up, but completely logical her in mind.

“Saying that you had to be there is an understatement,” Bella finally muttered, a new aggravated edge in her voice. “You can not possibly understand what it means to be alone.” In all honestly, Bella didn’t know much about Indigo’s family life – and right now, she didn’t really care much either. “My mother gave me up because to her, I was some horrid mistake in her life and she blames me for it all. My father didn’t even stick around long enough to hear my mother was pregnant – or at least, that’s what they’ve told me. He might not even know I’m alive. I want him to know – I want him to see how much damage he’s caused.” Pure anger rang in every word, and while Bella had never really been prone to violence, she suddenly had the undeniable urge to go and hit something. Bella really couldn’t go on like this, fuming. She wanted to just disappear, have a moment to breathe…and that’s exactly what she intended on doing.

Quite suddenly Bella pulled herself up and slung her too-heavy bag over her shoulder. “I’m really sorry about all this Indigo, I know I’m not being fair to you – but if you have any ounce of sense in you you won’t tell anyone about this.” Bella made a silent promise that if she heard Indigo spreading around her life story Bella would personally track her down and mess up her pretty little face. She was too annoyed to even bother considering the consequences of such actions; but Bella wasn’t exactly thinking very sanely either. She stared at Indigo for a moment and finding no more words, turned around and stalked off back towards the castle. She had to go find somewhere quiet and free of people before she blew up on anyone else today.

[Indigo Grace]

ooc: oh no that's alright, you have to stick to your character. But uh, just know that Bell has Totally ticked off Indi now.....at least you'll get to learn some of her history lol


The total twist in Bella's face said she was highly emotional, and she didn't like what Indi had just said one bit. The girl hadn't even insulted her, but she'd made a slip and forgot how over the top most girls were. When they were in their 'crying' state, anything you said could be twisted around and turned in the opposite direction. Indigo's own expression didn't change at all, almost as if she was bored of this. Worthless to try and talk to a girl when they were like that. Indigo wished very much so that Isabella had been with anyone else besides Indi at the time of, whatever it was that just happened, happened. She couldn't sympathize, Indi thought Bella knew better than that, apparently not. You could not possibly understand what it means to be alone. Oh, never, ever, say that to Indigo Grace. Especially when you had nothing to back it up with. She scowled at Bella, and her emotionless face changed from bored, to annoyance, and finally, to anger. It was hard to get her angry, but congrats, Bella just did it.

"Don't you ever...EVER, tell me what I do and do not understand Isabella Swan." Her voice was still soft, but deadly serious, and her eyes peirced through the other girl likes knives. "Because you know NOTHING about me. Alone? I doubt you know the meaning of the word." She didn't even blink as she stared the hufflepuff down, you just didn't say those kind of things to her. "Because alone is when the only person who's loved you you're entire life, suddenly says they hate you, and that you're worthless, every single day." She shook her head slowly. "Just because I don't go and cry to everyone about all of my problems and load it down on them, doesn't mean I've never had them. I'll admit that you know what being alone means Bella, when the one person you love in the world, tries to kill you. When you have people who are supposed to be your friends, talk behind your back, saying that you're just like your mother, and it's only a matter of time before you lose it too. Before you go crazy, and they say it....like you can't even hear them in the other room, at your mother's funeral."

She was discusted that she just went on a whole big spill about herself, even if it wasn't half of her life. It still was enough that people could use it against her, which was what Indi was always thinking about, constantly. Indigo felt like she was going to cry. No, she doesn't cry, not in front of people. And please, it's not like anything drastic just happened to her, except that she just scolded Bella. Maybe it was just the fact that all of her friends knew none of the reasons behind her coldness, and that made it worse. Because apparently they just figured she was naturally that way. As if she was born less than half decent. Indi looked away furiously, and blinked her eyes several times as Bella huffed and began to leave. but if you have an ounce of sense in you, you won't tell anyone about this. She looked straight up at her once again. "Like I said, you don't know me at all" voiced totally controlled, and thick as ice. Indi picked up her own things and walked briskly in the other direction, out towards nature and away from all people if possible. Uh....she really hated people.

[bella]

OOC: *Claps* Ahahahahahah, brilliant - a good moment in RP history I'd say. And yes, I was aware Bella was making a fool of herself. XD But hey, we all can't be cheerful all the time, no? Anyways, it's always good to have a decent cat fight every now and again. (Are we calling this, "the end"?) Suggests on how long we shall make one another fume?

[Indigo Grace]

hahaha, it was great, I love rp fighting. I'd say give it about two weeks or so, for both of them to cool off a little. Indi doesn't forgive easily, but it's Bella, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[bella]

OOC: Mkay, sounds good. ^^ The End. lol.