Broken (for Brianna)

[bella]

The Banshee is humanoid in appearance, looking akin… Bella, your mother just died and all you can do is homework? …humanoid in appearance, looking akin to a skeletal woman… You’re never going to face reality, are you? The sound of the Banshee’s wail is believed to foretell death… There you go, right there. Death. Bella, face it… The Banshee is humanoid in appearance… Didn’t you just read that? The Banshee…

Trying to focus on her homework was an impossible task, not with the undeniable weight of her mother on her shoulders. It had been a week or so since her journey to Saint Mungos with Regulus and she had been avoiding him since then. She didn’t want to talk about it. Aside from the pair, no one knew about it. Not even Drew, which she felt slightly ashamed of. But she didn’t want to ruin a good thing just because she needed someone to cry with. And that was another thing: she couldn’t stop the urge to cry. Over the stupidest things, it would set her off. Currently she was an emotional wreck even if she put up a hard front for those unknowing minds. It was better that way, acting as though nothing was wrong.

Still, trying to fend off thinking about it was another story entirely. All week she hadn’t been able to focus on anything and today was no different. A nice Sunday afternoon and she was spending it cooped up in the Library to avoid as many people as possible. Honestly, what was wrong with her? Your mother died Bella, what do you think is wrong? Angry she slammed her Defense Against the Dark Arts text book shut and began to roll up the parchment that should have contained her essay upon it by now. She knew perfectly well what was bothering her and sooner or later she would have to ask about it. Ripping out another sheet of parchment from her bag, she shoved her previous work to the side and began to furiously scribble:


Ms. Drivels,

I’m sorry I haven’t answered any of your owls, but it’s been too hard. Now that she’s gone I don’t know what to do with myself. Aside from you, I really have no family. And you’re not even blood related. I’m more alone then I’ve ever been, and I was wondering if you could possibly help me out with this problem. I know my mother told you many things, especially at Saint Mungos. She had to tell you about my father, didn’t she? Please Peggy, I must know if she told you anything. Is he still alive? What’s his name? What happened to him? Why did he leave? I know I’m being rather forward, but you’re the only one who will have the answers I need. Reply ASAP.

~Bella


Bella stared down at her tear stained parchment, wondering if Ms. Drivels would actually reply with reasonable answers to her demanding questions or simply ignore her letter and act as though it had somehow been lost in the mail. For the most part, Ms. Drivels had always been willing enough to answer Bella’s concerns. But she had never brought up her runaway father. Would Ms. Drivels be as willing now? Quickly drying her face Bella folded up the letter and stowed it away in her bag. She would send it later.

Attempting to steady herself somewhat, Bella took a deep breath and pulled over her text book again and unrolled her unfinished essay. She had to get this done otherwise she never would. Now was as good a time as any.

[brianna]

Brianna was staring hard into the transfiguration book, currently reading all there was about Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. She was getting absolutely no were, and even having a hate time reading the page. Her mind just wasn't in her homework. But then, it never really was. Instead she was slumped in the chair with her head on the table, which was empty save for her, and she decided to finally giving up on her homework. Instead she was going to try and catch up on the little sleep she'd had the previous night while attempting to finish the last minute essay she'd had in transfiguration. Her sitting here right now was proving that the essay had been a piece of rubbish. She'd managed to avoid detention by promising to redo it by that time tomorrow. Now she had about 12 hours. 6 of those should be spent sleeping, so really she didn't have much time.

Just as she placed her head on the table the sound of a book slamming closed made her head jolt up. She spotted her Hufflepuff friend Bella on a table close to her. Brianna looked at her for a while, trying to figure out what had made her slam her book, when she noticed that Bella's face was red, and she was wiping it. uh-oh. She was crying. Bella had been acting like this all week, but Bri had never found out why, she'd never really asked.

Deciding to go over to her, even if she didn't no what the matter was, Bri got up from her chair and walked over to her friend, leaving her transfiguration book and blank parchment on the desk.

Slipping into the chair next to Bella, Bri smiled at her and leaned her elbow on the table. "Whats the matter, darling?"

[bella]

Honestly, what good had come from that trip? Why on earth had she allowed Regulus to coax her into going? If it hadn’t been for him her mother would have died without her and Bella could have moved on with her life just a little bit nicer then she was right now. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was so upset over someone she had never cared for. Her mother had never loved her and Bella had never loved her back. It was a hallow relationship that had gotten them no where but screams and pain. That was it. Really, her father was the only reason she could think of that would make her grieve for her mother. Her death brought along his as well.

Maybe it was vain hope that perhaps he hadn’t left by choice, but maybe forced? Like, because she didn’t know his story that she could imagine him to perfection and have a fairy-tale like father. Just knowing that maybe, somewhere out there, she had one parent who had loved her, it gave Bella that small ounce of hope she needed to continue on no matter how hard it was. But with her mother gone, Ms. Drivels was the only person she could think of that would know about her father. She didn’t know many in the wizarding population that would know of her father. After all, she didn’t even have a name – what was she supposed to ask? Do you know my father’s name? How stupid that sounded.

Bella jumped when she heard the chair next to her pull out. Looking up, she relaxed when she realized it was just Brianna. “What’s the matter darling?” Did she dare confine on her friend what exactly was the matter? A part of her feared she would go and babble to the entire school what had occurred last week. But the part of her that knew Brianna better then that told her it was okay to let someone in on what had been going on. Maybe because she had been keeping silent for so long now, or maybe she just wanted someone else to know, Bella didn’t know, but she soon found herself explaining what exactly had happened with her mother and how it had ended. She told her about her father, and Ms. Drivels, her only correspondent outside of Hogwarts and the closest thing she had to family. Taking a deep breath, she finished lamely “I don’t know a single thing about my father and now I’m never going to know.” She pulled out the letter she had written only minutes ago and unfolded it for Brianna to read. “It was the only thing I could think of. Do I sound insane or what?” Bella smiled weakly, gulping down the last of her tears.

[brianna]

Well, obviously this wasn't what she'd expected, but sometimes you just have to listen, and thats exactly what Brianna did. With a look of complete concentration and understanding she listened to everything Bella was saying with a closed mouth and open ears. When she had finished talking and passed her the letter Brianna took it without saying a word and read it silently. It almost made her cry, but then she thought of Bella and refused to give in to the sadness the letter was causing her to feel. Instead she put it down and hugged Bella.

"There is no way that you sound in the least bit insane."

She was using a very matter of fact, no nonsense type of voice, but at the same time adding empathy. She gave Bella a half smile and rested her hand on Bella's arm. Brianna herself had never been in this situation, and was slightly unsure of what to say, but she had been a situation like this. Just not of this magnitude. All she knew was that it required a lot of care and a lot of thinking-before-you-talk. She hesitated before talking again, brushing away some of the tears on her friends cheek. This girl maybe in the year above, but Brianna felt like she was taking on the older role for this conversation. Not that she minded at all.

"If this Ms. Drivels really is like family to you, then you must trust her to give you the information you want on your father. But, if your mother told her what you want to know, I would say that she will tell you everything she can."

Brianna was trying to be as good as a friend that she could. She was trying to comfort her and reassure her, but without pitying her or belittling her. It was one of those time when friendships were tested for their true worth, and there was no way Brianna was going to run away when she could stay and help. She wasn't sure of what to say, but she knew that Bella needed reassurance that she had a friend that she could trust and talk to about this. And Bri wanted to be that friend.

"What ever happens, I'm here to help you through it. Tell me anything, and I'll listen."

[bella]

“There is no way that you sound in the least bit insane.” Bella hated herself when she was like this, gripping at any offer of comfort she could when deep down she felt everything was going wrong. Regulus had told her it would be okay to go visit her mother, and look where that had gotten her. And now Brianna was doing her best to try and help Bella and all she could think was that it was wasted energy. She didn’t like feeling helpless and worthless. It didn’t help that she couldn’t fully accept sympathy. That in itself was annoying and also unexplainably confusing. Nothing seemed to make much sense and the end result was Bella crying all over herself. She knew better, how to hold her head high.

However, at the mention of Ms. Drivels and her father as Brianna finished up the letter, Bella was pulled back into a semi-reality state. It was true Ms. Drivels had always willingly enough offered up answers to her questions. But still, these questions were different. They would alter Bella’s life and that in itself scared her. If she didn’t get answers she would forever wonder and have the envision of a perfect father; if she did get answers, what was she going to do with them? She couldn’t just leave school; that was childish thinking. Honestly, what good what knowing do for her? Put your mind at ease, she instinctively retorted calmly, like there was no other possible answer. Bella could only prey for the best.

“What ever happens, I'm here to help you through it. Tell me anything, and I'll listen.” Bella looked up through her wetted eyes and smiled. “Thanks; I’m might just take you up on that offer you know.” As it stood, Brianna, Regulus and Bella were the only ones knowing of her mother’s death now. With the selection limited, undoubtedly she would find time to confront Brianna on the matter another time.

Bella sniffled back her tears and cleared her face. “Listen, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. Right now though, seeing as how my homework isn’t going along too well…” She cast her unfinished work a wry glance, “Well, you want to do something? I kind of want to get away from all this.” She vaguely waved at a hand at her text book, “Perhaps the lake?” The lake was one place she could always find serenity. That and she didn’t want to sit inside and have a pity party anymore. If there was room for a distraction, Bella was going to take it.

[brianna]

"Thanks; I’m might just take you up on that offer you know."

Brianna laughed slightly, glad Bella was feeling better and that she'd been able to help out. She knew Bella was still very upset, but she was happy that she could help make things better. Bri just accepted the change in the subject, she wasn't going to push Bella to talk if she didn't want to. Instead she just left it alone and trusted Bella to talk when she needed.

"Yeh, my homework isn't going anywhere either" She glanced at the table with her Transfiguration book and empty essay parchment and sighed, there was no way she was going to be able to finish. She hated the subject anyway. "The Lake would be great, get away from everything. The weather isn't that bad out there either."

She was feeling less uncomfortable with the situation now. Bri was happy to go to the lake with Bella, they both needed a break from work, and it would be good to relax a bit. Pushing back her chair Bri stood up and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'll just shove my books next to yours then" and she quickly walked over to her books. Placing then next to Bella's she smiled and looked at the two empty parchments. "What are we like? I've never been able to string a decent Transfiguration essay together" and she grinned slightly, trying to relax the mood.

[ooc:sorry its crappy]

[bella]

Bella had never been more grateful for Brianna’s understanding ways. Telling her what was going on had certainly helped, like she could share the burden instead of carry by herself. All the same, she wasn’t ready to go that in depth. It had been a big enough feat to just tell her – continuing with it would just be difficult and probably lead to more tears. Bella was aware the last thing they needed was for her to be all teary and helpless. It was better to shelve the thoughts for now. No more mother, no more homework. Right now was solely focused on forgetting all that and what better a person to do that with then a close friend? It seemed a good enough distraction in her mind. Just what she needed. A cure for the pain.

“I'll just shove my books next to yours then.” Bella watched without real interest as Brianna stood and went to get her books. She had been right about her homework – Brianna’s parchment was as blank as her own. Brianna was thinking along the same lines: “What are we like? I've never been able to string a decent Transfiguration essay together…” Bella smiled genuinely for the first time in a long while and tidied her own pile and replaced her letter back into her bag. Pulling her bag along side one of the tables leg, she stowed it away. That was the nice thing about Hogwarts: no one ever seemed occupied with seeing how many things they could steal in one day. Their things would be safe. The Librarian was nice like that, allowing students to leave things with a promise to not keep away from them too long.

Taking a deep breath, Bella pushed herself back form the table and got up, tucking the chair neatly back in it’s place. Involuntarily a hand went to her hair, combing though it with a small sigh as she stared at their pile of unfinished work. It would come back and bite her and undoubtedly Bella would be loosing sleep to make up lost time. But she felt a good walk around the lake was higher on the priority list right now. Besides, if she forced herself to finish the stupid Potions essay she could only hope for a ‘A’ at best, and that was very much unacceptable. A bit hypocritical, but she valued her grades to much to allow herself to slip in a bad paper just because she had been to tired to do it properly.

Bella combed her hair one last time, tucking it from her face and straightened her shirt lazily. “Well, ready to go then?” she asked lightly, determined to forget her troubles.


OOC: [Completely random side note]: Ooo! New green smileys!

[brianna]

[Do you want to move the thread to the lake?]

[bella]

[[ OOC: Yes, I suppose we should. You may post first, as it's your turn. ]]