[F] O R G O T T E N Memories // v.a.s.

[vas]

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Why, hello.

What are you doing here? I can see you – that’s right.
I’m watching you right now. Disappear you little witch,
before I blow that smirk right off your face.

~ V.A.S.

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I sat on my bed staring out the single window in my room, looking at all the marvelous things I would be leaving behind come morning. The sun had long set earlier, leaving me in complete darkness. I couldn’t deny my happiness that Hogwarts would be my home again – I was thrilled! – but I did always hate the part where I had to leave my true home: here, my house, where my family was. The worse part was that I’d be leaving alone this time; Leon wasn’t coming with me anymore. Starting tomorrow, there would only be one Schwartz sibling walking the halls of the school. Feeling like my brain was about to explode with all the thoughts running through my mind I reached over to my nightstand, flicked on the little light and pulled out my old, tattered diary. Fumbling with the pen, I tugged the cap off and began to write:

Tomorrow we set out for Hogwarts…! Or rather, I set out for Hogwarts. It still hasn’t really hit me that Leon won’t be coming back this year. He’s what made Hogwarts so magical; I mean, of course it’s an amazing place by it self, but… I guess Leon just made it worth it. He was always there, you know? It was nice being able to sneak up into his dorm at nights when I was homesick. He’d carry me back down into the Common Room and we’d stay up all night talking about home: Mum, Dad, Reins, Ace. I’m really going to miss that.

I can’t deny my excitement to be heading back regardless. I’m finally moving up in the world! I’m going to be a big, bad fourth year! Alright, not so intimidating, I know, but… What the heck, might as well make it sound like I’m getting somewhere. And I can see everyone again! I can’t wait! I’ve had Bella and Edward around over the summer, but I’ve missed every body else so much! I can’t wait to go find Andy, and Scott! Lord knows I love those boys. And…I can’t wait to see Regulus again. I know what you’re thinking! “Vas, we’ve been over this – he doesn’t even know who you are. He didn’t talk to you last year and he’s not going to talk to you this year either.” But I have faith! At the very least I can see all my Raven boys: Drake, Patrick, Ryan, Riley…especially Riley. I can’t get enough of him – and he’s so cute! It really is too bad we didn't work out… Oh well, another time for that rant. But I guess if you want to play that card, I could always hold out for Regulus… He will know me one day!

Enough on boys though – let’s talk about my gossip girls! I can’t wait to see what Danni’s been up to all summer; she’s quite the character. Of course, I’ll be needing to find Ravenna and Rita as well. We’ll have to throw a little party for the little bunch of us – party with the Ravens! Oh yes. :]

Well, clearly I do have reason enough to be ready to head back to Hogwarts. Still, I wonder what it’ll be like without Leon. I asked him if he ever missed me when I wasn’t old enough to come; he said he doesn’t remember much, though did admit to sometimes wanting my company. But he doesn’t get homesick like I do; he so much more tough then I am. I admire him for that. Oh well; I really do need to get to bed… Oh wow, it’s already past midnight – tomorrow’s going to be a long day.

~ V.A.S.

I sighed as I capped my pen lid back on and slid it down the side of my ringed diary. I ran my fingers over the front cover like I did so every night before placing it back on the nightstand and turning my lamp off. As the night swarmed back over me, I curled up underneath my sheets and drifted, silent tears running down my cheeks.

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I hugged Mum, Dad, and Leon all in turn – I gave Leon the biggest hug, not wanting to let go. I even went as far as to wrapping my legs around his waist as he picked me up and twirled me right there at the station like he used to do with me when I was littler. I unwilling unclamped my legs as he slide me back down, ruffling my hair. “Come on Princess, you’ll have loads of fun without me. Think of how much more trouble you can get into with your girl…” He trailed off as mother gave him a reproachful glare, Dad silently chuckling beside her. I smiled against my depression and nodded. “I’ll tell you everything,” I vowed. Leon grinned and gave me one last hug. “I sneak by sometime and visit you – don’t tell Mum,” he whispered into my ear and then stepped back into line with our parents. I stared at him curiously and he winked before Mum interrupted: “Oh Vivienne! I’m going to miss you!” She hurled herself at me in the way only a mother could and practically squeezed the life out of me. “Mu-um,” I choked out as she fussed over me, “I’m gunna miss the train.” Right on queue the Hogwarts Express gave a blaring squeal. “See ya, baby,” Dad smiled at me, waving farewell – he really was the only one in the family that wasn’t much for big, teary good-byes. “Bye Dad. Love you,” I added to everyone as I hopped back up onto the train.

I had already managed to get a compartment where all my baggage was, along with Fez. When I reentered the booth my angry cat was grumbling in growls. I flicked his nose to hush him and immediately he warmed up and jumped on my lap as I sat down. He hated to be alone, but the minute anyone offered him any attention – good or bad – he’d take it, always. I sighed and began running my fingers through his fur over and over again. After a while, I rummaged through my belongs until I located my diary and yanked it out. Fez wasn’t very happy at me by this point, meowing loudly that I was giving a notebook more attention then him. I rolled my eyes and began writing:

Fez is being a butthead – note to self: find him a lady-love so he’ll leave me alone for a little bit. We’re almost an hour into the trip; I managed to snag a compartment for myself. I know it sounds a little funny coming from me, but I really just wanted to be alone. Saying goodbye to everyone was a lot harder then I thought it would be – Leon especially. It felt wrong; it still sort of does. Fez doesn’t seem to mind so much, but he keeps trying to walk all over my lap and I’m trying to write! He definitely needs someone for company at all times – luckily the little fur ball has settled down on the seat beside me; he purrs really loud.

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I stared at the page and what little I had written. Nothing else seemed very important – I was tired and emotionally drained and Fez was being obnoxious as usual. That was my life as of right now. I frowned, ran my fingertips over the cover and repackaged my diary and then allowed Fez to get back up onto my lap. Once again I began petting him over and over, soon lost into my thoughts that were better left off paper.

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I immediately went straight for my bed as I walked into my dormitory and shuffled through my still-packaged things to find my diary. A few t0shirts and a couple pairs of socks later, I found it and hopped up onto my bed. I stretched out on my stomach and slipped the pen out of the siding to continue writing:

Well, all in all, today wasn’t so bad. I finally got over my “pity me” mood and had a good time at dinner. It was great catching up with everyone again – and you know what I heard? Regulus’s brother was kicked out over the summer – I don’t really care all that much about the Gryffindor, apparently he has a nice little life off with those Potters now, but poor Regulus! We must feel compassion for him – his only sibling, gone. Terrible. Maybe I could give him a comforting hug…

You know, not that I didn’t see enough of Riley over the summer, but I think he was staring at me again. During dinner I mean. I honestly don’t know what to do about that boy. I love him, of course, we’re best friends – and for a while, it was more then friendship, but I thought we agreed that that part was over for us? We were going to “just be friends.” Well if that’s the case why do I still have butterflies around him and why does he keep trying to be all discreet and stare at me when he thinks I’m not looking? Oh well; I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Of course I haven’t found any company for Fez yet, but he seems better now that he has the Common Room to explore. It’s his first time here, obviously. He really likes it, but it did take him a while to leave my side. He’s such a home-centered person. Kind of funny how our pets often resemble their owners, isn’t it?

I do need to be getting ready for bed now though…it’s almost lights out and I still have scarcely unpacked. I have lessons tomorrow too; boy won’t that be fun? Bring on the homework – joy! Yeah, I know – not that exciting; but hey, the year’s only just begun: there’s room for improvement.

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I yawned wearily and rubbed my eyes. I needed to get back into a regular sleeping pattern instead of staying up all night. Out of due habit I ran my fingers over the face of my diary before getting down on the floor to hid it under the mattress between the padding and the frame of the bed. I got back up to my feet and ran a hand through my tangled hair. Today was going to be tiresome, though it was my own fault. Somewhat disgruntled, I knelt down and began rummaging through my bag to find my pajamas.

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After dinner I went straight for the Common Room, way to exhausted from the day. I headed up to my dorm and once making sure I was the only one in the room, snatched my diary form its hiding place and flopped onto my bed. Fez came purring around the bedposts for some attention but I ignored him, snapping off the cap instead and began to write the short recollections of the day:

As you know, I’m in all the regulus regular classes – Transfiguration, Potions, History of Magic – so nothing new there. It ran smoothly enough but I’m beat. I really need to get some rest and figure out my sleeping schedule, although that’s a work in progress. In other news, I finally got everything in its place and found my photo album. I looked through it for a long time this morning (I actually made myself late to first lesson – but that’s between you and me).

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]As always, I ran my fingers over the over of the little notebook and put it back in it’s place. I wasn’t sure exactly of what to do with my time, and I was rather sleepy, so I settled myself on getting ready for bed – time to work on that sleeping schedule I mentioned.

_{worth holding onto, right?}

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I was much too heated for my own good, and jittery and wound-up. I went right for my diary upon entering the dorm and jumped up onto my bed like normal and began to furiously scribble down all the thoughts running through my head:

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY!!! REGULUS BLACK FINALLY TALKED TO ME!!! IT WAS AMAZING…until Bella turned up. Would you believe what that little jerk did? I was having a nice little chat, finally, after forever, with the one and only Regulus Black, and she shows up and starts yelling at him! I couldn’t believe her! She knows how much I like him and she blows my big chance with him!!! It was the most irksome thing that’s happened to me in a long while. I was so pissed at her, I still sort of am… But I can’t ever stay mad at her for very long, I mean, we’re like sisters. I just wish she’d been a little bit more reasonable… Regulus Black! And she blows it for me! I don’t know what the heck happened between those two but obviously they hate each other right down to the core…

And you know what else? As if her barging in wasn’t bad enough, she goes and throws herself into the lake and you know what happened after that? Do you? Regulus jumps in and saves her! And she wouldn’t even thank him! I actually had to physically tell her she should thank him for the fact that she was still breathing, and she goes off on this entire rant about how maybe she didn’t want to be saved and I about died right there! Man, if Regulus saved me from that disgusting squid I would have passed out from pure shock! It’s utterly unfair that Bella yells at him and then gets to be held by him…or I guess dragged. He wasn’t very graceful about it, but I wouldn’t have been either. After being screamed at I wouldn’t have been very pleasurable about saving the screamer either.

It just makes me so mad!

On the plus side…Regulus Black in now in my debt. I told him he owed me… See, when he first came over he plopped himself right down and told me to start talking and if any asked he’d been sitting with me all morning. Well, apparently he’d wrecked a classroom. That’s all he would tell me, but I knew he was lying – sort of. I saw the damaged classroom for myself when I was coming back in, but it was a lot worse in there then I’d expected. Maybe he was dueling in there! Man, I would love to see him duel! He’d kick anyone’s butt! Hard! But back to my point: he owes me. I donno what I’m gunna ask him for…a date would be nice, but he’s with that little tramp… Just the other day I saw Indigo getting all buddy-buddy with Ethan. I want to rat her out to Regulus, but somehow I don’t think that would get me in his good books. Besides, what the heck am I supposed to tell him? “Oh yeah, Reg, by the way, I saw your girlfriend snogging that Cartier boy out by the lake the other day. You know they used to go out, right Yeah, apparently it was never over. She was using you, get him jealous, you know, that sort of thing.” Ha, yeah. He’d probably think I was a liar and hate me for it. Well, at least when he figures it out, he’ll still have me…

On a completely different note, I have yet to hear back from Leon. Hopefully he’s okay; I would just say he’s behind in work, but how hard can filing papers be? Maybe he got a promotion or something. Oh well, no use worrying over it I suppose. Besides, I’ve got no time to worry – time for homework (oh joy).

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I really didn’t want to, but homework did call. I muttered a few aggravated words to myself as I calmly ran my finger over the cover. It always felt comforting, like a little piece of home. I didn’t remember when I first started the mock ritual; I seemed to have done it for as long as I could remember. I briefly smiled before getting up to re-hide my diary and track down my book bag. Echoing my earlier thoughts, I muttered “Homework – oh joy…”

_{letters from home}

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I already had my diary out and sitting on my bed, posed to begin writing down my life’s story of today, when Fez appeared out of no where and demanded all my attention. It must have been a good five or ten minutes before I finally shooed him off to the side and again posed to write:

So I heard rumor of a Winter Ball that’ll be happening this December. I won’t lie – immediately I thought “Oh my goodness! How amazing would it be if I went with Regulus?!” Yeah, ‘cause that will happen. That stupid lion has such a tight grip around him it’s a wonder he can even still breathe. I hate Indigo Grace. It’s a pity really, we used to be pretty decent friend… Anyways, I began looking into more realistic options and this is what I was able to come up with:

Riley Winters: of course he’d be my first choice. But I think if we did the whole issue over whether we could be a couple or not would come up again. I’m so glad I was able to be his girlfriend for a time, and happy we can still be friends without it being weird. Somehow I think if we went on a date as “just friends” well, that would bring the weirdness into play.

Edward Jameson: I’d be more then willing to go with that boy. He’s so amazing, and gorgeous, and…and now I’m rambling. Alright, well, ignoring how perfect he is, Edward would be a fine selection. I don’t really know if he likes me like I like him though… We’re just really good friends…and “just being friends” has never hurt so much.

Ludovic Bagman: so I like older men, you have a problem with that? lol. Well, anyways, he’s always fun to be around. I’ll admit I have less an excuse to be around him now that Leon’s gone, but we’re decent friends. And I’d be lying if I claimed to never see him sneaking a glance at me on occasion. He’s going with Ravenna though, and if she weren’t such a good friend of mine I might just hate dislike her as much as Indigo. [Alright, so Ludo isn’t such a “realistic option”…so sue me.]

Andy Hemlock: now as far as I know, he’s still free – so there you go, a realistic option. That aside, he is rather cute. Good look, good company; I haven’t been able to talk to him in a while though, that’s probably a bad sign. Aw well, if picking really comes down to that I’ll hunt him down myself.

Well, there you have it – my love life. Sad, isn’t it? Being single is boring – I really need to find a good boyfriend. Mum of course would shot me if she even had the slightest idea that I’ve already had a couple boyfriends here…Leon is good about keeping my personal information away from her in exchange I don’t rat him out. It’s been a pretty good system up until now. Hopefully it’s bullet-proof.

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]As I snapped my diary shut and went through routine I laughed aloud. Yeah, if only her mother knew. She would die if I ever confound in her that I’d already had my fair share of boyfriends and kissed ‘em all too. Her adorable, little four-teen year old, lips already other places then her parents cheeks in a kiss goodnight. I shook my head and got up, still silent laughter escaping me.

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I walked back up to the dorm, still in stunned silence. Even the distraction of talking to Ryan a little hadn’t managed to erase my stunned silence – I still clung to the piece of parchment like it was my life source and without, surely I would die right there on the spot. Of course I went straight for my diary and sat it down next to me on my bed, still too absorbed with the paper conversation… I reread it over and over to the point where I’d actually almost mesmerized it. So, after the millionth time of running through it, I pulled my diary up into my lap and began to write:

The most amazing thing happened today, you wouldn’t believe it!!! I’m still in shock myself. But I got this letter, from Leon of course. But it was the strangest thing. He replied, and then there was this other blank piece – he asked me to write my response on it. Well, I’m always one to humor him so I started writing and I got no further then addressing it when his hand scrawled across the sheet greeting me. It was the weirdest thing, but it’s true! I have it, right here… It was remarkable. We had an entire conversation on a single piece of parchment, and he’s miles away! He’s amazing, goodness I miss him so much! I don’t know what to do with the paper now though. I dare not get rid of it but how are we to reuse it if our ink is already covering the thing? Well, for whatever it’s worth I’m tucking it in here to keep it safe.

I ran into Ryan by the way; I feel obliged to mention it, but mostly just because of Fez’s Grammy moment because of Ryan’s presence. I guess Ryan got a kitten, Poppy, and he had a little chunk of meat to try and find her again. Fez was all over him, trying to get a piece. He wasn’t very happy with me when I held him back as Poppy came back and ate it right in front of him. He’s still downstairs somewhere (both Ryan and Fez). Hopefully Ryan is okay – Fez might just attack him. :]

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I folded the bit of parchment and stuffed it neatly into my diary and closed it, absently stroking the cover as I thought. How peculiar. I wasn’t sure when I would get to “speak” with Leon like that again, and was briefly reminded of his promise that he’d come by sometime to visit. I wished he would come soon – I knew he had meant it. Rarely did we ever lie to each other; he would come, but when I didn’t know. In that knowledge, I put my diary back under the mattress and pulled out my photo album. I needed a good dose of home right about now.

_magic

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Educated with money.
He’s well dressed.
Not funny.
And not much to say in
most conversations
but he’ll foot the bill in
all situations
cause he pays for everything.

Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money.
Boys will laugh at girls when they’re not funny.

Paper or plastic.
Don’t matter. She’ll have it.
Vacations and shopping sprees:
these are a few of her favorite things.
She’ll get what she wants
if she’s willing to please.
His type of girl always comes with a fee.
Hey, now, there’s nothing for free.

Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money.
Boys will laugh at girls when they’re not funny.
And these girls like these boys like these boys like these girls.
The girls with the bodies like boys with Ferraris.
Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money.

All of these boys, yeah, and all of these girls
are losing their souls in a material world.



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My head was swamped with too many thoughts to bare, all of which weren’t very happy ones. I threw my book bag angrily at the floor and pulled out my diary to begin furiously writing out the frustrations of today:

Cranky and irritated are never a good way to start off the day I’ll admit, but let me tell you – it doesn’t help much when the world practically mocks you right in the face. I woke up this morning – late, keep in mind – and ran to my class, managed to spill pumpkin juice all over the table at lunch, got loads of Transfiguration homework from the idiotic dimwit (he may look good, but he still gets on my nerves), and then practically killed myself on the stairs because I jumped when someone called “Vivienne!” but not addressed to me and so I nearly tripped my way all down the stair; if that wasn’t enough, I saw Edward (Jameson) talking to that Hufflepuff girl…some seventh year, I think Isabella knows her… Anyways, let’s face it: I’m prone to jealousy. Whoop-dee-flip’n-doo. I hate that he doesn’t notice me…they’re all the same: just wanna have you for a night so they have a good story to tell the next morning. Okay, okay – I’m aware that’s just the anger talking. Edward’s sweet, he doesn’t intentionally hurt people. I need to learn to control my anger… Well, you know – I’d almost sort of settled down against having this awful day of mine when I saw Edward (Evangeline) walking down the hall with this Gryffindor…and no, it wasn’t his sister you freak. Some other girl. Anyways, look – cold, hard truth: we’ve been friends since like baby days. (I’ve come to realize I like him a lot more then “just friends”…) Sort of kills me that even after all these years I’m more like a sister then a love interest. What’s wrong with me? Do I have some sort of infectious disease and nobody wants me? Uh! Life is so irritating, I don’t care what anybody says! …but, it really has been “just one of those days”… Call it over-reacting or whatever, but seriously! What did I do to deserve this? Funny how a good week can suddenly just go so sour, isn’t it? Maybe some disease really is going around…but I refuse to believe that problem is me.

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I slammed my diary closed – hard. It almost seemed to retaliate in my grasp, asking not to be treated so harshly: after all, what had my poor innocent notebook ever done to me but listen as I fill it’s pages with my teenage drama? And now you’re talking to inanimate objects – lovely Vas, just lovely. Aggravated I jumped off my bed and shoved it forcefully underneath my mattress without taking the time to smooth the cover down. I was too worked up to care.

About five minutes later I snuck back up into my dormitory and pulled it out, just to whisper sorry and tuck it neatly back in its place.

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I scarfed down my dinner so fast it burnt my tongue and throat, but I was so wired it was hard to sit still and have a normal conversation with anyone. Today had been too full of excitement for me even to think about talking regularly – I could scarcely take my eyes away from the Slytherin table, let alone talk with anyone at my own table. I finished up quickly and nearly ran to my dorm, dying to get down the day’s events on paper before I forgot a single detail. I yanked my diary out and fumbled with the pen. I let out a nasty swear when it wouldn’t open and furthermore, when it did but I dropped the pen. Snatching it up quickly, my anger returned to giddiness:

Oh. My. Goodness. I just had thee best day of my entire life!!! Guess who I spent it with, guess! REGULUS BLACK!!! He is soooo amazing. He actually kept his word, completely – I told him we’d be even if he spent the day with me and well, he did, and it was so incredible! We talked a whole bunch, okay, more like I talked a whole bunch and practically drooled every time he found my comments worthy enough to reply to. His voice is so alluring, I love it! The tone of experience! Just what I need! I wish it could have went on forever, is was just outstanding! And – now, keep in mind, I realize this might have been a minor error – but I told him about Silvara. I have never told anyone about him in my entire life, aside from Leon of course, and well…I mean, we were sitting by the Forest, you know? And I swear I saw some little flash of white. Besides, compared to my normal staring status when he’s around Reg noticed I wasn’t giving him my full attention – what was I supposed to do? Say I thought a tree was more interesting then him? HA! Yeah right – he’s the most interesting person I know. So mysterious. I wish he’d let me hack into those mysteries, but he’s careful about what he says… Trust me, I know – I do it myself. Still, it rather is annoying. I wish he’d hurry up and break up with that mangy lion. She’s no good for him. He deserves someone much, much better… So what if I think I’m “much, much better”?! Dumb Gryffindor aside, I think there is potential for at least a friendship, right? I mean, he doesn’t expect me to just magically disappear after he’s finally admitted he’s aware of my existence, does he? He really isn’t as smart as I took him to be is really thinks that… Oh, but what if he does! I can’t even comprehend what my day would be like without him! Okay, well, cold hard truth: I can. I mean, up until now I’ve survived just fine, haven’t I? Sigh, sigh – yeah, I get it. I’m an obsessed little fourth year with nothing better to do with her time then day dream about a guy that she will never, ever have a chance with. So what? Dreaming never hurt anyone – it’s the nightmares that’ll get cha.

~ V.A.S.

[/i][/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]I grinned in satisfaction and then childishly kissed the paper right where I had signed my name. My lipstick held good enough to leave a faint read outline beside my words. It felt very old fashion, like a scandal in the making. Positively beaming I snapped the pen shut and put the diary away. Only after I had finished my homework and gotten ready for bed did I pull it back out to add one last (irritating) thought:

P.S. – Still no date.

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_{hands down & silvara}

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