DREADFULsanity.

[severus]

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wind me up and see where i go

Oh, journal of mine, you cannot possibly conceive of the horrible act I have just committed. I am a fool, truly and utterly, but this one action I believe crowns all my achievements of folly, far surpassing even that of allowing Regulus Black to be my companion. Yesterday, I received an owl from Professor Slughorn, requesting my presence as a sort of assistant of his during the next term. I gave it some thought and, having been faced with the notion of returning to that wretched place known as Hogwarts, decided that it would be within my best interest to decline. But, I fear, that upon the morrow Professor Slughorn sent me yet another owl, explaining his disappointment at my rejection. This in itself did not sway me, but later, after realizing that I would be provided lodging at the castle and would be able to abstain from the Prince Manor, from Gertrude, from my mother, and from all her relations, I decided that perhaps it would not be such a bad idea. So, I sent Slughorn another owl asserting that I would become his assistant next year, with the full expectations of having only to sort ingredients and complete paltry custodial tasks – but, no. Apparently, I am to teach an extracurricular potions tutoring club for all houses.

Excuse me while I go vomit.

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the hourglass on the table

I have been in contact with Slughorn again, and I have also informed the Dark Lord of my 'internship.' He believes it is beneficial to have one of His own on the inside to monitor the movements of Dumbledore, and I cannot agree more. I am just flattered that He deemed me worthy of such a task. It will not really require much effort, granted, as all I have to do is keep one ear open at all times, but it is still an honor. He has not yet given me any other task, though I suspect he will at some point before the summer is over, and before my absences will be tallied and noticed. At any rate, I also spoke to Slughorn, and he seems to be positively thrilled at the idea of having his 'top student' return and aid him in teaching. I'm flattered, naturally. Hmph. Anyway, Gertrude is pervading my privacy by attempting to read over my shoulder. Excuse me.

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a most awkward situation

I hate weddings. I truly do. The happiness, the joy, the tears. Not to sound melodramatic, but they remind me of the things I will never have. But I have still responded to Statton's invitation, because Rabastan is one of the few whom I can truly call my friend, and I suppose it is an inconvenience in friendship that I owe him. Bother. At any rate, I have no mind to find what to wear, though when Gertude saw the invitation on the kitchen counter she decided she would find something for me to wear to the event. I can only imagine what she'll force me into. I do not look forward to this.

Regulus has already informed me that he is not going, though I do believe Lucius will suffer me to attend. At least there's one thing to look forward to.

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hey, mr. wonderful

I appear to be quite popular lately. Lucius' birthday party is coming up and of course, I have been invited. No, I do not really want to go, but I suppose I am left without a choice. Lucius is indeed a close friend of mine, and as much as I despise his household and as much as I abhor the other persons who have also been invited, it would be a snub too great for me to not attend. Besides, Gertrude would probably have a fit. Not that I particularly care for her health, but providing that she is my great benefactress at present, it would be within my best interest to remain on friendly terms with her. Sigh. Such is life.

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a distant companion

Bellatrix is going to visit this weekend. Well, that will be fun. Apparently, the only reason she is paying her humble friend a visit is because she is in need of a few potions for a mission issued to her privately by the Dark Lord Himself. She will not give me any details beyond that, and has informed me that I am not even to know the types of potions I am to make for her until she arrives on Friday. It is quite lucky that Gertrude recently restocked her potions cabinet, for I fear that I am running quite low on my own personal supplies, and I cannot go out and purchase more ingredients for a potion of which I do not know the nature. Thus, I shall have to borrow some of Gertrude's and simply repay her later, if she wishes it. I find myself rather excited. It has been such a long time since I have had visitors, and especially since Bellatrix has commissioned me. Such a wonderful and convenient distraction, she is, and the tasks she brings. It will be nice to be engaged in other activities than reading Lucius' and Regulus' countless, meaningless, and puerile owls. That, and my mother's frequent and insufferable visits. Which reminds me––I must find some way to remove my aunt from the house on Friday, at least, when Bellatrix and I discuss business. Perhaps I can convince her to go to town and shop, or whatever it is females like to do these days. Yes. We shall see.