Post by Wendy Palmer on Aug 27, 2012 8:51:44 GMT -5
There was something utterly horrifying about red ink, especially when professors used it to grade essays and tests. Oh, Wendy liked to write in red herself, but it was a softer red; more crimson than blood, and not nearly as threatening. She was aware that red ink made corrections made by the professor distinguishable from her own writing. Wendy wasn’t completely stupid; she knew and understood the whole point of it.
But a great big red ‘D’ was a lot harder to take than one written in black ink.
It was funny, too – hilarious, really – that Wendy had finished the test knowing she hadn’t done all that well, but figured she’d at least scrape by with an ‘A’. Charms was a fun class, normally one of her better ones. She’d never, ever failed anything in it before – not counting the few times when she never actually handed in an essay or assignment out of fear of failing – so the ‘D’ next to her name was more than unsettling. It was enough to make her stomach turn and she had shoved the test into her bag before Lucy, who’d been next to her, could see it. Wendy couldn’t understand why she’d failed. She hadn’t studied as much as normal – okay, at all – but it was easy material and she should have known it off the top of her head. Maybe she hadn’t slept the night before and was tired, or maybe she had other things on her mind or was rushed, or maybe she had to use the loo or something. Or maybe she was hungry. Or… No. Wendy could make excuse after excuse, but that wouldn’t change the ‘D’ to an ‘A’ or even a ‘P’. It would still be a ‘D’ and she’d still feel the shame of having miserably failed, especially this side of the holidays when grades were so utterly important.
In light of her recent failure, Wendy had decided it was time she took her schooling a bit more seriously, which meant spending time away from the people in her life and being alone more often. She had become too relaxed about it recently, and it was near the bottom of her list of priorities. Lucy and the baby circled the top, since Wendy had made it her duty to research anything medical that could make Lucy’s life a little easier – and if Wendy focused on that, Lucy didn’t have to, meaning she could think about other important things like her own future – and somehow all of that was easier than studying for a bloody Charms test. Ian had also taken up a large portion of her life since they started… messing around… back in November. Christmas at his farm had been wonderful, but ever since they got back, Wendy couldn’t help but feel like she should keep a bit of distance from him. They had shared a lot over the holidays – a lot of personal, deep information – and now Wendy was… she was…
It was just… Lucy didn’t know why no one could ever touch Wendy’s neck. She knew that her father was an alcoholic, and she knew that he was verbally abusive – especially toward her mother – and that she went to live with her aunt and uncle before she started Hogwarts. But Lucy didn’t know that Fredrick Palmer had wrapped his hand around his daughter’s neck and squeezed until she passed out. Ian did. Wendy told him everything, the same morning he told her what happened to his mum.
They’d been talking about children’s stories (she liked fairy-tales, he liked Aesop’s fables; she like the happy ending, and he liked the moral at the end of the story), and one thing led to another, and then they were discussing their lives, their childhoods, everything they hadn’t told others before… That morning had been one of the most intense Wendy had ever experienced, and one of the best.
But Ian and Wendy weren’t dating. That was the long and short of it: they weren’t dating. They weren’t exclusive. He wasn’t her boyfriend, and she wasn’t his girlfriend. They were, essentially, friends with benefits, but they weren’t even that really. Ever since they started, they had never really applied a label to their relationship. There wasn’t any need to because they were both comfortable with what they were. Except now, for some reason, Wendy wasn’t comfortable with it. She had no idea what they were anymore, which wouldn’t have been such a problem except…
Except she thought she was getting real feelings for him, and he wasn’t obligated to reciprocate. Because they weren’t dating. And now she couldn’t even talk about it with him at all (what would she even say?) because she’d gone and done something stupid and kissed someone. And it didn’t even matter that it was… a kiss. She just… did it. Without much thought. Just a panic kiss, really, and then… God, it wasn’t even that. How messed up was that, anyway? She was getting real feelings for a bloke, so she went and kissed someone else to screw herself over. Kind-of like when she didn’t hand in essays because she thought she’d fail.
Well, she just got a ‘D’ on a Charms paper. Now her relationship with Ian was getting a ‘D’ too, since it was circling the drain. And with Wendy’s recent determination to stay away from social groups to improve her academics, she was left with time all to her lonesome to ruminate over her fuck-ups. Spending time away from her normal social group meant spending time with people she didn’t normally talk to. It meant doing something stupid, like kissing the captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. She didn’t even aim for the cheek and missed. She aimed for the lips and got the lips. It was so fucking stupid; she didn’t even know this Adam guy, not really. They were assigned a Transfiguration project together, and decided to finish up in the Hole in the Wall because Wendy thought a nice drink would help them unwind, and – god, she wasn’t even drunk – she kissed him. Just… as a stupid way of saying thanks. She fucking kissed him.
It sucked.
And she couldn’t focus anyway.
The common room had been empty while Wendy worked on her homework, since it had been a graciously nice day outside and some of the snow had melted (and the deeper snow was now sticky enough to form snowballs) so many people were outside and enjoying it. But now people were starting to pile in, and when Wendy glanced out the window, she saw the dark clouds as the culprit. Sighing, she hurriedly packed up her books and all but stomped up the stairs, starting automatically for the boys’ dorm before doing a double-take and stepping back. Going to Ian’s bed was habit by now, but that had to stop. She shouldn’t see him anymore, not until… She didn’t know. She started for her own, but frowned and decided to pass it by, instead going toward the dorm for the seventh year girls. Maybe staying away from people wasn’t the greatest thing for her to do right now, since it seemed to lead to unexpected kisses and fights and stress and unpleasantness. Maybe she needed Lucy. Of course, she wasn’t there when Wendy walked in, but that was fine.
She sat down on her bed and waited.
lucy
