how [lovely] you are

[Calixto Elias Bailer]

I had to find you,
tell you I need you,
tell you I set you ~ a p a r t.

Calixto Bailer was (and figured he always would be) an only child. It wasn’t a bad thing really – this was what Cal had always told himself whenever that sort of thought had crossed his mind. Because it was just Cal and his dad, they were very close, and that was something he wouldn’t trade for the world. However, Cal had always wondered what it would be like to be a big brother. When he had met Patrick and Gracie Marlow, he had gotten a much better frame of reference. He and the Marlow family had become close pretty quickly, and soon it was almost like he did have siblings. Cal and Patty were able to spend a lot of time together since they were in the same house and year, and since Gracie was quite fond of her brother, she was always around too. With their inside jokes and silly nicknames that they gave each other, Cal had truly begun to think of Gracie Marlow as his little sister. Cal loved the small Gryffindor, he did. He never expected for her to develop any feelings for him – not anything other than familial affections, anyway. And when she had told him…and then the Yule Ball… everything had gone to pieces. Everything had gone exactly the opposite of how Calixto had hoped. Everything had gone so, so wrong.

He had wanted to hug her, to squeeze her and fuse back the pieces of their friendship that he had somehow managed to break, but he didn’t seem to have gotten the chance.

Until now, he hoped.

Cal took careful steps toward the Vegetable Garden, being careful not to take heavy steps or stray into Gracie’s line of sight. It was harder than Cal had thought, tracking down the Gryffindor – even harder than cornering Julien- because she was small and swift and always skittered away whenever Cal caught her eye. Admittedly, it had hurt to know that his friends were ignoring him, but what was worse was knowing that this was all because he had unintentionally hurt them. He wanted to apologize, but he knew it would be easier said than done. He had to make up for all of this, and he had to make up big time. That’s part of the reason he had gotten all the gifts; he had to prove to them that he was truly, beyond a doubt, sorry for everything that had happened. At that thought, Cal reached into his robe pocket and looked at the burgundy velvet box in his hand. It was a nice, sleek looking container, but what was inside, Cal hoped, was much more impressive. He wanted to get something particularly special for the friend he had perhaps hurt the most because Gracie was special, not matter what anyone said. That was why Cal had picked out the monogrammed silver charm bracelet for his Little G. He opened the box gently and ran his fingers over the cool metal. It was composed of neat silver links that met a smooth silver plate just before the clasps. On this thin plate, Gracie Peyton Marlow’s initials were carved in elegant script. That was Cal’s favorite part about the bracelet, but the ruby gemstone charm he added to start her charms off was also a nice touch. It was true, Cal was fairly proud of himself for this one, but the pride did not stick around for long as he closed the box and slipped it back into his pocket. What he had done to be in this position, after all, was nothing to be proud of.

As he got closer to the girl he had followed out here, he couldn’t help but look fondly at the plants that were growing in the garden. He liked it here – it always reminded him of his Herbology class, a class he actually did well in. He even spotted a plant that he had helped put into the ground over near where Gracie was standing. He took a minute to admire the plant’s growth progress before gathering his courage and stepping closer to the small girl until he was only a few steps behind her. “It’s neat, isn’t it? Seeing something grow and change…”

[/color] He began, trailing off and gazing a little sadly at the vegetation before them. “But… Gracie, I don’t want things to change between us. From before,”[/color] he clarified. “ ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t even begin to cover how bad I feel about what happened, how truly sorry I am for everything. You gotta know I never meant to hurt anyone. You’re family to me, Gracie.” [/color]

Don’t leave, don’t run away, he pleaded with her silently in his head. He needed to talk to her, he needed this, this moment to bring her back into his life.
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[/Gracie Marlow/]

[Gracie Marlow]

Gracie had been avoiding Cal, and she was sure he knew it. In fact, she was sure that he knew because he had come after her a couple of times, trying to talk to her and every time she had slipped right out of his grasp. Sure, she felt bad about it but she just wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Not after everything that had happened that night. The Yule Ball was supposed to have been one of the greatest nights of her entire life, but after Cal had rejected her invitation to go with her, she had dreaded the whole event. She had gone with her good friend Noah but he hadn't seemed to interested in her once they had danced a couple of dances, so she had sat around at a table for a couple of hours before her best friend Julien had come to her rescue. Agreeing to dance with Julien was easier than taking a breath- after all, he was her best friend. But while they were dancing, Gracie had glanced over his shoulder to see Cal and Lovelace (ugh!) dancing close together and having the time of their lives.

It hurt Gracie's stomach to even think about the way Cal had been looking at her. He had looked so calm and happy and... ugh! It really just made her feel sick. Honestly, she really didn't even want to talk to him right now because of how angry and hurt she still was. But the boy kept trying to insist that she talk to him by chasing her. Really, why don't boys ever get the message that you're avoiding them? Gracie made her way to her next class with some of her friends, boys and girls, trying not to think too much about that night or Cal. It just hurt too much. However, as she rounded the corner of the Herbology greenhouse, she stopped to look at a tiny, precious flower that was starting to bloom. It was white in the center with intricate pink designs lining the five petals. She didn't know what kind of flower it was, but she knew that its simplicity was what made it beautiful. And that was how she had felt about Cal, not too long ago. And now she was thinking about Cal again. Damn.

No matter how soft the voice behind her was, Gracie jumped at the sound and felt the sudden urge to run like she had so many times. But part of her- maybe it was stubbornness- made her stand her ground. She didn't turn around, but she knew who that voice belonged to and it was none other than the guy she had been fretting over, Calixto Bailer. Her Cal. Her Big C. She felt a twinge of regret in her chest just by thinking the nickname they had come up with so many years ago and wondered why he had decided to corner her now of all times. When she was supposed to be going to class. Hmm... that was a good excuse. She began to open her mouth to tell him to bugger off because she had learning to do when he continued about how sorry he was and blah blah blah... And then he said it.

'You're family to me, Gracie.'

Yeah, cause that didn't make her feel like crap.

"Families don't go out with the enemy, Calixto." It was the first thing she had said to him since the ball and it sounded oddly strangled and helpless. Which she hated because she had wanted to sound so confident, so nonchalant like she didn't need him anymore. Even if that was far from the truth and she missed him like crazy and all she wanted to do was turn around and hug him and tell him she just wanted an ice cream cone and to be friends again. But she couldn't. That wasn't how these things worked. Cal had screwed up majorly and she couldn't just forgive him like she wanted to because she was still a wreck on the inside. She stayed put, still not turning around but making sure her voice was a little stronger this time when she continued, "Families don't leave their members to cry alone and families certainly don't choose someone else over their own!" She wasn't going to cry. She couldn't. She had to be stronger than that.

[/color]

[Calixto Elias Bailer]

I had to find you,
tell you I need you,
tell you I set you ~ a p a r t.

Cal’s shoulders fell when he saw Gracie jump at his voice. He had scared her, took her by surprise in a way that made her uncomfortable and weary. It wasn’t what he had meant to do at all. Cal didn’t scare anybody- he couldn’t even purposefully sneak up on his owl. He hated this; everything was upside down and Cal felt completely out of his comfort zone, as if he were really someone else, watching his body continually make mistakes. He wanted to go back, to rewind to the beginning of the year when he and Gracie shared candy and when he and Julien would mess around on the pitch. Numerous times since the Yule Ball, Calixto had found himself squeezing his eyes closed and praying to Merlin to take him back to before, only to open them again to find that nothing has changed. It was silly. Cal knew the laws of space and time, and even in a world of magic, he knew couldn’t just will away his problems. But he was still disappointed every time his attempts failed.

When he had finally gotten Gracie to speak to him, he almost, almost wished he hadn’t. Her voice seemed choked and it immediately clawed at his chest. Cal had to fight the urge to touch her, to spin her around and look at her face and engulf her in a hug. Because frankly, he wasn’t sure he even deserved to be able to comfort her.

“I know,” he sighed with a hang of his head. “Gracie, I…I don’t know a whole lot about feuds or enemies or why…” He swallowed, feeling his mouth become dryer and dryer, “why anyone would hate anyone else,” he said with an honest shrug. He was learning though. Something Serena had said, and the whispers of recent attacks made him wonder if it would really would come down to an “us vs. them” war. Whoever “us” or “them” even were. Cal didn’t want to figure it all out, but he knew he had to eventually. He owed it to his friends.

“I didn’t know that you two – I didn’t know that she wasn’t nice to you.” He ran a hand through his hair and took a tentative step toward her, “It’s easier, you know? Thinking that everyone can be friends. That you could just get along with everyone. I guess it’s really not possible.” At that last comment, Cal’s eyes fell to the ground. It had used to be his goal to someday be able to say hi to and smile at everyone he passed in Hogwarts’ halls. It was terribly unrealistic he knew now, but he had really wanted to be friends with…well, everyone. It had never seemed absurd to him before now. Cal had just thought that since he gave everyone a chance, they’d do the same for him (and everyone else). The world didn’t work that way, and he felt completely daft that he was just now realizing it.

There were sides to pick.

“I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out before.”

He hadn’t realized that taking another friend to the ball would mean he would be put on a team that Gracie wasn’t on as well. It wasn’t what he had intended or wanted.

"Families don't leave their members to cry alone and families certainly don't choose someone else over their own!"

Cal did not realize there was any more room for his shoulders to droop, but droop they did in another surge of dejection. “I didn’t leave you,” he said in almost a whisper, “I tried to find you, tell you ‘I’m sorry.’ You…ran away,” it wasn’t accusatory, just a sad, heartbreaking reflection. “She told me first. I didn’t choose anyone.”

But maybe I should have.

[Gracie Marlow]

She listened to him talk half-heartedly, wishing that things had turned out differently. He spoke about how he didn't mean to hurt anyone and how he didn't even know why someone would hate someone else. Honestly, Gracie didn't know the answer to that either. All she knew was that when someone else said that they hated you or even something about you, you tend to get upset and start tolerating it less. And since that person is using the word hate, you start to use it to associate them too. It's just how things were. And she knew damn well that Cal had never hated anybody and she doubted that he even could. But what happened when someone attacked someone he loved? Say, if someone like Serena had gotten so upset over Gracie's bloodline that Serena attacked her with deadly spells. What would Cal do if that happened? Be sad, tell Serena that she was wrong and then go hang out with her?

But she didn't voice what she was thinking, of course. Just continued to listen to him in the same half-hearted manner as before. And then she rolled her eyes, finally turning around slowly to face him. "How could you not know that she's horrible to me? I know that I've told you about it before." Were you just not listening to me all that time...? She thought sadly. "No, Calixto, it's not possible. I wish it was too, but even if you try your hardest to like someone, that doesn't mean they're going to like you. You can't control other people's feelings." Boy, she felt like a mother talking to a five year old with that little speech.

Listening to how sad he sounded when he said that he tried to find her made Gracie's heart break, but it had been breaking for a while so she was used to it. "Of course I ran away... I couldn't let you see me cry." Her voice was so soft, so fragile, she wondered if he had even heard her. Looking away from him, she added. "I thought you would chase me. I didn't think you would let me get away. I thought..." Here, her voice cracked slightly and got even softer, if that was even possible. "I thought I was more important to you than that."

"Gracie, are you coming? We have to get going," one of her friends had turned back to get her and stopped when he saw her talking to Cal. She could see his eyes flitting back and forth between them, curious as to what they were talking about. She looked at her friend and quickly looked away, biting her lip and shaking her head 'no'. Her friend shrugged and looked once more in Cal's direction then made his way into the greenhouse. She couldn't go to class like this now. Might as well just skip it. But what more was she going to say to Cal?

[/color]

[Calixto Elias Bailer]

I had to find you,
tell you I need you,
tell you I set you ~ a p a r t.

Cal’s heart seemed to sink down into his stomach as he watched Gracie finally turn toward him. Her face – she looked so sad. A real, punch-in-the-gut kind of sad, the kind that changes a person’s body language, whole mentality, and entire facial expression. Cal recognized it (and he hated that he did); it was the same sort of down-in-the-dumps that he too had been carrying around with him for the past few months. It was such a heartbreaking look on Gracie’s normally cheerful face. And still, it was the closet he’d gotten to getting a good look at the small Gryffindor in a long time, and a part of him held onto the moment, just in case he wouldn’t get the chance to properly look at her again in the time to come. You see, in the months that two of his best friends refused to acknowledge him, a bit of pessimism had been sparked with him. Cal still hoped for the best, sure, and he kept telling himself to stay positive, but he was starting to wonder if things would ever go back to the way they were. If they would ever truly forgive him.

He had heard what Serena had said this time. He was starting to understand.

He wasn’t sure he’d forgive himself, either.

“I didn’t really realize,” he said pathetically, wishing for a more acceptable excuse, “I didn’t get it.” He hadn’t. Cal liked Gracie, Cal liked Gracie a lot. Why shouldn’t everyone else? It was a shame, a disappointment. It sucked, frankly, to realize that people didn’t so easily accept others. “I know, I know you can’t…control people’s feelings. I just thought that – I mean, I don’t not like people,” he admitted, “I’ve never had a reason to not like someone. Before,” He dropped his gaze and shrugged sadly, “Serena’s said some things now, and I – I see.” It had hurt, though, seeing another side of the little Slytherin just as he had finally apologized. Before, a part of Cal had actually thought that maybe they could all be friends. Now? Now, he could laugh at himself for the ridiculous thought, despite the fact that he was as a whole rather bummed about how things were ending up. Sure, Cal had sort of heard not-very-nice things about Slytherins, but he had never experienced it for himself until recently. After all, Tegan was one of his very best friends as well, and she was a Slytherin. She had been nothing but friendly to Cal and anyone Cal had seen her with. But Serena Lovelace wasn’t Tegan, he had soon realized, (and he should have known) and all Slytherins weren’t the same. It was these kinds of things that he should have realized all along that made him feel stupidly horrid. And horridly stupid. Wait, did that even - ? Yes. Yes, he decided, that was exactly how he felt.

“I wouldn’t have liked seeing you cry,” he agreed, giving a slight nod and looking up at her again, “but,” he stressed, “I really didn’t like not being able to – to comfort you. To try to help.” When he heard Gracie’s small voice choke, Cal felt his own throat constrict and a tightness creep into his face. He furrowed his brow and swallowed, trying to shake away the feeling and wishing that his face wasn’t always an open book. “I did go after you,” he insisted, speaking carefully so that his own voice wouldn’t crack, “but you’re short and you move fast and in the crowds… I lost you,” he finished crestfallenly, feeling that the last part of his sentence had more meaning than one. Her trust, her friendship – he hoped he hadn’t lost it for good.

“You are important, so important,” he told her, disappointed in himself that she possibly thought otherwise. He shoved his hands into his robe pockets, feeling the velvety box that sat there once more. “I know I haven’t been doing the best job of showing it, but…” He trailed off as one of Gracie’s friends popped up and called for her.

He was running out of time.

“I’m sorry if I’m – my timing isn’t good,” he apologized, deciding now was time as any to pull out his gift for her. He just couldn't have her run away now.“I have something for you. To really, really show you how sorry I am. It’s like – well, you. Special.” He presented the burgundy box and held it out for her to take, internally praying that she would like it. And if she didn’t…he had picked this one out by himself specifically with Gracie in mind. If she didn’t like it, it would just be another thing he’d messed up.