elementary, dear watson

[Pippin LeBeau]

you are pregnant.

murphy

[Lucy Murphy]

...Why yes, darling, I am gestating a human!

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[Pippin LeBeau]

i think you're the first pregnant human being i've ever had the pleasure of encountering.

saw a pregnant deer once, though.

gestating. fabulous word usage.

[Lucy Murphy]

You don't get out much, do you?! WANNA FEEL HIM KICK?! It's a boy, by the way.

Yes, I thought so too. I am glad you appreciate it.

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[Pippin LeBeau]

well, i live with ladies well past the age of being able to gestate anything, other than bad pork. but auntie allison seems to try, bless her.

I CANNOT FATHOM THE IDEA OF A LIVING HUMAN BEING LIKE. LIVING. INSIDE MY BODY. ALIVE. is it true that if you have an innie you become an outie?

[Lucy Murphy]

AH. That would make sense. You should hang out with my family, most of us are all in prime baby-making age.

...CAN YOU FATHOM THE IDEA OF A HUMAN PERSON LIVING INSIDE YOUR BODY DEAD?!

YES. Well. My sister's popped. Mine hasn't popped out YET but it's kind of getting there... I don't know about other ladies!!!

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[Pippin LeBeau]

i like to think of siblings as evidence that your parents had a lot of sex. how many do you have?

NOT THAT EITHER. i think i just have a very different image inside my head versus what actually happens. i think if i was preggers i'd be playing all sorts of upbeat music to try and make the fetus dance, especially during ultrasounds.

i wonder if you can push it back in.

[Lucy Murphy]

UM HAHAHA let me count... ten!!! But I have lots of in-laws, too. And yes. They had a lot of sex. To be honest they probably still do.

I LIKE TO DO THAT. We listen to all sorts of music. Will and I play him music too! And sing to him. It's very fun.

I suppose we'll have to see. I always liked my bellybutton. I hope it's still cute, man.

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[Pippin LeBeau]

well jeez, they gotta stay young and limber somehow.

i'm gonna assume will is the baby daddy, eh?

maybe we should put like, a miniature cork in it now and tape it down before it has a chance to pop.

have you named your offspring yet?

[Lucy Murphy]

He is the baby daddy. He has good sperm. Excellent at swimming and things.

That is a good idea. A mini wine bottle cork? I feel like that would look weird popping out of my shirt.

Not YET. We are throwing around some name ideas. It's super difficult, man. I think it'll come to us soon though.

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[Pippin LeBeau]

the whole reproductive process fascinates me. i mean look at how complex we are versus what we start off as. fuckin' trippy, man.

i'm sure we could shrink it to the proper size with a bit of magic. anyway, it won't look any odder than a belly button poking out.

well, i'm gonna go on a limb and suggest piper. or peregrin. perhaps even pépin. all very strong names for a boy, in my humble opinion.

[Lucy Murphy]

IT'S FREAKIN' SWEET, BRO. And to think it comes out of SUCH a pleasurable process. I MEAN TO THINK THAT STICKY WHITE CRAP CONTAINS MILLIONS OF WEE HALF-PEOPLE. I MEAN COME ON.I HAVE SWALLO

...

Anyway.

Yes, that's a valid point.

Brilliant suggestions, dearest. I'm a fan of Peregrin. His eventual brother can be Meriadoc.

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[Pippin LeBeau]

DOES IT NOW. can't say i've ever had the pleasure of feeling the pleasures. damn shame, if you ask me. for the blokes missing out, i mean. naturally.

i will officially put the pippin lebeau stamp of approval on you having more children just so that there can eventually be a real-life peregrin and meriadoc. THIS EXCITES ME. so now you get to count on me being around and encouraging you to breed.

[Lucy Murphy]

They are definitely missing out. I mean, clearly, you're hot. Hasn't anyone tried?! ARE YOU KEEPING YOUR KNICKERS ON UNTIL MARRIAGE/BOYFRIENDS? You don't have to answer that, though

Well if they my height genes they will surely be hobbit-like. And William darling has big feet. So. Maybe... you know, I can see lots of similarities happening. And I am okay with this, but I can't guarantee William and I will be popping out another soon! Give it like four years and we'll talk ahahaha

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[Pippin LeBeau]

clearly i'm just so charming and lovable that they're all scared they'll wanna marry me after knowing me for ten minutes. and sadly i'm not a polygamist. but i could be. potentially. well, no. but maybe for a day!

eh, i might keep them on until marriage just so i can say dammit, i kept them on until marriage, just like i said i would. or maybe it'll be dammit, why did i keep them on until marriage? i don't think it reallllly matters, morally. i think it's more proving something to yourself.

so how do you plan on filling that four year gap? other than practicing the art of baby-making.