- F U N H O U S E -

[isabelle]

PAGE 74

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TOO MUCH DISTANCE
TO MEASURE IT OUT

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MAY 22ND

Sweet Merlin, I'm so tired that I don't know how I'm awake. Or how I'm writing in this stupid thing instead of sleeping. Ugh. Whatever. I'm at the Leaky Cauldron. Paying with the few galleons I have and then off to Gringotts tomorrow. Ha. Funny how the school thinks I'm at home right now. Whoopsies. Oh well, soon enough that won't even be my home. Where will my home be? I don't know. Not like I have a shitload of friends I can crash with. I mean, there's Rose, but she's got such a great thing going with her family, I don't really want to impose. Which leaves me nowhere. Other friends? Let's see. Amory? Haven't talked to him since, well, the whole hooking up thing. Come to think of it, that would probably make it awkward if I were to stay with him. Nevermind. So who else? Drake? Ha. Besides the fact that I'm pissed at him and he would be pissed at me if he found out about Darley - which, btw, is that even going to happen soon? That was the whole point- oh fuck, I'm not getting into this again there's no way in hell I'm living with Danni Valo. Fuck no. So then who? Darley? Yeah. Right. That'll fly over well. Hey there, guy-I've-been-randomly-hooking-up-with-these-past-months-to-get-some-twisted-revenge-and-so-you-can-well-I-don't-know-you-just-want-to-get-laid, mind if I live with you this summer? Fucking Merlin. I'm so screwed and I haven't even talk to Heath yet. Whatever. I'll figure something out. Worst comes to worst, I'll stay here for the two months. And make sure to take out a ton of galleons to pay for it, of course. But I'll figure that out later. First things first: moving out. Plan has commenced, big steps to be taken tomorrow. Good night.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 75

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A TWISTED UP FROWN
DISGUISED AS A SMILE

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MAY 23RD

Wow. Okay. I got a dress and these kickass shoes and I'm good to go. Did my hair kinda nice too. Whoop dee doo. And I took out the money. I've got enough galleons to tide me over for a while. Emptied my own vault and took a bunch from the family vault. Yeah. Family vault. Ridiculous how easy it was to just waltz in. I am part of the family though. Ha. A non-existent family but the goblins don't know that, do they? Oh I don't know. Point is, I've got enough money to last for a while. Which is good. And now I'm all done up like a party guest or whatever, ready to paste on a smile. And in a few minutes I have to leave and take the Knight bus to the Grace manor and holy crap holy crap holy crap. I don't want to see him. I really don't want to see him. If it wasn't so important- Gah.

They better have champagne.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 76

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'CAUSE THESE EYES DON'T SHINE HALF AS BRIGHT
AS THEY USED TO DO
AND THEY HAVEN'T FOR A WHILE

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MAY 25TH

So I skipped all my classes today. Whoops. Still trying to process everything. I was too tired to go to class. This weekend was crazy. But I guess I should explain. I've been too tired to write until now. And confused. I'm still confused. And tired. But oh well. I got to the party fine. And I found Heath and I told him we needed to talk and he was all "wtf?" - well, not really but you know what I mean - and shocked to see me and then I explained how I wasn't going to live in that house anymore and I'm not coming back this summer and all that. And he like- fuck, it was scary. His vein did that popping thing and he looked stunned and pissed and he told me that I was being ridiculous and I don't even know, he said something about a muggle taxi. Oh right. I said I took the Knight bus, 'cause he was wondering how I got there. And he kinda scoffed and said I might as well have taken a muggle taxi.

Yeah.

Ouch.

I just freaked out. I don't know. I said he just wanted to get rid of me too, I think? Something like that. And then he hit me. Yeah. 'Cause I didn't have enough to deal with, my own father slapped me. And it hurt on so many levels and I know that what I said was out of line but I don't know what to think anymore. I just don't get how he can go all play the perfect pureblood, as if everything is fine. I don't understand. But then he went back inside and I went in the garden and had a smoke - the nifty thing about those shoes is that I could fit a cigarette down the back - and guess who came and joined me?

Narcissa Black.

Yep. Not even kidding. We shared the cig and talked for a bit. Weird, eh? But not really. She's pretty cool and like, I don't know, I could almost relate to her. We're pretty similar, I guess. In some ways. But I don't know. I remember everything we said but not really what we were actually talking about, which is weird but then again, so was the conversation. But oh yeah. I told her about moving out and having no clue where I was gonna stay for the summer, I don't know why. She told me I could stay with them. So it looks like I'll be living with the Blacks this summer. Crazy, eh?

Like I said, I'm still a little confused.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 77

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MORE MALICIOUS THAN MALCONTENT

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MAY 26TH

So that was shittty. Regulus Black is an asshole. Of the highest degree. Ugh. He just randomly starts talking to me in Potions 'cause I "dropped my rat tail by his foot" or something, I don't know. Ugh, he's just such a dick. Starts going on about how I'm some coward and like talking about my issues or how I'm all fucked up and don't deal with my problems and like what the hell? Since when does he know me? Oh right! He doesn't. But we were arguing, like always, and then he's just like "Continuing this conversation is pointless" or something like that. "Adieu."

Yeah. Adieu. Well fuck you, Regulus Black. Au revoir maybe but I've got a feeling there's no way we're done quite yet. He's still gonna be an asshole and as long as I have to be close proximity to him, I'm not keeping my mouth shut if I don't want to. Ugh. I don't even know what to say. This whole entry is just like him, a waste of space.

Ugh. Fuck him. He doesn't know me and nothing that he said is true. Nothing.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 78

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WOLVES AMONG THE SHEEP

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MAY 28TH

...And today I got a detention. Fucking fantastic. This week is getting off to an amazing start. At least this weekend was a success. But ugh, seriously? We didn't even do anything, really. Me and Khai. We were just bored 'cause the lesson was so stupid. So we started throwing some extra rat-tails into this guy's cauldron and it was hilarious! It kept turning like this purple color and he was getting so confused 'cause he didn't know what he was doing wrong. And then it exploded and oh my god his eyebrows! They were all smoking and like gone and it was just the funniest thing ever. But then we were laughing so hard that stupid Slughorn realized that we were at fault blah blah and gave us a detention. And do you know what it was?

Ewwwww. I don't even want to explain. Seriously. It was disgusting. We had to go out to the greenhouses and there were these creepy-as-fuck plants that were moving and they had these little thingies with pus inside and we had to squeeze it out and it was just... Gah. Nasty. So, so nasty.

But hey. I think Khai and I might actually be friends.

Weird, eh?

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[isabelle]

PAGE 79

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EVERYTHING IS F'ED UP
STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART

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MAY 31ST

HolyfuckholyfuckholyFUCK.

So I haven't seen Noah in a while. Whatever, I've been busy. But apparently that's 'cause he's not here anymore. Like not at Hogwarts. He was suspended. Expelled. I don't even know. And I don't even know where he is, there are just all these rumors and people are saying he's in REHAB. REHAB. I don't know what the fuck is going on, holy shit. Noah's in rehab. Rehab. Fuck. No no no. This can't be happening. Why is he in rehab? What the hell did he do? Why am I only hearing this now and where he is and what's going on?! I mean what the fuck, this is kinda huge. This isn't little. He's suspended or expelled and in rehab and can I just say again that's he's suspended! At the very least! What does that mean? Is he When is he coming back? He has to be coming back right? I mean what the hell, this doesn't just happen. People don't just disappear. When did he get suspended? What happened? Where is he?

I don't know. I don't know and I'm freaking out way more than I should be but I can't even be bothered to care about what that means because Noah's in rehab and holy fuck no, this can't be happening.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 81

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TELL ME
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART

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JUNE 1ST

I told Rose. Of course I told her. She was freaking out too but we managed to calm down and ugh, I don't even know. This is just too crazy. She thinks he's gonna write to me so I just need to be patient but I don't know. I don't know why Noah would write to me. It's not as if we really ended on that great terms. But whatever. I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know anything. I'm just freaking out and I hate it. Why am I even freaking out? UGH. This is crazy. But Noah's in rehab, how the hell am I supposed to be calm?!

And that's not even everything! Apparently Rose still likes Amycus. She was gonna visit him in the hospital wing. Yeah. I, of course, pretended to know nothing about that whole incident but still. I told her about moving out too, she was kinda shocked and said I could stay with her but I told her a friend had already offered. Didn't say who. It's kinda weird, I don't know. But who cares, Rose might still like Amycus! This is crazy!

Why does she still like him?!

And why is Noah in rehab?!

And why do I have so many questions and no answers?!

Ugh!

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[isabelle]

PAGE 82

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'CAUSE IT JUST SEEMS TO GO BAD EVERYTIME

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JUNE 2ND

Oh thank Merlin. Noah wrote. I got a letter from him.

Yeah. Writing back now, even though I don't know what to say. He's gonna get a letter with more crossed out than actually written. I just don't want to screw up. I don't want to argue anymore, even if that's all we seem to do. I don't know. I'm relieved that he seems okay and stuff but I don't know. He wrote to me. Me. Rose was right. I don't know. I just miss him, okay? I've been so stupid lately but I miss him. And all it took for me to realize that I really have no reason to be mad at him was him getting shipped off to rehab. Whoop dee doo.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 83

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WILL I BE MENDING?
ANOTHER ONE ENDING ONCE AGAIN?

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JUNE 4TH

Okay so I've been writing to Noah and stuff, but it just seems weird. Like, he says that it's his fault and he's on good behavior and he's going to make it up to me? Or something like that? I'm just confused. I don't know where I stand with Noah and I don't even know where I stand with him. Like okay, I can't really be mad at him over something so stupid anymore. And we made plans to meet at the train station at the end of the year since he's gonna get out then for summer, thank Merlin. But still. Sure, we managed to get along fine in some letters but I'd be willing to bet almost anything that this is gonna somehow get screwed up again.

It always does.

Thanks to yours truly.

Ugh.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 84

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FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

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JUNE 5TH

For the love of Merlin, why did I think it would be a good idea to talk to Regulus again? Passing notes with him in class is just so much fun! Ha. Not. Ugh, he was just as ridiculous as ever. All we really even did was insult each other. He's such an asshole.

And apparently I'm a "pathetic slut".

Yeah. He knows about Darley. I guess guys talk. Of course now I'm just wondering if this means Drake's gonna find out. I mean, he's supposed to find out. That's the whole point. But should I tell him? Or just wait? Will he even find out if I don't tell him? I mean Black's in Slytherin too, it's a bit more understandable that he heard. But what about Drake? Ugh. I don't know. Maybe I should set up a meeting time with Darley and ask him if he's been saying anything. I mean, I need to figure out what's going on, right?

Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go slip him a note.

And then I'm gonna ask him what's going on.

Talk.

That's all.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 86

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I DON'T WANT A CONVERSATION

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JUNE 5TH

Met up with Darley.

I didn't ask him.

We did more than talk.

Whatever.

Doesn't mean anything.

Fuck you, Regulus Black.

You don't know anything.

Friday night is beginning to become a bit repetitive, y'think?

Whatever.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 87

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WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT
THERE'D EVER BE AN ENDING

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JUNE 6TH

I don't even know what to say.

Fuck.

He must hate me.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

And yet, it was.

It was the whole point, remember?

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[isabelle]

PAGE 86

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GOTTA PICK MYSELF UP
WHERE DO I START?

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JUNE 8TH

It's still sinking in. Drake knows. He found out. I don't know how. I don't know if Darley said something or someone else said something. I don't know. But he knows. He knows about me and Darley. He knows that we... That I- Ugh. He knows. And oh god, he got into a fight with Sid, he just walked up and punched him apparently and they were like, I don't know, I wasn't there, but it sounds like it was really scary. Like he wasn't even Drake. I don't know. I saw him today. In the hall. He didn't even look me and yeah, he looked really scary.

Darley's gone. Or going. Expelled. Kicked out. For fighting with Drake. Even though Drake started everything, I guess he had a better record going for him. Drake's still here but ugh, I don't know, I don't know what the exact consequences are and I don't care. This is just crazy. This is exactly what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to find out and he was supposed to be hurt and that would be that.

I just didn't realize how hurt.

I really fucked up.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 87

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GOTTA PICK MYSELF UP
'CAUSE EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP

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JUNE 9TH

I just want this school year to be over. I just want to get out of here and just get away from everyone. Does that sound horrible? Not everyone. I don't know. Drake's still not looking at me. To be honest, I'm not really looking at him either. It's just so screwed up. And it's my fault, I know. Still. I was so stupid. I don't even know what happened to Darley. I guess he's gone now. Not like I expected a goodbye or anything, that would have been weird. But him being gone is weird too. Drake hating me is weird too. Everything is weird right now. And the professors keep talking to us about how OWLs are coming up so soon and we really need to study and cram and this and that and I can't focus on any of it. I've been so horrible this whole year too as far as school goes. At this point I'm so far beyond that the idea of trying to catch up is just too much to even start to imagine. I don't have the energy. Especially with all this stuff with Drake and Darley. Which is now over. 'Cause Darley's gone and Drake hates me. Yeah, I really can't wait to get out of here. Please let this last bit of the year fly by. Please.

I suppose I shouldn't be complaining though. Noah's probably even more desperate to get to the end of the year or whenever he's getting out of rehab. There's something to look forward to. Yeah. Please let this last bit of the year fly by so I can get out of here and get on that train and see Noah again. As long as that's going to happen, I can get through everything else.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 88

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SPARE ME
YOUR FREAKIN' DIRTY LOOKS

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JUNE 10TH

Well. What the fuck was that? I don't even know. That Xenophilius kid? Just starts talking to me about learning being a priority in the classroom and something about... nargles? I don't even know but I'll say it again: Please let this year come to an end fast. So close. Of course that also means that we're "so close" to our OWLs. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Can't I just skip again of everything and have it be summer now?

That would be awesome, thanks.

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