- F U N H O U S E -

[isabelle]

PAGE 59

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YOU
ARE
THE ONLY EXCEPTION

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APRIL 19TH

Well. I don't know if I'm more or less confused now but I told Rose everything. Like about Noah liking me. I should have known she'd think it was such a great thing though, of course she only sees the romantic side of this. Not that there is a romantic side but... you know what I mean. She seems to think so. Then again, I did tell her... Gah, I don't know why I say anything. I mean, I'm just exciting her for nothing for it's such a small small small teensy little

Maybe?

AsinmaybeIlikehimokay?

As in maybe I like Noah. Like like. As in maybe that wasn't just some random kiss for me either. As in maaaaaaybeeeee I don't want to just be normal friends as much as I've been saying I have. But no, I mean, that's crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. 'Cause the only alternative... Ha. No way. Yeah, this is definitely crazy. I'm just in such a weird mood. I don't like him. What am I even saying? I mean, I like him but just a friend. Sure, he's nice and amazing and incredibly attractive and one of the only people I can sorta trust and knows how to cheer me up with a fun time when he's not being so horribly frustrating but

But

But

Well that's just it. But. There's always a but. And this time it's me.

But I'm Isabelle. And I've sworn off of liking guys, even the teensiest bit. NomatterhowmuchIkindawishIhadn't.

Bah. So what?

I don't like him.

End of story.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 60

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CAN'T MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS
OR MAKE ANY WITH PRECISION

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APRIL 23RD

...Or maybe I do. I don't know. I really don't. This is stupid. Fucking stupid. This is Noah. He's my friend. F R I E N D. And okay, he likes me. Doesn't mean I have to like him back. Cause you know what? I don't. Nope. Nuh uh. That'd be stupid. I mean, what would that even mean? That I'd tell him? Ha, no. Couldn't do then. I mean, this is Noah. And this is me. And what then, would we have to start dating? Ew no. No no no. That's ridiculous. Too much trouble. So then what, I just don't say anything? Keep it all to myself? Yeah, that wouldn't be annoying at all. Sheesh. Damn it. Damn Noah. Honestly. I don't. I definitely don't. He's just annoying. And he likes me. But that's his problem, not mine. Cause I don't like him. I really don't.

But fuck my life, am I really turning into one of those girls that bitches about boy-troubles in a diary? Merlin, I need a life. This is the stupidest thing. I'm gonna go find Darley. Nah. I'll do something else. I mean, there's lost of other stuff to do. That doesn't involve writing in my diary. Although I can't really think of anything. Oh! Right! Rosie's birthday is in three days, I'm making a scrapbook for her. Kinda cheesy but just the sort of thing she'd like, you know? So yep, scrapbook it is. I'll go work on that now, tata.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 61

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SO SICK AND TIRED
OF BEING SICK AND TIRED

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APRIL 25TH

So. I've made a decision. It has nothing to do with Noah or Drake or Sid or well... any of those problems. Still need to figure them out, I suppose, but at least another completely different issue has been solved so... yay me? Whatever. Anyways, I've decided that I'm not living with my father anymore. If you can even call him that. (You can't.) But no, I'm not going back to that house this summer or ever again. Except, I guess, to get my stuff. And Venus. I'll bring her back to Hogwarts like I used to. Rose will love that. It can be part of her birthday present. But yeah. He's not my dad anymore and we're definitely not a family. So I don't owe him anything and I'm certainly not going to live with him. I don't care what he thinks. He's not important to me anymore. He's nothing.

And why worry about nothing?

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[isabelle]

PAGE 62

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YOU DON'T DESERVE A POINT OF VIEW
IF THE ONLY THING YOU SEE IS YOU

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APRIL 25TH

Okay so I realize that was a bit random. I don't know. I just got to thinking about him and all the stupid shit that's happened and I was thinking about this summer and I just... I can't live there anymore. I really can't. I don't care what he thinks. I really don't. He doesn't get a say in this. I'll figure things out somehow. I mean, I don't know how I'm going to do this or how it'll work exactly but I'll find out a way. I don't care where I have to stay but I'm not living with him this summer. I won't say anything yet though. Not to Rosie, it's her birthday tomorrow after all. I'll tell her I'm gonna bring Venus back though (: She should like that.

But oh shit, speaking of her birthday, I've got a bit more work to do on the scrapbook. Almost finished though!

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[isabelle]

PAGE 63

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WE SIGN OUR CARDS AND LETTERS
"BFF"

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APRIL 26TH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSALIE ANN DARWIN (:

Love you, girl.

Today was great. Kinda. But no no, I mean, I don't want to like ruin her birthday or anything. Wished her a happy one today in class and told her about Venus. Gave her the scrapbook after classes, she seemed to really love it, which was great. She was so happy and excited and stuff and we had a good time and all that, I think it definitely went well as far as birthdays go. Which is good? Yes, obviously. Definitely. Very good.

Except...

Oh fuck. I can't hold this in.

Amycus is back.

F*cker.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 64

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WELL YOU CAN IGNORE IT
BUT ONLY FOR SO LONG

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APRIL 28TH

You know it's bad when Isabelle Laurentine is actually contemplating apologizing to someone. Ugh. But seriously, maybe I was too harsh on Noah. I mean he told me that he likes me and then I flipped out on him as if he'd done something horrendous. I mean, it is pretty horrendous. Well like sorta. I don't know. But still. I was kinda a bitch to him. I don't know. Normally I wouldn't do anything. But look where that's gotten me, I haven't talked to Amory or Lorcan or Drake at all since I decided to just ignore things. Seems that's not working out so well for me. Or well, it is, 'cause that's the whole point but I don't want that to happen again here. I don't want to screw up yet another time and I don't want to screw up with Noah. Ugh. And Rose has always always always told me to talk things over. That's her advice. And she's actually got friends so maybe I should be listening to her. I don't know. Maybe I'm just thinking that 'cause it was her birthday and I still want to make her happy. Ugh. But if I do this it means I have to talk to Noah again. I have to start the conversation. Somehow. Ugh. Fine. Can't promise it'll be the most touching apology. Oh well, who cares? It's the thought that counts, right? Wow. Can't believe I just wrote that. Let's pretend I'm joking. Ha ha ha...

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[isabelle]

PAGE 65

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I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE
IT'S GETTING CLOSER NOW

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APRIL 29TH

So I tried talking to Noah again. It worked. At first. And then it didn't. We flirted. And then we fought. Or well I fought. He's such a freakin' pacifist. I was just lucky last time. But nope, he's not one for arguing. Apparently I am though. Apparently I just can't help myself, apparently the smallest little thing is enough to piss me off where he's concerned. Ugh. I'm trying, okay? Rose wanted me to talk to him and fix things and I'm trying. But he's just, I don't know. He's impossible. Of course he is. This is Noah we're talking about. Funny, crazy, up-for-anything, ridiculously good-looking Noa Oh fuck me. I'm not about to become one of those twits that scribbles in their diary about this or that boy. Nevermind if that's all I've been doing since I got this thing. I'm not gonna start acting like I have some stupid crush just 'cause Noah and I kissed and it was awesome and he likes me and maybe I like him too and- Ack. Fuck me. This is ridiculous.

Isabelle Laurentine, you need to stop this in its tracks right now.

Before you become a pathetic, pathetic little girl.

Too late.

Ugh. Fuck you, Noah Orchard.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 66

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WON'T LOOK BACK 'CAUSE THERE'S NO USE
IT'S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD

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APRIL 31ST

So word is the Graces are throwing a party. Whoop dee doo, right? No, I'm serious. Some big fancy "high society" thing in the end of May. Normally, I wouldn't give a fuck. Normally, there's no way I'd ever even think of going. But my dad Heath is going to be there. And while again, normally, that would just give me even more reason to not want to go, well, I do need to tell him about moving out. Inform him and then go get my stuff and then come back to Hogwarts and then never go back there again. I don't know where I will stay this summer but I'll figure something out. Point is, I think I just may need to buy myself a new dress (;

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[isabelle]

PAGE 67

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I'VE GOT NO TIME
FOR FEELING SORRY

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MAY 3RD

I've been thinking about this more and more. And I think it might actually work. The party is a Saturday night. So I'll forge a letter from my dad saying I have permission to leave Hogwarts, other students will be doing the same - I mean like they'll be leaving too, not forging notes. And then I'll leave either Friday night or Saturday morning, I don't know. If I leave Friday night then I'll have to stay at the Leaky Cauldron or something. And then Saturday I can buy a dress and all that crap and take out some money from Gringotts. I still have a bunch of galleons in my vault from when Heath used to send it regularly, before I started ignoring him. And I can still get into the family vault.

Ha, family. What a joke.

But anyways.

I'm sure daddy dearest won't mind if his beloved daughter dips into his money to cover her expenses. Or just, you know, to take some. Hey, I'm gonna need something to live off of this summer.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 68

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JUST DON'T LET ME FALL ASLEEP
FEELING EMPTY AGAIN

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MAY 8TH

It's like three am. And I'm still awake. 'Cause guess who I went to see tonight. Yeah. Back to Darley again. Go me. I don't know, I keep telling myself that it's just about getting revenge on Drake but I don't even know anymore. It's not like Darley really cares if his cousin ever finds out or not. I mean yeah, he'd like to see him pissed too but as long as I'm still throwing myself at him for no reason... Yeah, he doesn't mind. It had been like a month though. He wanted to know what was going on. This was my proposition after all. So yeah. Apparently I refuse to admit to Noah that I like him but spending my Friday night having sex with Sid Darley in a broom closet? Yeah, that's fine. Oh whoops, sorry. Having sex with Sid Darley in order to make Drake jealous. That's the whole point of this, after all. Or it was, at least.

Now?

Now I really don't have a fucking clue what's going on. I don't care about Darley and I know he doesn't care about me but I don't want to tell Drake, not because I'm afraid of him being mad, but because I don't want this to end.

How fucked up is that?

I need sleep. Now.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 69

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SHIFTING YOUR WEIGHT
TO THROW OFF THE PAIN

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MAY 15TH

Okay. I know I like having secrets. And I know I like whatever-the-fuck is going on with Darley. Yeah, that's fucked up, blah blah blah, I know. But it's true. Even still, I don't know. I saw Drake in the hall today and I actually felt guilty. Which is stupid. The whole point of revenge is that he screwed up first. But did he really screw up bad enough to merit this? The cousin that he hates has been fucking his ex-friend for months now. Yeah. Since Valentine's. And it's May. So like three months. Three months. This is messed up. But I keep going back. I send Darley a fucking note: "Astronomy Tower, Midnight." Just like the first note. Just like what got me into this mess.

And seriously. Haven't even written in this thing since last Friday. Apparently nothing else interesting happened this week. I should realize that something's wrong when hooking up with Darley becomes the only thing to write about.

Oh wait. I saw Noah a few days ago. Walked by him. Was going to say hi. But then I remember I'm mad at him. Why am I mad at him, again?

Beats me.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 70

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IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU DO
YOU'LL GET OUT

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MAY 18TH

Okay, I need to get Darley out of my head. He doesn't matter right now. Whatever's happened has happened and I can't change it and I don't want to change it who cares. I need to get my plan in order. In four days, I'm leaving the school and I'm going to Diagon and I'm staying at the Leaky Cauldron and I'm getting all my stuff and I'm getting money and I'm going to the Grace party and I'm finding my d Heath and I'm telling him that I'm not living at that house anymore and I'm leaving and I'm going back to the house and I'm getting all my stuff and I'm getting Venus and I'm coming back to Hogwarts and that's it and...

And that's how it's gonna go. Simple.

This should be easy. This should be easy. Confidence is key. I just need to be confident in my plan and it'll be okay and... oh what the fuck do I know.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 71

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SOME THINGS I'LL NEVER KNOW
AND I HAD TO LET THEM GO

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MAY 19TH

Should I be nervous?

No.

Am I nervous?

No.

Not even a little?

Maybe.

Why?

I don't know.

Is this what I honestly and truly want?

Yes.

Good enough for me.

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[isabelle]

PAGE 72

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WE'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU

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MAY 21ST

Fucking Amycus Carrow. He was sitting near me today. In class. I couldn't help it. Told him to stay away from Rose. In perhaps more, uh, colorful language. Whatever. Anyways, he really is an ass, of the largest degree. On the bright side, I exploded his cauldron 'cause I was just that pissed but no one realized it was me and it splashed all over him and he got these disgusting boils and he fainted and had to be taken to the Hospital Wing and it was just like-

Let's just say I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself right now (:

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[isabelle]

PAGE 73

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SEEMS LIKE IT'S GETTING HARDER TO BELIEVE IN ANYTHING
THAN JUST TO GET LOST IN ALL MY SELFISH THOUGHTS

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MAY 22ND

It's May 22nd. Let me re-iterate: May 22nd. As in after classes today I'm leaving the school and off I go. Hocrap. I have the note ready so I can leave along with everyone else. But wow. At this time tomorrow, I'm going to be off to get ready to go tell my dad that I'm moving out. And at this time two days from now, I'll have told him and I'll have gotten my stuff and moved out. Wow. I can't believe this. It's really happening. Of course it is. And it's gonna work. And I want this. Because I don't care about him. I don't care about pretending to be a family. We're not a family.

Haven't been for a while.

So he really shouldn't be too surprised. Maybe he won't even care. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

But whatever, on another note, I've been thinking some more about what I need to take. All my stuff, obviously, but anything else? Mum's painting. The one of Paris at nighttime. My favorite. His favorite, too.

Serves him right.

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