Heroes and Thieves

[Noah Orchard]

S E L F O B S E S S I O N I S M Y C O N F E S S I O N

The journal of possibly the greatest lrycist, poet, athelete, student, artist, and overall conspirator ever seen on this earth. If that doesn't keep you interested, you are a boring individual.

[Noah Orchard]

My early summer break.

[Noah Orchard]

Why is it that everyone always tells you alcohol impairs memory, but when I tell them I don't remember what happened they don't believe me?

My mother woke up the other day to my mugshot. This isn't exactly how I expected my sixth year to wind down, or up.

I got suspended from Hogwarts, my parents talked them out of expelling me and now? Now, Noah Orchard is going back to California before the year ends and is being sent against his will to....


R E H A B.


Holy F. This sucks.

[Noah Orchard]

Day One. The most un-lonely day of my life.

I'd slit my wrists but I think the guy breathing down my neck would notice. MY DAY IN A NUTSHELL.

1. I arrive. My mom is crying, my dad slaps the back of my head. Wizarding authorities escort me to my home so I can get my things before I head off to jolly rehab land. But not BEFORE I run into my old best friend and his girlfriend. I really think he was enjoying it. And....it doesn't matter was Sara thinks anymore.

2. I get my room, which is more or less a jail cell with curtains. My roomie has so many tatoos I don't know what race he is, and he keeps checking me out. I'm sleeping with my wand in my hand tonight.

3. I need a fucking drink. There, I said it. And now that I have, I have to do pushups. Nice.




...so does this mean I can't have a smoke either?

[Noah Orchard]

Day 1086904803894893858038592084039

No, it means you can't have a smoke. It means you also can't have weed, or caffiented beverages, or WOMEN. So, fun is illegal.

I'd be in class right now learning about flubberworms and preparing to take my exams. My exams got sent to me so I get to take them here. I escape from school and it comes and finds me, imagine that.

Someone here knows somebody who knows somebody who can get something to drink. I know it's a long shot, but my head is pounding, my throat is hoarse, and I think I'm going to shrivel up unless I get something strong.

[Noah Orchard]

Day I can't remember.

I found out what happens when you break the rules. Solitary confinement. No free time, you just sit in your nice little cushy room until you lose your mind. I'm surprised I even have a quill, they underestimate my hopelessness at the moment.


Hogsmeade weekend at Hogwarts. Some of my friends I'll never see again, they're graduating, and I'm here.


.....Why am I such a screw up?

[Noah Orchard]

Day until graduation.

I feel like I've been here for enternity; that I haven't had a drink in a lifetime; and that I no longer exist. I really missed out on a lot this time.

This is one mistake I'm not going to repeat. I can't afford it anymore. Today we were all gathered together and we had to listen to this guy talk about how his dad drank his life away. He grew up with an empty shell instead of a parent. This guy is like a year older than me.

I don't know, maybe....maybe it's not worth it.

[Noah Orchard]

Graduation Day

So not much happens in Londontown without me. Isabelle said things are basically the same, but then again she isn't always up to date with the gossip chain. This summer we're going to do something together, perhaps I'll persuade her I've changed. She doesn't like the normal me.

Pretending to be someone else isn't always a bad thing.

My roomie Derek doesn't like the new band the Weird Sisters. Now I know we're not pals, what with the unnecessary staring at my butt and all the crude comments about the lunch ladies but I thought we'd reached...an understanding. He doesn't bother me and I don't bother him. Apparently my music bothers him. I've been assured the swelling will go down within the week.

I might be getting out of here in a week. My only problem now is what I'm going to do.

[Noah Orchard]

The Day before tomorrow

An attack in Hogsmeade? My Hogsmeade? Has the whole world gone mad? No one mentioned it to me, even with the numerous letters I've sent. Note that was sarcasm, I've been living like a hermit. Yes the Daily Prophet says there was an attack by the Death Eaters on Hogwarts carriages making their way to Hogsmeade for the end of the year bash. Several students injured. I find this out wayyyyy after the fact. Some shops damaged? If anyone blew up The Three Broomsticks......

Death Eater numbers are on the rise. More incidents likely to follow. Nothing I would like to hear, nothing I can do about it. Were my friends hurt, were they in it? All I know is that Isabelle made it out alive. So, what about Bella? Amos? Aceline? Khai? Hello?

Nope, I don't get to know. I get to sit here and stare at my roomate's yellow toenails. Isn't that a thrilling past time.

[Noah Orchard]

It gives me a headache, being serious. Or maybe being sober gives me a headache. Either way the point is not once in my life have I ever been unhealthy, really. I hope the migranes subside, since I'm not allowed to be medicated. My aunt hasn't spoken to me all week and I haven't left the flat since I took Isabelle to the Black Manor. Yeah, you read that right. She's staying at Black Manor. I think I'll look back on this in a year and still not believe what I wrote. Beat's me why the hell she wants to stay in a museum.

Hmm. I'm finally set free and I lock myself in the dark in my room. By the way I need to remember that chocolate frogs = love.

And now I need to be a guy. So. How do I do that again?




First, talk to Isabelle, don't sulk in my room like I'm hibernating for the summer.

Get out there, make friends. Let people know that yes, you're still alive and breathing.


Actually remember people's names.

Stop forgetting My name. God it's embarassing to have to write that.

GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING, I'm not even going to be picky about this. Start small, I can do something really lame. Baby steps.

Put the pictures away. It's over, it's always been over. California buh bye. California friends buh bye. I hate them they hate me, time to get over it.




Well. Not so hard. Hah, well not hard for Me. Right? I'm Noah fucking Orchard....

Right, I can't change, this feels like some big joke. I mean the problem was in the name I just wrote. Noah fucking Orchard, and that's never gonna change. It's what I'm good at.

[Noah Orchard]

I got a better idea.





-People watch. Hey, people do interesting things when they think you're not looking.

-Act like a robot

-Rate girls. It's fair, I'm not flirting with them, I'm just passing cruel, meanless judgement upon them.

-Do barrel rolls on my broom until I get sick

-Talk in a Brittish accent. Betcha I'd be good.

-Walk backwards ALL Day

-Find a muggle tv and watch a women's show. Figure out what it is they actually care about and attempt to cry. That's going to be a challenge.

-Play wizard's chess against myself

-Flip through a porno magazine. Real fast, promise mommy.

-Go to a random person's funeral

-Go to the beach and pretend I didn't know it wasn't a nude beach. Haha.



WOOOOW golly gee, I get a ten on the Coolness factor. At this rate, I'm going to get laid again by the time I'm sixty.

[Noah Orchard]

Bubble wrap : $3.00

Car: A lot of $

Bubble wrapping a muggle car? P R I C E L E S S.

There are some things money can't buy, and that's what you do when you're bored.

[Noah Orchard]

"A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on tormenting generations to come."


Wise man, and so true. I decided to torment muggles a little today. Nothing bad, I just laid there on a bench like a bump speaking in Spanish to everyone who walked past. Great fun. This new me isn't so bad.

[Noah Orchard]

Beware of Carrows bearing gifts. And booze. And long legs.

If I haven't already guessed by now, I'm talking about Alecto Carrow. I was being bored on the bench in front of a pub (I do know now what a bad idea that was) and Carrow comes up to me and sticks her legs in my face. Help. She smells good, and I haven't even touched in girl in a looong time. I resist at first, I shouldn't go into that pub with her, she's satan.

I did anyway, because she needed someone to escort her or she'd be lonely. And I drank. And I danced. And I sleezy danced. And I kissed. And I propositioned. And I got turned down.

That's awkward to write. I got turned down for sex probably the first time in my life. She's a tease that's all. When I woke up the next day you wouldn't believe the massive headache. I was glad I went home, ALONE, because when my head was finally clear I remembered what a really bad idea it would be to hook up with Carrow. Yuck.

I'm still bored, but now I'm guilty too.

[Noah Orchard]

************************************

I know women are programmed differently than us guys. But even so, is Isabelle out of her frickin mind? She's not just living at the Black house, but she's living there with people she hates. She'd got some feud war going on with Andromeda...which I can't wrap my head around, seeing as she's the only good person from that house.

I thought she might need some cheering up so I went to visit her. After getting stashed in the bedroom (which I didn't mind I might add) it seemed things were on the right course. Except she found out about my drinking spell the other night, so I figured while I was on the naughty list, I might as well kiss her. In walks Annie high and mighty, and they start going at each other. Meanwhile I can't figure out why me having used to date Annie was a problem, and Isabelle storms out.

The ending result is me climbing down a balcony very Romeo-like with the help of Annie.


I've never had to try so hard to be friends with someone in my life.