nothing left to lose (open)

[rowanavery]

OPEN to a girl

He held his letter in a tight grasp. The words scribbled across the piece of parchment for his father. The man who hadn't written to him in nearly a year. Rowan had failed to return him over the summer. It was weird to think that nearly six years ago his father had been his hero. Now, there was nearly nothing left of their relationship. He didn't know why he had decided to write after all the months of silence, but he had something inside him that told him it was going to be important. He needed to end the silence and be a man. He was an adult now, and he needed to follow through with the responsibilities that came with that. At the end of the previous year, his life had changed. He wasn't sure he wanted to be a death eater. If he had returned home, he knew that his father would have made him into one. He couldn't do that anymore. He knew it was in his blood, and he knew that his family was relying on him, but he couldn't anymore. He had other ideas of what to do with himself. He wasn't going to tell anyone exactly what those ideas were, because he barely knew himself. He just knew that he was going to travel and find a new place for him away from here. His father wouldn't have been accepting in any way, so Rowan stopped himself from going back to his home. Instead, he left Hogwarts with his friend Aiden and stayed there over the summer. He was expecting an owl from his father, maybe even a screamer, but there was nothing. Half of Rowan was angry, appalled that his father didn't even care about where he was, but the other half was curious, maybe even worried. It didn't seem right that his father hadn't of at least sent him something out of anger. It made him think that something disastrous had happened. He had to admit that the last owl his father had sent him had been strange. At the time Rowan had thought nothing of it, but now that there was only silence between him and his father, maybe it had been more than just a little strange. The thought of his parents saddened him. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but his family was falling apart. Growing up, he had always been spoiled. He had never known a hard life. His toys were always the best, and his parents adored him. They loved him. Rowan grew up unknowing of the horrors that the world had in store for him. As he grew older with the years, he realized that being apart of the death eaters destroyed a family from the inside out. Rowan still has memories of his mother staying up late to cry in her study. Those haunting memories would stay with anyone. His mother deserved better than silence. He knew how much his father hurt her, and he realized that he was probably hurting her more with his silence. Thinking about how she must of felt when he didn't return home must of killed her...

Father,
These months of silence have been confusing. I'm not sure where to begin with myself, but I would like to apologize for never returning home this summer. I couldn't bring myself to go back. Please tell mum that I'm sorry. I think that we have both realized that I am not ten years old anymore. I have realized who I am, and I'm sorry that it is a disappointment. I can't tell you much anymore because we are so different. Please tell mum that I miss her. I'm sorry that I can no longer help you in the ways that had been anticipated by my birth. Just know that I am stronger now. Know that I am doing well. I wish I could know the same about you but I haven't heard from you in six months. Father, please write me back. Just tell me you are well. I'm sure that this owl will leave you angry, and you might want to disown me. That is fine. I understand that, but please just tell me you are safe. Tell me my mother is safe. Please. I don't care if you send me back an owl with less than a sentence. I understood the risks when I sent this owl, I just want to know that you are alright. The silence is killing me. I love you. Please tell me that you are alive.

Rowan

He had spoken from the heart. It was something that Rowan wasn't used to. His previous letters to his father had been short and brief, the words had never been very truthful. He had just spit out what his father wanted to here, never thinking more of anything else. But the silence could make a man crazy. Rowan couldn't stand it anymore. He thought he was ready to be out on his own without his family, but not knowing if they were even safe or not scared him. He couldn't bring himself to think about the possibilities. You could call him a coward. He didn't want to be a Death Eater because he was a coward. He was terrified of the Dark Lord and wanted nothing to do with him. He didn't want to worship him and he certainly didn't want to give his life to him. He'd probably be hunted down by the Dark Lord later in life, but at least he wasn't serving him like his father. Rowan knew that his parents could easily be dead right now. He knew that he could be an orphan right now with no one to call family. He had no siblings and he knew that his life could have changed for the worse at anytime in the past six months. He knew that the silence from his parents could be because they were dead. Maybe they were being tortured right now. Rowan closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about it. All that he knew was that he was scared. He was terrified that he had lost his parents. He felt his eyes began to tear, and he knew that he was about to cry. He tried his hardest to hold them back as he sprinted up the stairs to the Owlery. He appeared at the top and attached his letter to his owl before he could change his mind. With a single tear slipping down his face, he sent his owl up into the air and out of sight before he used a spell to bring her back. He wiped his eyes and stood at the edge of the tower, watching the owl fly home with his letter.

[leslie]

The brunette gently pushed a strand of long brown hair back out of her face. It was no good having her hair falling all over her face. She needed to see where she was going. She especially wouldn’t want to lose her letter, especially not in a puddle. That would make everything so much more extravagant than it actually had to be. There was absolutely no way that she was going to spend another day cooped up, writing a letter each to her mum, dad, and sister, explaining what was going on at school, even though they wouldn’t necessarily understand anyway. They were muggles, after all, and only had the basic concepts of magic from her, since she was a witch, and she had to know these things. And it helped that her parents, at least didn’t go all crazy because magic “didn’t make sense,” no, her parents were fairly sensible people. Despite the fact of the weird run ins with her sister’s friends when she returned home with the summer, having missed practically a whole year of her life in the muggle world. She always seemed to miss so much of everything when she went off to school. Especially with her sister, Leslie didn’t feel that they had much of that connection that they had had as children, throwing their cares to the wind, most of the time, anyway.

Those had been the good times. The times before she had to worry about her family, worry about any Death Eater attacks. It was overwhelming, especially for her being a muggle born and all. It seemed as if they were all after her, or people like her. It was like you had to watch your back at every turn. Just in case some Death Eater popped up behind you and just decided, hey! I think I’ll try to kill you today. Sorry for the inconvenience. Of course, everyone knew that Death Eaters wouldn’t think about the inconvenience it might cost you, oh no, they were too busy trying to rid the world of the “terrible mudbloods,” they had to have much more important things to deal with. Of course, Leslie had to deal with the fact that she never saw her father. And the fact that, as accepting as her mother was of magic, and Leslie attending Hogwarts, she could tell her mother missed her. It made her nostalgic, to long to return home and just sit with her mother and Carlie, sip hot chocolate and relax. It was enough to make someone go crazy, if you asked her. Sometimes she just wanted to stop fighting the current and just let what happened, happen. It was very unlike her, to say the least. She wasn’t usually a doubter, but, the weight on her shoulders felt unbearable at times. Leslie just didn’t want to have to put up with it anymore. It would be so much easier if everyone could just get along, put all of those differences between them behind them.

It made her laugh, though, chuckle at the thought of that. It was highly unlikely; of course, she wouldn’t have anything to compare it to, really, since everything unusual was the usual around the wizard world. Of course. She had to hold out hope, infinitely, that everything would even itself out eventually and everything would end up working out all find and dandy. It was a nice thing to think about before you went to sleep every night. That you could still cold out hope that the evil dudes wouldn’t hunt you down and slaughter you like some animals, or something of that sort. There was always hope for something in the world. She just had to keep looking for it that was all.

The movements came automatically to Leslie as she tied her father’s letter to the leg of one owl, smoothing its feathers with a gentle hand. She tied the other letter to the leg of her own owl, smiling and sending them both on their way. Hopefully her family would find the time to write her back, but, they were all busy with their life, and going on. The world didn’t stop spinning just because she was off at school! Leslie’s eyes flickered up from sending the letters off with the two owls to spot Rowan, just barely recognizing the other student. She had been too wrapped up in what she was doing at the moment to notice that there was another person in the owlery besides her. ”And life goes on.” She murmured softly under her breath before glancing up once more, ”Soo, hello.” Leslie said, broadcasting her voice more, so she could actually be heard. She hadn’t expected anyone to be up here. She was sure the normal hangouts were typically somewhere around the common rooms, or somewhere along those lines. Of course, she wouldn’t know.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]