Hope with me

[jada]

Oh MAN. MY HEAD. Everything is spinning round' and round. They said it would be like this but....mannn. Am I writing this right? Because I feel like the more words go down the more crooked and crooked-er sideways they go......now I'm not writing write at all. Oh, right. Huh? I should squeeze my eyes shut and write, I think it looks better when I don't try and focus on the page. Then again how do I know? I can't see. Did I run out of ink? Ack. Eeek. On it's ack. No. The n comes before the - Oh never mind.

My head hurts.

Bye bye Winston tomorrow I right.

Write.

Lie in dark. Don't move. Quiet. That's what I need. Migrane will go away? !

[jada]

I remember now why friends are so great. They let you sit on their arm rest and babble and get excited for your birthday which is still months away. They get excited for MY birthday. How nice is that? It's fun to go to birthday parties but it's not nearly as cool as being the birthday girl. Still, Uri Wyatt remembered my birthday and I really didn't think he even listened that closely. I'm sure learning more about him each day.

I know he's worried about me. All my friends are worried about me. I try to tell them there's nothing to worry about....but even still, they worry. I'm not going to break I swear!

I'm worried about myself too, but it's different. I feel like I'm losing something, as if I'm stepping out of the Garden of Eden. Winston, I don't know how much longer I can pretend that everything in the world is perfect. The fact that I'm writing this proves that I.....I'm different. Or at least, I'm admitting to myself something I've always known. Something terrible is beginning to happen and people are trying to make me pick sides. Why do you always have to pick a side? But if I have to pick, I know which one I'd choose.

But no matter what I choose, I'd lose somebody. Many somebody's, and I don't like that. I just wish.....

I wish there wasn't so much hate in this world.

[jada]

Isabelle Laurentine is a bratty, skinny butt, self-centered doo doo head.

....Yeesh, why am I only able to be really mean in "the moment?" It was so much better when we were passing notes today I mean I really laid it on her. I was trying to be nice but she was just bashing all these people and being sooo judgemental and

and

Now I'm BEING judgemental. Oh my stars I'm a mean individual. I'm a hypocritical snot-nosed individual who doesn't have a sentimental bone in my body. Hmmm, what did I insult myself so much better?

Oh noes! What if she shows that note to someone? It's going to totally make me look bad. Not that it matters what people think of me but I'm not a horrible person but I said some horrible things that are out of character. And I didn't mean then I was just angry. Oh noooooo. Maybe no one will believe I wrote that.

I'm so bad. I hope she doesn't cry. I really hope she doesn't cry.

[jada]

I'm getting worse! Today I yelled at Justin Whiting. I was giving him a warning but I'm sure I could have said it in a nicer way. Then again whenever I'm polite people don't take me seriously, and I thought while I was already in a bad mood I should get all the bases. He's being really suspicious-like, being nice to Noah and then suddenly...not being kind. Rose believes that he's a really cool guy and so I told him he had better not hurt my friends or he'd be in a world of pain.

Only I said it much more forcefully. Do you think I scared him? I hope so.

I still feel bad about Isabelle, I think I'll try to make it up to her somehow. I'm going to have a lot of apologizing to do. Did you know that after I convinced Rose not to date Amycus again and to pick Tristan they broke up? Already? I think I might have made a mistake.

Oh boy.

[jada]

"Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

~Author Unknown






"True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. "

~Mignon McLaughlin

[jada]

I was a big girl and I wrote Amycus a note during class admitting I might have swayed Rose's innocent mind into giving up on him. I was scared he was going to yell at me but in fact he didn't say anything. Like, at all. He gave me one word answers. It was crazy how well this stranger knew just the thing to drive me nuts. I like to talk see, and it's hard to keep a conversation going when I get "Yes" and "Sure" responses for everything.

In the end I realized he was NOT happy with me. On the upside, I don't think it had anything to do with Rose and everything to do with that I was some random pureblood hufflepuff who was considered a blood traitor by all English purebloods. So I mean, if that can count as an upside.....hmmm.

Saying sorry is usually so easy, and he was just the warm-up! Now comes the really hard part - Isabelle.

[jada]

OH MY STRIPES AND RAINBOWS.



Take a good look at this boy man right here. Suddenly I know why I joined the Chastity club. So I could meet HIM. Yeah, take a long hard look because he just might be my future husband.

I know I know, first I have to actually talk to him. His name is Trey Jackson, I know that! And that he is really polite to everyone and treats people so nicely and he's a hunk - though he probably doesn't know my name. In fact I think he only knows the back of my head. Boy it's a good thing I keep my hair up so nicely right?

Noooooo this is not like all my other crushes diary! Something magical happened when I looked at him. When I walked up to the club roaster to sign my name and I dropped my quill, and he bent down to pick it up and like....love at first sight. I'm serious. It's different.

IT IS. THIS IS MEANT TO BE.

[/color]

[jada]

Did you know that Badgers are considered the meanest animals in the world? like, at least in the muggle world but I'm pretty sure the wizarding one too. I can't believe they're our mascot! But that's okay because next time someone tells me all Hufflepuffs are softies I'm gonna pull out that piece of knowledge.

I lost Indigo's owl, Rebel. I don't know where he went. Winston, I'm really scared. Indigo is...scary. I feel bad too because she loves him. He bit me on the finger! I would have taken a picture but it was too gory, I don't want to make myself sick. It was pretty nasty. I guess I have to go and find him.....

My owl is so much nicer. In general, animals are just..icky.

[jada]

I WOULD SELL MY SOUL FOR THESE.

I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING!

[jada]

[reserved - Jada/Regulus note thread]

[jada]

I remember as a little kid, soap was the nastiest thing I'd ever tasted. Followed shortly by duck - it's really rubbery and actually quite soapy in nature, and when it's greased when it is coo- oh,. I know how to ramble even in a diary! As I was saying, soap was so gross. I didn't like my vegetables either, but my parents were right and my taste buds grew accustomed to them. Well, my tastebuds are not accustomed to soap, not at all.

Soap bars are terrible, and my eyes began to water, but it had to be done. Bleh. I've been washing my mouth out a lot lately for the things I've been saying. But this was the first time it was planned and I said it out loud - I felt so dirty. Not to mention, totally horrible! I was eating dinner at the Graces and I was, like, losing their attention. Oh yeah, I forgot to say I'm trying to make Indigo's dad and step-mom like me and think I'm this super great pureblood so that they'll let me take Anya out and then she can see Indigo. Anyways, so they didn't believe me and I was getting desperate and my window of opportunity was passing and I called someone a-

Oh, I can't even write it anymore. I called them.

A mudblood.

But it was for all the right reasons! I know it's bad, but is it really THAT bad if it's to help someone out? I would never feel that way about anyone, they're my friends but I.....

Oh fetch. Excuse me, I have to go get some more soap.

[jada]

Egad, soap in my mouth again!

I called Raiden Rosier a nasty word, because I was being impatient. Which I shouldn't have because even though he was like, really hesitant, he agreed to do me a favor.

I passed him a note because I just thought I might as well try. My family from Korea are coming to visit for Family Fright Fest and I ought to be bubbly about it, but I'm kinda nervous. I don't want anything to happen that would make them stop talking to my daddy, because family is everything. Well, you know I already roped Regulus into helping me, and I asked.....okay I sort of maybe begged Raiden to pretend to be my friend at the party.

I need to make a good impression, even though I feel like I've been pretty naughty lately. I'm not ashamed of my friends, but I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt. Well Raiden agreed! But he said it was because he wanted me to stop talking and he figured that was the way to do it. He's right though that is the way, to just give this little princess what she wants! I was angry though because other than that he was really icy.

But how nice, now I have two people to introduce them too! Maybe that'll be enough and I can just convince them that I turned into the really quiet and shy type.


Uhh, or, not.

[jada]

I have an unusually long name. I noticed this yesterday when I was filling out a form at Saint Mungo's and they asked me to write my full birth name. My mother and daddy liked so many names they said they couldn't possibly have enough children to fill them all, so they just decided to give us super duber long names, in the pureblood fashion. It's a handful to write, and it wouldn't be so bad but I had to write it a million times, and my hand began to cramp up. While I was on a hand cramp break, my eyes casually trailed over to the girl next to me who came in after me, but for some reason was on her last form. Do you know what her name was? Jo Smith. Why, to have such a name!

Jada Khan. Why can't I just be Jada Khan?

Jada Kiriann Mucki Hwa Young Moon-Dae Amelia Khan. I'm almost dead by the time I write that once. Want to know a secret? Even when I'm asked to write my full name, I usually don't write the whole thing hee hee! I've begun writing "Jada Kiriann Mucki Amelia Khan" and all my papers and no one suspects.

Winston, I am so sneaky.

Besides, have you ever met a Korean with a long name?

I'm like, an endangered species.

[/color]

[jada]

I'M NOT LESBIAN I'M REALLY NOT!!!

Lesbians are great and all, but I am STRAIGHT. S T R A I G H T. Everything about me is straight - my body type is straight, my hair is straight, I draw perfectly straight lines - I am straight straight straight straight straight!

What do I have to do, make out with every guy at Hogwarts?

GRRRRRR. I feel like growling at someone. Loudly.

[jada]

reserved - regulus/jada