halfway g o n e

[olivia]

^good

I checked up on Niko today during class, just to see if I was the only one suffering from the lack of Quidditch. He seems to agree. We talked a bit about how much it sucked, and then complained - well, mostly I complained - about the future and stuff. It was nice, I hadn't talked to him in ages. He didn't have any extra candy, so I had to mooch some off Kieran during the next lesson. Boy always has some sort of candy in his pockets, and he can never say no to me. It's a beautiful friendship, haha. Okay, so actually I tend to guilt-trip him into it but...uhh, oh well. I feel kinda bad, going behind Dani's back all sneakily, but I have a feeling she has suspicions that I do it anyway so it's not like it's that much of a secret, right?

Well, anyway. I've always been writing to Bastian. Butthead never makes the first move. It's almost like I'm forcing him to be friends with me. Which...uh, is probably the case now that I think back on it. I was the annoying girl who followed him around until he finally gave in and we became friends-ish...but anyway! He's doing great. Apparently the big bad world out there is just waiting for me, and it's awesome. I don't know about that, but I'm glad he likes it. Anyhoo, I found out he's not a virgin. I don't know why I was so surprised, I mean he's like...what, twenty? Yeah, that sounds about right. But he lost it at fourteen. Fourteen! He was just a boy then! I was still just crushing on Pierre then! Geez! Oh, and that's not even the big shocker, nono. Wanna know the even bigger shock? He slept with Tori MacMillan. I kid you not! It's un-friggin-believable. I mean, she's fifteen. Or is it sixteen? STILL. She's YOUNGER than me. He slept with someone YOUNGER than ME!!!! Apparently it's "fine if they're mature enough to handle everything that comes with sex" - THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE ANYTHING AT FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. What is WRONG with the world?

Sigh. At least I can expect chocolates from Bastian soon.

PS: I'm telling Pierre tomorrow.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

........no pun intended.

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[olivia]

^crushed

I told him I had feelings for him.

And then he walked away.

And then I threw my shoe at him.

And then I yelled at him.

And then he yelled at me.

And then I took off my- technically, Dani's dress.

And then I ran.







I am a fucking idiot.

I'm gonna have a nice, long cry now.

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[olivia]

^crappy

I'm scared that what I said, and what I did, ruined our friendship forever. What if it did? What if we can never be friends again? We're avoiding each other like the plague. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. I need to...I need to think. I need advice. I just...I need to fix things, and I need to fix them now because the very last thing I want is losing Pierre as a friend. I can't let that happen. It can't happen. I love Pierre, first and foremost as a friend. I've known him for almost my whole life - I've loved him as a friend much longer than I've loved him as more. This can't be it. It just...It can't. And I miss him, I miss him so much. It's only been two days and I miss him already and classes start up again tomorrow and I don't think I have the energy to go to any of them, especially not Potions, but I have to because then my friends will wonder what's wrong and - ugh. How is it that he has the power to bring me down so much? Does he even know that he's practically the only one with the ability to make me feel this way?

No, he probably doesn't know.

I wish I knew how to fix this. I really, really do.

God, I hope Sooz does.

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[olivia]

^numb

It's been five days, six hours and twenty-five minutes since I last spoke to Pierre. But who's counting, right?

I talked to Lucy

And then I talked to Sooz.

And I just....I'm tired. I'm really, really tired.

I just want to close my eyes and then have everything go back to normal. Can I have that? Please?

Please?

I miss you.

A lot.

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[olivia]

^sad

Won't you just talk to me?

Look at me?

Pretend you still care?

Anything?

I miss you so much. Do you miss me too?

And yet, I'm avoiding you too.

...Oh my God, I am such a drama queen.

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[olivia]

^distressed

What the hell was that?

Did Regulus Black just snog me in the middle of an empty hallway? Did that really just happen? To me? Like, right now? Did that seriously just - I just - did he just - It was - and his tongue - and I didn't stop him and - then he just - and he walked away and then - and he -

...

WHERE THE HELL DOES HE GET OFF, SNOGGING ME OUT OF NOWHERE, STEALING MY FIRST PROPER SNOG, HUH? THAT - SNOG-STEALER. THAT...THAT...SERIAL SNOGGER. OH MY GOD, I SHOULD'VE KICKED HIM BETWEEN THE LEGS OR...OR...PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE OR...OR...

What the HELL was that, even?! I mean - I mean what - I mean...WHY?

I don't understand boys. At all.

Maybe I should give Tori MacMillan a ring.

See that, boys? You're driving me to lesbianity.

.......is lesbianity even a word? Fuck if I know. Fuck if I care. I JUST GOT SNOGGED BY REGULUS-FREAKING-BLACK! WHAT IS THIS CRAPPERY?!

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[olivia]

reserved just in case

[olivia]

^okay

Talked to Jackie today. It's been aaaaaaages, and I kinda missed her. Wanted to see how she was doing. I was surprised to see that she was back, really. I had thought she and Emery ran off together and she wasn't coming back for her seventh year but evidently, Emery was a douche again - so what else is new? - and he left her. Ugh, what a jerk! Blah. Well, anyway! She's not doing too badly, considering the fact that he broke her heart. I mean, she didn't exactly saaay that, but I mean something like that's gotta break your heart, right? Poor girl :[ Well, anyway! IIII think she might be interested in Sullivan. And he glared at me when I made him move, so maybe heee's interested too. Aww, gosh, they'd be cuuute. And it would be the PERFECT thing that Jackie needs to get over Emery and - wait. Hold on. I am stopping RIGHT THERE. I will NOT meddle in Jackie's love life. Do you remember what happened last time, Olivia? Yes, yes I do. Last time, her and Emery got together and he turned out to be a mega douche. So nope, not gonna meddle. Although they would be uber cute.

Anyway! Then I told her about Pierre and stuff. Who's still avoiding me, by the way but IIIII don't caaaaaare because Piiiierre is a meanie butt that doesn't maaaaaaatter. Yes. Mhm.

I'm an awful liar.

Lalalala, not listening to my inner self! Time to go do homework.

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[olivia]

reserved for "cruel to be kind"

[olivia]

^stunned

......................say what now?

How dare she-

How could she-

"I love you forever"? HAH!

F*cking parents, all they do is f*ck with your he

I don't even know what to-

....I'm going to bed.

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[olivia]

^irate

I can't believe she had the gall to write to me. I mean, seriously, it's been almost TEN YEARS. I mean, what the hell, suddenly she's turned over a new leaf and we're all supposed to welcome her with open arms after all she did? HELL NO! She's the reason Alex is the way he is, she's the reason my family is torn apart, she's the reason I don't know what the word mother means. I am seventeen years old and fuck it I don't have to talk to her if I don't want to. How dare she call herself "mum"? She's not a mother, SHE'S BARELY EVEN A PERSON! I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to know how she's doing, I don't care if she's over whatever the hell she was doing, drugs or some shit I don't even know, I don't care if she went to rehab or whatever the hell she did, I don't care, she doesn't deserve a second chance, she DOESN'T.

Fuck her for giving me hope, even for a second. I hate her.

I FUCKING HATE HER.

What-the-fuck-ever.

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[olivia]

^mellow

Wanna know what Olivia Thompson does best?

Pretending a problem doesn't exist.

Mum? Letter? Confusion? What? No idea what you're talking about.

You know the beauty of it all? I just dooooon't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaare. I don't even NEED this on my mind. I seriously don't. So? Problemo no existo.

And now! Pigging out on chocolate like yeah.

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[olivia]

^anxious

We're not okay.

We're not okay.

I did everything right and we're still not okay. So tell me, diary.

What now?

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[olivia]

^angry

So Rita came out with a new issue today. Guess what? I'm in it.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WROTE THAT ABOUT ME!!! I mean, seriously, not only did she tell THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD about my crush on Pierre, but she also told them how I took off my dress in front of him like the insane person that I am - AND HAD THE GALL TO CALL ME A STRIPPER FIDSJFAHIOJGIJDF WHAT THE HELL UGH - AND she proceeded to tell everyone about what Regulus did EXCEPT SHE GOT HER FACTS WRONG, AS PER USUAL, SINCE SHE IMPLIED THAT I RECIPROCATED THE KISS WHICH I TOTALLY DID NOT AND NOW PIERRE WILL KNOW AND UGH MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRR.

RITA. YOU ARE SUCH A LIFE RUINER. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO? YOU RUIN LIVES. YES. LIKE YOU RUINED MINE.

KARMA'S A BITCH SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!!

I don't even know what I'm saying. I just. IDJSIFHDIFJISJF WHY RITA, WHYYYYYYYY? HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND OUT? I JUST...UGHHHHHHHH. >.<

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[olivia]

^drained

My head is going to explode. Too many things happening at once, too many people talking to me on too many subject. I just....urghhh I wish Henry had had more chocolate. Let's start at the beginning, shall we? Alice passed me a note telling me that I ought to join her chastity club due to recent events (I sincerely hope she doesn't believe the stripper thing, because that is SO not what I'm planning on for a career track. DAMN YOU, RITA). Oh and then she proceeded to completely freak me out by saying I could've caught something from Regulus which, you know, for about twenty minutes there I SINCERELY THOUGHT I WAS DYING! You don't just SAY stuff like that to people like me, because I am a drama queen, and drama queens tend to flip out when they're told that they might die because a stupid serial snogger kissed them against their will. Anyway. We went to Madam Pomfrey right after that class and she told me I was clean (THANK FREAKING GOD BECAUSE IF I WASN'T I WOULD'VE MADE SURE REGULUS COULD NEVER HAVE BABIES. EVER. NEITHER COULD HE EVER ENJOY THE PROCESS OF BABY-MAKING. EVER.) I was a little late for my next class, but now I kind-of wish I'd missed it. Why?

Because Pierre started getting on my butt about Regulus I swear, Rita, your tabloid got me confrontations out of the wazoo. Ugh, anyway. Where was I? Oh right. Pierre was all "so I don't believe you have feelings for me because you snogged Regulus" and the douche wouldn't believe me when I tried to explain that REGULUS snogged ME (WHY DOES EVERYONE SEEM TO THINK I WAS A WILLING PARTICIPANT IN THIS ATROCITY?! WHO WOULD WANT TO SNOG REGULUS BLACK WILLINGLY?! ...okay maybe every girl in Hogwarts because he IS quite attractive butbutbut...STILL). Better yet: WHY WOULD PIERRE CALL ME A LIAR? Yes. That's what I REALLY want to know. That...that...MEANIE BUTT DOUCHEY BAG. YEAH. THAT'S WHAT HE IS. Ugh. As you can probably tell (...can diaries tell things? Hrmm) we had a fight. Again. But what else is new in the world of Pierre and Olive?

So thennn I'm obviously all ~frustrated~ with everything that's going on and so in my NEXT class I proceeded to rant to Henry. Except, of course, Henry is probably the worst person to rant to because not only is he completely unsympathetic and egocentric, but he also gave me a chocolate frog that tasted funny and that might very well result in my demise. IF I DIE TONIGHT, THIS DIARY ENTRY IS MY TESTAMENT THAT IT'S HENRY'S FAULT. YUP. Anyhow. So he acted like it didn't matter that MY LIFE IS OVER. And we joked around a bit. And I threatened to lock him in a toilet. Which, you know, is still a tempting idea. I mean, just think! Anyone who annoys you? Follow them to the toilet, take away their wand and lock 'em in. They'll never annoy you ever again. Muahahahahahaha.

...............yeah, I don't know either. I'm tired. Homework? What's that? Don't know what you're referring to.

BED TIME. Yes, that's more like it. Turning in early tonight. Baibai.

PS: OH, did I mention? Danielle might very well hate me. Because now she knows I lied to her about my feelings toward Pierre. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Kill me now kthnxbai.

BED. YES. SLEEP. AVOID DANI TALK TO DANI TOMORROW. YUP. UH-HUH.

Right

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