tomorrow never knows

[Lily Evans]

Lily didn't know why weird things kept happening to her. Honestly, she didn't. It wasn't like she meant any of it. She didn't mean to push the girl who was picking on her sister - she hadn't even touched her! Thankfully, the witnesses had said as much, and Lily was saved from having her parents being called to the school, but still, the incident remained in her head the whole way home that day, because for some reason, Lily thought she actually might have pushed the girl, even though she didn't mean to do it. It was like she'd felt a push come out of her. That was really the only way to explain it. It had been a very strange sensation indeed, one that she couldn't for the life of her name, and certainly one she'd never experienced before. The words power, magic and witch never even occurred to her. Lily had been logical, even as a child, and while she liked to fantasize and read about adventures that couldn't possibly happen in real life as much as the next kid, there was always some sort of curtain, an invisible barrier in her own mind that stopped her from completely immersing herself in the world of fantasy to the point where she would actually believe these fantasies. Even so, Lily still worried and obsessed over trying to explain it all, although she did not tell her parents - which, really, was a very big deal because Lily Evans simply did not keep secrets from her parents. It was the fact that she didn't know what it was that caused these things that scared her, that made her so wary. People always feared the unknown, and young Lily was no different. Still, in spite of that, she was still young - only nine years old - and, as much as she scared the unknown, it thrilled her to no end, knowing she had this secret thing that no one else had. And thus, she started exploring it some more. She didn't know what this ability was, only that it came out in the most opportune moment, when she really needed it, like that time she'd fallen off a chair when she was trying to get something from the kitchen cupboards from her mother and she hadn't been harmed at all - not even a scratch, and absolutely no pain what so ever, truly shocking! But if she could harness this...ability, or whatever it was, then who knows what else she'd be able to do? So, she started practicing. At first, she thought maybe she could move objects with her mind, and took to setting up her dolls and concentrating hard on them, so hard that her eyes would tire and start to ache from the amount of narrowing and stressing she was doing.

It became a daily thing for her. Every day after school, she would close the door to her bedroom and concentrate on moving an object with her mind - practicing, she told herself, although it wasn't entirely sure what she was practicing, exactly. She just wanted to do it better, wanted to be able to control it. And so, with sheer determination, Lily Evans was able to do little things, things that were barely noticeable to the naked eye but that thrilled her to the core when she realised no one else couldn't do them, that it wasn't just the wind playing tricks on her. No, the push came from her, from within, and she was, to some extent, able to control it. She practiced and practiced until she was sure she had mastered it, and only then did she think about actually telling her family. After all, she didn't want to tell them that she had these abilities and then not be able to show them. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were just as logical as her, if not more so considering the fact that they were adults. Lily, no matter how mature beyond her years she believed herself to be, was still a child deep down. And yet, she knew that evidence was necessary. When she learned how to open and close a flower with her palm flat, simply using her eyes - or, rather, her mind, since that was what seemed to be controlling the objects - she decided it was finally time to tell someone. Lily didn't have that many close friends, to be honest. Many of them thought she was a bit of a know-it-all because she read books so much. But still, she'd managed to gain a handful of fairly good friends, for Lily really was a sweet child. Still, no one compared to her big sister, Petunia, whom Lily loved more than anything in the world, besides her parents. They were best friends, thick as thieves, the whole enchilada. Whenever Lily was hurt, Tuney was always there to put an arm around her and tell her everything was going to be okay, that she oughtn't listen to the terrible people who wanted to hurt her. Oh, they fought, just like sisters usually do, because their personalities did clash quite a bit, but at the end of the day the Evans sisters really were the best of friends. So it only made sense that Petunia should be the first person that Lily tells her secret to, and she was practically buzzing with excitement for the weekend, when their parents would allow them to go to the park alone, since it was so close to their house - but only in the morning, and they were instructed to come home before lunch, otherwise there would be consequences. After reassuring their parents that of course they'd be home in a reasonable hour, Lily and Petunia left the house, hand in hand. It would be the last time when their relationship would be so stable.

Lily started off casually, trying to break into the news. She knew better than to jump right into it, knowing there was a possibility that Petunia might not wait for a complete explanation before she rejected the idea. "So, Petunia, do you remember that horrible girl that I supposedly pushed because she was being mean to you?" she started cautiously, figuring that starting with a past occurrence that hadn't been explained might be useful. However, it seemed to be the wrong route to take because Petunia's face darkened dangerously and her eyes narrowed. "She didn't try to hurt you, did she? I'll tell mum and dad if she did, and they'll call her mum and dad and-" Grimacing inwardly, Lily hastened to interrupt her. "Oh no, Tuney, nothing like that. No, no, really it's all right, she didn't do anything. Um."

[/color] Lily hesitated, unsure how to proceed, while Petunia looked relieved and then stared at her expectantly. "Okay, I want to show you something."[/color] She figured starting off with a demonstration might be a good idea, and thus turned on her heel, her white dress billowing around her knees. Green eyes searched for an appropriate object to demonstrate with, and immediately fell upon a flower. Buzzing with ill-concealed excitement, Lily hurried towards it, and picked the flower head, whispering an apology to the flower, as if she had hurt it's feelings. Technically, plants breathed, just as humans did (or, okay, not just as humans did, since the process of photosynthesis was different. She'd read it in a biology book once). Trotting back to her sister, who was looking quite curious now, Lily held the flower head in her closed hand and then, remembering all those days she had practiced and willing for her abilities to show now, Lily held out her hand, palm up, and looked down out of the corner of her eyes, inordinately pleased when she found that the flower's petals were opening and closing by her own will. She immediately looked at Petunia, but instead of seeing the awe she had anticipated would be on the blonde's face, she saw something completely different - something akin to fear and horror. Displeased by this reaction, the flower's movements halted and Lily bit her lip anxiously. "I can do some other things, too,"[/color] she whispered, but it fell on deaf ears as Petunia shook her head, stepping away. A bundle of confusion twisted Lily's stomach in knots. Why was her sister reacting this way? Why wasn't she excited, why wasn't she gushing about how cool this was? Because it was cool. Wasn't it?

"You're a freak, Lily!" The words sliced through the air, and right through Lily's heartstrings, who took a step back and gasped. "I'm telling mum and dad!" Another gasp, this one of dismay. This wasn't how she'd seen it play out, not at all!

"Petunia, wait!"[/color] Lily cried tearfully when Petunia turned to run off. Her sister hesitated and Lily felt a flicker of hope. "Please don't go. I thought it was cool. Like...like I was special and I wanted to share it with you and-"[/color]

Petunia whirled around and Lily took a sudden step back, afraid of the flare of rage in her sister's eyes. Tuney had never looked at her like that before! "You're not special! You're a freak! A freak, and I'm going to tell everyone!"

Green and blue eyes stared at each other, both brimming with a separate kind of betrayal. Lily wouldn't realise until much later that this was the moment she started to lose her sister.
[/blockquote][/color][/blockquote]

severus snape

er. i don't have any of the books with me, so if some parts are inaccurate, I'm sorry *blush* hope it's all right anyway.
also, gif is credit to the url on the bottom of it -nods-

[severus]

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back, it's my fault
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way

It was the first time he had ever gotten so close. Normally he was a few yards further back, but this time he was so close that he could smell her shampoo in the breeze. She never came this close to the tree. There was a knotted tree right on the outskirts of the dingy playground in Spinner’s End and that was where Severus usually hid when Lily and her sister Petunia came to play. He was too shy to ever speak to them directly, and besides, it was only Lily who he was interested in speaking to. Petunia held no interest for him at all. She was an annoying little brat who would never possibly understand just how important her sister was. Just like how his own father could never possibly understand how important his mother was. Muggles. Severus hated them. He was by no means the elitist yet that he would eventually become, but even now the stirrings of hatred for the un-magical were within him. All he had ever known from them was bitterness and judgment. Bitterness, judgment, and envy. Envy that was so consuming its only satisfying expression could be through the multiple beatings Severus received from his father. He had a small limp today from the purpling bruise on his leg; a favor from his father the day before. Severus did not want to stand by and watch his mother accept the abuse. She was better than him, she was so much more powerful... he could not understand with his child’s mind why she never defended herself. His father was at work presently and his mother was at home preparing dinner––tomato soup, again––so Severus was left to his own devices. Lately he had taken to spying on the two girls at the playground, one of whom he had discovered was just like him in ways that she had the misfortune of being ignorant of; she was special, just like him, and just like his mother. When Severus was alone he had hardly ever wandered as far as the playground, for fear of running into more children on the block who would make fun of his ragged appearance and cast judgment on he and his mother. But it seemed the playground was more deserted than he had originally thought, and it was there that he has first seen Lily Evans and realized what she was. He could not have possibly known then what she would come to mean to him, but there was definitely an unexplored connection between them of which Severus was only moderately aware––he could sense it, but merely attributed it to her kindness and beauty, the likes of which he had never seen before. Something so perfect and so delicate was foreign to him, and perhaps that contributed to the reason why he was so eager to hide from her. He did not know how he was expected to behave around her, around one so blindingly precious. Severus had never known anyone so special and yet so far away from him. He felt almost unworthy of her, although they were relatively similar, and it was those feelings that welled up inside of him and stopped him from going forth to speak to her. She was so important to him, though. He could not really find the words within himself to explain it, but... for the first time in his life, he felt connected to someone other than his mother. As if seeing Lily made everything more real... more livable. To Severus, she presented a kind of strength, a willingness to face his father, a willingness to comfort his mother, a hope that it would all be worth it because soon enough he would be with his kind, and they would understand him.

Every day for the past week or so Severus had tottered up to the playground and hidden behind the convenient tree in order to spy on her. He was so very young and little and he did not even dream of thinking that his behavior was inappropriate in any way––he only liked to watch her, to observe her struggle to master something he had strived to master some time ago. She was not always there when he came to see her, and for some reason that always completely disappointed him. He did not have any other reason for being there, but he did not want to go back home, either, so he would just sit behind the tree all night making shapes in the dirt, hoping that maybe she would come by later and he could see her. It was times like these when Severus felt most lonely and sad, because he missed seeing someone that never even so much as saw him. Even so, if he could have lived underneath that tree instead of in his own home, he would. Anything was better than the house at Spinner’s End. Any activity was preferable to hiding in the cupboards as his father beat his mother to smithereens and then came and found him and dealt him the same fate. Yes. Anything was preferable to that. Even sitting in the dirt wishing the one person who was in his life that meant something would come and play without him. But today he was in luck, for she was here, and a little earlier than usual, in fact. However, she had brought her dreaded sister with her, and before he knew it Severus was watching the unveiling of an extremely miserable scene in which Lily attempted to make Petunia understand her. But he had gathered that Lily could be foolish sometimes; foolish and hopeful. Muggles never understood. Severus knew that––everyone knew that. Muggles never understood, only felt sad that they could never share in the world to which Severus and Lily belonged. And rightly so. Severus wished he could have had the strength to stop Lily, to tell her it was not worth it, that it would be better for both of them if Lily never told Petunia, because Muggles never understood. If only he could have saved her from the rejection she was about to face. A protective energy surged within him, similar to how he felt when his mother was harassed by his father, and Severus even got as far as taking a step out from behind the tree... but it was too late, and he was too much of a coward. He stepped back behind the tree and poked his head out, anger bubbling within him as Petunia gave her predictably bad response to Lily’s secret talent. He hated Petunia in that moment. She was just like his father. He balled his fists at his sides and whispered, “Muggles never understand,” fiercely under his breath. He would show her one day how wrong she was to have insulted Lily, to have called her a ‘freak.’ The other Muggles on his street called him that too, but that was really only because of the way he dressed. He could stand it when it was directed to him, but when someone insulted Lily, when someone made her face crumple like that, when someone hurt her, he could not stand for it. It was just like his mother when she cried after his father found out about her. He had called her a ‘freak’ too. But that was because he was a Muggle, and he did not understand.

Now was his moment. Petunia had just run away to the distant swing-set in a flurry of hatred and fear, and Lily was left alone––except for Severus, though she did not know it. Now was finally his chance to talk to her. He had to tell her how special she was, how much she had to look forward to, all the things of which she could be capable... he could not let her leave today without telling her at least something to make her feel better. In an odd way, he felt almost as if he owed her that, because she had made him feel better countless times and he had never returned the favor or so much as expressed his gratitude. But he was afraid. What if he touched her world and shattered its perfection? He hardly measured up to her, and it almost seemed selfish of him to enter her world without her permission, besmirching its beauty. Then again, Petunia had probably already begun to feed the blight of disappointment and ignorance that would gradually plague her world forever, and Severus, as unworthy as he was, could hardly do as much damage as that. However, he still lingered behind the tree. He realized with a sort of sadness that this would be the last time he could ever watch over her from a distance; once the gap between them was bridged, Severus doubted it could be created again. He did not think he would be able to let go of her once she knew he existed, because he had never had a friend before. But he was getting ahead of himself. He did not know if she would even want to be friends with him, if she would even like him. He was just desperate for it. He could not believe one so pure as she could turn him away like his father had. And what was more, she was no Muggle. His heart was beating rapidly as he stepped out from behind the tree and entered her world for the first time. In his own childish field of perception, it seemed brighter than his. He did not know how to get her attention, and he felt a bit too weak to speak, so he knelt down and plucked a flower from the ground beneath him, mimicking what he had just seen her show the undeserving Petunia. He reached his hand out and made the flower flutter over onto her shoulder, past her long locks of vibrant red hair. He would wait until she turned around before he spoke. His mother had always told him that he was not supposed to exercise his abilities yet, that he might get in trouble, but if he were to get in trouble for reaching out to Lily then he could not think of anything more worth such punishment. The little daisy was on her shoulder now and he thought he saw her begin to turn to face him, if his bleary eyes served him correctly. He limped forward a little, his long clothes hanging off him, threatening to trip him at any moment. He had lived long enough with such dress that he never worried about tripping, though. He was used to it. Oftentimes he thought little of the way he dressed or looked. It did not matter, for he had no other options anyway. He pushed a strand of his greasy hair back from his face with his grubby dirt-covered hands so he could see her more clearly as she turned around. For the first time in his life, Severus wished he looked more presentable. He could not have known, then, that that would not be the last time he wished he looked better––was better, was good enough––for Lily Evans.

“I know what you are,” he finally found the strength to say. It was quiet, for his voice was little and not used to loud exercise, but he was sure she had heard it. His eyes were dark and hollow but they found hers and stayed there, fixated. He had eyes only for hers. Petunia, in the background on the swing, was nothing but scenery. What he was about to share was for Lily’s ears alone.

He took another step closer and gave her the faintest of crooked smiles.

[/blockquote]

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[Lily Evans]

Perhaps it was the fact that Lily was so young that she simply couldn't grasp the depth of such a betrayal as her sister turning back on her. It was a sharp pain, much too huge to be simply a pin prick but not large enough to be a knife wound, that lanced through her heart, making her gasp quietly. Petunia, her sister, her best friend, the person she had always looked up to for all these years, whom she had defended whenever anyone insulted her, was looking at her as if she was a rat scuttling about in her home and she wanted to squish it under her foot. And that was exactly what she was doing, it seemed. Crushing Lily under her foot, except it was simply with a gaze - or, rather, it was a glare from beneath thick, blonde eyelashes. Lily couldn't remember any time when Petunia's horrible glare had been directed at her, except maybe that one time that she'd broken a toy of hers when she was younger. Even though it had been a complete accident, Tuney had been furious, and had refused to talk to her for several days, after which things went back to normal. Lily hoped it would be one of those things; that Petunia had only reacted this way because it was such a shock, that, as soon as she got over it, Petunia would realise how truly amazing Lily's abilities were, and she would want to share them, and gush over them, and Lily could show her all the cool things she could do. Maybe, just maybe, there relationship wasn't over just yet. Still, seeing the look on her sister's face, and hearing her harsh words resonating in her ears, Lily had a hard time believing her own hopes. Naive as she might still be, she also still had a pinch of realism, and she had never seen Petunia this - this angry, this upset. While she couldn't for the life of her understand why her sister was acting the way she was, she could tell it wasn't something to belittle or take lightly. Quite the opposite, in fact. Perhaps it had been a mistake to show her first. Perhaps Lily should have asked her parents, showed them what she could do.Perhaps they would have been more understanding. As far as parents went, Mr. and Mrs. Evans were pretty darn accepting, and Lily thought that maybe they could have explained it better to Petunia. But adults also had a tendency to reject anything out of the norm, didn't they? The Evans' weren't particularly religious, so she didn't think there would be any talk of devil's worship or demons or anything like that. At least, she hoped not. Was that what Petunia was thinking? That...that Lily was possessed or something? God, she hoped not.

"Petunia, please wait," Lily pleaded, taking a few steps towards her. The daisy she had been using was long forgotten, crushed in her fist. "Please don't go. I'm not - I'm not a freak."

[/color]

"Yes! Yes you are, Lily!" Petunia shrieked shrilly, and then turned on her heel and stomped off swiftly. Lily held back a sob with difficulty, watching her sister march off towards the swings, her eyes filling with tears of hurt. She considered following her out, begging her to talk to her, to believe that she wasn't a freak, that all of this was magical and she'd only wanted to share it with the person that she was closest to in the entire world, that Petunia should feel special, too, because Lily had told her and no one else. But her sister obviously hadn't seen it that way, and now she was incredibly upset with her and Lily had no idea how to approach her and make it all better. She was so used to knowing the right thing that the fact that she was now absolutely floundering as she tried to think up of an appropriate way to make it up to her. Perhaps she'd ask her mum to let her bake brownies for Petunia. Tuney did adore brownies. And Lily wouldn't let anyone else eat them, either! They would all be for Petunia, and Petunia alone. And then maybe...maybe she would forgive her. But staring at her lone profile, obviously tight with anger, Lily somehow doubted that brownies would be enough to forgive her. Not that there was anything to forgive! Lily thought furiously. It wasn't like she'd done anything wrong! It certainly hadn't felt wrong! And, besides, what right did Petunia have to be angry? Just because she didn't understand. Lily felt her eyes well up again, except this time they were tears of anger. She hastily blinked them away. She would not cry over this! She would not - oh, bother. Lily hastily swept at her eyes with the back of her hand, and it was then that she noticed the daisy that had fluttered over to her shoulder. Surprised, she lowered her hand and stared at it as best as she could, considering it was on her shoulder. It...must have been the wind that had blown it over. Must have. Except, she hadn't felt any wind at all. Had she done it unconsciously, then? To cheer herself up? She supposed that made sense, she often did things like this unconsciously. Still, something told her it hadn't been her. Sure enough, a young voice piped up behind her and she immediately whirled around, startled, her cloud of vibrant red hair whirling spinning with her. She hadn't seen anyone else at the park! She'd made sure it was empty! His words repeated themselves in her head and she felt a shiver of fear run down her spine.

Had he seen everything?

Closing her fist tightly over her own daisy, she narrowed her eyes angrily and then lifted her chin defiantly. "If you say I'm a freak, I'll -- I'll --"[/color] She hesitated here. She'd what? Cry? Run back to her mum? Attack him with daisies? All of the above? No, none of the above. She couldn't do anything. Folding her arms defensively, she stared at him longer, and realised she recognised him. Sort of. Petunia made fun of him sometimes, because he was that boy who lived in that shady area, wore too-big clothes and never washed his hair. Lily often scolded her for doing so, because it wasn't right to make fun of someone like that. Besides, he'd seemed like a nice boy. Very shy, but she didn't see him often enough to make too many assumptions. Now as she stared at him, waiting for him to call her a freak, she wasn't so sure. Still, when she saw that he was smiling, Lily couldn't help but soften a little. What if he hadn't meant to call her a freak? What if she'd jumped to conclusions? "Did you do that with the daisy?"[/color] she asked, before he'd had a chance to respond. She lifted it off her shoulder and held it out in her open palm, next to her own, crushed flower. "Do you...do you really know what I am? Does it have a name? Am I really...special?"[/color] The last few words came out in a gush of enthusiasm, her green eyes suddenly widening and brightening. She'd almost forgotten all about Petunia in that moment, too busy being anxious about the possibility that maybe this boy knew what he was talking about. She sincerely hoped he did, because the disappointment might be too much to bear if he was only pulling her leg, and then she really might start to weep, and Lily so hated crying. Her hand closed around the daisies again and she brought her fist to her sides, still staring at him expectantly. Hopefully. She didn't even notice that Petunia had approached them, her face pinched in ill-disguised curiosity, she was so focused on him.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/color]

[severus]

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back, it's my fault
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way

He had to be careful not to ruin this. His father always told him he had this uncanny way of ruining everything and Severus feared that the same principle would apply to this situation, for which he had hungered for so long. Companionship. He had to get this perfect, for failure was not an option when it came to Lily Evans. But sometimes his temper got the best of him, and though he tried to keep it in check he found that Petunia calling her sister that word needed to be addressed. “You’re not the freak,” he said with quiet rage, “she is.” He knew that insulting her sister was probably not the best way to go about making his first appearance, but he simply could not help himself. He had blurted it before he even had a chance to completely formulate the insult. He hung his head a sheepishly and took another hesitant step forward, closing the space between he and Lily even further. Instead of answering her inquiry about his abilities directly, he simply held his hand out and uprooted a blade of grass from the ground beneath him. He would have stooped to pick it up and repeat the little levitation trick he had done earlier, but he was afraid that if he moved too much she might disappear, as if she were a frightened little bird, sensitive to even the smallest of movements. Another crooked grin wove its way onto his face as he held his hand out, the grass suspended just above his palm. He had learned to do this trick some time ago with the cans in the polluted river just near his house. Sometimes––not all the time––there were treasures to be found among a Muggle’s trash. If you could get past the nauseating smell of the river long enough to scavenge through it, anyhow. Smells like that did not really perturb Severus, seeing as his how did not smell much more tolerable. At least the river was outside and the occasional merciful gust of wind would be enough to abolish the scent for a few moments. Inside, there truly was no escape. He had never actually smelled anything really good until he came to the playground and found some flowers, and caught a whiff of Lily’s shampoo. The rest of his knowledge about smells was divided into two categories: dirty, or clean. But Lily and the flowers had caused a new category to arise in his mind: pretty. Pretty smells, he called them, for Severus was a child, and children did not know better than to assume that something could not smell pretty. His eyes, just as dark but a little less haunted than they would come to be in the future, never left Lily’s face. He searched its every plane, attempting to read what she was thinking by the contours of her face. He wanted desperately to avoid offending her. He wanted desperately for her to accept him.

“You’re... you’re a witch,” he managed to croak, hanging his arms at his sides. He was not brave enough to say it any louder, and did not want Petunia to overhear, at any rate. He had planned to say it a lot better than he actually had, but Severus’ plans did not usually come to fruition by the precepts he had set for them in his head, and so he was left to feel a bit abashed at how stupid he must have sounded, calling her a witch in the playground. He was right, though, and surely she would see that. She had to see that, since she could hardly rely on her sister’s opinions any more. For some reason, Severus sensed that divide between them. He did not understand it himself, but on some occasions it was almost as if he could feel people, hear their thoughts, experience their sensations as if he were one with them. He was afraid to tell his mother because he did not know if these were normal symptoms of being a wizard, and if they were not, he certainly did not want to give both his parents a reason to be disappointed in him. It was strange, though. He could have sworn he had almost felt the tears forming at Lily’s eyes, could hear her thoughts of betrayal, and see that look echoing in her memory of a time long past. He could sense her fear and her initial distrust of him, and see that she indeed had known he existed, since Petunia had talked down about him not too long ago. The thought that Severus’ true first appearance in Lily’s life was so tarnished by the stupidity of her sister incensed him and he felt an even stronger intolerance for her. The ignorance of a Muggle was a disease that quickened like wildfire, and he wished that Lily had not been so overexposed to it before he had gotten a chance to fill her head with the realities of the life she was destined to live. A life, maybe, with him, he was selfish enough to believe––a life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where anything was possible because everybody was the same. His fantasies of the future with her in a school which he had never seen swarmed his head and clouded over the emotions he was reading from Lily, her stubborn willingness not to cry in front of him, among other things. He was glad she did not want him to see her cry, for he did not want to see her cry. It made him so very uncomfortable. He had never seen another woman cry besides his mother and he was quite sure he would have no idea what to do if Lily were to start. With his mother, he would fetch her handkerchiefs and hold her hand, but with Lily... well, he did not have any handkerchiefs on his person, for one, and for another, he had enough common sense to know that one did not just go around simply holding the hands of girls who wept. He doubted she would like his grimy hands on her perfect white ones, anyway.

He found her question about whether or not she was special to be incredibly daft, seeing as she was probably the most special person he had ever seen in his whole life. How could she not think she was special when she could perform magic? Anyone who was not a Muggle was special, of course. He would teach her that eventually. He would not even dignify it with a response. But... would she find that rude? Severus’ father often told him he was rude, and maybe not responding to her every word would be considered petty of him. Oh, but he did hate talking. He always seemed to make such a fool of himself. “Of course you’re special,” he said, a little louder this time, “because you’re a witch.” He tried not to sound too frustrated. He wished she could understand how special she was. He did not think he would ever be able to find the right words to tell her just how much. Severus wished he had a better way with words, but it seemed that he suffered the same curse as his mother and father in that department, however much it pained him to recognize any trait that could be linked back to his father. He stumbled and sputtered and spewed out nonsensical strings of words because his brain moved faster than his mouth, and he often had so much he wanted to put into a sentence that it often came out as a jumbled mess of syllables that had absolutely nothing to do with what he actually wanted to say. He wanted to tell Lily all about how magic was used, about the wizarding world in which she would live, about all the spells she would learn and the classes she would take and the things she could make of herself if she put her mind to it. He wanted to tell her all about Gryffindor and Slytherin and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff; how Slytherin was the best House of them all and he expected that both of them would be Sorted there, naturally. He would explain all about what the Houses meant and how one was Sorted and everything his mother had told him of the fantasy that was Hogwarts––the fairy-tale in which all young witches and wizards were players. He wanted to be the one to bring the best news of her life, that she was magical, and in a few short years would be going to the best magical school in the whole word. He wanted to say so many things to Lily Evans... but instead, all that came out was a frustrated: “Of course you’re special, you’re a witch.” It had not sounded as impressive and welcoming and, well, magical, as he had intended it to be.

But if everything had always gone as Severus Snape had planned, he would not have lost Lily Evans, and he certainly would not have had to die for her.

[/blockquote]

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[Lily Evans]

You're not the freak. Lily felt the relief sweep through her immediately. He didn't think she was a freak. She didn't know why that relaxed her so much, seeing as he was a complete stranger. She couldn't even remember his name, which was a little embarrassing, to be honest, and she felt kind-of bad. But it wasn't like she was supposed to know him anyway, seeing as they had never meant, and she certainly didn't want him to know everything Petunia had said about him to her. She doubted much of it was true - or, at least, it wasn't very nice at all - but still. It was better if he didn't know at all. Folding her hands behind her back and bouncing slightly on her feet, now feeling much lighter that he had assured her she wasn't that horrid name her sister - her sister! - had called her, Lily continued to stare at him expectantly, her mind whirling with questions. How could he know what she was? What did that mean? If he didn't think she was a freak, then what did he think she was? Or was this some sort of cruel joke? No, he didn't seem to be the type. Perhaps it was her female instincts coming into play, but something told her Severus didn't want to hurt her. Not the way Petunia had. No, he seemed completely genuine, if a bit nervous, which was odd in and of itself. Did he think she would be mean to her? She smiled pleasantly at that, wanting to reassure him that she meant him absolutely no harm. Meanwhile, she impatiently waited for him to give her a proper response. And then, when he did, it was completely unexpected.

A witch? She was a witch? Her lips parted slightly, staring at him with equal parts surprise and disbelief. That was what she was? That was what he supposedly knew? She was a witch? Lily closed her mouth and frowned at him, not entirely sure whether she should believe him or not. It sounded entirely too ridiculous. A witch? People like witches didn't exist. They shouldn't. Everyone knows that it they weren't real. But it made sense, didn't it? It made sense that what she did was actually magic. The daisies, the accidents - everything, it made sense, in an odd sort of way. How else could you explain it away? Her frown lessened then, her expression becoming thoughtful. Witch. It didn't sound so bad, the second time she thought about it. Being a witch didn't have to necessarily be a bad thing, after all. Sure, there were legends about witches being burned at the stake, but surely not these days. Besides, she'd never heard about them, so it was entirely possible that this witch thing was kept secret. But if Severus knew - did that mean he was one, too? Or, well, whatever the male equivalent to that was, anyway. A warlock? A wizard? Perhaps. She was too busy thinking to ask him just yet, however. Mulling over the possibilities. Could she do other things, too? Other than moving the occasional things with her mind and making daisies open and close. It was like this door had opened up to her with a world of possibilities at her feet. Of things she could see, things she could do. Maybe there was a school that taught her more, how to do it, or - or - was she getting too carried away with this? She probably was, wasn't she? Her shoulders slumped. What did he know, really? Maybe he was pulling her leg. Witch. Hah. Codswallop, the lot of it! Except...except she didn't want to believe that it was codswallop. In fact, she wanted to believe that it was true. She liked having a name for it. Magic. She liked knowing that she wasn't a freak, that she was a witch. That it wasn't some sort of gene mutation or deformity that she could do what she could. That maybe, just maybe, Petunia was actually wrong.

"Oh," she replied, blinking slowly. She wasn't sure why he sounded so frustrated. Had she done anything to upset him? "Does that mean you're a...a wizard or something?"

[/color] she asked slowly, tucking her red hair behind her ear and peering at him curiously. Frustrated or not, he seemed quite honest, and she wasn't willing to let him go just yet, not when he possibly had all the answers to so many questions she had. Chewing on her bottom lip, Lily fiddled with her dress and glanced slightly to the side, surprised when she saw that Petunia had come even closer. She was glaring at the boy suspiciously, and Lily worried that she might come to make fun of him. Sometimes, her sister really could be quite mean-spirited sometimes. Thankfully, she stopped when she saw that Lily was watching her, and the younger Evans turned back to Severus. "And what I can do...can you do it, too?"[/color] She looked down at the grass in his hands, frowning slightly again. Would he be able to make it fly? Had he been the one to make the daisy float to her like that? She hadn't seen it, but if he'd actually, physically gone up to her and put it on her shoulder, she surely would have felt it, and he wouldn't have been able to get so far away by the time she'd looked around. She opened her mouth to ask him, and then suddenly realised that she didn't even know his name and here she was, ready to ask him a bucket-load of questions. How rude of her! "Oh! I'm Lily Evans, by the way. And you are?"[/color] she prompted, immediately thrusting her hand out between them and looking at him expectantly again. He didn't look very sociable, to be honest, although she wasn't surprised. She supposed people weren't very nice to him. Many children were as cruel as Petunia was, definitely as judgemental. Besides, from the way he had spoken to her, she could tell he wasn't accustomed to speaking to people. Or perhaps it was the fact that she was a girl. Boys tended to avoid girls at school, claiming they had something called 'cooties'. And when they didn't avoid them, they pulled on their hair. Once, a boy had dipped her hair into his ink pot and it had completely ruined her outfit. When her mother had been helping her wash her hair, she claimed that the boy liked her, but Lily couldn't understand how he could like her when he had been so cruel to her. She hoped this boy wouldn't do something similar, she'd just washed her hair this morning.

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ooc: eep, short, short, short. sorry D:



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[severus]

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back, it's my fault
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way

He wished there was just a way for him to transfer all of his knowledge to her in one brief instant. Severus had never been gifted with the power to manipulate the English language, and when he tried, usually only ended up making a fool of himself––he would not ruin this, for sure. He was feeling a bit steadier now with himself, because so far he had not said anything too daft or sharp, and had not caused her to run away or to be frustrated or upset with him. Still, he had never been much of a talker, and holding a conversation for such a comparatively long time as he and Lily had was proving to be quite trying on his temper. Especially in the area of Petunia, who was off sulking in the distance and making the most absurdly hideous pouting faces. He tried to ignore her. Lily was his primary focus; he would avenge her on Petunia later, and hopefully when Lily was not present to witness his darker side. He snapped back to listen to Lily, shutting away the images in his mind of playing pranks on Petunia Evans in various venues. “Yes, I’m a wizard,” he said, with a sudden rush of excitement. He may have been terrified of saying the wrong thing, or of leaving details out, or what have you, but Severus was also very excited to finally be talking to Lily, and to finally have someone with whom to share his secret, other than his mother and cruel father. His dark eyes glinted in the sun as he searched her face, looking for approval. Was she glad to find someone like herself? Was she excited, too, to be able to talk to him and share with him her secret? He hoped she was as jubilant as him at the prospect of having another magical friend. “I can do magic just like you, only I can do it better because my mother has taught me some,” he declared proudly, flashing her the widest of gap-toothed grins. He did not want to come off as a braggart, but at the same time, he had never had anyone to brag to, and besides, he was better at magic than her anyway. All she could do was manipulate flowers, but he knew so much more. For the first time in his life, Severus felt a glimmer of pride.

“I’m Severus Snape,” he introduced himself quietly, “I live in Spinner’s End down the road a ways. It’s nice to meet you.” Before he knew it, he was smiling again. But oh, she was lifting out her hand… offering to touch his. He froze, his eyes widening a bit and the smile fading from his face. Could it be that she really wanted to shake his hand? Or was it like one of the cruel neighbor’s jokes? His eyes met hers and he decided he could trust her. She looked so genuine, so kind… sometimes Severus could not comprehend the kindness that pooled behind those eyes. Perhaps he never would. Hesitantly, he fished his hand out of his flappy jacket and slowly reached out and took hold of her hand. It was soft and warm. For a moment, he just watched as their hands touched, a heat surging through him as he squeezed hers a little. He wished he could have stayed like that for a little longer, because he had never felt a girl’s hands before, and he quite liked this. He was worried she would be disgusted by his greasy, grubby hands, though, and pulled away a little, offering her a sort of wince of forgiveness. He did not want to let go but he did not want to put her off, either. It was then that Severus first realized he would do just about anything to get her to like him. But the sun was going down, and his mother always wanted him before dark, so he had best be on his way. He did not want this moment to end, but he vowed he would find her again later and they would talk. "I have to go now," he blurted abruptly. Quickly, he flashed her a little smile and then limped off in the direction of the sidewalk, his smock-like outfit flapping behind him like the wings of a bat.

- - -

“I’m glad you finally got your letter, Lily,” Severus said a few years later as they sat on the same playground before the same tree, showing each other their letters proudly. “Soon enough we’ll be there,” he said, longingly, his eyes looking at his inner mind’s imaginary Hogwarts castle rather than the swingset in front of them. He held his letter in his grubby little hands as tenderly as he could, and kept looking back and forth from his to Lily’s. In just a matter of months the two of them would finally be there, living the dreamy experience they had been planning together for years. He had opened up since that day when they became friends, talking more and becoming less and less shy around her as the time passed. Lily had a way of making him more social; social, at least, whenever she was involved. He told her everything he ever felt, and he imagined she did the same. He trusted her more than he trusted himself––and he suspected that he had supplanted the place of Petunia as Lily’s confidante, too. Suspected, and hoped. “I hope we are Sorted into Slytherin House,” he confided childishly. “It’s the best, my mother says so.” Severus did not totally, blindly accept everything his mother told him, but he knew for certain that he wanted to be in the House she was in, and that from what he had heard of the other Houses, he did not want to be in any of them at all. Certainly not Gryffindor. It seemed as if only the arrogant stuff-shirts were put there, anyway. No, he and Lily would be in Slytherin. That was the way it was. And they would be the best students in the school, he and Lily. They would be golden.

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[Lily Evans]

When he told her he could do magic better than her, Lily felt a flicker of annoyance. While that might be true since he had obviously grown up knowing magic, it didn't offend Lily any less that this boy she'd never met could do something better than her. She was the one who always got top marks in all her classes and was good at everything, and while it might be childish of her to be aggravated with him for saying that...well, she was a child, and thus was allowed such moments. She brushed it off quickly, deciding she would be the bigger person and ignore it. Besides, she was sure that, in time, she would end up being a better witch than him. Or perhaps they would be as good as each other. "It's nice to meet you, too," she replied, deciding that completely ignoring his I-am-better-than-you comment was the right route to take. The mature route. She bounced on her heels a little as she waited for him to take her hand, her wrist starting to drop a little as she wondered if he didn't want to shake her hand at all. It wasn't like her hands were dirty, she washed them all the time and liked keeping up with her hygiene. Perhaps he was just shy, then. And then he finally took her hand and she barely blinked when he shook her hand, despite the slight greasiness she could feel. Obviously hygiene wasn't his top priority, but she felt it would be too mean to say anything about it, and Lily definitely wasn't mean-spirited. Besides, it wasn't that bad. His hand was quite warm, and she liked holding it, although it made her a little uncomfortable when he seemed to hold on for too long, and she wondered if she should tell him something to make him let go, but he seemed to realise all on his own and he snatched his hand away. She automatically let hers fall, joining her other one behind her back. She cocked her head to one side and surveyed him curiously. She'd never noticed, but he truly did look like an enigma (a big word she'd learned today when the teacher had given her an advanced book to read. It meant 'mystery', but she liked the word enigma much better because it sounded so fancy). He held so much knowledge about the world that she had just become a part of, and Lily wanted to know every single drop of information he had. She was about to question him further, ask him if there was some sort of school they were going to go to where they could learn more or if they were just supposed to fend for themselves, when he suddenly said he had to go. Her brow immediately furrowed in a frown and she uttered a quiet "Wait,"

[/color] but he'd already turned to leave and she waved useless, murmuring a bye! She stared after him for a while after that, upset that he had left so quickly. Had she said anything to offend him? No, she didn't think so.

Just then, her sister finally made it all the way back to her, looking torn between curiosity and annoyance. "Why were you talking to him?" she asked snootily.

"Oh, he's a really nice boy. His name is Severus Snape, and he says I'm a witch and he's a wizard!"[/color] Lily gushed excitedly, momentarily forgetting that her sister still hadn't accepted her little trick. She remembered too late when she saw the look on Petunia's face; disgust.

"He's lying! You're both freaks!" And then she ran in the direction of the home, leaving Lily to fight tears and wondering why on Earth her sister was being so mean.

* * * * *

A few years had passed since that day by the playground, and Severus had held true to her assumption; he was a plethora of knowledge about Magic. He told her all about Hogwarts; how it was the best magical school in all of the United Kingdom, quite possibly the entire wizarding world, and how he was sure she was going to get her letter, just as he was. He told her pretty much everything, and she returned the favour. Ever since Lily had first shown Petunia her flower trick, her sister had distanced herself from her, and she often muttered the word freak under her breath whenever she said she was going to meet Severus, or whenever she happened to accompany them, and in the latter case, she wouldn't say it quietly at all. Lily tried her best to ignore it, however, and even tried to include Petunia in her little games, but she would hear none of it. Afraid her parents would have the same reaction, Lily decided she would keep it a secret until she got her letter. Severus told her he was sure they would explain everything for witches and wizards with muggle parents - she'd learned that 'muggle' meant non-magical folk. Petunia had taken offense to the word when Severus first uttered it in her presence, thinking he'd insulted her, but even after she'd been told what it meant she was still extremely offended. Lily honestly didn't know what to do about it, because she really did love Petunia, but the more than she felt herself distanced from her sister, she became even closer than Severus. She didn't like to think of it as him replacing her sister, but there was really nothing for it. She had grown to be quite fond of him; one could even say that he'd become her best friend. It certainly wasn't Petunia anymore. So, she supposed, in a way Severus had replaced her sister in her life. She confided everything in him, and he did so to her, too. It made sense that, when her letter first came, he was the first person she thought of, but she knew she had to show her parents first. And thus, as soon as she read the words Dear Ms. Lily Evans, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she barely managed to contain a squeal as she rushed to her parents and thrust the letter at them. There was a moment where she suffered complete anxiety, wondering if they'd treat her the same way Petunia had, but after a quick explanation of all the things she could do, they were soon beaming with pride and hugging her and told her "they'd always thought she was special". Petunia, unfortunately, had heard, threw a tantrum, called her a freak again and then stormed up to her room before her parents could send her up there themselves. Still, Lily was so pleased that her parents believed it, she hardly let her sister's outburst bother her. Instead, she kissed each parent on the cheek, and then rushed off to the playground, her letter clutched tightly in her fist.

After they'd gushed about getting their letters, Lily had calmed down significantly and now she sat next to him with her leg's crossed, her letter still in hand, resting against her knee because she still needed to glance down at it every now and then and confirm that she was, in fact, really going to Hogwarts. "I can't wait!"[/color] she beamed, a shiver of excitement running through her. "Slytherin? Oh, I hope we're in it too, if it's the best house!"[/color] she exclaimed excitedly, and then looked at him anxiously. "I just hope that we're both sorted into the same house anyway. I mean, I know we'll be friends regardless, because you are my best friend and absolutely nothing can change that, but we'll have to see each other less if we're in different houses."[/color] She fiddled with the edge of her flowery summer dress and looked down at the letter again, feeling the swell of pride that she had been accepted into the best school in all of England. "What other Houses are there in Hogwarts, again? I mean, I know Slytherin is the best, but what other houses are there? And, also,"[/color] she dropped her gaze a little, biting her lip. She wasn't sure if she ought to ask her next question, because she was a little afraid of the answer, that it might confirm Petunia's suspicions about her being a freak, but before she could stop it, the words burst forth from her anyway. "Are there other people like me? I mean...are there other witches and wizards who have non-magical...I mean, muggle parents? Or is it...is it just me? Tell me honestly! It's not just me, right? It can't be..."[/color] she trailed off and stared at him anxiously. Severus had never seemed too surprised by the fact that she came from a muggle background, but perhaps he was just being nice. Then again, she didn't think of Severus as being dishonest at all. She'd never had a reason to believe that he would be, anyway. Not to her. They were best friends, and best friends never lied to each other. She'd certainly never lied to him. She was just being silly. Silly and paranoid. And thus Lily simply waited for his sure-to-be-genuinely-honest answer.


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