((de.tout.mon.coeur))

[jackiefontaine]

I remember Daddy´s hands, folded silently in prayer.
And reaching out to hold me, when I had a nightmare.
You could read quite a story, in the callouses and lines.
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind.
I remember Daddy´s hands, how they held my Mama tight,
And patted my back, for something done right.
There are things that I´ve forgotten, that I loved about the man,
But I´ll always remember the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

I remember Daddy´s hands, working 'til they bled.
Sacrificed unselfishly, just to keep us all fed.
If I could do things over, I´d live my life again.
And never take for granted the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

[/color][/b]

^{"Daddy's Hands" © Holly Dunn}

[jackiefontaine]

Quinze
The Studio

When my father first died, I had refused to come home from Hogwarts. I had holed up in my dormitory for weeks, instead, not going to classes. I just didn't do anything. The funeral had passed, and everything had been taken care of. I had started going back to classes, and everything seemed normal.

Before I went home for the summer, my mother wrote me a letter, asking if it would be alright if she kept a few of my father's paintings in the house. I told her that if she did, I wasn't coming home. She took out any and all things that would remind me of him, because she knew how much it hurt me.

Now I realize how much that hurt her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Today, I was released from Mungo's, and my family came to pick me up. The paperwork was taking forever, and they were gathered in Healer Jaylor's office for hours. The nurses were being kept busy by Danielle, who I now realize was merely the distraction.

Jodi pulled me into the seclusion room; the only room in the ward with locks on the doors. We were locked in there while my parents were doing the paperwork. We sort of just sat there, looking at each other for a very long time. I had nothing to say to her. She had quite a lot of things to yell at me. What I took away from it, though, was that... well, okay, I didn't take anything away from it. Maybe to be myself?

God, Jodi'd murder me if she knew I just wrote that.

Finally, we were pulled out of the room, and my mother and brother took me away (Jodi attempted to seduce my brother in the fifteen minutes it took me to change out of my uniform into the clothes they had brought me; poor Leo didn't know what to do with himself). We got in a taxi, about to head to the train station.

I asked my mom if she could show me Daddy's art.

They both sort of looked at me for a very long time, but relented. See, Leo feels bad, because now that he knows that one of the reasons (apparently, I really am not too sure as to the true reasons) that I killed myself was over the guilt of my father's suicide. Leo had gotten to visit my father over the years, while my father had been avoiding me. So, Leo was all for it.

Mum was hesitant. She's always hesitant when it comes to me.

Still, we went... and I don't know how I feel about it.

They were all of... well, they were all of me, or about me, or things that I liked, things that I hated... it was just this... studio full of paintings and sketches and sculptures of me, my life, my... everything.

I... No, I really can't write about this. I just--

Wow.

[/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

Seize
The Request

I wrote Ethan a letter the day before my family came to pick me up. It was the only time I was allowed to contact someone outside of the hospital. I asked him to meet me the moment I got in.

I hope he's there.

I missed my best friend.

[/color][/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

Dix-Sept
The Truth

What the fuck?

Seriously, what the fuck--

Did I miss something, or was that just--?

God, that boy is just so lucky that I--

Am I supposed to think that he can jus--

I realize that I desreved--

How many mixed signals--

Did he--?

Am I--?

... I don't even know what just happened.

[/color] [/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

L a t e r . . .

Ethan Cartier has to be one of the most confusing people on the face of the planet, and coming from me, you know that is a pretty big deal. The fact that he just stood there! STOOD THERE! Staring at me? I mean... and when he talked?

God, did he even say anything? Anything of importance, really? Or did he just sort of... ramble? Avoid things, and then-- then just... talk about them in too much fucking detail?

Like, I get it. I made a mistake, and I--

Damn it.

Fuck you, Ethan Cartier, for making me cry.

[jackiefontaine]

Dix-Huit
The Make-Up Work

So, the Healers at St. Mungo's had attempted to keep me as up-to-date with my schoolwork as possible, but with everything else they had to deal with, it's not surprising that I fell behind. I just never anticipated that I'd still fall this far behind.

I haven't seen Ethan since the day I've been back.

I don't care. I really don't.

[/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

C H A R M S: Two essays, each a single foot in length. One about the powerful nature of Fidelus charms, the second about the repercussions of the charm being broken.
Questions 11-45, ODD on page 912.
Test --> Next Friday.

T R A N S F I G U R A T I O N: Turning rocks into live dogs --> Tuesday
Turning tortoises into teapots (REVIEW) --> Thursday/Friday
Test on both --> Monday

P O T I O N S: Review the pros and cons of love potions, needed for an upcoming pop-quiz.
Essay on the uses and misuses of brewed luck (name of potion?)... Due sometime next week.
Read Chapters Eleven through Fourteen.

D E F E N S E - A G A I N S T - T H E - D A R K - A R T S: Quiz on the history of dark magic, the early sixteenth-century to the late eighteenth-century; focusing mostly on the migration of vampires through the English isles.
Essay; comparison of the defense mechanisms against vampires and werewolves-- between the myths and the truth.
Read Chapters Fourteen through Twenty.

A S T R O N O M Y: Map out the migration of the constellations as the transition moves from Winter to Spring.
Assignment: Short-answer essay questions on the back-story behind the astrological symbols.


... I'm so unbelievably screwed.

[jackiefontaine]

Dix-Neuf
The Encounter

I don't know where the hell this kid came from, but I sure as hell wouldn't mind if he went back there. Honestly, I have no idea when and where all these people decided to become so fucking hostile, but the way he was acting was completely inappropriate. Well, I mean, not entirely... I did just sort of sit at his table without so much as a proper introduction, but where the fuck does he get off judging me and every little last thing I did?

All I wanted to do was study for Potions, for god's sake. But apparently that's not good enough for Emery fucking Olivier.

His hand was bleeding; he punched a mirror, and I never found out why. I'm willing to bet anything that it was over something stupid. It's always over something stupid.

I still haven't seen Ethan.

[/color][/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

Vingt
The Run-In

So, I can't find the people I actually want to find, but I can run into the people I never wanted to see again. I still have yet to see Ethan him again, but I can't seem to get away from Emery. I literally ran into him today in the hallway, while I was out just trying to find Ethan in the most idiotic way possible. At first our conversation was very clipped and short, the way it had been in the library, and then...

Then I decided to do something incredibly fucking stupid, and of course he had to blow it out of proportion.

Oh, fun news... the reason everyone's been fucking staring at me as if I'm some sort of circus freak is because, apparently, I am some sort of circus freak. Rita Skeeter apparently has her own tabloid, and my suicide attempt was front page news.

...

Shit.

I ended up telling that stupid boy more than he ever had a right to know, and... then... then he just fucking left. He walked out of the room as if the devil himself had lit his ass on fire, and I want to know why. I hadn't walked out the moment he started talking about his dead girlfriend, so how does he get the gall to do so to me? Who just... walks out on someone? Sure, the conversation we were having wasn't necessarily a pleasant one, but it was, by no means, something candid. It took a lot for me to tell him that, and he just threw it away.

At first, I had thought he was different; maybe he could understand the things that no one else could.

Apparently, he's just like everyone else. He walked away from me just like everyone else.

...

I didn't end up finding Ethan.

[/color][/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

I have legitimately spent every last moment that I wasn't in class, eating, sleeping, or catching up on work looking for Ethan. I've tried everywhere, and it's just become painfully obvious that he's avoiding me. I don't understand why he would decide to leave me the moment I need him the most.

I just. I don't understand it at all. All I want is my best friend back.

I need him because everything else is falling apart.

^{borrowed the icon from love-adam on livejournal.}

[jackiefontaine]

Vingt-et-Un
The News

[/center]

So, I met Lily Evans today. Sort of. I sent her a note asking for the page number, she sent one back asking for some conversation. At any rate, we got to talking, and out of nowhere, she recognizes my name.

Just as I'm about to throw the stupid note away and go back to paying attention, I read the part as to why she knows who I am.

Ethan.

Apparently, he can talk to her about me, but he can't even talk to me in general. Oh, yes. Ex-Best-Friend decided to tell one of his closest friends everything about what had happened. Not that it matters, since everyone knows everything anyway.

Anyway, Lily and I could relate. Her life has also been ruined by the horrific pages of Rita Skeeter's tabloid. We made a deal of sorts, but I don't think anything's going to materialize from it. After all, she just met me...

Why would she do anything to help me out?

[/color][/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

C H A R M S: Two essays, each a single foot in length. One about the powerful nature of Fidelus charms, the second about the repercussions of the charm being broken. (Finished)
Questions 11-45, ODD on page 912. (Finished)
Test --> Next Friday.

T R A N S F I G U R A T I O N: Turning rocks into live dogs --> Tuesday (Finished)
Turning tortoises into teapots (REVIEW) --> Thursday/Friday (Finished)
Test on both --> Monday (Grade: A)

[/color]

P O T I O N S: Review the pros and cons of love potions, needed for an upcoming pop-quiz. (Grade: P)[/color]
Essay on the uses and misuses of brewed luck (name of potion?)... Due sometime next week. Due: Friday[/color]
Read Chapters Eleven through Fourteen. (Finished)[/color]

D E F E N S E - A G A I N S T - T H E - D A R K - A R T S: Quiz on the history of dark magic, the early sixteenth-century to the late eighteenth-century; focusing mostly on the migration of vampires through the English isles.
Essay; comparison of the defense mechanisms against vampires and werewolves-- between the myths and the truth.
Read Chapters Fourteen through Twenty.

A S T R O N O M Y: Map out the migration of the constellations as the transition moves from Winter to Spring.
Assignment: Short-answer essay questions on the back-story behind the astrological symbols.


Making progress--? Need to work on Astronomy soon. [/color] [/blockquote]

[jackiefontaine]

[reserved for you've got a f r i e n d (in me)]

[jackiefontaine]

Places Where I've Looked for Ethan

[x] Courtyard
[x] Great Hall
[x] Corridors
[x] Empty Classrooms
[x] Around Gryffindor Tower (or, at least, where I think it is)
[x] Grounds
[x] Forbidden Forest (okay, so maybe I gave up on this one a little early, but Ethan really wouldn't go that far into the Forest, I don't think)
[x] Lake
[ ] Quidditch Pitch

... I guess it's time for a field trip.

[/color][/blockquote][/right]

[jackiefontaine]

Vingt-Deux
The Confrontation

Damn it.

Can't things just be easy for once in my life?

[/blockquote]