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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 11:03:47 GMT -5
 This journal belongs to Peregrin Hunter. |
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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 11:26:37 GMT -5
So I was in the library today minding my own business in that corner that I always sit in. It's covered in shadows from the bookshelf the chair leans against, so no one ever sees me unless I want them too. Anyway--I was reading, no big surprise there, and this girl suddenly shrieks. Well, it wasn't really a shriek, but for dramatic effect we shall say shriek. I jumped, naturally, and realized it was a fellow Ravenclaw who had spilled ink on her essay.
For Ravenclaws, this is much worse than for anyone else. We place studying above other school matters. So I knew she must be devastated, and since she was panicking she couldn't concentrate. I put the book back--wasn't really interested in it anyway--and made my way over to her. I cleaned off her paper and even brought back what she had written. She was ecstatic, if I may say so myself. I was pretty proud, but Charms has always been my best class.
She told me her name. Samantha Moore. I'll never forget it. She was pretty, like those teenage models on commercials. She told me it was for Divination, which I found out someone else hates as much as I do. I got her the book I had been reading on said subject, and she took it happily. She needed to finish that essay, after all. It had nothing to do with my presence. She offered that I could stay, so I plopped down in a chair and grabbed a book while she kept writing.
Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not horrible, but never something that interested me much. But there was something about this book...this one made me want to keep reading. Then I turned the page, and BAM! It knew my name, I swear, and it kept whispering to me. It tried to get me to touch it...but I managed to throw myself down to avoid it. At her feet. Talk about embarassing...but I was too--frankly, scared---to care at the moment.
She hadn't heard the voices, and now thought I was a complete idiot. But then that ink stain on her fingers, which wasn't ink at all, started spreading up her hand. We were the only two that this was happening to, so we got out of there. We ran to the common room and I tried to talk about it with her, but she didn't want to talk. She went to bed.
God, I hate nightmares. |
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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 11:37:53 GMT -5
She suggested we go to the Astronomy Tower so no one would hear us talking. I agreed. I carried the bag with the book---it wasn't just chivalry, though that was a big part of it. I didn't want it to touch hurt her. She was cold, just a nightgown after all, so I warmed her up. Again, just chivalry. Then I heard the whispers again. I tried to ignore them, but it was hard. Merlin, was it hard. We discussed taking the issue to a teacher, and I think we both knew we weren't going to. Silence was just scary.
I started having these thoughts about jumping her. I know, I know...but I blamed it on the book. After a few misunderstandings we started to head back to the common room, and then when we got to the stairs she fell. And grabbed me for support. Me, who did not have both feet on the steps. So we both went down---and I landed on top of her. Not the best thing in the world to happen right after I had been thinking about it. Anyway...
I almost kissed her.
I hadn't even known her twenty-four hours.
I blamed it on the book. Or tried to, anyway. I knew it was all me.
She had held my hand. It was amazing how trusting she was. She said she was naturally clumsy and that I shouldn't feel bad, but I had almost molested her. I told her that, too, and she laughed. I might have let slip that I was falling in love with her. Me and my awesome mouth. Well, we kept on to the common room. Awkward, to say the least. A lot of tension in the air. We sat on the couch with a fire going.
And she sighed.
It was this sexy little sound, and I ended up kissing her. Twice. She said it was unexpected. Then she said 'I don't.' I wasn't quite sure what she meant, but I didn't let her finish her sentence. I went to bed, and I drempt about her. Not to mention planned on avoiding her in the morning.
It's hopeless. Is this what love is? |
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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 11:46:18 GMT -5
I must have scared her, because she fell and hit her head on the table. Hard. I was surprised she didn't have a concussion, but I felt her head and she seemed ok. Merlin, she had soft hair...but I was trying not to feel like that. It was hard to pretend professionalism. She dragged me toward a shadowed corner--not mine--and started to explain how she had gotten distracted last night before she could finish. She basically told me she liked it, and that she would like to see more of it.
Oh, Merlin.
I asked her if it was the book talking, and then I started taunting her with my lips. In the end, right before she attacked me with her own, it turned out that it wasn't the book. That made me happy, let me tell you. I joked about finishing her 'essay', and she agreed. So I teased her the whole time. I actually did write something, though. I figured we had only known each other for twenty-four hours, so we didn't know anything about each other. I told her all about me.
Misunderstanding, running to the common room, and a kiss was the end of that night. |
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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 11:52:15 GMT -5
Maybe it was a bad idea. But I couldn't help it. My teacher sent me, the only student finished working, with a note for another teacher requesting a detailed response back. I knew it was Sam's class, so I wrote a note real quick. I slipped it to her, and then sat next to her when I could.
It was torture. For both of us.
I teased her enough that she moaned in class and got mad, so I slipped out after asking her out to Hogsmeade. She said she wasn't going to show up.
But I know she will.
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Post by peregrin on Aug 31, 2008 12:03:24 GMT -5
She did show up to Madam Puddifoot's Teashop. I waited for fifteen minutes, debating leaving. I was so lost in my own mind, as usual, that I really didn't even notice the time passing. I was a bit worried that she would have fallen or hurt herself in some way, but I tried to calm myself enough to not jump up and pace. She showed up eventually, full of apology for being late and red in the face from her hurried running. It only made her all the more adorable. Her rushing explanation was that her friends stopped her and tried to play dress-up.
She doesn't need them. She does just fine on her own, let me tell you. She looked gorgeous right then, though she would look good in a potato sack. I told her that, and her blush made me laugh. She is so adorable, like a new puppy that amazes everyone. The only person I really want her amazing, though, is me. That may sound possessive, and it is. I don't think I could handle seeing any other boy with her at any time in my life. It would kill me. I would kill him. Merlin, I feel like a barbarian of some sort. Well, at least she doesn't have to worry about being dragged off by her hair.
Anyway. We talked over tea, biscuits, and chocolate cookies. The conversation was interesting and quite stimulating, as it will probably be whenever you get two Ravenclaws together. Her babbling only added to the fun of it all. I won't ever get enough of her. When we were done, I suggested going shopping. The absolute look of adoration on her face was worth whatever hit my pride might have taken at the feminine suggestion.
Of course, being Ravenclaws and all, we went to the bookstore. We shopped around for a little while before something caught my eye. I couldn't believe myself, and I wasted no time in calling her over from her spot surveying other titles. It was a copy of the book. The cursed book, which actually holds a spell about unrequited love. Apparently it tries to match the two people that touch it in a row, but only if they already have some underlying feelings for each other. At least that's what I got out of it. I was in shock, to say the least. It was odd, to see it there and finally know what it does.
And to thank it.
There was a bit more confusion, and some tears on her part, about the role of the book in our relationship. I was quick, well maybe not so but I wanted out of the shop, to assure her that my feelings were my own. Which they are. I do love her. It feels good to get it out as much as possible without smothering her.
Well, needless to say after the Apothecary we headed back to the common room. I love her, and she loves me back. I just know she does. We laid in front of the fire and talked about our past a bit, and it was perfection. |
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Post by peregrin on Sept 19, 2008 18:39:13 GMT -5
And in pain. A lot of it.
I think I need to go back. I don't remember a lot, but I get flashes of black robes, a green badge, and blonde hair. I don't know whether or not I imagined the strip of pink that was layered into it, but I'll write it down anyway. A blonde Slytherin with possibly somewhat pink hair. I may not know other houses too well, but I do recall Alecto Carrow when mentioned. She is, like the Blacks and Malfoys, one of those families that you don't mess with. Honestly, I don't know what I did to make her angry enough to poison me. Knowing her type, it could have been nothing.
But either way, it happened. I was unconscious in the hospital wing, and when I woke up I had no sense of time and was in pain. Lovely start to the day, right? I ended up wishing for Sam to show up, just so I could take my mind off of wallowing in self-pity. Yes, I knew she would be angry with me. But at that moment it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except seeing her. I fretted momentarily that she might think me stupid enough in her anger to not warrant her presence, but I was wrong.
Sam came rushing in, the perfect worried girlfriend. It hurt really bad because I couldn't see her or anything. I was terrified, although I won't ever admit it to anyone but myself. I thought I was going to die. I almost did, more than once. The nurse made her leave, but she ended up coming back. Albeit not in a traditional way; she fell down the stairs and broke her arm. Ah, well. Whatever it takes I guess. Although next time I prefer she take a pain-free route. So every time I as much as twitch this boat load of pain shoots me. I let her lay with me anyway, and I even go so far as the agony of wrapping my arm around her. Perfection, as normal. But it didn't last long. |
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Post by peregrin on Oct 3, 2008 12:32:46 GMT -5
The nurse went rushing off someplace, Merlin knows where after she found out. I thought she was going to kiss me for a second, which would have been creepy, but she just screamed and ran off. Apparently it was some sort of miracle I didn't die. Which really only goes to show you the gravity of my situation. Her face had gotten pretty pale before she left, so I guess she must have thought it was a miracle from some angel. Maybe it was. Anyway, the only thing I really wanted just then was Sam.
Low and behold, she appeared.
She had to have been frantic with worry the entire time because her eyes were bloodshot to the max. I was a bit upset, but I vowed then and there she would get some sleep. I told her I loved her (of course, I couldn't live without her) and we made out for a little bit. On a hospital bed. We have to be the weirdest pair in Hogwarts. Or at least close to it. It didn't matter at the time, but looking back I always wonder. What is it about her that has me so on edge and desperate all the time? My entire life has been about control, and suddenly she comes along and I lose everything. I barely control my own breathing anymore. Is that what happens when you're in love?
She told her parents about me, apparently. Her mom didn't seem to care but her dad doesn't sound too happy. I understand, on a level. I'm not a father (obviously) but I still get being protective over someone like Sam. She is so adorable and she seems so fragile, you just want to put her in a plastic bubble so nothing can get to her. I'll meet her parents, hopefully this summer. I'm going to do anything it takes to keep her entire family happy, but of course she comes first.
I argued with her for a while, telling her sleep was more important than I was at the moment. I was fine, I was alive, and hopefully I wasn't going to sink back into the never-ending darkness. I sent her back to the common room, making her promise to get some sleep. She needed it badly, and to be honest so did I. I was just about dea---well, never mind. I needed sleep. |
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Post by peregrin on Oct 3, 2008 12:42:31 GMT -5
It paid off. She liked it. She loved it, actually.
We ate. The house elves definitely outdid themselves. There was spaghetti, rolls, strawberries and chocolate...it was great. Like a five star buffet. As usual, it turned to playful flirting. It was the strawberries that did it, really. I would blame them, but why should I when I had such a great time? This time, it was stronger than normal. More...intimate. More daring. I loved it. I had the time of my life up there with her. I'll tell her one day, how much I loved being with her while she was blushing and stammering out things.
I didn't expect it would be me, but it was. It was I who cracked and lunged across the table like some animal to kiss her. She didn't seem to mind, but I felt like a total hormonal piece of crap. It was great, don't get me wrong. She can kiss like a goddess, which is quite ironic since I call her my angel. But I've never been so out of control before. I wasn't comfortable with myself, but that was at first. Eventually her lips wore me down, as they always have and I suspect they always will.
It ended with us going to bed. It was almost three in the morning, after all. I'll remember the details of that night forever, no matter what happens. I managed to keep my vow to make her happy, which in turn makes me proud. Now I just need to concentrate on the family picture. I do plan on being a part of her family one day, and she of mine.
She doesn't have so much to worry about, though. |
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Post by peregrin on Oct 12, 2008 11:45:40 GMT -5
Hard to believe, right? You can tell because I dug the black ink out of the bottom of my bag. It's almost expired.
But here's the thing. We were chilling in the courtyard, and just being the best couple ever. Then this owl flies out of nowhere, and it turns out to belong to her dad. Attached to its foot is a---three guesses? Howler. I was nervous, I'll admit, and somehow I knew before she fumbled it open that it was about me.
And I was right.
Her dad told her to break up with me. My immediate impulse was to rip it to shreds violently, but that was taken care of for me, unfortunately. There was this shocked silence while we were both trying to think of what to say. We were both pretty worked up, I suppose. Remember when I vowed not to come between Sam and her family? Well, I was thinking about that.
So I suggested we cool down so her dad would stop freaking out. She completely took it the wrong way, and if I could use the word overreact around her I would. As it is, I'll just say she flipped. She said it meant I wanted to break up with her. She was putting words in my mouth that I couldn't fight off. I tried to hold her, but she struggled. I couldn't blame her.
Eventually she got sick of me trying to explain it to her and she left. I think my heart broke, but I can't really be sure. I still can't feel it. I'm all....numb. I cried today for the first time since I was about eight. It felt weird, and in a bad way.
I don't think it will get better. |
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Post by peregrin on Oct 12, 2008 11:46:11 GMT -5
Not when Cloud Nine feels so good.
Sam came to find me after I wrote her dad. I had written him and expressed my love for Sam in a way I believe he found acceptable. I knew he didn't approve of me at the time, but I did want to make a grand impression on him; especially when it was so critical to my relationship with Sam, and especially when he will hopefully be of relation to me one day. He told me I was a passionate young boy, and he thought that generation had passed long ago. He said he would be proud to meet me this summer. I was about to write him back and tell him it wouldn't be happening when She showed up.
My Sam.
She started rambling about how sorry she was. Her babbling about how it was her fault and she should have listened made me want to object, but I couldn't. I don't know where her ideas came from, but it was just what I needed to hear. I was cautious as first, but the more she talked the more my walls came down. Is that how it will always be? I dislike being so venerable, but I feel as if it is the only right place for me to be. I couldn't stop myself from holding her, and Merlin it felt so right.
I won't ever let her go again.
We had a fairly serious talk. I could tell she was hurting almost as bad as me. It was nice to know I wasn't alone, although I wish she hadn't hurt. The evil part of me that I like to keep hidden--that everyone likes to keep hidden--was glad she was hurting too. It was telling me this whole thing was her fault and she had only returned to drive the knife in deeper. But I didn't listen. Those four days without her had been hell, and no joke.
We walked back to the common room together, like we used to. It was the most amazing touch of tradition. It sent through my mind every single time we had done it before, and par none this one has the best feeling attached for me. It wasn't fresh love like last time, but rather tried and tested and come out true kind of love.
I kissed her.
Was it too soon? Not according to her reaction. Now I just need to think of something I can do to make everything up to her. Hopefully it won't be hard. Not another candlelight dinner, but maybe something even better. |
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Post by peregrin on Oct 12, 2008 12:15:00 GMT -5
Once again, I found myself in a classroom with Sam. We aren't even in the same year, but I tutor a kid in her class. I knew he was absent, but I showed up anyway. I was kind of hoping it would happen, and it did: the teacher told me to stay and just relax. It is my free block, after all.
So I wrote notes to Sam.
She is so adorable, even on paper. I love talking to her. She asked me about my birthday, and I'm pretty sure that when I gave her my answer she wasn't satisfied. I promised her I would take her somewhere. I still haven't quite figured out where, though, so I plan on doing that right after this. Brainstorming. It shouldn't take much.
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Post by peregrin on Oct 14, 2008 16:51:19 GMT -5
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Post by peregrin on Oct 21, 2008 16:52:41 GMT -5
FFF enabled us to meet in Diagon Alley, which was nice. A bookstore, to top everything. We were there first, my parents and I. I stared out the window and longed for this night to both begin and end in the same instance. I never knew what I wanted. Like I said, nerve-wracking. Add confusing to the list as well, if you would. Sam finally showed with her parents in tow. I was slightly apprehensive about the way she launched herself at me, and I didn't miss her father's expression. But it blew over quickly. Sam's parents, Isabelle and Jack, were hospitable and gracious. Just like their daughter.
Our parents got along better than I'd hoped. So well, in fact, that Sam and I were able to sneak off for a few minutes without worrying about them becoming distracted and coming after us. They were so immersed in conversation that we were able to have a good snogging session. In all truth, I've never seen Sam so riled up. The nerves must have been eating at her too. It didn't take much persuading to get her back to her seat. I was conscious of the fact our parents were only a bookshelf away, however far they seemed at the time.
Safely seated didn't help, however. That owl that bit me a night or so ago? Well, the wound started bleeding. She always does this! I've heard most black owls do. It was probably why He bought her. No matter, I try not to care. It was infected, apparently. Either way, we were out of the bookstore in a matter of minutes thanks to that stupid little bite. I've never been so grateful to have my apparating license. I was so tired. All this stress from Him has been taking a toll. Maybe later I'll write about what is going on, but right now I don't want to mess with fate.
We got through the gates and up to the building with enough hassle, but the stairs was added tension. It was hard to not be able to blurt everything to her right then. To be honest, I don't even admit it to myself most of the time. I hate it all...every last bit of it. The nurse confirmed what my subconscious told me; my cousin was to blame, albeit indirectly. She healed me, at least on the outside. Sam's face was bad enough. She was disappointed that I wouldn't tell her, as I knew she would be. Lucky for me I expected it, I suppose. It wasn't as horrible.
But it was even more horrible at the same time.
I will tell her, one day. I told her tomorrow, but whether or not I'll be able to is another story. Time will tell, I suppose, so I'll put off time as long as I can. Maybe time can tell the story for me while I sleep... |
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Post by peregrin on Nov 14, 2008 20:42:43 GMT -5
Joshua King, or just plain King as my family has come to know him. He is my true brother by blood, but cousin is what they say he is to me. My family isn't shamed by much, but Josh was never mentioned after what he did. All those women he hurt with his magic. They were muggles! They didn't stand a chance. He knew it, and he gloried in it. I guess he felt all powerful.
He probably does now, too. Ever since he got out of Azkaban (he says they let him out, but I don't know) he's been contacting me every few months. This was actually the first in almost a year. I was starting to relax. Especially with Sam around, it seems like this stuff never happened. I would guess he contacts me instead of anyone else because he knows I won't turn him in. He is still my big brother, whether or not oure parents acknowgledge it. I've always been big on family. King is no exception.
Even if I can't say his name.
I got a letter from him again.
I do belive this is the first dark secret I've written in here. That letter really messed me up, and if it weren't for his damn owl I would have gotten over it and been fine! As it was, Veela bit me again, this time causing massive damage. Now I have to tell Sam everything. I don't know if I can. I have to try, I know, for her. I'll bring myself down a few notches, and share some of my murkier past with her. Mom would kill me if she knew.
He asked for money, again. I don't know where he is or what he needs it for, and I never do. I didn't send it right away. I haven't ever. But it eats at me until I do, and I wear down and always send it in the end. I buy a new book to cover the expense, in case anyone asks. How much longer can this go on? I wish I could demand to know what he is up to, but I know that if I do he'll stop contacting me. As much as I say I want that, a part of me feels good about helping him. I like someone feeling dependent on me.
Besides, I'm sure he's got other death eater friends who would support him should I fail. |
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