|
|
Post by alectocarrow on Dec 20, 2009 19:11:19 GMT -5
The moment I left that school, I knew it was for the last time. I think it's kind of funny how that was my life for seven whole years, but now I don't even want to look back. I feel like that was the training, and now this is life. God, it's amazing at that. Being what I am is freeing. I can be myself now without worrying about a teacher hanging over my shoulder. No more nasty detentions for something I should have better kept hidden. I won't lie...Hogwarts taught me a lot. Maybe just not the things they had intended to teach. Life is so bad now it's deliciously good. I intend to keep it that way. I just need something sinful to do with my time until we get called together next... |
|
|
|
Post by alectocarrow on Jan 31, 2010 14:34:44 GMT -5
  Maybe I could have picked something better than walking up to Sirius Black. Maybe I could have steered away and avoided that entire disaster. Maybe I could have---damn. Too many maybes. Why the hell am I so fucking worried about it? It had to happen sometime anyway. It isn't like I care about him or anything. Except I think my brain disagrees. I know that I lost Sirius the moment I got this tattoo on my arm. Probably never had him before that, either. To think, I had danced right over with him and intended to flirt a little bit. I even enjoyed myself. Then when he saw my tattoo, everything flipped upside down. Him grabbing my wrist any other time might have been welcome, but I just shoved him. When did all this happen? Sometimes it seems like we were just together yesterday, and then the rest of the time it feels truly like forever ago. God, my life is a mess. I'm a death eater. A death eater. This is what I wanted, isn't it? Trouble and drama and--no. Not like this. I need a situation where I am in control. Control is what I got into this for, and I WILL have it, no matter what. I need to find a spot where no one cares who I am or what I've done. I need to be able to forget for a little while. And I am going to glamor over my mark before going in public, henceforth. I'm not ashamed, but I don't need another scene like that. I WILL be in control. And I'll keep saying that until I get it. And I will get it.   |
|
