BOYSTALKER

[Noah Orchard]

Okay I need you guys to help me out here. Um pretend I'm on a girl account because this looks weird on Noah's. ANYWAY. So I think this is pretty weird, but maybe I'm picky. ....but probably not haha. So here's the story:

I was riding a bus to my work and a guy sits next to me and starts talking. I wasn't really interested but he kept prodding and I didn't want to be mean and give repetitive one word answers so eventually I was talkative and nice -- apparently he says I'm really peppy. We ride on the bus together for probably ten minutes total, and during that time he asks for my number so maybe we can hang out or go on a date sometime. He's going to another college nearby so I was like yeah, I'll be nice. He was a little odd but it's rude to turn people down unless they act totally crazy or you are already in a relationship. Well, he already knew I was headed for work but he texted me twice while I was there (I can't have my phone with me so I didn't notice until dinner break) and then he called and left a message...I thought "boy it's been two hours maybe? That's weird that you've already texted me TWICE when I haven't answered." Finally I answered that night and then he asked me for a date Saturday, but I actually have plans. Then he asked from tomorrow and I already told him I have school and I have to plan ahead for these kind of things. I already told him I was going to bed and he texted that after so I ignored it.

Without me answering at all today, he has texted me five times and just called me on the phone, to which I ignored. One was "good morning" another "hey" "hi" "Hey" Hey".

I'm sorry but does that seem creepy to anyone else? I think I'm going to ignore him. I know it's mean but I don't want to have to discuss with him why I don't want to go on a date with him because that seems even more rude. But he's acting completely desperate and it's just I've had other guys who have done the same behavior and they turned out to be annoying/stalkerish. However, I want to see what other people think.

Am I being harsh? Or do I owe him nothing since I barely met him?

[alicelogan]

Hmmm... well, from my own personal experience, I think it only makes the guy want you more if you ignore him or put up a chase––it then becomes sort of like a game, in which he tries harder in order to further assert his manhood. Like, he lives in that uncertain hope of 'oh, maybe she's not responding because of this, or this, or this' and he has time to concoct ways in which to justify your behavior for you before you get to explain yourself. I think that in situations like this, the best thing to do is be honest so that a) he doesn't keep chasing you relentlessly or b) resent you for ignoring him without a reason. If so, the bus rides will be even more awkward, and he'll probably be more hurt if you ignore him than if you are frank with him. I think that sometimes boys who are too desperate or perhaps just have a tendency to come on strong will not fully be able to sense a girl's natural boundaries; and that's not necessarily a fault of theirs so much as it is a facet of their personality. The best course of action, in my opinion, would be to tell him that you've only just met him and you don't want to encourage too many expectations from him; simply, you'd like to take things a little bit slower, as you're currently a bit uncomfortable with the speed at which he seems to be wanting to move things. That being said, I do think you should be cautious. I would advise against evening dates or anything during which you would be secluded with him in darkness or, you know, that kind of thing. I'm not saying he's a crazy axe murderer but then again, you don't know much about him, do you? I know this sounds kinda crazy but what you could do is look up his court records using his name and stuff; my mom does it all the time when she's being especially wary of someone. xD Just see if he's got any court records, and if so, of what nature. To be on the safe side, of course. Then, I would ask around your friends, see if any of them know him/have an opinion of him. I just think you should be careful and take extra precautions to find out what sort of fellow he is, merely because if he's that pushy to go on a date with you after having basically just met you, then who knows how pushy he'll be to do other things on your first date, if you know what I mean. But yeah, I mean, I really think honesty is the best policy and just tell him, 'look, I'm super busy and I really want to just take things a lot slower, no offense or anything' and hopefully he'll understand. The way he responds to that will help you to judge his character––if he responds angrily or dejectedly or likewise, that usually reflects a lower self esteem/anger management issues that may cause you problems in the future. If he ignores your requests and continues to send you habitually unwanted messages, remove his number from your cell phone and block him. If he harasses you on the bus, notify the security guards of your concerns, try car pooling with a friend, or request a change in bus. Haha, I know that sounds extreme, but you really never do know when it comes to things like this, and Fief is an extreme worrier born from another extreme worrier and so this is why my twisted brain thinks like this. But yeah, just be careful. Find out as much as you can about him, be honest, test his response, and go from there. That's preeetty much all I've got!

[sirius]

Baha let's also pretend I'm not on Sirius's account. Or maybe that works. Idk. Anyways. -coughs-

It sounds like this guy could very well just be really interested or eager or something like that but I don't know. I wouldn't be worrying about being too harsh if you're not sure 'cause that's really not something you want to chance and when it comes down to it, go with your gut, girl. You barely know the guy and if you think something feels fishy or creepy? Yeah, that's not something I'd chance. 'Cause yeah, exactly, you don't owe him anything and while he could be a totally decent guy, if you have a bad feeling about it, I would trust that instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Not trying to sound all paranoid but I'm just a big believer in trusting your instincts when it comes down to something like this.

[Noah Orchard]

Thanks for all of your suggestions, you guys are very sweet for helping me out!

In the end, I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea because I just didn't know him and he gave me the wrong vibe even though he was very polite, so I told him I was sorry but it wasn't going to work. So then he asked me if I had any single female friends I could hook him up with. Geez, I had another guy do that to me last month. What am I a dating service??

LOL. Thanks dudes!