what doesn't k i l l you

[Frank Longbottom]

Dear Alice,

Missing me already? My apartment seems rather empty without you, to be honest. You're going to have to tell me what that random-ass trip you're planning with Coco Calloway is about. I should keep in touch with her as well, we haven't spoken since the ball. Either way, you should come over for lunch one of these days. We can even have waffles as long as you actually leave some for me, eh?

Anyway, I actually wanted to tell you about something. I was talking to Lily Evans the other day--though I figure I should get used to calling her Lily Potter, now. So, she was saying how I really needed to get my dating field cleared again, you know, put the past behind me and start fresh and I agreed, so she's been um, hooking me up with some of her friends, per se. That's not the point, the point is I have a date with this girl called Jillian, and I was thinking of bringing her as my plus one for your party. If you'll be kind enough to allow that.

That's the question, mostly, may I bring her? And, of course, I cannot wait to see you. Let me know.

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

I DO miss you! It's weird not waking up to your adorable dimpled smile. Who told you about the trip? Ah, well. Yeah, I don't know, Coco's the one with all the plans, she hasn't told me anything. I'm going to her house the day after my party and then we're setting off to the great unknown. Sounds fun, no? Oho, waffles you say? Will there be chocolate syrup and ice-cream? What am I asking, of course there will be. No promises on saving you some, you know how much I love waffles.

WHAT IS THIS? WHY AM I LEARNING ABOUT THIS NOW?! HOW LONG HAS THIS TREASON BEEN GOING ON, FRANK? HOW LONG?!?!?

Okay, now that my dramatic spiel is over - Lily Evans is setting you up?! Lily Evans? No offense to her, but I never thought she'd be a romance guru. But hey, mazel tov. How's it going so far?

Of course you may bring Jillian to the party! Just check with Lily that she's not completely cray cray, mmk? I mean, I love the crazy type as much as the next person, but I don't want someone who'll get completely smashed and start...well, smashing things. But hey, I'm glad you'll have someone to kiss at midnight! Assuming the date goes well, that is. You don't mind if I creepily watch from a distance, right?

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice Schmalice,

My smile is very much not adorable! You're insulting my manliness! Sounds insane and very much fun. Just be careful, alright? I don't want my best girl falling off any cliffs or whatever. There will be both, as usual. After all, I've gotten used to feeding the likes of you. And that's alright, I'm making heaps so there'll be plenty for everyone.

And by everyone I mean the two of us.

IT IS NOT TREASON. I WAS NOT HIDING INFORMATION, I WAS MERELY... RETAINING IT. You never actually asked. But uh, about a week. I resent your disapproval of Lily Evans--the first girl she set me up with was Olivia Thompson's older sister, and she was quite lovely. It's going well. Nothing spectacular, but of course, they're just casual dates! I'm not expecting to find the love of my life over dinner and a few drinks.

Fantastic, I love you, you're the best. I'll attempt not to think about how creepy you watching me kiss my date at midnight sounds like, and just be grateful that there's a party in the first place.

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

It totally is adorable! Every time you smile, I just wanna pinch your cheeks! I'm your best girl? AWW, FRANKIEDOODLE <3 I'll be fine, don't worry, Coco shall take care of me and I shall take care of her. No falling off cliffs for this girl, no sir-ree. Mm, now I really want waffles.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW TO ASK?! HOW WAS I TO KNOW?!? Oooh, Lila Thompson IS quite lovely~ Isn't she older than you, though? And Fraaaaank don't be so cynicalllllllll. You never know, the love of your life might just be this Jillian character!!

Oh pshhhhhht I'll be doing some kissing of my own at midnight tyvm.

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

You will not be pinching any cheeks if you want waffles at all, miss. FRANKIEDOODLE WILL RETRACT HIS BEST GIRL IF YOU CALL HIM THAT AGAIN. And good, just, yeah take care.

She is older, but it didn't work out. Jillian didn't either. Actually, she was kind of strange, and there was this other girl Lily set me up with that turned out to be sort of... sex-crazed. I think I'll stick to normal dating. Speaking of which, have you been doing any of the sort? You'll let me know if there's someone's ass I've got to beat up right? I don't like the thought of some guy thinking he can get the best of you.

Somebody you might be kissing at midnight, for instance?

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

UM. You can't just take away the promise of waffles!!!! >:[ SIGH. IT FELT LIKE A FRANKIEDOODLE MOMENT OKAY. I'm a big girl, no worries :]

Haha, you got a sex-crazed girl??? Oh Merlin, how the bloody hell does Lily know these girls anyway? I thought she was all wholesome and pure and what not xD Normal dating, huh? So, wait, you're not bringing Jillian to my party? You're coming stag? And yeah, yeah, you and Fabian and your arse-beating threats can rest at ease. I think I can take care of myself.

Well. I haven't found that someboday yet to be honest, but yes, when I do find him, I'll be kissing him at midnight.

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

Good, that's settled then. You'll get the waffles and be my best girl. Quite a privilege, too, because I seem to have more girl friends than guys at all times. I question my sexuality sometimes.

I don't know but she was scary. I had half a mind to haul a rape whistle or something. Her breasts were all up in my face and I didn't know what to do about it. And argh, I hadn't even thought of that. Seems like I'll be going stag after all. Are you bringing a date or may I accompany you?

That's nice, I'll keep an eye out for any misbehaving. I'm sure Fabian will be happy to assist me.

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

Yayyyy for waffles. And being your best girl. Are you saying you're attracted to men, now?

You don't know what to do with breasts, Frank? Because that's a whole other story...Nope, no date for me. I was gonna go on the look out for someone, but if you're offering then I'd be more than happy to be your date, Frankiedoodle.

SIGH. I don't know how I'm every going to have a proper love life with you two constantly shadowing me, honestly.

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

I am most certainly not attracted to men. Much. Fabian is quite handsome. No, I just mean I should have more bloke friends. Maybe I don't get out enough. Look what Auror life will do to you, Alice.

Not breasts being shoved up my face, I don't! Or, well, I guess Well, definitely. I'd rather be your date than have some guy I don't know be with you there. I'll even chaperone the punch if you'd want me to. Like the old man I am. (;

Oh, you don't have a love life. Or well, a physical life. You can love anybody you want. That's the best part. Fabian and I are perfect substitutes for boyfriends.

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

AWW, you and Fabian would make SUCH a cute couple. Shhh Auror life is brilliant you get to serve and protect!

Pshhh you need to cross things out better. Do I need to teach you about breasts, Longbottom?! No, don't chaperone the punch, if it's gonna get spiked let it get spiked. LIVE A LITTLE, YA OLD GEEZER....so I may or may not have had coffee just now, oops.

Are you trying to say I don't have a sex life??? And no I don't want you guys as my boyfriends! Well, definitely not Fabian because ew incest.

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

I'm pretty sure Fabian agrees. We're considering signing our marriage contract soon. You'll hear from us, no doubt. You can even get to be maid of honour. And well, of course I agree; I wouldn't be doing this if that weren't the case, would I? It's excruciating training, though.

I'll pass, thank you. I'll... learn about them in due time. Especially not your breast training because there's at least three people that would have my ass.

You need to watch your coffee, woman. You're going to hurt yourself, or someone, someday.

I'm--I don't want to think about your sex life, but I'm saying it would be better if you didn't because bad things happen when people as young and lovely as you have sex. Bad things. Stay away from it.

Well, well, are you saying you wouldn't be opposed to having me as your beau, Miss Prewett?

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

You bet your butt I'll be maid of honor!! Lucy can be bridesmaid. Fair enough. And yeah, I'll bet. fdlkjgsfd I can't wait.

Um. Excuse you, I have lovely breasts okay, you would be lucky to learn about breasts through mine. And who's the three people? Fabian andddddd...?

Shh I'm not Livy I can control my caffeine and sugar intake kay.

Is this the part where you tell me I shouldn't have sex because I could get pregnant and die? Because, you know, Lucy's pregnant and she's fine...And I know how to use contraception, this isn't the middle ages omg.

I dunno, you're cute I guess~

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

Sweet. It'll be the most ridiculous and fun marriage ever. We ought to start sending the invitations out. I remember when I was as eager as you to get out of school and start this whole thing. It's... hard work well paid off. Can't wait for you to join me.

I'm... sure you have lovely breasts. I mean you do. Not that I've--you know what, you're setting me up for something weird here so I'm just going to shush. Well, Alice, your two best friends scare the living daylights out of me sometimes.

I--well you could get pregnant and die, but no, you shouldn't have sex because sex complicates things. Between people. Sex is. Don't have it. People get hurt. And bad things happen.

...there's the c-word again.

Love,

[/font][/color]

[Alice Prewett]

Dear Frank,

Where are you gonna go on your honey moon?? You should go somewhere exotic, like the Carribean. Don't worry, I'll take care of the invitations, I know, like, everyone xD I can't wait eitherrrrr, just a half year mooore.

Aww Frank. Does talking about my anatomy make you uncomfortable? xD I'm not setting you up for anything, I'm just saying, if you need to learn how to properly treat a girl, I'll be more than happy to teach you. Do you even know how to seduce a girl ohmygosh? And do you mean Lucy and May? Pshhht they're harmless.

...ooooooh. I forgot this was a personal thing for you. Sorry, Frankie :[ I've only had sex before with boyfriends, if that eases your worries...

What?! Cute is a compliment!!

Lots of love,

[/color]

[Frank Longbottom]

Alice,

You do know everyone, it's kind of scary.

I think it would make anyone uncomfortable! You can't blame me. I know how to treat a girl! I've had girlfriends before! And they were very happy with me, thankyouverymuch. Just ask Lucy. I--what do you mean seduce, what's that even supposed to mean?

They are not harmless. You forget I've hosted the three of you here and dated one of you.

Nah, don't worry about it, darling, I'm over her. For good. And well, not particularly because now I'm thinking about it and that's not something I want to.Think about. Because just--damn. Were they gentle?

Also cute is a compliment if you're talking about a BUNNY. Not a man.

Love,

[/font][/color]