the soul's s o l i l o q u y

[severen]

[severen]

[severen]

"hey look, here I am,
and here we go,
life's waiting to begin"

Mood: Simple

Italy. Now I remember why I love visiting Aunt Melody and Uncle Alex so much. Well, aside from seeing Brielle and Kohl. Italy is absolutely beautiful. Not quite as beautiful as the girl sitting next to me though. Harley, Roxas and I decided to visit the beach today. She painted, as usual and I accidentally took a nap. Somehow, she and I have kept up our running truth game but today, we got a bit, well, deep. I mean, the conversation didn't end badly, so there was no harm. I can't help but to be completely honest with her. Still, it was interesting. Thank the lord. She is as simple as I like to keep things and she doesn't seem to mind. I can't help but fall harder for her every day. She gets to meet my family tomorrow. I am really not nervous for her. Honestly, it isn't their opinion I am worried about, it's hers. Let's just hope the day goes well. I am sure it will.

For the record, I hate writing. I am only keeping a diary to satisfy Jason. He is all too worried that no one will be able to tell my story after I am gone. Anyways, Harley is too wonderful not to write about. Still, I hate writing.

To Another Day,

[/b]

[severen]

"your faith was strong,
but you needed proof,
saw her bathing on the roof"

Mood: Nervous

Today is the day. Harley is going to meet my insane family. She seems excited. I know I am. She keeps pacing back and forth, trying to find something she likes to wear. I told her that she could go in sweatpants and a tee shirt and my family would still love her.

I started writing a song last night. Well, started is the operative word. I think I wrote and rewrote about a hundred times and crumpled each paper up, throwing it in the trash. It's the words, always the words. I mean, I was trying to write it for her but, I hated the lyrics. Why can't I just say what I want to say. Always this bloody language barrier with me. If it is any consolation, I pulled them all out of the trash and folded them into this notebook. Maybe, someday, they will come in handy. Until then, they will just be wrinkled papers with shitty lyrics across them. God Lord, I hate writing.

I will write more tomorrow after everyone gets to know Harley. I just can't wait. She will love them too, I hope.

To Another Day,

[/font]

[severen]

"her beauty
in the moonlight
overthrough you"

Mood: Glad

They loved her, like I thought they would. She got along with everyone. Even Brielle took her under her wing. It was terrific! I didn't think it would happen that gracefully but it did. Even Tyson was crushing on her within the fist few minutes she was in the room. She seemed to have fun during the football game, even though Tristan's team whooped us. It was all in good fun though. Tristan and I made dinner together and the whole family loved it. That boy is really the only reason cooking seems cool. I just loved the smile on Harley's face when I told her I would be cooking. She is beyond cute. Today, who knows. It is my family, after all. I am just glad the boys have kept their comment to themselves. That is all I ask.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote][/font]

[severen]

"just one night
couldn't be so wrong"

Mood: Distant

In all honesty, I miss Kadence. I know that because I have a girlfriend, I shouldn't feel that way. But I do. The girl is my best friend for Christ's sake. I haven't seen her in over a month and it is starting to suck. I arrive at her mansion in three days but I am still missing her. I miss all of them, actually. Wes and I haven't spoken since the day after graduation. Skye, well, I couldn't even seem to get a hold of her after that little shindig. Probably because I am friends with Arthur and Brielle. It probably pissed her off. And I have seen Tori as much as I have seen Kadence. I am not a fan of summer, sometimes. Skye wrote me a letter yesterday. She is pissed off at Wes. What else is new? And Tori doesn't seem to be able to stand Isaac. Kadence saved Skye's life and all Skye does is complain. Good lord. I don't even know what to do with those girls. All the more reason why I miss Kadence more than everyone else. She still had yet to explain to me what happened in Hogsmeade, if the newspapers didn't explain enough already. No one really knows what happened. That makes all of us. I am just ready to see the girl, I suppose.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"ignore me if you see me,
because I just don't
give a shit"

Mood: Hungover

So, the Double Trinity went out last night. Great night, all in all, if I could remember it. I remember walking into the club talking Tori. I remember a few drinks. I remember letting lose and dancing like a freak, or at least that is how Kadence put it, then I remember waking up on a couch without my shirt on. I also remember smoking with Wes. That is about it. I hope I didn't create too much trouble. The only one that wasn't drooling and asleep was Kadence. Sometimes, I wish she could sleep, just so I didn't have to worry about her so much. Well, now I need a cigarette. I'll wake up Wes.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"you're a hot mess
and I'm fallin' for you"

Mood: Anxious

The Lawless Gala is tonight. Levi helped me get dressed because I was clueless. I kind of hate worrying about what I look like. Can't I just throw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and call it good? This whole smoking-with-Wes thing is becoming routine now though. God, I am not really looking forward to tonight though. And I am taking Skye. This is just strange. Maybe I will be able to get away with not staying for long. I am only going through with this because Kadence would be disappointed if I didn't. Besides, I need to keep an eye on that scum she calls a boyfriend. Watch dog Sev, on duty, as usual. Well, here we go.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"how could I say no,
she's got a love like
woe"

Mood: Content

The Gala went well, I suppose. I drank a bit, danced and then ran. Wendy decided to be honest with me for once though. That was nice. The biggest problem with our conversation was that I couldn't actually focus. I ended up excusing myself to see Harley, which is where I am now. It's still early but she is in the bathroom right now. iImissed her too much. Something about her got me thinking about forever. I must be going crazy but honestly, Harley is worth my insanity. She is like a drug, I just can't get enough of her. I don't have a clue if I will stay here long but it is nice to just be in her presence. I think I love her. Ya, I do.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"standing there by a broken tree,
her hands were all twisted,
she was pointing at me"

Mood: Destroyed

I almost killed her. How could things change so quickly, from pure bliss to utter anger to the most unbelievable pain? It all seems like a blur now. The way she let me touch her. Her voice in my ear. Her figertips on my skin. The frustration in her voice. The way she left. How badly I wanted to break something. The realization. How slow I felt I was running. Her peircing screams. The deafening silence. Her limp body in my arms. The tears that stain the page now. I can barely breathe. I almost killed her. I wasn't ready and I almost killed the girl I love. She is in the hospital and it is all my fault. No one knows where I am. I don't even know. I just need to be alone. I have ruined everything. I don't deserve anyone anymore. I almost killed her. She could have died. It's all my fault.

I am so sorry,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"I was damned by the light
coming out of her eyes,
She spoke with a voice
that disrupted the sky."

Mood: Hatred

I don't think anyone could understand the hatred I have for myself right now. Boston is a big city and I hide amongst it's ruins as one of it's own. I sleep during the day now and wake by nightmares of her face. Night is as empty as my soul. The world is upside down. I don't know where to go from here. Nothing is right. Her screams haunt me. I see her wherever I go. Writing seems to be the only way to keep myself alive. I recieve every one of their letters and reply to none. I don't know when this will change. All I know is that I am guilty of something irrevocable.

To Breathe Again,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"while my guitar
gently weeps"

Mood: Too Far Gone

Let Me Sign.

Standing there by the broken tree,
Her hands were all twisted, she was pointing at me.
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes.
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.
She said 'Walk on over yeah to the bit of shade,
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved'
Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

I was out for a drink in a soho bar
The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar
She rose out of her seat like a painted ghost
She was the woman that I wanted the most

As she reached for my arm I gave her my hand
I said 'Lay me down easy let me understand'
Let me sign, let sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

As I walked through the door she was still in my head
As I entered the room she was laid there in bed
She reached out for me all twisted in black
I was on my way down, never coming back
let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.
let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign

To Another Day,

[severen]

"can't fight the devil
so just let me sign"

Mood: Numb

I have spoken to no one for a month and a half. School starts in three weeks. Kadence's letters grow more and more worried as everyone else's grow few. She is worried. I don't know how much longer I can receive her letters without reply. I worry for her too. It isn't like me to stay away from anyone this long. I just can't trust myself anymore. I can't hurt anyone again. I don't know if I could live with myself. I looked in the mirror today. I have never seen so much facial hair around my mouth before. I am not sure whether or not I will keep it though. I am fighting myself on the urge to seek out Kadence, to tell her my thoughts. It only scares me more. I hope I make the right choice. That is all I can hope these days.

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]

[severen]

"guilt sticken, sobbing
with his head on the floor."


Mood: Overdue

It's been months, hasn't it? I hate writing. Especailly when I feel this sick to my stomach about everything. The feeling never goes away. I've been told I should talk to Harley. I don't think I can. I feel guilty. I always feel guilty. Kadence and I have been spending a bit more time together. She's a bit far gone, after everything that happened with Jack. We don't talk much anymore though. We just spend quite time together. It's usually pretty late, too. I haven't been sleeping right, lately. Well, since summer, actually. I'm not going through the insomnia like Kadence but... It's pretty close. She doesn't cry though. Not at all. Not around me. I wish I knew what to do. I'm always so clueless.

I think I have a new friend. Imogen. She is-- sweet. I don't know how to act around her. It's a good possibility I may like her. I wish I didn't. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore and, frankly, I am sick of hurting. It's just too much. We'll see what happens. 'Til then.

To Another Day,

[severen]

"I've got my hands
in my pockets and
my head in the clouds"

Mood: Attempting Optimism

Do you ever get the feeling that you will never be happy again? Of course not, you are a book filled with empty pages and my chicken scratch here and there. It isn't as if I asked to be so dark all of the time. Really, I wasn't asking to be so attached to Harley when all of this happened. I didn't ask for all of this to happen. God, I wish it hadn't. I wish I wasn't so hung up on it. I really had fallen for her. I wonder if she thinks about me as much as I think about her. I need to talk to her. It would really be the only solution so that I could move past this. I need to know, from her, that everything is alright. Good lord. I am afraid that I might be the most pathetic bugger to ever roam the earth. I really am trying to come out of this slump I have gotten myself into. It really is pointless to be miserable for my entire life, right? Just because I couldn't open up to one person? Yes.

Or no.

Help?

To Another Day,

[/blockquote]