any less alone

[luciusmalfoy]

To whomever this may reach,

Your owl made the mistake of delivering your improperly-sealed letter to my residence. I hope you weren't expecting a prompt reply, since I simply reattached your letter and sent the bird back. Clearly, you need to give it the proper directions, or get a better owl.

Perhaps you should learn to sign your letters as well, so that the next time your owl makes an error, the unfortunate recipient can send it back to its owner. But understand this: I will not be so generous again, so do ensure that you send your silly little updates on your tragic teenage life to the proper addressee next time.

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[Alice Prewett]

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

Aw, shucks, I almost forgot what a nice guy you were. I do ever so sincerely apologise if my letter accidentally finding you was so inconvenient. I'll make sure to tell off my owl for being an owl that sometimes gets confused. Also, thank you kindly for not reading my letter and yet assuming it was full of teenage woes. I do love being judged on the spot. I hope you're not upset I'm not directly sending them to you? If you like, I'd be more than happy to do so. Just say the word and you'll be privy to all my fantastically exciting life.

Love,

PS: did you drop out of school or what?

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[luciusmalfoy]

I might have known; it was either a Prewett owl or a Mudblood owl that would make such a mistake.

Knowing the details of your life would bring me the deepest displeasure.

I have more important things in my life than Hogwarts. I apologise if that is a concept you cannot understand.

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[Alice Prewett]

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

Whoops, almost forgot about that wand perpetually stuck up your arse.

Aww, would it, really? How lovely :3

Really, like what, getting your hair gelled and expanding your snake collection?

Love,

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[luciusmalfoy]

Miss Prewett,

Your attempts at being witty and clever lack originality, and any dose of wit or cleverness. Has someone been telling you otherwise?

Being an adult, actually, though it is none of your business, and is something that I don't think you'll ever fully understand.

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[Alice Prewett]

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

Are you always this nice?

You, being an adult? That's a laugh. The fact that you've been consistently insulting me - although, of course, in your own very fancy and arrogant way - proves how unadult-like you are. But you're right, it's none of my business. Hogwarts is a much brighter place without the likes of you around giving everyone you think is beneath you - which, let's be honest, is almost everyone - the stink eye.

Love,

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[luciusmalfoy]

Miss Prewett,

Pardon me, but did I not decide to return your owl and letter when I could have simply burned it? And yet you are the one who decided to reply with snark.

If you must know, I am now the head of the Malfoy household. Yes, that does make me above the students of Hogwarts.

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[Alice Prewett]

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

I was only teasing, sheesh. At first anyway.

Oh. Uh. Congratulations...?

Love,

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[luciusmalfoy]

Miss Prewett,

I see. I despise teasing. You ought to be more careful with whom you decide to 'tease'; some people may not be as patient with your antics as I've been, and you could wind up in a lot of trouble.

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[Alice Prewett]

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

This is you being patient? Wow.

Love,

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[luciusmalfoy]

Miss Prewett,

It is.

Might I inquire as to why you continue to write to me? We are not "friends".

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