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Post by Benjamin Burke on Jan 18, 2012 18:41:56 GMT -5
 
Benjamin had been waiting for the snow to finally let up to go up to his hideaway. It wasn't that he minded the snow so much as the fact that you were forbidden to go up there during the heavy snow fall. Besides, lying on a blanket of snow wasn't as comfortable as the movies made them out to be. It got your clothes wet and chilled you down to the bone and, quite frankly, Benjamin didn't feel like being uncomfortable in the place he specifically went to to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Although, really, this was only the third night that he'd sought solace in the tower, but it worked for him. No one had found him here yet. He didn't think anyone had noticed he was gone during the night, to be quite honest, since he slipped out when the common room was at it's most crowded and came back before the early risers woke up. He hadn't been caught (yet) by Filch or Mrs. Norris, but then again this was only his third time slipping out and he wouldn't be surprised if he got caught sooner or later. Maybe he ought to be more cautious, maybe he should care more about the possibility of getting a detention, but it wasn't like he was new to it. If anything, it gives him more excuses to avoid everyone. But he's not exactly rushing to clean bed pans or shine the numerous trophies in the trophy room until he could see his reflection in them, and then redo it again because Filch could be a real arse about it and Benjamin was positive that, if Filch had his way, the students would be begging for cleaning bed pans. He'd heard him once, mumbling under his breath about how the students needed to be punished more severely in order to get the message across, how Dumbledore and the other Professors were too soft on them, how, back in his day, those who misbehaved were hung upside down, strung up from their toes. Whether the latter was true or not, Benjamin didn't care to ask, lest Filch suggest a presentation of some sort.
It was bone-chillingly cold outside and Benjamin had to steal himself for a moment, hovering above the trapdoor, half in and half out. Setting his teeth, he climbed up the rest of the way and inhaled deeply, finding himself able to breathe for the first time that day. It had been especially trying this time around - Rose had tried to speak with him again, and he'd been colder than usual. He only had to glance at her face before she ran off to know that he had made her cry. He knew her too well, and those tell-tale signs of her lips turning down at the corners and her eyes blinking rapidly were enough. It had been over a week since she'd returned and he had began pushing everyone away (although, technically, he supposed he had started the moment Imogen came back from her little get-away trip to paradise). It was hard, harder than he had originally thought. He'd known it would be difficult, but he hadn't realised - or, rather, hadn't allowed himself to believe - that it would be nearly impossible, especially when it came to Rosalie. Because, in spite of everything, there was still that tug in his gut that told him she needed him. That she was miserable and completely helpless without him. There was that instinct to comfort her, to go after her once he'd upset her and apologise and tell her everything was going to be okay. He was her protector, and he had been for so long. There was an instinct there, and he knew that that? That was stronger than any desire or determination to push her away. Deep down he knew that, in the end, it wouldn't be Ian's quiet anger, nor would it be Imogen's desperation and guilt or Ted's lectures that would bring him back. It would be Rose. Sweet, naive, sensitive Rose. As soon as he admitted that to himself, he'd be yanked back into the real world. But he wasn't ready yet. He was too damn stubborn to give in just yet.
Stretching out onto his back, Benjamin tucked his arms behind his head and directed his gaze to the sky. The reason why he liked the tower so much wasn't to entertain any thoughts of suicide. In fact, he had never really approached the ledge, let alone stand on it and considered jumping off. Besides the fact that it gave him time to be alone, he liked being close to the stars, because it made him feel close to Jamie, to Marlene and to his parents. Didn't they always say the people you've loved and lost end up in the stars, looking down on you? Sometimes, if he looked hard enough during Astronomy class or when he came up here, he swore he could see Mars, and it reminded him of his Mars Bar. Sometimes, he would remember her fondly. But when he came up here alone, it was harder to beat off the demons that roamed in his head, that reminded him of the people he lost and the people he never wanted to lose. But that was why it was so important to push them away, because you can't lose something you don't have, right? He's fine, though. He's better. At least, that's what he tells himself. He's not stripping quills down to the vein, and he hasn't knocked anyone off their broom by accident because of too-violent swings of the bludger, and that means he's better. It might not match his friends' definition of "fine" - maybe not even close - but he reminds himself that it doesn't matter what they think again (as always, it frustrates him that he has to remind himself when he should just know it. It's a sign of weakness, a chink in his armour, and he hates it). He's not thinking about that, though. In fact, he's not thinking about much of anything, having lost himself among the stars.
There was a familiar creak of the trap door opening and Benjamin closed his eyes briefly, aggravated that someone had broken his peace. He'd thought he would get another two weeks, at the very least, before someone discovered his hiding place. Then again, the tower was a popular snogging spot, and it was only nine o'clock. It was entirely possible whoever had interrupted him were a young couple looking for some privacy. Either way; he wasn't leaving. "If you're looking for a place to snog, this isn't it. There's an extremely spacious and comfortable broom closet in the floor below this one, near the stairs. I'm sure you'll find it suits your needs perfectly well." he stated dryly without opening his eyes. Of course, it was entirely possible whoever had interrupted him wasn't a couple looking for a decent make out spot, but he'd made his point clear; he didn't want them there, and he wasn't the one leaving.
[/color] OPEN. to anyone. really.
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Post by ameliabones on Feb 17, 2012 11:23:15 GMT -5
 Amelia had been looking for a chance to hang out with Gill ever since they had become a couple. The last time they had hung out was during the Holidays, but that had been so long ago that she almost couldn't remember what they had actually done... She missed hugging him, feeling his warm hands holding her, his lips on her forehead or even on her own lips. Unfortunately, Gill was a seventh year and, while she was busy with her own schoolwork of course, Gill was even busier it seemed. He was constantly having to write long essays or some assignment and Mia respected his enthusiasm to try his hardest. Maybe it was for her, but she wasn't sure; all she knew was that he was finally showing his smarts to his teachers.
However, this made Mia incredibly bored. She didn't really have friends other than Gill, and this made it difficult for her to do anything interesting after she was finished with her assignments. Of course, she had Bridget, but her best friend had been preoccupied with Simon lately, and Mia didn't want to step on their toes by asking if she could hang out with them. She understood what it was like to want to spend alone time with the one you love, even if she wasn't able to do it very often.
At the moment, Mia was sitting in one of the comfiest armchairs by the fire in the common room, lazily glancing about to see if anyone looked lonely like her. If they looked lonely enough, she decided, she would approach them and see if they wanted to play a game of wizard's chess or something. However, everyone looked to be in pairs or groups; no one seemed in need of company, which was rather frustrating for Mia since the common room was basically full. She knew that even if she went to the dormitory to see if anyone was in there, no one would be. Everyone was right in front of her, chatting animatedly with their friends before bed. Sighing, Mia stood, beginning to head toward her dormitory; she had decided a nice quiet evening alone would be just as nice as talking to anyone. Maybe she would even write a journal entry...
Suddenly, a flash of a person caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She turned toward them to see if it might be Gill, done with his work, but all she saw was Benjamin Burke looking rather sneaky as he made his way toward the common room exit. Benjamin Burke, she thought. That's a name I haven't thought of for a long time... Mia had used to call him a friend, but lately he had started to distance himself away from everyone he knew. Mia didn't know why, but he seemed rather... depressed and she was quite worried for him. So, when she watched him disappear, Mia decided to follow him quietly. Well, it is my duty as a Prefect to make sure he isn't doing anything harmful, isn't it? She asked herself. Also, he might end up staying out past curfew, since it is almost bedtime, and I can't let him do that.
She followed him until he reached a trapdoor that she knew led to a tower. Why he would want to go up there in the chilling cold she had no idea, but once he had disappeared through it, Mia was faced with a difficult decision. Should she follow him or not? He didn't seem like he was going to do any harm to anyone... But of course, he was out after hours... But on the same note, so was she... She struggled in her own mind for a moment, trying to figure out what to do when she finally decided to go after him. She pulled herself through the trapdoor, which was considerably more difficult than she had originally thought with her nonexistent upper body strength, and heard the door creak with her.
Mentally cringing, she heard Benjamin say something to her about snogging. Confused, she answered back, "I'm not looking for a snog, Benjamin. I was merely worried about you." She stepped out of the shadows to let him know it was her before continuing. "I mean, I know we haven't talked in a while, but you seem... sad and frustrated. Depressed, even. I just wanted to see if you needed anyone to talk to."
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Post by Benjamin Burke on Mar 12, 2012 3:51:56 GMT -5
I'm not looking for a snog, Benjamin. He recognised that voice, Benjamin realised, inwardly cringing. Sure enough, he inclined his head just enough to catch a glimpse of her as she stepped into the moonlight and he could make out her features more clearly. Amelia Bones. Fellow Ravenclaw and Prefect, and one of the many friends he'd been avoiding like the plague. Perhaps more blatantly than the others, because they usually patrolled together some nights and he'd pointedly taken different routes to avoid walking with her. He doubted she knew about Marlene; Marlene didn't keep company with very many sixth year Ravenclaws besides himself, and he didn't think she knew anyone who was friends with Marlene. And if she did know about Marlene, since her death had been reported in the Daily Prophet and all, it was entirely possible she didn't know that he knew - had known - her. That should have meant that avoiding her wasn't a necessity, but since his plan was to cut off contact with all of his friends, it didn't make much of a difference. Amelia was a friend, and she couldn't be one anymore. It was that simple. And yet, at the same time, nothing about this was simple, namely because he made it so complex in his mind, much more than necessary, burying his real emotions, his actual thoughts beneath layers upon layers of meaningless words and decisions until they were practically invisible unless he squinted and focused for long enough, and even then it was just an obscure blur of everything he was running from. It was a web tangled enough in his head that it defied logic, and that made it that much easier to stay in the state he was currently in, and that much harder for him to understand it, much less someone else. And that was the whole point.
Benjamin dragged himself back into the conversation with a sharp shake of his head. The sooner he actually focused on her presence here, the sooner he could urge her to leave. "If you're worried about me jumping off the top of the tower, then don't be. I'm hardly suicidal," he told her dryly. He knew she hadn't been worried about that, and it might not have even crossed her mind until now (and now that he'd said it out loud, she was probably going to worry about it), but it was worth saying anyway. He resumed his previous position, his arms crossed behind his head and his eyes closed, deceptively cool and collected while inwardly he was as torn up as ever. "Listen, I dunno if one of my other friend's have been talking to you about something or if this is some sort of misplaced intuition that you have about me, but I'm fine, Amelia. I've merely decided to distance myself for a little while. Focus on...ah. Myself. Spiritually. Educationally. And the like." He made a vague gesture with his hand, mentally rolling his eyes. It was definitely the least convincing speech he'd ever made, but he wasn't concerned enough about making his argument sound more legitimate. He found that, lately, he was having a hard time to care about much of anything.
Sighing inwardly, Benjamin sat up and turned to her, wondering if perhaps the direct approach would work best with her. He didn't know Amelia as well as his other friends, so he wasn't sure how persistent she would be about staying here. If she was anything like them, though, then it would take him physically walking away in order to put any sort of distance between them. "I'm fine. I don't need someone to worry about me, because there's honestly nothing to worry about. Don't I look fairly normal to you?" He spread his hands in front of him and raised an eyebrow, his lips quirking upwards in his best attempt at a smile. Inwardly, he wondered if it was possible to be out of practice when it came to smiling, because it sure felt like he'd forgotten how to do it properly. "Things aren't perfect with me right now, I'll admit, but I'm handling it. I know what I need, and I know what I don't need, and what I don't need - or even want - right now is friends hovering around me and trying to get to talk about my feelings and worrying about me. I'm sure you have better things to do with your time. Like studying for the Transfiguration quiz we have tomorrow, or spending time with your boyfriend-" he vaguely remembered that she was in a relationship, although it was entirely possible he was thinking of someone else. He continued talking to cover it up in case he'd made a blunder there, "-or your other friends. Meanwhile, I'll continue living my life the way I want to. I've done perfectly well on my own before, and now is no different. So, if you really are the friend I thought you were, you would please respect my wishes and leave me alone."
There. That sounded a tad bit more persuasive than his attempt earlier, didn't it? Even so, he felt like he'd said too much. He hadn't meant to say quite as much as he did, especially since he wasn't sure how much she actually knew, but it was too late to take any of it back now. He just hoped it would be enough.
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