. . . infinity on h i g h

[pierrescham]

_________________________________________

m o o d: relieved

Have I said before how much this girl makes me smile?

I feel bad, though, that I spent a good portion of our talk writing about...her.

Seriously, is this ever gonna stop? I'm sick and tired of all of this! I sound like an obsessed man, and I'm not! I just wish things had gone differently between her and me, alright? This is the one thing I do regret, more than anything. Although I'm starting to realize that she's been idealized in my mind way more than she really is as a person, but still, even if I know this, I still can't help it. At least I'm making progress. I'm starting to see her flaws again. The flaws that made me dump her to begin with.

The flaws that I now like.

Blegh.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________

m o o d: creative

...I'm not going home for the holidays. Not that I've ever been home in the seven years I've spent as a Hogwarts student, but I felt the need to express this. I'm not going home. And nope, I'm not even visiting Mario. He's too busy with Carly this year, and I don't wanna be the third wheel in that scenario. I hate being the third-wheel, didn't you know? Oh, well, there you go. Random Pierre fact of the day. Anyway, there's still some Christmas shopping to do, and I'm...broke.

What should I get me loyal friends?

Without further ado, I present Thee Christmas Shopping List

• Dom: ?? I've got no idea. Talk about being a fabulous best friend, eh?
  
• Bella: Locket?
  
• Noah: Nothing. That little f**k*r deserves nothing. Though I'll probably end up getting him a pint of Ogden's anyway. I'm old enough to buy it (cue for hysterical re-hashing of my mid-life crisis)
  
• Olive: Bracelet and a card. Although I think the card's gonna be default for everyone, right?
  
• Wynter: Umm...a whip?
  
• Danielle: ...yeah, nothing. Why is she even in this list?

Soooo...there you go. I seriously think that's it. Those are the people that matter in my life. And yes, I do have noticed that there are more girls than guys in there, thanks. Can I help it, though?

[pierrescham]

_________________________________________

m o o d: contemplative

HO, HO, HO!

...My parents never told me Santa was real. As a matter of fact, they never talked about Santa. Weird, huh? Then again, I do believe my infancy was a tad repressed. If not the early years, then definitely the ones that were from age 7 and onwards. The Arse's fault, of course. Who's else? My mother's? Yeah right. That woman's too self-sacrificing for her own good. Don't get me wrong, I love her. What kind of bastard would I be if I didn't? She's just this weird mixture between realist/pessimist and a dreamer. I don't really know how to explain it. So I never try. Mario knows what I'm talking about, though. I think it's those kind of things that you never can really know until you've tried it out. Not that I'm asking for someone to try my mother out or--dear God, I gotta stop putting my foot in my mouth, even when it's just me writing. Bad habit, I guess.

Anyway, it's Christmas, and I've got a decent-sized pile of presents. I love my friends. What else could I ask for? They--along with music, of course--are what make this crappy life living. They really do. And I've got Livy and Dom here to keep me company now. That's always a plus, right? Yeah, yeah, it is. Although I'm sure they're pretty bummed they didn't get to go home for the holidays. Is it selfish of me to be just a teensy little bit glad because of that, though? I don't know. This season always puts me in a weird mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Grinch, but I don't particularly care about Christmas. It just...happens. Even when we were little, it was always Mario who begged for a tree to decorate, and it was always him who dragged me out of bed to open the presents early morning. It rubbed off on me, but it never came from me, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I'm a freak.

Anyway, I'm kinda missing the whole point of this here. What else do I miss, you ask? I miss that ritual. I miss the fact that it's never going to be the same, because time keeps going, but never coming, and it makes me feel so...lonely. Like there's nothing to expect, 'nothing new under the sun'. That's a Bible quote, isn't it? Psht. Count on me to recall something my mother taught me on a moment like this. Funny random Pierre fact of the day, people. I think I'll keep'em up. Put them as a subtitle, or something. That'd be cute, wouldn't it? Psht. Yeah, as if somebody would notice something like that. Diaries are private for a reason, anyway. But hey! Who says I have to do it for an audience? Maybe this way I'll start knowing myself more...recalling those old bits and pieces of myself I've lost or left behind somewhere along this stupid road called life.

Fun, fun.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He's not in the mood to be dealing with your shit right now.

m o o d: angry

Yah, I haven't updated this thing in a long, crappy while. What are you gonna do about that, hm? You're just paper, that's all. Why do I even bother with this? Why do I even bother with anything? It's just all a fucking mess anyway. My stuff always is. I don't have anything I want. I don't have anything except my music. My music and my friends that sometimes I feel like I don't deserve.

Fuck this.

Fuck her.

Fuck everything.

[pierrescham]

_________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He fucking hates Valentine's.

m o o d: pissed off

Valentine fever has started to leak everywhere.

Screw Dumbledore for thinking up the brightest idea of all: Valentine Dance.

Gag me, please.

No, in case you're wondering, I'm still not out of my fucking frustrating funk, okay?

Whoo-fucking-yay for alliteration.

[pierrescham]

_________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
To him, 'fuck' is back in style.

m o o d: relaxed

Fuck Dom.

Livy is my new best friend.

...I'm still not going to the dance, though.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He likes blue eyes.

m o o d: calm

So.

Jenna Edwards isn't a flake. And she doesn't like people talking about her. And she's got a beautiful smile.

Contagious too.

Which makes it sound like a disease, and that's not good, right? Are there good kinds of diseases? I mean, if there are, then she's definitely the good kind. But if she's so good, why does she make me so nervous? These side-effects are anything but good. No. Not good. Never good.

She's not a blonde.

She's not a blonde.

Did I mention she's smart?

She's a Ravenclaw.

We met in a classroom, kinda embarrassing, really, 'cause she had to wake me up after I dozed off. Understandable, seeing as how the class was an absolute bore, and well, since I'm trying not to pass so many notes anymore. One, because I'm scared I'll be caught red-handed one of these days, and two, I wasn't feeling like gossipping with anyone over random trivia. Honestly? I was just plain fucking sour. Like I've been these past days, as I'm sure you've noticed. But, as you should've noticed by now, I'm in a much, much, much better state. Incredible what a cute pair of blue eyes do to you.

I know, I know, I'm such a guy, but hey. I just enjoyed a semi-normal, relaxed conversation with a girl I'd never seen before. One who doesn't care about gossip, even if as far as the rumor mill goes, she's right on the top. Johnny Myers' ex, man. All I can say is that he truly is an ass. How could he let go someone like her? That's just plain stupid. Eh, well. There's not much I can do about that, hm? She left a good impression on me, if you hadn't caught on yet. She's intelligent, un shallow and...yeah, I should start hanging out more with Ravenclaws. They're definitely my type. More so than Noah, Verge or Danielle. Ravenclaws know what's good. Amos and now Jenna? Yeah. I hope I see her again soon?

I don't know anything, never mind.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
Today, every time he looks at his hands, he bursts out laughing.

m o o d: amused

Wynter LaCroix is a class A freak. Honest and true to God. Not that I mind. Why should I? She's exquisitely entertaining, though if I ever told her that, I'm pretty sure she'd blow up. I like how she sticks out from the crowd. I dunno. The LaCroix twins are one hell of a pair, that's for sure.

[pierrescham]

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Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
Today he did himself a favor.

m o o d: scared

Apparently I am going to the dance.

Damn that girl for putting ideas in my head. Ever since she literally pleaded for me to 'consider' going, it's been in my head. And whoopee-fucking-doo, everyone else is excited about it, so my thoughts are physically extended when I see banners that read "HAVE YOU DECIDED WHO YOU'RE GOING WITH YET?" plastered all over the drab castle. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

Dom didn't make things any better, because as soon as I ran my insanity by him, he started nodding in a freakingly enthusiastic way and said 'yes' almost instantly. Then proceeded to add a slew of other words, of which I hardly remember. I do remember though, him mentioning something about me 'protecting her'.

As if she weren't old enough to do it herself.

Eh well. Looks like I've got a date.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
Will avoid Wynter LaCroix and fantasizing about her from now on.

m o o d: naughty

WHAT THE FUCK?!

No, I'm not overreacting alright?! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO REACT THIS WAY WHEN I WAKE UP SWEATING AND IN SUCH A WORKUP THANKS TO WYNTER FUCKING LACROIX.

...pun not intended.

God, I'm seeing double entendres everywhere ever since I woke up. I totally blame the witch. Honestly! What with her stupid looks and...words and...and...yeah! Well, that's enough, isn't it! It's enough for any guy! I've just been holding off the umm...fort longer than most! And yes I just referred to myself as a fort!! Who the fuck cares?! I DON'T. NOBODY DOES.

AND I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FREAK OUT.

I JUST HAD A FUCKING DREAM WHERE I WAS FUCKING FUCKING WYNTER LACROIX!

NO, DEEP BREATHS ARE NOT THE SOLUTION RIGHT NOW, OK? GOD!!!!

I JUST WANT TO BURY MYSELF DEEPLY INTO SOME SAND BOX AND NEVER WAKE UP! IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND??

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE??! HUH?! HUH?!

REMUS LUPIN--PREFECT EXTRAORDINAIRE--WAS THE ONE WHO WOKE ME UP!!!

OH, WAIT NO! SCRATCH THAT! THAT'S NOT THE WORST THING OF ALL.

WHAT IS THE WORST IS THAT I I LIKED IT.

Someone KILL me now.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He fucking HATES Gryffindor girls in general.

m o o d: annoyed

What is wrong with the fucking world? Not only do I fantasize with LaCroix as of late, now everything's gone...weird. And wrong. And fucking terrible...I knew that dreaming of that wench would do me no good. She spells trouble, that's all. EVERYONE knows it. God. And I don't know how, but she's totally RUINED my life. I don't care if it sounds irrational, I know it's true. So there I was, minding my own business, and sketching something that I probably shouldn't have started sketching in the first place, then throwing it away because I ripped it, and me being the great and intelligent idiot I am, threw it away as if I wasn't a wizard who could repair it and...then Livy appeared. She was nervous, and started babbling, and normally I wouldn't have even noticed her normally, because you know how I am with my music, and...yeah.

You know what had her in such a fit?

Danielle fucking told her to tell me to get over her.

How lame is that? One, because who the fuck does Danielle think she is, telling me to do what she wants me to do? Two, how lame is it that Livy actually accepted doing it? I don't care how many brownies were involved, you just don't say yes to stuff like that and expect a good and nice reaction! So maybe I swore a little bit. And maybe I did lash out at the wrong person, but really. What did she want me to do? Envelop her in a bone-crushing fucking hug?

Well fuck that.

And you know what's really fucking ironic? She dropped the bomb after I apologized for talking about Danielle last time we wrote to each other.

Eat your heart out, Pierre Scham.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He is good at giving someone the cold shoulder.

m o o d: pessimistic

So a song comes to mind, although now that I think about it, it doesn't suit my situation that much. Livy and I weren't best friends. Actually, I was just starting to consider the girl as something else other than Dom's sister. And she had to go ahead, open her mouth and totally ruin it.

Saw her a couple of times today, too. She is Dom's sister after all. But guess what? Turns out I'm fabulous at looking straight through someone.

Figures.

Well I can't regret,
Can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
We go down together
Best friends means,
Well best friends means

You never knew
Well I never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
Based on these mistakes

_{There no 'I' In Team // Taking Back Sunday}

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
Is a really jealous guy.

m o o d: nostalgic

I hate seeing her with him. I hate, hate, hate it. Especially now, that she gave me the oh so kind message to 'move on'. It's not like I'm drooling all over her fucking body. I'm emotionally attached, but physically? Yeah, darling, I've found so much better examples. I just don't know what it is about her. I fucking hate her for what she made Livy do, and I hate her because she was the indirect cause to our argument.

But she still has the reins of my heartstrings, the stupid witch.

P.S. (HAHA, my initials) I saw Livy four times today. My eyes skittered over to her twice, and I almost spoke her name three times. Caught myself just in time, and proceeded to sulk for three hours straight.

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
He doesn't like swallowing his pride.

m o o d: lonely

I can't believe I'm writing in my fucking journal about Olivia Thompson of all people. I use this crappy thing to vent about people/things/situations that annoy/stress/frustratetheshitouttame and yet, here I am, writing about the on person who's gotta be more innocent than a baby and a Hufflepuff thrown together. It's...lame. I know I should just go and apologize already, but I don't want to. I'm being a stubborn cow, so she'll just have to deal with it. I.Don't.Care.

I DON'T!

[pierrescham]

________________________________________
Random Pierre Fact of the Day:
Is tired of pretending he doesn't care.

m o o d: sad

Shit.

Just shit.

I know, really eloquent, isn't it? I find that four-lettered words are a specialty of mine. They're good for expressing my simplistic emotions too. I'm a 'complicatedly uncomplex' kind of guy. And if you got the gist of it, congratulations to you. You're capable of understanding. Nevermind that it should be a normal human capacity, just pat yourself on the back for it.

...yeah, I'm still being a douche. Is it that obvious?

I don't even try to excuse myself anymore. It just hurts like a bitch, but I think my pride is the one that's still stinging. I couldn't care about what Danielle thinks right now. She's sucking face with the S dude, so nah, she doesn't particularly appeal to me right now. But Livy? Livy?

She fucking breaks my heart, every time I look at her.

Since when is she such an important friend in my life? Bah, I didn't even notice it. I'm that pathetic. I should start paying more attention to my friends again. I'm letting them down. All of them. For example, I haven't talked to Bella in ages. Or Dom...well, I have talked to Dom, but it's just not the same, 'cause every time I see him, I'm reminded of Livy. Mainly because he won't shut up about how 'great' it is I'm the one who's taking his sister to the dance, and not some random douche who could take advantage of her whenever he felt like it.

Psht, what does he think? Of course she's not going with a random douche.

She's going with Pierre Douche.

LAME

Olive?

I'm sorry.

Be my sunshine again?