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Post by pierrescham on Nov 16, 2008 15:42:22 GMT -5
I N S I D E C O V E R
"the secret's in the telling"
the secret's in our hands, intertwined
the secret's in our mouths, as we gasp
the secret's in our words:
I want you NOW
______________________________________
Please, do not read.
It's lame, and boring,
and plain, and insane,
and everything you
don't want to know.
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 16, 2008 17:06:01 GMT -5
  _________________________________________  m o o d : S A D You know, I've decided I'm officially pathetic. Like, seriously. She's moved on with her life, she has a boyfriend of ONE YEAR you thickheaded wuss and yet, you're still pining after her like some lovesick puppy. How much sadder can I get? (Is sadder even a word, by the way?) Why is this relevant, you may ask? Really, reaaally simple: I owled her.
Like, no shit.
Why? I have no idea. I mean, sure she owled me first, but that was a long time ago. And I had been strong on that too! I had resisted temptation to owl her back. Just because I didn't have an owl at the time. Stupid suicidal owls. And now, now? I just go and owl her randomly, merely because I have a new owl. Yes, let us say it together:
L-A-M-E-O
What's worse? I'm desperately hoping her stupid boyfriend doesn't see the owl, and thus, she'll reply. Some time.
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 16, 2008 21:14:36 GMT -5
  _________________________________________  m o o d: frustrated Two days have passed since I sent out that blasted owl, and still, nothing. Nada. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I haven't seen her for the longest time, and well, she has a fricking boyfriend that keeps her occuppied.
Right. I shouldn't think about that, should I? It kinda blows to know that I had the greatest chance with her, and yet, I totally gave it up. I dumped her. And yes, okay? I regret it. I REGRET IT. Is that enough, or do you want me to slit my wrists and bleed dry just to prove how important she's suddenly become? 'Cause I could totally do it. 'Cause that's not happening. It's pathetic, how fixated I became soon after she was out of my life. Why couldn't I be that way when she was in my life? If you say 'compromise issues', I swear I'll bite your hand off. Seriously. At least try to be a little more original.
...dear God, I'm talking to a book. You know, I think I should be through with this. I just...you know, should. But I'm not, and goddammitIwantherback. I'm a guy. I shouldn't be whining about stuff like this. I just can't help it. It's not as if I like being in this state of pathetic-ness. And yet, I keep writing about it. But then again, who else am I supposed to vent to? A person? Pfft. Yeah right. They don't stand still long enough to listen, let alone care (my friends don't count). And my friends don't count because I can't bear to burden them with my problems.
Ok, that's bullshit.
I just don't think they'd care enough, or that they'll understand. They'll probably think I'm putting too much thought into it. It's been a whole year. Who's still hungover over their ex after a year?
Me.
alaljdflajdfalkf
DIE
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 16, 2008 22:46:03 GMT -5
  _________________________________________ m o o d: relaxed  Dear Lord, my handwriting is hideous. It looks like chickens pecking.
Without their beaks. (...do chickens have beaks, or bills? I think bills are for ducks, but -- okayyy, I gotta stop rambling.)
Eww. Enough morbidity for today.
Anyway, today I sent BellBells a note, just to...you know, whatever it is that best friends do. It's not really talking. It's something much more deeper than that. It's a connection that absolutely nobody can touch. A bonding that goes on forever and ever and then some, without anyone feeling it but the two people who are experimenting it. It's something celestial, an otherworldly experience...! I can't put into words exactly, except with something like this:
I called her bipolar and she called me a suckup.
I say that's a pretty even deal.
I haven't thought about her in over...twelve hours. Except that now I totally ruined it because I mentioned her. Great. I was doing so well too! Mainly because of Bella. Man, she is so great. I remember when I used to have this huge crush on her. And by huge, I mean humongous. Size of Hogwarts kind of humongous. You getting my general vibe? I was pretty much into her. Of course, this was before Danielle and...yeah. Anyway, when I talked to her today (Bells, not Danielle. Oh, don't I wish?) I remembered those times. Man, I was a total goner. Which kinda proves to me that I'm pretty intense whenever I like someone. Huh. Who would've thought, hm?
Me, who runs away from compromise faster than you can yell "Bob's your uncle". For being so scared, I certainly do like getting attached. If only in name. You know, I've come to the conclusion that if relationships were in name only, I would do so much better than the pathetic-ness I've been able to pull off.
I admit it, I'm a joke to humanity.
What's wrong with that?
Aside from the fact that I never get anything good in my hands?
Hm. And I got all of this from talking to Bells? Ok, so either I have to stop being so self-conscious, or I stop talking to Bella.
Ooh, tough decision.
Yeah right.
It seems like I've got a lot of work cut out for me.
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 18, 2008 10:10:55 GMT -5
  _________________________________________  m o o d: stressed I've got the worst coordination ever. Trying out for reserve chaser was so not a good idea. Whatever possessed me to do it? There were people there, an actual audience. Dear God, apparently it wasn't horrible enough that I'd decided to make a fool in front of the Quidditch team, I also had to go ahead and make a fool of myself in front of the rest of the student population.
...ok, just a couple of stragglers here and there, but it certainly felt like all eyes were on me. All in all, I just fell a couple of times, dropped the quaffle twice, and got clammy hands when I was high up. Not bad, by my regular standards, I'd say. Still. People saw that.
Whatever possessed me to try out?
Ooh, that's right. My need to stop having so much free time to think of her.
Damn you, Danielle.
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 18, 2008 11:32:10 GMT -5
  _________________________________________ m o o d: listless I'm quite the note passer these days. My classes are just not interesting enough!
...or maybe I'm just procrastinating again. Either way, I'm finding out that I'm getting better at meeting people. At least by written expression. In person I'd probably zip up faster than they could say 'hi'. I just suck at meeting new people. Seriously. Besides, she's pretty much a bitch, if we're being honest. And if I can't be honest with my effing journal, then I must be royally screwed. So, I'll be brutally honest. She's everything I normally don't like in a girl. But...I don't know. She's funny in this non-creative way, I guess. Passable enough. But the whole bitchy part kind of kills the entertainment. I mean, I can be a bitch (yes, I am conscious of the fact that I'm very much male), but other people can't. I feel like they're stealing my act. So not fair.
Yes, I know you're wondering about that. She is pretty.
She's got great eyes, and she's skinny and...a blonde.
I, apparently, am cursed with the blondes.
But, I'm through with them, thank you very much.
AtleastIwanttobelieveso.
She's not really what I like. So, yeah.
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 24, 2008 12:14:06 GMT -5
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Post by pierrescham on Nov 24, 2008 12:27:13 GMT -5
  _________________________________________ m o o d: confused I know, I know, I know. I'll probably fail these exams. With the rate of my note passing, I've probably not paid attention to at least half of my classes this week. But can you blame me? People are interesting when they write. It's such a shame they turn out to be the polar opposites when you meet them in person. Which I'm hoping doesn't happen with this specific girl. Verge Malone. Sounds good, doesn't it? Don't ask me how it happened, but I agreed to meet her. I mean, come on, she's in Gryffindor too. It's not like I could avoid her forever. We were bound to meet sooner or later.
I just agreed to make it sooner.
I know, I'm suicidal. As soon as she notices how tongue-tied I'm around her, she'll run for the hills. Or for the dormitories at least. But check this out: she's Italian. How's that for exotic, hm? I can just imagine how the language sounds. Definitely sexy.
...and yeah, apparently I did write that.
I think I need to get out more. And I need coffee.
Soon.
Oh!
Maybe that's where I could take her?
I agreed to take her somewhere, since she knows next to nothing of the good places here at Hogwarts. But I don't know if the kitchens count as anything good? I mean, seriously. House elves everywhere, trying to be helpful and adjakjdfkllfja.
Ok, I think I'll start freaking out now, thank you very much.
Wish me luck.
...or don't. 'Cause if you did, I'm not sure how I would react to a talking book. And my diary no less. Know what? Nevermind. I'll just go and be a massive ball of nerves for the time being. 'Kay, thanks.
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Post by pierrescham on Dec 2, 2008 21:37:53 GMT -5
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Post by pierrescham on Dec 2, 2008 22:10:51 GMT -5
   ______________________________________________________________ m o o o d: surprised Yeah, I do realize my entries are getting shorter. But you know, I decided it was kinda girly. I mean, come on, what guy possesses a diary? That's just plain lame. Not to mention girly. And I don't want my future girlfriend to find this and start worrying about my masculinity, or...yeah. Ok, I'm calling my own bluff. I've been too lazy to actually do something about it. And busy. Doing what? Signing the tons of yearbooks that are coming my way, duh.
I didn't look out half bad in my picture, by the way.
Anyway, you probably want to hear how my outing with this crazy girl went, huh? I'm surprised to report: not so bad. Which, with Verge Malone could have a thousand different meanings. Not so bad could be that I came out alive, but barely. Or that I wanted to kill myself, but refused to do so. Or also, you could go for the real one: she surprised me. In more ways than one. She's very umm...forward. Something that I kinda expected from her notes, but come on. It's one thing thinking it, and a completely different matter actually living it. Anyway, total flirt that one. Nothing wrong with that, but you know, it just stepped the intimidation factor up a notch. After that...it was surprisingly easy. Although I have to say it's obvious the girl's new. I can almost pity her, knowing how she'll be ambushed by Rita sooner, rather than later.
Oh well.
Good luck for her.
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Post by pierrescham on Feb 3, 2009 18:17:30 GMT -5
 m o o d: infuriated Could someone please remind me why I consider Noah Orchard my friend? I'm pretty sure I had convinced myself there were several justified reasons as to why I was friends with him, but I'm considering just ignoring all of them in favor of kicking his ass. Ok, yes I'm dramatizing, but seriously. He's gonna drive me up the wall one of these days, what with all his needling for me to go party. And dragging Malone into it too! Now, if there was something I wanted to avoid was those two meeting. Merlin knows I have it difficult as it is, without having to add that particular mixture into the blend. That girl is a bombshell in every sense of the word (I believe we've covered this before) and teamed up with Noah...I honestly am afraid to consider the consequences. Just today, for example. We were passing a note Noah and I, and she snatched it right out of his hands. Um, hello? Snoopy anyone? And I thought the girl didn't speak proper English? All of a sudden she's invited herself to said party, and has a bet going on that she can get Amos to kiss her before the end of said party. If she can do that without speaking English, I tremble to think what will the results be after she can communicate properly in our idiom.
Oh, and the party?
I, of course, am not going.
Because, according to Noah, I'm going to be knitting. With Amos.
That's right.
Apparently, I'm quite the master at knitting.
But knowing Noah, he'll probably trick him, or slip something into his drink, or I don't know, but he'll do everything to leave me without a knitting companion. Holy Christ, honestly, that guy's too much trouble to worry about. I mean, it's not like I want to go to the party, but if Amos' going, then...
No, I'm not going.
Of course not.
Nothing can make me change my mind on it, I don't give a shit if they want to drag me to it. I won't go.
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Post by pierrescham on Feb 3, 2009 18:26:34 GMT -5
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Post by pierrescham on Feb 3, 2009 18:31:05 GMT -5
  _________________________________________ each of the pores on your skin
are like mini-stars, and if i were to touch you,
our stars would mix, and spread like
cosmic-sprinkles digital-spiked rainbow magic
mini pieces, i think if we took all the pieces, we'd
be able to put them together. i think if we were to combine,
we'd be like a fixed puzzle.
and when it's just me and you
skin to skin, it's like two different flavors of ice cream
and we're unique; we're a swirly, darling, we're delicious.
and i lick you and no matter how different it is from what i'm used to
it's still so perfect on my lips.
and when its close and there's nothing between us,
i'll whisper, tell me why it's called the milky way,
i call this lust, we call this love,
sparks fly in the night, in the dark,
it's just the moon, the stars, and us.
(each whisper is heard, secretsecret,
shhh, don't tell, it's o-kay...)
and when we fall it never ends,
no ground to rest my feet upon, just a tangled up
me and you.
by Fairuz
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Post by pierrescham on Feb 3, 2009 18:43:02 GMT -5
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Post by pierrescham on Feb 3, 2009 18:44:46 GMT -5
 m o o d: gloomy Happy bloody birthday to me.
Got tons of congrats, and a couple of gifts. First one to actually say 'happy birthday' to me was Livy. Gotta love that girl. She can cheer me up faster than I can wake up. She actually waited until midnight to send me an owl that read 'happy birthday'. Never mind that we're in the same House and only a couple of dorms away. It's the thought that counts, right? And lemme tell you, that girl's got a ton of them. Every day I'm seeing her less and less as Dom's little sister, and as a girl out on her own. Sure, she'll always be around when Dom's around, but I'm starting to see her less as his family and more like my friend. Does that make sense? Bah, what does it matter?
Anyway, me, birthday, cake.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Talking about birthdays, cakes, and well, you know...me, my Blueberry muffin brought me some cakey! She decorated this empty classroom with streamers and pictures of us and then sang me happy birthday and she gave me sum cake. Is she fucking brilliant or what? I swear I love that girl with my life. If it weren't for her, the days would just be a teeny bit more saddening. All those pictures, and I felt horrible for forgetting some of those moments. But all's good now that I have them captured.
Anyway, to wrap it up, because I'm not in the mood to write, it was a decent birthday. I'm eighteen. Woo-hoo. Bring on the mid-life crisis, everyone.
And she didn't fucking remember.
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