from ``p a p e r cut
It hurt to breathe. Lily hadn't really acknowledged it before, but she certainly did now as she felt her body behind crushed between his and the bright wall and, honestly, they were both as suffocating, the pressure pushing down on her chest and she briefly wondered if it was possible for her lungs to collapse if enough force was applied to her chest cavity. She fancied her ribs could break under the strain, and perhaps pierce a lunch or her heart. But the most alarming fact of all was that it literally hurt to breathe. It was almost as if there wasn't space in her for her lung to expand and accept more air, not to mention the pressure itself was causing a pain that made the simple act of breathing painful. It hurt to breathe and somehow that made everything that much more serious. She tried not to give into the panic that threatened to creep on her, tried to maintain her heart beat and regulate her breathing (even though it hurt to breathe) because panicking would only cause her to become even more vulnerable and make thinking clearly an impossibility. She had to be able to think calmly, to clear her mind and figure out a way - any way - to get out of this situation. Her wand arm was still pinned against her body, her wrist pressed into the brick and she knew it was starting to smart. Pointing her wand would require twisting her wrist in a direction it simply could not go, so unless she somehow managed to get free of him, magic was impossible. She wasn't good at wandless magic, so that was out, especially considering her current state, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to risk it and end up simply angering him even more. She'd already figured out that what she'd said hadn't been very wise - no, that was an understatement - and if the way he was practically crushing her was any indication, he was seriously enraged now. She sarcastically patted herself on the back for angering the dragon further, although attempted not to think about that either because, really, it would only cause her panic to increase and panic, while a good source of adrenaline, also tended to make it even more difficult to breathe, which was not something that Lily needed at the moment and so she just needed to calm down. She was - or had been - the brightest witch of her year, damn it. If she could figure out a difficult potion that no one else could and cause Professor Slughorn to beam with pride and put her up on his proverbial (and, admittedly, not-so-proverbial as well) mantel, then by God she could outsmart this asshole and get home safely. She was Lily fucking Evans. There was no way in hell that Lily fucking Evans was about to die in a fucking alley way after shopping for groceries. There was no way Lily fucking Evans was going to die before she became Lily fucking Potter. She was not giving up on life, she was not giving up on anything, and she certainly wasn't going to show a weak side to whoever-the-fuck-this-was. Gritting her teeth, she tried to wriggle her hand out again and only succeeded in causing pain to shoot up her arm. Her eyes almost rolled to the back of her head, hot poker knives under her skin and fire in her lungs. It hurt to breathe..
"Scared? Of you? Hah!" It was hard to breathe, but she managed to make her tone thick with degradation. "Like we could ever fear a group of cowards who can only follow after a powerful wizard because they would never be powerful,"
[/color] she hissed, the words leaving her lips before she could stop them. He was angry, yes, and it wasn't a good idea to anger him further, sure, but she was angry too and she'd be damned if she let him get away with calling them
cowards. His next words only served to mount her anger, and when his hand slid to her stomach she had to fight the knee-jerk reaction to hurt him because, fact of the matter was, she
couldn't. Not at the moment. She could feel the tears of frustration and rage crystallizing at the edges of her eyes and she blinked them away angrily, grinding her teeth so hard she was convinced she would soon chip them with the force.
"Fuck you,"[/color] she snapped instead, once again not her wisest come back but
fuck it all, this idiot was
pissing her off and it didn't matter if he had the upper hand at the moment, she wasn't about to stand for it. Even so, she remained focused on her mission, her mind immediately analyzing his words - he'd mentioned graduation, which meant he had been in her year. No way he was younger, and if he was older he definitely wouldn't have been to their graduation. Her mind raced, desperately trying to piece together the precious few facts she had about him - which were close to non-existent - and his voice, but for the life of her she couldn't figure it out. Still, how hard could it be to find him later?
That's if there even is a later, a cool voice whispered in the back of her mind, reminding her that she might very well
die today. No matter how much she rejected it, no matter how much she wanted to say that
Lily fucking Evans wasn't about to draw her last breath in a filthy alley way at the hands of a good-for-nothing Death Eater before she became a Potter, the possibility was high, especially at the rate that she was going, angering him at every turn. And then there was no place for logical thought at all because he was suddenly tugging and twisting at the arm in his grip and, to her extreme shame, a little whimper escaped her as it was pulled in an angle it most definitely was not made to twist in and for a moment she could have sworn she saw stars, the pain was that intense. The little girl within her wanted it to stop, wanted to beg him to stop and let her go, but she'd sooner die than let him hear her beg, let alone scream. That was the point of this whole thing, right?
Hearing her scream. She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction, and so she ground it all back - the screams, the whimpers, the tears. Everything. She wasn't about to show him how much it hurt, so she ignored it. Ignored the pain shooting up and down her arm, the burning of her lungs, the swelling of her trapped wrists - everything. She treated it as if it were something she could physically remove, filtering the pain away the way you would pour tea into a tea cup, letting the tea cup hold all the pain to the side while she focused on more important matters like the crumpets.
Also known as, getting him the fuck off.
She didn't have much time to contemplate how to do this further, however, because he seemed to make up his mind about what form of torture he would employ. She felt her blood ran cold the moment the word slipped from his lips -
Imperio. It wasn't the Cruciatus Curse but somehow, she knew this was a lot worse. Lily had never been under the Imperius curse before - of course she hadn't, it was
illegal - and thus there was no way for her to be prepared for it beyond what she had read - in other words, all she knew was that she was about to lose control over her own body. The concept had always been a personal fear of hers. Lily was the type of person who liked to be in control - a perfectionist, someone who needed to be able to understand everything, to
control everything, and the knowledge that there was a spell which could take away not only control of things that would normally be outside of her own capabilities, but something as personal as her
own body and
thoughts? It had made her shudder all over when she'd first read it, and secretly thank Merlin that it was illegal. And now it had been cast on her and suddenly the pressure from Danny's body was gone and she found herself turning, even though she wasn't doing it herself. It was strange, really. She was no longer in the driver's seat, but instead she was the passenger, watching the world through her eyes, eyes that she couldn't even move herself. She was vaguely aware of the throbbing pain all over her body, but that was like a distant memory, a pinprick that hardly mattered because suddenly she was feeling floaty, almost
happy, and then a voice was mingling with her thoughts and it definitely wasn't a voice that belonged to her, it belonged to whoever was in the driving seat, someone who
wasn't her because she didn't have control over her body, couldn't even lift her hand to brush her hair back if she wanted to, and then the voice was speaking, giving her an order, only...only, the voice didn't phrase it as an order. It was more persuasive, softer, as if it were her friend, but that couldn't possibly be true. How could it be her friend, that didn't make any sense...
Bend your fingers back, it whispered coaxingly.
Bend 'em back until they break. It'll be fun. Just do it. Bend 'em. Hurt yourself. Okay...[/i]Her wand clattered to the ground at her feet, one hand wrapping around the fingers of her other. She didn't apply pressure, however, because there was another voice -
her voice - and it was asking why, why she needed to do that, wouldn't that hurt?
Do it. Break your fingers. Do it. But I don't want to, I don't want to do it...
Do it, do it. Ouch, no, that hurts, stop it...
Break your fingers, do it, and then claw at your face, make yourself bleed. I don't want to! Stop trying to -
DO IT! DO- NO!Lily came to with a gasp, stumbling backwards, a swear immediately tumbling from her lips.
"You son-of-a-b*tch."[/color] She didn't take the time to gather her bearings, snatching her wand from the ground and pointing it haphazardly at him, shouting the first spell that came to mind, putting behind it all the strength she had within her, all the anger she felt toward him for shoving her up against the wall in the first place, all the things he'd said but most important for taking away her control, her
free will, for almost making her
hurt herself, and maybe it wasn't a painful spell, but it sure as hell was going to work because she was
Lily fucking Evans damn it and you did
not take away her control.
"Imedimenta!"
[/color] [/center]
YOU DON'T MESS WITH LILY FUCKING EVANS 'CAUSE LILY FUCKING EVANS IS
FIEEEERCE.
This was too awesome for words. She's so awesome. Even scary-as-shit Danny can't get the best of her, even the Imperius curse can't get the best of her 'cause yeah, she's Lily Fucking Evans
who the fuck are you? durr. But seriously, it's sooo great to Lily holding her own and kicking some DE butt, she's in the Order too, after all, and you just don't mess with her. She's no damsel in distress, that's for sure. So much awesomeness, Joojie. So much awesomeness.
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