,,l o s t in {translation}

[olivia]

Well, gosh, I can't believe I almost forgot -the Valentines dance is in less than a month! I mean, it's not really important, but still. Everyone is making such a big deal about it, admittedly. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the dancing and getting all prettied up and all. That should be fun. The actual Valentines day thing? Not so much. It just makes me remember how pathetically single I am, and have been for quite some time.

How depressing.

Okay, so it's mostly my fault since I pretty much have been obsessed with Pierre and no one else. And it's not his fault, so I can't blame him - unless you're allowed to blame someone for being really lovable? No? Yeah, I didn't think so...Ahh well. At least I don't have to suffer from my brother's insufferable over-protective tendencies, right?

Oh! Tinkerbelle is setting in very nicely indeed. I mean...okay, so she might be annoying one of my dorm mates a little since she's taken to scratching her trunk at times, but III believe that's only because she (my roommate) accidentally stepped on her tail once. At least...I hope it was accidental!

No harm done, though. Tink is juuuust fine. And as cute and tiny and cuddly as ever!

I still miss Lady, though.

And Alex.

And Lila.

And...yeah, you get the picture. I miss all of them.

A new addition? I miss my daddy. So badly. I found a picture of him in my album. I was pretty young when he left, admittedly, but I still sort-of remember him. I knew I loved him very much. And I...I thought he loved me. Lila told me that he had to leave, and that he didn't want to, but mum made him. But...if that's the case, why didn't he come back when mum left? It just...it doesn't make any sense.

I just...I miss him, that's all.

Aaaand now I'm depressing myself and getting homesick. Time for some ice-cream from the kitchens!

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[olivia]

PIERRE ANTHONY SCHAM IS A STUBBORN ARSE.

Seriously, he really is. He's. So. Effing. Stubborn! And I thought my brother was bad, Pierre is just as bad, if not worse!! Honestly I spent about ten minutes (or more??) trying to convince him that going to the Valentine's dance (he called it "this freaky Valentine Dance"!!!) would be worth it. Key word here, trying, because I'm not sure it worked. He said he would consider it, but I highly, highly doubt it. Shame, he won't get to see me all- I mean, it's a shame that he'll be missing it because...uh...it's his last year, he should be enjoying this sort-of stuff!

And he says III need to get out more! Hypocrite!

Anyway, how it was brought up? Why, he asked me if I had a date. And you know why? BECAUSE DOMINIC ASKED HIM TO.

I'm going to KILL my brother. He couldn't very well come directly up to ME and ask ME if I was going to the dance with anyone. Oh no, he had to go and BEG Pierre to ask ME. Ughhhhh. I seriously don't understand my brother sometimes.

Hey, at least I managed to convince Pierre to consider it -that's something, right? I mean, he promised to consider it. Of course, it was only after I threatened him with black-mail. I feel kinda bad for that since he said he wouldn't tell Dom anything anymore since I get all the dirt from my brother, but I'm preeeetty sure he was kidding.

Oh yeah, the whole dance thing? That was Reason One as to why Pierre Scham is a stubborn arse. The second one?

He wouldn't let me nick-name him.

!!!!!

Does he not understand the importance of a nickname?! Seriously, it is one of theeee most important things of being a friend! I gave him huuuundreds of nicknames to choose from and he refused to even pick one! He's so...URGH. He's so PICKY and...and...stubborn.

Well, whatever. I'm determined to come up with at least ONE that he likes. Therefore, I am composing a list of all possible nicknames for him.

• Scha-Scha [honestly? I don't think so, but it seems like the one that annoys him the most so let's put it under the list of "use only when wanting to irritate Pierre" ]
  
• Schamy [Seems a bit like "Sammy" right? And..uh...that's Dani's boyfriend's name/nick-name so...no]
  
• Pie [bahaahaha]
  
• Pierry [...naaaah]
  
• Tony [from his middle name? Do I really have to resort to that?!]
  
• Ant [...he's not an insect?]
  
• P
  
• Pooh-Bear [unfortunately, he isn't a yellow bear who likes honey...]
  
• Pierre-Bear [honestly? I like this one th best, 'cause it rhymes ]
  
• ...I can't think of anything else!!

Seriously? Pierre has THEE hardest name to come up with nickname for. I never noticed before. I mean, what does his mum call him?! He said people call him Pierre, but we can't have that! I'm more than just anyone. Pfft.

Oh wait hey I just remembered that I read it somewhere or something that an actual nickname for "Pierre" is "Perrin".

...Perrin. Perrin Scham. Perrin Anthony Scham. Perrin...

...uhhh, I dunno. Maybe I'll run it by him? We'll see

Anyways, apparently Pierre doesn't want to go to the dance because a) he can't dance, b) he doesn't "date" (what that has to do with anything, I have no idea) and c) he hates dressing up. All stupid reasons in my humble opinion, since I'm sure he can dance some-what, and even if he can't so what? and, like I said, dating has nothing to do with it aaaand it's not like dressing up will kill him!

Whatever. At least it saves me the trouble of being hurt of him going with someone else...I didn't even think of that until now.

Maybe it's a good thing then?

Look at me, being optimistic. Hah xP

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[olivia]

So you'll NEVER guess what happened (nevermind the fact that you'd even be able to guess anyway, but anywho) -- Pierre asked me to the dance.

!!!!!!!

That's right. He, Pierre Anthony Scham, asked me, Olivia Destiny Thompson, to the Valentine's Ball. I think I'm still reeling from shock (although I am pretty proud of myself and handle it very nicely, thank you very much. Nevermind the fact that I came back to my dorm and all but screamed into my pillow). I guess it doesn't really mean anything since he did it because -and I quote- "it saves everyone trouble". Apparently, it saves me the trouble of finding a date (true), Dom the trouble of having a "heart attack" (also true) and him -what was it? Oh yeah, the trouble of me nagging at him (sooo not true, I do not nag, thank you very much!)

Anyhow, as if you can't tell, I'm pretty excited. Hell, that's an understatement. I can hardly believe my luck. I can't believe I'm going to him of all people. I mean...it's not exactly a big deal, I guess. To him. Since we'll be going as friends, of course..

...okay, suddenly, I'm not so excited anymore.

What, did I expect him to take one look at me in a dress and suddenly fall out of love with Danielle and fall in love with me?

...

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

...So not happening.

I'm not going to let that put a damper on my mood, though. I mean, the ball is supposed to be FUN. And it will be, even though I know he won't want to dance, which is a shame really but then again I'm not exactly the word's best dancer either, at least not in public, so maybe that would be for the best....Or maybe I'll just have to nag him into just one dance. A slow one, if he's so against dancing then a slow one wouldn't be that bad, right?! Right...only, slow dances are reserved for couples only, right? And we're not a couple unfortunately.

Gaaaah, what happened to my resolution of getting over Pierre?!

He's making it very difficult, you know. It's all his fault, of course. Being so damn lovable. Yup, its aaaaaaaaaaaall his fault.

Back-tracking a bit to the part where we're also going together since then Dom "won't have a heart attack" - I think I need to have some sort of a talk with my brother. Like, seriously. Pierre said that when he mentioned the idea (of him taking me, I mean) to my brother, Dom said something along the lines of "that's bloody brilliant because then Pierre could protect me".

?!?!?!?!

What. The. Heck?

Protect me from what? The non-existent boys who'd want to go around groping me?! The NON-EXISTENT rapists who are just WAITING for me to be alone before they make their move?! Oh! Or maybe it's the axe murderer waiting with bated breath to chop my head off?! SERIOUSLY, sometimes, I just DON'T -scratch that, CAN NOT- understand my brother. Like Pierre said, he's nuts when it comes to my safety. It's not like there's anything out to get me, Hogwarts is theeee safest place in the world, doesn't he know that? Not to mention the fact that I am ALMOST SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD and therefore FULLY capable of taking care of MYSELF!

Stupid big brother.

Seriously, at this point his over-protectiveness has gone from sweet to completely and utterly annoying. Really.

...

Pierre liked the singing card. I knew he would appreciate it. Others might have been embarrassed but oh no, not my Pierre (why on Earth did I write "my"). Well, anyway...

...Oh and another thing? He said he loved me. Pierre, that is.

He meant it in a completely platonic good/best-friends way.

I said I loved him too.

I meant it in a non-platonic way.

Kill me now, kthnxbai.

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[olivia]

Well. I just realised today something very important.

I'm going to the dance with Pierre, who's Danielle's ex-boyfriend.

!!!

How am I supposed to tell Danielle?! Will she be annoyed?! Awkward?! Upset?! Or will she think of it as no-big-deal? I mean, she has a boyfriend now, so I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I know for a fact that she isn't, er, let's say she isn't too happy with me since I still haven't told Pierre. I'm a disgrace to Gryffindor, seriously. How did I even get in this house?! I'm such a procrastinator...

Well, anyhow, back to the matter at hand...

...Isn't it against the Girl Code to go out with your best friend's ex-boyfriend, especially if said ex-boyfriend did the breaking up?! Granted, me and Pierre aren't exactly going out -or anything close to that, but still! Danielle was pretty upset when he broke up with her, would she think I was betraying her or something if I go?! That's entirely possible but, gosh, I hope not! I mean...I really want to go with Pierre and I really, really don't want to cancel on him since that would be pretty crappy of me. Plus I...I just really want to go with him, all right? Even though this probably won't do me any good, thinking of it this way, but...but...

All right, I'll tell her. And I'll ask her if she's okay with this. And if she is, then great! And if she's not...I'm going to tell him I can't go. Because I can't, I just can't...Danielle is my best friends. Sisters over misters, right? Right, of course right.

But I--

Oh well. We'll just have to see. I'll tell her...today. Before she finds out from someone else or something, because then that would make things worse. Oh, and I told Dom I'm going with Pierre and he was pretty elated about that. What a weirdo. I think he just knows that Pierre won't "make a move" unfortunately. I seriously just don't understand my brother sometimes. Like, at all. Although he has a point. Pierre has never, and probably will never, viewed me as more than a friend -as a matter of fact, I think he's only just started seeing me as an actual individual rather then Dom's sister.

I mean, I hope so.

It took him long enough!

So yeah. Gotta tell Danielle...and then figure out how on Earth I'm going to afford a dress for the dance. Ehh, funfun...

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[olivia]

Have I ever said how much I looooove Danielle? I didn't? I did? Well, I'll say it again. I LOOOOOOOVE my best friend. She's AMAZING. Unlike anyone else, SHEEEE didn't order me to cancel on Pierre. Seriously, she had NO problem at all, and was NOT awkward or uncomfortable with the idea -as a matter of fact, she ENCOURAGED me to go because she thinks it'll help Pierre (somehow?). Seriously, how many people do you know who would do that? I know a lot of girls would say something like "no, you're MY best friend, no way are you going out with MY ex-boyfriend". Of course, she understands that we're going as friends (I made that pretty clear, after all, because I don't want her getting any wrong ideas). Because we are going as friends unfortunately.

Anyhow, she was totally fine with it. And she wasn't lying. I know that for a fact because I've known her for so long and she's just as horrible of a liar as I am. Seriously, she gets all shifty-eyed and can't look you in the eye. She looked me right in the eye when she said it. Admittedly, I made her do that, but still! She's fine with it! So I can go without feeling guilty/whatever! Gosh, I'm sooo excited.

Well...except for the fact that I don't know what to wear.

That might be...problamatic.

But..solvable!

I hope...?

Gaah, I have to do that essay, bugger I forgot all about that!

I love Hogwarts and everything, but the homework part suck. Gah, guess I gotta go do that homework...

Siiiiigh..

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[olivia]

You'll never guess what happened (not that you ever could, but still!)! I was talking to Carter Burke earlier on this morning and turns out that he plays the guitar (among others, including piano and drums!) and, here's the exciting part: he's willing to teach me! I'm completely serious, he actually offered to teach me the guitar! Honestly, how many people would do that?! Not many, let me assure you, especially since Carter and I aren't exactly great friends or anything. I mean, yeah, we're friends and team mates and everything, but still, we're not that close. And yet, he offered. And I, of course, accepted. Are you kidding me? I've only wanted to play a musical instrument for ages. Especially the guitar.

He seems really talented, though. I mean, not only does he play the guitar, drums and piano (!!!), but apparently he also sings and writes his own lyrics! I mean, I haven't heard him yet or anything, but he claims that singing is his "weapon". In that sense, I guess he's kind-of...arrogant? Only, not really. I'm not sure how to explain it. His occasional big-headedness doesn't annoy me, surprisingly. I just don't find it as obnoxious as arrogance in other people. Wonder what that's about?

Anyhow, I also learned that Carter has a little sister, Emilie. Oh yes, and then we agreed we would go out onto the pitch for a little one-on-one match -I just came back from there, as a matter of fact. He's a great player, of course, but I already knew that - in spite of that, I won!! I know, I was surprised too, and admittedly I have a niggling doubt that I won fair and square - I think he was holding back a little at the end. I don't want to believe that, but I think he might have "let" me win. Or maybe not? I'm not sure. Either way, I'm not sure I want to know. I would like to continue believing that he did not have to resort to "letting" me win, and that I won all by myself. Even though it is doubtful. Darn it.

Honestly, though? He's a very interesting individual. I don't know him well enough (yet) to elaborate further, although I will hopefully be able to do so soon. There's something about Carter...I don't know, there's definitely more to him than the stereo-typical conceited jock, of that I am positive -I mean, just look at his musical abilities! Still, that's not nearly enough. I just...want to get to know him better?

Yeah. That's all. I think we could be very good...friends. (:

Aaaand, now I'm really, really tired after that game, sooo I'm off to bed!

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[olivia]

Five facts concerning Pierre Scham:

• He can be a real jerk when he wants to be
  
• He has a wicked short temper
  
• He's really mean when he's angry
  
• He definitely is still in love with Danielle
  
• He all but broke my heart today.

As if it's not obvious, I...I told him.

And he...he didn't take it well. No, that's an understatement. He took it very, very badly. I...I can't believe this happened. He was so..mean. And I...yeah, I was pretty cruel, too. I mean...I could have phrased it better. And I...probably shouldn't have hit him like that with Pooky. I mean, I don't think it actually hurt him or anything (come on, how much damage can a stuffed animal do?!) but it was still...ugh. I HATE THIS. I hate that I had to do this to him. I...I don't think we can even be called friends anymore after this? I mean, I'm...I'm pretty sure he hates me right now. I...I don't know if we're even going to the dance anymore. I don't want Dom to know what happened, though. I mean...he'd throw a bloody fit if he knew, I'm serious. And...Pierre probably knows that, too, so I guess...maybe...we'll still be going to dance together?

Great. Just...GREAT.

Is this the end of our friendship? Oh God, I don't want it to be. I don't want us to just fall apart because Danielle made me do some sort of stupid favour. Ugh, how will I face him the dance?! Seriously?! It'll be awful. Maybe he'll pretend to be sick or something...but I have to...I can't just let things end like this. I can't. I won't. It's not...it's not right. I...I want to apologise. I need to, because...because I shouldn't have reacted that way. I should have understood. I mean, I understand now. It's not his fault. I already know he has a ridiculously short fuse, like Dominic. It's not...it's not really his fault, is it? I mean...gaaaaah, he's in love with her and he was upset and lashed out at me, anyone else would have been the same. And I reacted so badly, God this is all my fault. Crap!

And do you know what the worst part is?! DO YOU?! The conversation was going just BRILLIANTLY (I'm being serious here) before I went and opened my BIG STUPID TRAP and told him about IT. Well, let's see, first of all he actually drew me a sketch of the two of us from two summers ago that I think was some sort of apology because he actually went on to actually apologise for being a jerk ebcause all we did last time we spoke was talk about Danielle, mostly! Can you believe it? Pierre Scham APOLOGISED. To ME. And then...and then he said that he was starting to think less and less of me as Dom's little sister and more and more of me as his actual friend.

AND I MESSED IT ALL UP.

Ugh. This sucks.
My life sucks.
Pierre Scham sucks.
My crush on Pierre Scham sucks.
Fate sucks.
I suck.
I reiterate: THIS SUCKS.

Enough said...I think I should stop before I start crying.

Again.

Damn it.

Side note: ...I'm sticking the sketch he gave me in here, just for...safekeeping....

...Ughhhhhhhh...

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[olivia]

Day one of avoiding Pierre (and vice versa). It's...horrible because it means I have to mostly avoid Dominic too since they're almost always together and all (stupid pesky thing where they're best friends and all >.>) and if I'm not careful Dom's going to start suspecting something and I have no secrets from my brother, just like he has no secrets from me and if he persists then I might crack and tell him...and that can't happen. Because, seriously, he would throw a fit if he finds out, which would most likely lead to a possible argument between Pierre and Dom and I...I just can't have that. I'll just have to...avoid him as subtly as I can and hope for the best, yeah? Er...right. Sounds...great.

Okay, so I won't lie to a stupid journal...I miss him >.< I miss him like hell. I miss not seeing him every day, not seeing his smile, or his beautiful blue eyes, or...or...or...Okay, I'm already breaking my resolution of getting over him, over and over. Why isn't this working?! Why is it that I can't even stay mad at him for long enough to stop liking him?! All these questions and no answers, this sucks. Almost as much as avoiding him does.

I just...I miss him

Six days to go for the Valentine's ball.

I...I think I'll apologise to him then.

It's...it's only fair.

If we're still going, that is...

...Bugger.

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[olivia]

Best friends always manage to make you feel better somehow. I know Danielle did. Because she got me an early birthday present. And you know what that was? A dress. Yeah, I'm completely serious. She got me a dress. For the Valentine's Dance (even though I'm still not sure whether I'm going with Pierre or not, or at all really). I think it was a mixture between a (very early?) birthday present (I know this because, when I reminded her that my birthday was on the seventeenth of February, she laughed and told me it was an early gift and that I would "appreciate" it), an apology and a way to make me feel better. It helped. The dress is gorgeous. Red, reaches all the way down to my toes, and of course it's a perfect fit. Danielle knows me so well. It solves one of my problems, at least. I won't have to worry about affording a dress or whatever.

It's day two of avoiding Pierre, though. And honestly? It's not getting any easier. As a matter of fact, it's getting harder. It's like he's always...there. With Dom or whatever, and I don't think it's just my imagination, but he doesn't seem particularly...upset or disturbed or whatever by the fact that we're not talking anymore. As a matter of fact, he looks perfectly normal to me. And if he was upset, it would probably only be because of the actual message then the fact that he's avoiding me. Because, honestly, why would he care about little ole' me? Like, seriously? I'm just his best friends little sister (as if I need to be reminded of that fact, ugh). And so what if he drew that stupid beautiful sketch? So what if he said I was more and more like his own friend? I'm not important in Pierre Scham's life. I'm just...I'm not. It's sucks and all, but I'm not going to lie to myself or whatever. He'll never think of me in the way I think of him, that's for sure. And I guess that doesn't matter now. I just...I want us to be friends again.

Then again, maybe if we don't go back to being friends, at least for a little while, I'll be able to get over it a little. One could dream, right? But no, I don't think it'll be that easy, because every day farther away from him, it just...it just keeps getting worse and worse. I didn't think it was possible, but apparently it is. And it's so ridiculous because I just...uggh, I just miss him so damn much, you know? And I can't stop feeling like crap all the time, and it shows. Dominic noticed, the stupid over-observant person that he is, of course he noticed. Doesn't make it any better, though. When he confronted me about it, I...I lied. For the first time in my life (well, not really, but the first time in a long time) I lied to my brother and told him that I was having "girl issues". He dropped it pretty quickly after that, at least. Apparently, the idea of me PMSing hadn't occurred to him. Admittedly, it was a little amusing when he looked uncomfortable and then made up an excuse and left, but I still felt bad...still do.

But he can't know. He just can't.

I've added another resolution thing:

• Stop crying over and thinking about Pierre Scham.

I think that's about as likely as the first one, getting over him.

Oh yeah. My life officially stinks.

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[olivia]

I still miss him.

Like hell.

I can't do anything about it.

Damn it. Why do I miss him so much?

Stupid question. I know why.

Wish I didn't.

If only if only.

And I'm sorry.

So sorry.

I...I wish I could take it all back. I never meant to hurt him like that. I...I need to apologise to him. I really, really do. I think if I don't, I might just go insane. If I'm not already.

Day three of avoiding him. And of missing him. It's going horribly. I wish I could see his smile again, directed at me. But he won't even look me in the face.

I messed up. Badly.

It sucks.

Another resolution?

• Apologise to Pierre Scham

I don't care if he doesn't accept it. Or if he snaps or yells at me. Or just ignores me. I...I need to tell him that I didn't mean it. That I didn't mean to hurt him like that. I...I'm so sorry, Pierre Scham.

So sorry.

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[olivia]

Will you listen to my story?
It’ll just be a minute,
How can I explain?

Whatever happened here never meant to hurt you,
How can I cause you so much pain?

When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe, will you believe in me?

All the words that I come up with,
They’re like gasoline on flames.
There’s no excuse, no explanation
Believe me if I could undo what I did wrong
I’d give away all that I own.

When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe?

If I told you I’ve been cleanin’ my soul,
And If I promise you I’ll regain control,
Will you open your door,
And let me in take me for who I am,
And not for who I’ve been, who I’ve been?
(Who I've been)

When I say I’m sorry,
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story,
Say you won’t leave me.
When I say I’m sorry,
Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe me?

When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry
When I say I’m sorry

Can you forgive me?
When I say I will always be there,
Will you believe?

"Sorry" - Chris Daughtry

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[olivia]

What is it with Gryffindor boys and having gorgeous blue eyes? Seriously?! Because, after Pierre of course, Carter Burke has the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. Maybe it honestly isn't Pierre's fault that I like blue now. Maybe I've always been a sucker for blue eyes and Pierre was just my first experience [nevermindthefactthathiseyesarejustplainspecial].

Anyhow, eye colour aside, Carter Burke is quite a fascinating individual.

He sings and he plays the guitar beautifully. And his lyrics? They're amazing. Honestly.

So he taught me some guitar, and we talked for a bit and got to know each other. Despite the whole arrogance thing, he's really a very nice guy. Anyways. So yeah. I feel better.

...But I still miss Pierre ):

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[olivia]

I can't believe this. I can't believe Dom is being so...so...UGH. He's just being so STUPID and UGHY and just plain...UGHHHHHH. He's a stupid, over-protective, idiotic, over-bearing, annoying JERK. Like seriously. And the nurse? She's almost as bad as he is!! Making me stay in the STUPID hospital wing for a whole DAY just because of some STUPID mistake. Stupid peanut butter. Just because I didn't read the wrapper means it's automatically MY fault that I'm in here. That's what Dominic said, I think. He was ranting his butt off, I swear. And his arms resembled windmills, now that I think about it it's pretty funny actually...only, it wasn't at the time, because he was all red-faced and yelling at me for being such a "stupid, irresponsible little girl who should learn to read wrappers before she eats things".

?!?!?!

Who even READS wrappers on candy bars, anyway? Besides those girls who are dieting, that is. I know I NEVER read it. And why should I? I wasn't expecting it to have peanut butter, it was a chocolate bar for God's sake! Okay, so maybe I should have noticed that it tasted a little funny and stopped eating, but it was chocolate okay? It's not like it's THAT big of a deal. I mean...Danielle was there and all when I started getting the allergic reaction and, okay, so I might have been in danger of suffocating or something apparently? But I DIDN'T. And Dom freaked out for absolutely no reason because five minutes in the hospital and I'm as good as new. Honest!

And you know the ironic thing? I was eating the chocolate as comfort food because Pierre sent me a note earlier, telling me to meet him in the Great Hall for the dance. That means that a) we're still going together but b) he obviously wants to spend the least amount of time with me. Ouch. That hurt. But not enough to purposely gulp down something that I'm severely allergic to, of course. I -- Oh bugger, the nurse is coming back with that stupid potion. I don't want it! It tastes horrible!!

Ah well. At least I'll be out of here tomorrow...

And...at least I'm not allergic to chocolate? Because that would just really, really suck.

...Day five of avoiding missing Pierre...

This sucks.

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[olivia]

Oh. My. God. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. And you know what that means? Tomorrow is the Valentines Ball. Also the day where I either fix things with Pierre...or make things even worse. I sincerely hope it's the former and not the latter. I...I really, really miss him. Like, even more every day. I saw him about ten times today, at least. TEN! Can you imagine how unbelievable difficult it is to see him so many times, so close, yet so far away from me? It's awful. Really, it is. I'm dreading tomorrow night, but at the same time I can't wait because I honestly just need to get this off my chest before I go absolutely insane. At this point, I'm not rally worried about his reaction. Okay, so that's a lie. I do care very much about his reaction, of course I do. And seriously, I sincerely hope that it'll be a positive one...that he'll accept my apology.

Because I really am so sorry. And I just want things to go back to normal. Is that too much to ask for? He...honestly, Pierre just brightens up my day. And I think it would have been that way regardless of whether I love him in that sense or not, because I think a while ago our relationship really did change to the better. We'd become...closer. A bit. I mean, for God's sake he actually admitted he thought of my as his friend now and I went and RUINED that. What is WRONG with me? I want to take it back. I just...its almost been a week and I can't stand this, I just can't. To hell with pride or whatever, I'm apologising tomorrow even if I have to strap him down and force him to listen to me because, by God, I will do it if it's the only way to get him to speak or listen to me! Hopefully, I won't have to resort to that, but I'm just saying...that's seriously how serious I am about this.

...he hurt me again, though. Indirectly. He...he didn't bother to come visit me in the hospital wing. I mean, I guess I wasn't seriously hurt or anything like that, but still! He could have just stopped by to visit or something. I guess that just puts it in big, bright neon lights doesn't it? He's that mad at me...or he just doesn't give a damn. No, okay, that's not really fair. He actually did ask about me. And, because Dominic (the idiot) was with me most of the time that I was in the hospital wing, I guess he was forced to ask Danielle about where I was. And he really did it. I'm completely serious, he asked Danielle what was up with me. She didn't tell me much, just that he asked and she told him, but I'll find out more soon enough, for sure. You just wait, she'll be spilling everything to me by the end of the day.

...On another note, Dominic is being even more of an over-protective ass after The Peanut Butter Mishap (I am dubbing it as such since he seems to think it is SUCH an important event >.>). And that's saying something, really. It's seriously starting to annoy the hell out of me. It's great that he cares and everything, really it is, but there's something called "caring too much to the point where it becomes ridiculous". Honestly, look up "over-bearing" in a dictionary and you'll find a picture of Dom! I swear, I think he's taken to following me now. Seriously. Every time I look around, he's there! If he wasn't my brother, I would have been seriously creeped out. As it is, I'm only pissed off. I know he's looking out for me and everything, but this is just too much.

I...I wish I could talk to Pierre and tell him about this. He would know what to say.

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[olivia]

I can't do this. How am I going to face him?! I can't, I just can't! What am I supposed to say?! I just...I suck at apologising, okay? Really, I just...I always, always, always mess it up when I try to apologise, and I can't stand the idea of screwing this up anymore than it already is! And since I can't do anything but screw things up, there's a very, very high probability that I will screw this up...

I'm not as nervous as a was earlier, at least, and that's really all thanks to Belle Harver, whom I found at the top of the Astronomy tower. During a morning. Only Belle would be up there during the morning when there are no stars to see. That's why I love her, though. She's special, and in a good way of course. Anyway, she managed to get my mind off tonight for a bit, and for that I am very grateful.

Aaand...today is the Valentine's dance.

CRAP TODAY IS VALENTINES DAY!! T-O-D-A-Y!

It JUST hit me now! In less than a few hours, I'll be going to the dance and seeing Pierre and! and! and!

OHMYGOSH!!!!

I HAVE TO PREPARE WHAT I'M GONNA SAY!

OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!

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